Month: May 2017

body image · fitness

How I Get Out of a Body-Image Funk

tracywaideboer1 Comment

Sam and Cate’s recent post about weight gain made me laugh. Thank you to both of you for posting it! I’m always nervous to be outspoken about those sorts of feelings, but seriously—weight change is a reality! And sometimes we don’t care and sometimes we do.

Speaking of weight gain, one of my girlfriends is in her second trimester right now and we’ve had some laughs about her drastic weight gain in a such a short period. But it’s made me wonder: How can I be so encouraging and supportive of her body-self-consciousness but so critical of my own? Can I still be a body-positive feminist even though sometimes I desire to be thinner? Or will my membership card be immediately revoked?

Lately I’ve been struggling with my own body image. Spring often does that to me. It’s when I shed my winter layers and I’m suddenly very aware that I have a body which will soon be less-covered as it gets hotter. It’s also the time of year I tend to become weirdly critical of my own body in various ways.

kitten lion mirror.jpg
A motivational poster of an orange kitten looking in a mirror. The reflection is of a lion. The caption reads, “What matters most is how you see yourself.”

Another reason these feelings started creeping up is that, as summer arrives, I get a chance to see people I haven’t seen in a while (family, friends, etc.). And while it’s great to reconnect, one of my first thoughts is almost always: What if they think I got fat?

Weight changes are generally more obvious when you haven’t seen someone in a while. And my mother—God bless her—never sugar-coats this kind of thing. I can’t stress enough that she never intends it to be critical. She has, on multiple occasions, cited that her comments come from a different cultural understanding as she wasn’t born in North America. For her, commenting on weight is merely descriptive and even sometimes meant as a compliment, (as in, “Wow, you put on weight! You must be eating well!”).

i must be getting fa-bulous
A cartoon of a woman in her underwear holding her belly. The first panel reads, “*sigh* Look at this belly. I must be getting FA-” with the second panel reading, “BULOUS!” The woman, still in her underwear has a feather boa and sunglasses on, strikes a bold pose.

But still. My worries continue to weigh heavy on my mind (did I intend that to be a pun? I don’t know.)

One way I’ve started dealing with these concerns is by shifting my focus to other goals around strength and self-improvement. Yeah, I could set a goal about being thinner. But I find goals like these become frustrating and I even become a little obsessive. I don’t like the way I become with goals like these. Yet, I know that I am a goals-oriented person. I need milestones to work towards.

goals.jpg
A mock-motivational poster that reads, “Goals: You gotta start somewhere.” The photo is of a corgi jumping over a make-shift obstacle made of two pillows holding up a cardboard tube. 

HOWEVER! There are plenty of other types of goals that do work for me. Ones that keep me looking forward instead of in the mirror.

And since we’ve gotten to know each other over the past few months, I’m happy to share some of those here.

  • Gradually increase strength and lifting ability by 50% (e.g., 30lb to 45lb, or 45lb to 67.5lb)
    • I want to be stronger! In addition to writing and completing my PhD, I also work part-time at a brewery here in Toronto. One of the things I often have difficulty with is LIFTING KEGS. I can kind of do it and waddle around with one. But it would be nice if this were less of a struggle. More generally though, there’s something empowering about becoming stronger (and not needing to ask for help all the time–reminds me of this “FlexCam” video) and seeing this sort of progress when working out. Also having a specific and measurable goal helps me instead of simply saying something like, “I want to be stronger.”
  • Substitute biking at least once per transit ride (weekly)
    • I’d love to ride my bike more. I do it a bit, but honestly, Toronto drivers scare me (rightly so…they are awful) and I really don’t want to die like that. I’ve written elsewhere about my feelings on being an urban cyclist but this summer I’d like to push my boundaries on this and become a more confident cyclist and use this as my primary method of transportation eventually.
  • Use up remaining fitness class passes this summer
    • Before I joined the Y, I was using fitness passes for places like The Yoga Sanctuary or Rocket Cycle (a super cool spin studio in my neighbourhood). Then I joined the YMCA and go there for my exercise needs. I’ve still got some outstanding classes on my passes and would love to get my full use out of them over the summer, or even to mix up my routine. This should be easy enough.
  • Get more intentional alone-time (weekly)
    • This isn’t really a fitness goal, but more about personal time or self-care. Recently, I’ve been busy and haven’t consistently spent time alone doing the things that make me feel good (long walks, reading or writing in cafes, making things). It could be that missing out on this contributed to my feeling-crappy as of late.

Ultimately, I know that so much about body image is all about perception. And I know that it’s normal to have ebbs and flows when it comes to body image. But I’ve found that shifting my focus helped me to diminish the funk I was in and kept me looking forward. But I’m curious to know what some of you do to get yourself out of these funks!

mirror bunny
A photo of a bunny looking at herself in the mirror. As if the bunny is giving herself a pep-talk, the caption reads: “u r beautiful and ur gonna do great today.” 

 

charity · family

Embracing the role of Auntie

fieldpoppy3 Comments

cate and smithAs this posts, I will be in the air, on my 10th trip to Uganda since 2008.  A decade ago, I accidentally ended up one of the volunteer directors of a learning and development program called Nikibasika, for kids and youth with no family support.  Now, I’m part of a tiny group that raises all the funds and supports this group of kids as they transition through post-secondary school and into adulthood and community leadership.  This picture is of me, with Smith, one of my favourite people in the world.  He’s studying to be a public health officer and he’s curious, kind, warm, caring and so smart and committed to changing his world.  I love him.

Nikibasika is a long and involved story of its own — a book, really — but what I want to focus on here is the identity that’s emerged for me doing this work over the past 10 years — Auntie.

I never really had much of an identity related to the fact that I don’t have kids.  I never really yearned to be a mom, but I didn’t deliberately “choose” not to be one either.  I’ve noticed the emergence over the past couple of decades of women who actively identify as “childfree,” a “movement” of women redefining femaleness without the expectation of kids. That’s all great and interesting — but I can’t relate to it.  I assumed I would have some kids, I happened to be with someone who didn’t want kids during prime kid-having years, that was okay.  It didn’t have a big impact on my sense of self.

Then Nikibasika found me, in a culture where women who are mom-age in any nurturing role are called Auntie.  Around the same time, my sister had her first daughter. So as I entered my 40s, the role of Auntie found me.  At first, it was just an affectionate title.  But as I’ve gone through my 40s and into my 50s, it’s actually become a central element of my sense of who I am.

It’s pretty well understood that being an Auntie can be a special role, the one who gets to do fun things with the kids, “hand them back when they’re crying,” be the safe space for the conversations adolescents can’t have with their parents.  Community and family advocate Mia Birdsong has said that aunties “expand children’s internal and external boundaries,” and I like to hope that that’s what I do with the people I’m auntie to — at least some of the time.

I took my 12 year niece to London for a few days over Easter, and the time inhabiting each other’s space had a unique intimacy to it. She sent me a handwritten thank you letter that said “London is awesome and I’m so glad I got to share my first time going with you.”  I’m grateful for what I got from her in those five days too.

I have an Auntie role with some of my friends’ kids too, especially my friend Jessica’s. I was there at the beginning of her precipitous and early labour, I drove her and her partner back and forth to the NICU while the twins baked into humanness, I drove their tiny selves home from the hospital for the first time. In February, I got to spend a few days with Ivan and Felix (and their parents) in Barbados, introducing them to the sea.

Why am I writing about this in a fitness blog?  Like many of the regulars on this blog, I have written a few times about how community and family are an important part of self-care, and important part of balanced health. The extension of that for me, particularly as I’ve gotten older, is a really explicit need to live with a sense of meaning.

A few years ago, I was in a hotel room in Rwanda reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Committed, and serendipitously came across her musing on the need for aunties: “It’s as though, as a species, we need an abundance of responsible, compassionate, childless women to support the wider community in various ways.”   Right that moment, I understood that even though I hadn’t set out to “be Auntie” to the kids of Nikibasika, it isn’t just “a thing I do,” but one of the ways I get to live into the person I most aspire to be.

For me, Auntie is one of the ways that I’m living this stage of my life in a generative way, to use Erik Erikson’s phrasing for the 7th psychosocial stage of development. Erikson’s theory was that mid-life can either be a time of stagnation and self-absorption, or  it can be a time of “generativity” — i.e., working to creating a better world.  “Auntie” captures that perfectly.

I didn’t set out to make a 15 year commitment to a group of kids and young adults in a country I had no ties in.  Running an NGO in another country as volunteer isn’t for the faint of heart, and the fundraising and operations can get extremely wearying. But like everything that makes me more of who I am — whether it’s riding my bike really far, my work that challenges me, or improvising my way through this project, the day to day discomfort, pain and difficult moments fade into the background. What rises up is the purpose — the moments of profound connection, seeing the young adults who had no family support graduate from university, start businesses, get married, start volunteer projects in their own communities.

Over the next 10 days, I’ll be continuing to improv my way through this project.  I’ll be hot, and a little sick, and jet-lagged — and I’ll be fully in my grateful Auntie glory.

Fieldpoppy is Cate Creede, who lives in Toronto where she works as an educator and strategic change consultant in academic healthcare and other socially accountable spaces. She blogs here on the second Friday of every month. If you have a few dollars to support Nikibasika, you’ll get a tax receipt in Canada, and knowledge that it’s going straight to an amazing group of young adults:  donation link

fitness

Goat yoga! No longer can you go to yoga to escape the kids

Sam B5 Comments

What did you do Wednesday night? Whatever it was I bet it wasn’t as much fun as goat yoga.

Tracy blogged about goat yoga last week but she wasn’t keen to go. Yoga, yes. But goats, no. But one of my sons is home from college and really excited about the idea of yoga with goats. So off we went.

What did we like? It’s a really pretty setting in a big open barn. There were camping tarps spread over the barn floor and goat food sprinkled around the room. The yoga was easy going and familiar. Baby goats and their moms wandered around the room. It was very introvert friendly. People were more focused on the goats than on talking to strangers. And if you aren’t good at yoga there was no need at all to feel self conscious. There were extra staff wandering around with paper towel to wipe up any goat mishaps.

Here are some of the goats before yoga, just chilling out.

What worked? We’re both casual yoga students and we liked the class a lot. I spent time wondering why goat yoga is a thing, why it works so well. I think it’s because it’s so playful and lighthearted. Adults need that, a chance to play. We were told to take breaks and pet the goats and take pictures with them. So people tended to do yoga for awhile and then stop and have fun with goats. There were people of all ages and fitness levels there and the room had a relaxed vibe.

Here’s my son Gavin and a goat.

What was tricky? If you are new to yoga, it would have been hard to follow. The instructor worked with the crowd and stuck to familiar yoga poses and flow sequences. If you’ve taken a yoga class at all, this is stuff you would have seen before. The goats really do wander around and nibble on things. I had one nibbling on my sock while I was in child’s pose. Gavin had a goat nibble on his finger. And a goat chewed on a woman’s shoe in the row in front of us.

Here’s my “I’m not giving this baby goat back” face!

There was also an alpaca at the farm.

On the way out, we stopped to look at the tree chickens.

Where: Full Circle Ranch,  44632 Mapleton Line, Central Elgin, Ontario

When: Wednesday evenings 7 pm

What: Yoga with goats!

 

aging · body image · fitness · menopause · weight loss

On gaining eight pounds and hating it: A rant in two voices

Sam B9 Comments

TW: This is a rant in two voices. It began when Cate and I started commiserating at spin class about our unexpected winter weight gain. We don’t do much other than complain. There’s no weight loss tips here. But if complaining about weight gain makes you sad, frustrated, angry, then please look away. We’ll be back to our regular body positive programming when the sun comes out, it stops raining, and we can stop being so grumpy.



Cate and I have lots of things in common. We both have PhDs. We’re both 52 years old. We do things together, like the bike rally, canoe trips, and the Music for Lesbians concert. We have friends in common, some who blog here and others too. We share a fitness activity that’s central to both of our lives, cycling. We both ride with a sense of adventure, though Cate’s more independent and ridden in more countries. I’ve raced and ridden faster I think though I know she’s ridden further. Oh, and on the bike rally we joked about being the “old ladies.’ No parties on our camp site. We were in our tents lights out by 10.

We’re both women menopause seems to have forgotten. But perimenopause, it’s here and making us grumpy.

This year we have one more thing in common. We both gained 8 lbs over the winter doing pretty much the same things we’ve always done. We both hate it. And we both hate that we hate it. We’re grumpy.

That about get it right, Cate?

I’m blaming Trump. You?

************************************

Cate: LOL — I so want to blame Trump. And I did read that that is a thing. Even Barbra Streisand apparently blamed Trump for her weight gain.

And I think there is some truth to the sense that this winter has been kind of bruising and disorienting on a political front — and that does make me curl up on my couch and make my own blizzards with fancy ice cream and girl guide cookies, or invite people over for comfort food.

But I have had a tendency to comfort food for a long time, and I’m not eating that differently than I have been for the last 10 years. And people have been warning me forever — “your metabolism will change when you’re over 50” — and I didn’t want it to be true. And bam, almost overnight, true. I run way more slowly, and the scale has just crept up in sneaky ways to a number that I haven’t seen since before I quit smoking and took up fitness when I was 29. And it makes me feel like my body has betrayed me. And add a dose of the raging PMS I now get and I’m just ANGRY. You got an earful of that when we went spinning together on Tuesday.

************************************

Sam: It’s not just the weight gain though that’s the visible thing you can see. For me it’s also needing more sleep, taking longer to get well after I’ve been sick, heartburn (that’s new and awful), not responding well to stress, and crying. It’s like everything has slowed down and gotten sad. And yes my metabolism is part of that.

Like you I haven’t been eating differently. I’ve been working out. Those things haven’t changed but my bodies response has. It kind of looks at the good food and the workouts and goes “meh.” I’m at a loss for what to change really. In a way, eight pounds, who cares? But a) it’s a trend I’m worried about and b) I’m already over the recommended weight for the race wheels for my bike.

I broke a spoke the other day and the bike mechanic helpfully suggested sturdier, heavier wheels. I didn’t swear in the shop but I did in the car. He’s right of course. I swapped wheels. But I’m not happy about it.

************************************

Cate: It’s all tangled up for me with the invisibility thing we’ve been talking about.  I’m very short; even 5 lbs is a significant difference to me and I have a fear of looking like this high school teacher I had who was quite round and short and tottered around on high heels to try to offset it.  I don’t want to look like Mrs G!  I want to look strong and athletic and *vital*.  And even when I know I can Do Things, it all makes me feel Not Vital.  And that’s what I’m trying to make sense of.

We were talking about how the dominant advice is always “eat less, move more.”  We both move a LOT now, especially for people whose jobs are about conversations and sharing what’s in our heads.  It feels like I have to undertake a massive revolution in how I eat, and I don’t want to be that person — I want to be the person who can eat fries if I feel like it.  I RESENT IT!

What are we going to do?

************************************

Sam: I agree with you. We can’t be people who never eat fries!

But the visibility thing is tough. For both of us, it’s being seen as who we are, athletic women. I had someone offer me their seat on the subway the other day and I thought, “Really! Do I look like I need your seat? I am the oldest person on this train? What?”

I realized he was likely just being polite in a gendered, chivalrous way (I was wearing a skirt) and so I thanked him and took his seat.

And some of the time I’m happy to be the person who blows other peoples’ stereotypes out of the water. I love passing people on my bike. Moving the weight up rather than down on the lat pull down machine at the Y.

But I also want people to see me, to recognize who I am.

I hate it when someone says I should get off the bus a stop early to you know, add more movement to my life. HAVE YOU LOOKED AT MY GARMIN FILES? Oh nevermind.

So what?

***********************************

Cate:  We keep riding.  And maybe think a bit more about the fries?

Sam: And we’re definitely not getting these for our bikes!

fitness

Why so much personal writing on a feminist blog?

Tracy I8 Comments

You may have noticed that here at Fit Is a Feminist Issue we write a lot about our own experiences: our latest training plans and decisions (like when I hired a coach to train for Around the Bay); events we’ve done (like Sam’s account of the Five Boros Bike Tour on Sunday), thoughts on food (like Sam’s cooking), weight (and why I don’t talk about it), and body neutrality or body positivity; that new sport we’re trying out (like Catherine’s kayaking); stuff we like (speed work!); stuff we don’t like much (me and the bike). It can all seem so self-centred!

There are actually good reasons a lot of feminist writers favour or at least include a lot of personal writing:

The personal is political. Feminism has a long history of operating on the assumption that “the personal is political.” This can mean lots of different things, of course. It can mean personal decisions about reproduction, consent, and what we’re going to do with our lives are political. Why? Because women’s lives and bodies are regulated, controlled, monitored, and under surveillance. But another way of understanding women’s personal writing as political is that historically women’s experiences haven’t been well-documented, their stories either lost or not told in the first place. So telling our stories of personal achievements, accomplishments, disappointments, ups and downs can helps to redress the balance a bit in the other direction. It’s a matter of equality.

Generalizing can be risky. Generalizing beyond personal experience risks getting the facts wrong about other people’s lives. And sometimes that can have harmful consequences, as some of us have seen recently in the world of feminist philosophy where an article got published that didn’t deal appropriately with the lives of the people it took as its subject matter (and which represented marginalized identities not shared by the author). It’s risky business. So writing from our own lives, our own perspectives, about our own actions, thoughts, and feelings enables us to have a better chance of “getting it right.”

Women can be every day athletes too. When we have many personal stories from a bunch of women of different ages, doing different things, we demonstrate daily that women can be every day athletes too. Every day on this blog we’re saying: Here we are. We do stuff. That stuff includes sports, activities, even (gasp!) competition!

Not all feminist writing needs to be scholarly. Sam and I and many of our guests are academics. That means we do lots of feminist scholarly writing and publishing in different venues already. Much of that is theoretical/philosophical writing of a not especially personal kind. But we also enjoy a more casual form of writing, where we present our thoughts and our lives not so much as a form of self-indulgence, but with the hope that it will resonate, draw people in, give people something to identify with or think about.

The type of writing we do here challenges a lot of default assumptions people have about the world, about women, about older women, about body diversity, about what it means to be fit. If we only wrote about that in journal articles for scholarly audiences we would be depriving ourselves of an opportunity to engage with more people. I think I can safely speak for both of us when I say that the community that has sprung up around the blog–our dedicated regular contributors, occasional guest authors, commenters, followers on other social media–is one of the greatest gifts the blog has given us.

Those are just a few of the reasons we have a commitment to personal writing on this feminist blog. The blog has evolved and grown over time, but the personal writing, even when we’re reporting on the latest research, remains the standard form here. That’s something we started doing right from the beginning and plan to continue.

Do you have anything to add about how personal writing can be a feminist act and why a feminist blog should include a lot of it?

 

fitness

How many wombats do you weigh?

Sam B3 Comments

It started when Carly posted that pounds can die in a fire. From now on she only cares about weight in sloths.

Loved the link. It’s a ‘your weight in animals’ calculator. Go look! Go go!

I quickly told the world that I weigh 3.4 wombats. I love wombats!

(2008) Lousy photo of me but the wombat looks great! So warm and cuddly. These were orphans whose mums had been hit by cars so they raise them and release them into the wild. Once they turn into surly teenage wombats they stop wanting to cuddle and they get them ready for release.

Friends chimed in.

They weigh: .72 dolphins, 9.1 million ants, 3.1 clouded leopard, 8.7 Bolivian Red Howler Monkeys, 33,700 hummingbirds, 4.6 goats, and 0.3 dugongs.

 I love thinking in terms of animal weights! Here’s a post on lifting bears.

 

 

 

cycling · fitness

5 boros, 32,000 riders, 40 miles, 0 cars, and 1 great day, #tdfbbt

Sam B2 Comments

It’s a ride I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, the New York City Five Boro Bike Tour. I’ve tried to talk lots of people into doing it with me but it’s a big trip for not so much cycling really. Part of the thrill for me was the thought of seeing New York on bike, with no cars. I asked Sarah (she likes New York and likes driving) and this time got a “yes.” YAY! Now I’ve done it!

Here’s the medal as proof.

What’s it all about? Here’s the official blurb:

On the first Sunday in May, 32,000 cyclists of all skill levels come from around the world to roll through every borough of New York City on streets totally free of cars. For one day, the roads are yours, the bridges are yours, the City is yours—there’s no better way to experience the Big Apple. Produced in conjunction with the City of New York, the TD Five Boro Bike Tour Presented by REI is the largest charitable bike ride in the U.S., with proceeds funding our free bike education programs. Last year alone, we taught more than 17,000 kids and adults. When you ride with Bike New York, you’re helping us in our mission to empower more New Yorkers with the skills to ride safely and confidently on city streets.

Confessions: I’ve visited New York a lot but until this visit I’d never left Manhattan. I’m usually in the city for work and so don’t get out and about enough. Or I’m there with my kids and family to see plays. So this was a new experience. The bike tour was a great way to see the city. 

Also, I’m anxious about travelling in the US these days. My opposition to Trump’s policies on immigration and visitors’ visas means that I’ve cancelled some work travel. But I’d registered for the tour ages ago. It’s not cheap and there are no refunds or cancellations. So off we went.

Impressions: It’s not for the faint of heart. So many bikes. So many people. But the atmosphere was terrific. It was relaxed and fun and full of smiling faces. I actually think Tracy would like it. There are no cars to worry about and you don’t need a road bike. It would be perfectly fine to do this ride on your everyday commuting bike.

Thousands of cyclists lined up for the 730 am start. New York looks different without cars.
Thousands of cyclists lined up for the 730 am start. New York looks different without cars.

It’s also not very fast. I think my average speed was 17 km/hr, comparable to my usual noodles on the bike paths.

The Bike Expo held for the two days before was also fun. Yes, there was a ton of stuff to buy, everything from Bromptons (drool) to all the bike gear you’d ever need. I’d say the majority of the bike clothes were pitched at women. I even bought a cycling dress. I’ll report back on it once I’ve given it a try. There was also a pretty reasonable amount of plus sized clothing for sale. Nice to see that at a cycling event! There was also a lot of bike tourism being advertised and it was great to see all the booths from Canadian destinations, a lot of them in Quebec.

There were lots of women on the ride. It was probably the cycling event I’ve done that’s had the highest proportion of women. There were also people from all over the world riding, along with local cycling clubs, and judging by the accents, lots of New Yorkers too. I loved seeing groups I’d only known of through the internet out there, like Black Girls Do Bike. 

And so many different kinds of bikes–fat bikes, ellipitical bikes, cruisers, road bikes, fixies. You name it. They were on the tour. Lots of people talked about the choice to not wear cycling shoes with clipless pedals but I thought they were fine. I was also worried about the state of the roads and my narrow road bike wheels but given that we had the entire road to choose between you could avoid the bumps if you needed to.

A highlight for me were the bridges! They were fun to ride over without cars.

I was also impressed with the vibe. Given the number of riders I thought there might be more jostling for position, more crashing. But mostly no one expected to get anywhere fast. People were pretty happy and relaxed.

That's a rear view of me, riding over the bridge. Black cycling vest, back tights, red Castelli logo.
That’s a rear view of me, riding over the bridge. Black cycling vest, back tights, red Castelli logo.

You can view the ride’s route here.

I’ve got lots of photos to share and I’ll let them tell some of our story.

We drove to New York with bikes in the back of the car and stayed at a hotel very close to the start. We were allowed to keep bikes in the room and pretty much the entire Holiday Inn was full of cyclists. Saturday we did our registration at the bike expo and dined out on Thai food with friends. The alarm went off at 5 am to start our Sunday.

Early morning pre-coffee selfie.

Donuts for breakfast! Mine was a suitable breakfast donut, oatmeal. Sarah chose pistachio.

 

At the start we were so surprised to meet up with Canadian friends. I knew Kim and Sarah, from London, were doing the ride, but I didn’t expect to successfully make contact. Their Canadian jerseys helped!

 

Here’s me riding along!

 

Here’s Sarah and me at the finish. (I should have left my helmet on)

 

 

We ended on Staten Island and took the ferry home (along with thousands of other cyclists). Here’s the view of Manhattan from the shore.

 

What I do it again? Yes!

Have you done the Five Boro Bike Tour? Did you like it? Would you do it again?

Two smiling women in kayaks, performing an assisted rescue in a lake. “We’re all in the same boat!” a report from women’s kayak classes
fitness · fitness classes

“We’re all in the same boat!” a report from women’s kayak classes

catherine w5 Comments

A few weeks ago I went to a weekend-long kayak symposium (yes, they call it a symposium) at James Island County Park near Charleston, SC.  The weather was warm and so was the water, so I was really looking forward to getting back in a boat after a long winter on dry land.

The event, called the East Coast Paddlesports Symposium (as a philosopher, this term cracks me up every time), features classes for kayakers, stand-up paddleboarders (SUPers), and canoeists of all levels.  I was looking to firm up my basic kayaking skills– paddling, getting in and out of the boat (yes, that’s a thing), boat handling techniques like edging and bracing, and solo and assisted rescues (getting myself and others back in our boats when we fall out, which happens).

The venue was crowded and festive, with vendors, loads of people trying out water craft of all types, and loads of people running around with paddles and PFDs (life jackets, now called Personal Flotation Devices).

Lots of people walking on a path, with kayaks, canoes, vendor tents and demos all around.
Lots of people walking on a path, with kayaks, canoes, vendor tents and demos all around.

My classes mostly consisted of being in (or out of) a kayak in this lovely sheltered lake area, and some nearby coves.  On Friday I took an edging and bracing class, where you learn how to shift your weight to put your boat (sort of) on edge while paddling to help control the direction of your boat, to compensate for currents and wind.

One particularly hilarious exercise we did, for which I was the first volunteer, was a surprise bracing lesson.  The instructor asked me to help him with a demo; I said yes.  Then he got out of his boat, swam over to mine, and proceeded to throw himself onto my front deck, sitting up and pushing my boat all over the place.  This resulted in lots of splashing, me screaming with laughter, delight and a little panic, and using my paddle to brace on either side to keep the boat upright.  Win.

The next Friday class was a solo and assisted rescue class.  I’ve done these sorts of classes a bunch of times, but still can’t consistently and confidently do a solo rescue– that is, get myself back in my kayak by myself in deep water.  We worked on both assisted rescues and solo ones, but I made little progress.  I left the class feeling a bit discouraged.

The next day– Saturday– was a real eye-opener for me.  I had signed up for all women’s only kayak classes.  They had dopey names–  “The Feminine Edge” and (ready to grit your teeth?) “Damsels in Distress, No More”.  Sigh.  Do we really need to set women’s courses apart in these ways?  Methinks not.  But I digress.

In every other way, though, these classes changed the way I think about myself and kayaking.  Seriously.

What do I mean here?  Well, up to then I had thought of myself as particularly ill-suited to sea kayaking because:

  1. I have lots of trouble getting in and out of the boat– I’m not graceful or comfortable or quick to settle myself in the cockpit.  I am really uncomfortable getting out of the boat– sometimes I just turn over in the surf and drag myself out.
  2. I feel major stress and fear of fat shaming when getting outfitted (I don’t own my own equipment…yet), as I worry about finding a boat big enough for me, as well as other equipment that will fit.  As a result, my rental PDFs never seem to fit (they float up to my ears when I’m in the water– a bad thing) and the cockpit never feels right.  I have been fat shamed (and felt fat shamed) most of the times I’ve gotten rental gear.  That’s no fun.
  3. I don’t feel strong enough, lithe enough, thin enough, etc. to perform solo rescues and some other techniques.  I get discouraged and tired and just want to quit.

After reading the above, you might think, “Well, Catherine, since life is short, maybe you might want to consider some other sport”.  Believe me, I have resolved to quit kayaking many times.  But I somehow keep finding my way back to the water.  When I can get away from the above worries, I have a wonderful time.  But I have to deal with these challenges.  Hence the women’s kayak classes.

So, what happened?

Well, first, let me say that almost all of the women in my classes had their own boats and had a lot of experience kayaking (some 15+ years).  Some of them had some pretty impressive skills.

But guess what?  It turns out that all of them had many of the same fears and same problems I have.  Sure, some of the women had more skills than I did, but:

ALL of them thought that solo rescues were really hard.

ALMOST ALL of them couldn’t do the standardly taught “cowboy” solo rescue without some help.

MANY of them were really nervous doing assisted rescues.

ALL of the large-breasted women complained about the fit of their PFDs, so I was in good company.

ALL of the women with their own boats told me that I would get a lot more comfortable if I bought my own boat.  And make sure to get it fitted properly– many women end up with boats that are actually too big for them, which doesn’t work.

So I learned that, when it comes to dealing with fears and worries about kayaking skills and stamina and gear, we’re all in the same boat.

What a relief.

Here’s me at the end of the day, smiling and happy (just before I turned my boat over in the surf and walked proudly, if soggily, onto shore).

Catherine, the happy paddler, returning at the end of the day.
Catherine, the happy paddler, returning at the end of the day.

Now to keep my eyes open for good used kayaks that are right for me.  Stay tuned.

Readers, have you had any eye-opening experiences when you took a women’s only physical activity or sport class?  I’d love to hear from you.

 

 

Sat with Nat

My self-care tetradecathlon 

natalieh (she/her)8 Comments

There’s been some big stress things happening in my life the past couple months and it’s starting to drag me down. So I’ve been ramping up my self-care. I’m not sure how many things there are but here we go. (Turns out there’s 14!)

  1. Cardio Mondays & Wednesdays with Anthony 
  2. Cxworx Tuesdays & Fridays with lots of work buddies
  3. Therapy 
  4. Walking my commute 
  5. Playing in my garden 
  6. Getting regular massages 
  7. Getting regular Chiropractic adjustments 
  8. Taking my blood pressure medication 
  9. Going to WisCon http://wiscon.net
  10. Acknowledging things are kind of shitty while taking time to find the good things in my day. 
  11. Offering and getting lots of hugs. 
  12. Celebrating successes the folks around me are enjoying 
  13. Tabletop and PS4 gaming with my family 
  14. Snuggles with my sweetie when I can pin him down!

My bike is ready to roll but we are getting 90mm of rain today. I’m focusing on keeping the joy in my cycling this season so no purposefully punishing rides and I’m ok with not meeting ideas of being tough or whatever. 

Movement is a big part of my self-care but I need the other things too if I’m to be resilient. 

I hope you aren’t going through tough times but, if you are, I’m sending you a big hug. There’s always time for that. 

Natalie, her two teenage sons and her partner sit on a floor looking content and leaning on each other. They are wearing hues of purple and blues and seem to be coping with life pretty well.
Taking a moment to enjoy my family

fitness

A Small Victory

Susan Tarshis8 Comments

I ran today. I did just over 4km at a clip of about 6:10 per kilometer. It doesn’t seem like much but basically today was the difference between the version of me that is still training for the Niagra Falls Women’s Half Marathon and the version that has given up because her body is not cooperating.

I had not run in a week and a half even though the last time was a magnificent 13.3km in which I did not collapse or otherwise injure myself. So yay.

However, I’m struggling with a low level flare of my RA and people, it is sucking the life out of me. Right now, it’s my hands and my right wrist but anyone who has an auto-immune thing knows that active-ish disease isn’t just about the affected part. It’s a system malfunction and my system is very prone to crashing lately, I’m exhausted, distracted and rather grumpy. I’m trying not to be disheartened but in this past week, I’ve stared right in the face the specter of  the cycle of inactivity that I am prone to.

It starts as giving myself permission to rest but then it becomes something else, a lethargy I have trouble escaping. I fear my gains have already vanished. I start to ache from not moving. I don’t want to do anything at all, I give up for a while.

Except I didn’t. I ran today and I made it a Tempo run (yes 6:10 kms are a tempo run for me, don’t laugh). I ran in the cold rain, the perfect pathetic fallacy for my mood and the ache in my hands. But darn it, I ran.

I will do a 15k long run on Sunday. I’m not giving up.

That’s what I have to say about that.

motivational penguin
An adorable little cartoon penguin. His name is “Motivational Penguin” and the caption reads, “You can do it!” Thanks Motivational Penguin. I think so too.