Notice that I asked about how your practice was coming along, I didn’t ask if you have perfected the art of Making Space.
Some days we’ll find it easy to make space, other days it will be hard, and some days it will be impossible.
Please kind to yourself about your practice, no matter what kind of day today is.
After all, like the various memes on the topic say, if being mean to yourself made things easier it would have worked by now.
Wherever and however you are in your practice, I wish you ease and as much space as possible.
Our meditation today is from Mindful Creative Muse and involves literally drawing your breath – on paper!
The still image for this video shows the words ‘draw the breath’ in white letters against a blue background on the left side and a piece of white paper with black vertical lines on it on the right.
Our movement suggestion today is the delightfully named Stress Less Movement Snack from Trisha Durham. It’s a little longer than the videos I usually suggest but you can just do as much as you have time for. No need to add stress while doing a less stress video, right?
The still image for this video includes the video title against a pink background on the left and a photo of the instructor doing a yoga pose on the right.
About Making Space 2023:
In December 2020, Fit is a Feminist Issue blogger Martha created a tradition – a series of reminder posts to take good care of ourselves during this last month of the year when it is far too easy to get swept up in your to do list, no matter what you are celebrating or not celebrating.
In 2021, I started doing daily December reminders with a post called Give Yourself Some Space, and that’s how the ‘Making Space‘ December tradition began. Throughout December 2021 and 2022, I wrote a short post that included two videos – one for exercise and one for meditation – and a bit of encouragement for you to make space for yourself at this busy time of year.
These posts are not about cramming more things into your month, they reminding you that there IS a *YOU* who is doing all of the things and that you are worth taking good care of.
Perhaps the things I suggest aren’t what you need at the moment. That’s totally ok. Perhaps you can use something else to create some space, something that will help you feel more relaxed or more in charge of your day. Just do whatever you can to give yourself a little more breathing room.
So, some of these posts may be long and some may be short but please know that every single one of them is written with the hope that you can find a little ease in your day, whatever that looks like for you.
Am I risking “saying things out loud that I should keep to myself”? Am I inviting others to comment on my actions in ways that I’d rather not entertain? Perhaps, however, I feel it is a useful exercise to consider where one can behave differently, in life, to interact better with other humans. Also, thinking selfish thoughts doesn’t make me feel better at the time, or afterwards.
The thing is, none of us are perfect. Our thoughts are not perfect. Being good citizens of the world has more to do with how you act on your thoughts than on what you are thinking, in the first place.
Alas, I found myself wondering, on my way back from the gym the other day, “how can I train myself to be less selfish”.
I go to the gym a few times a week. There are 8 proper work stations on the “rig”. There is “one extra” if it’s not being used for personal training at the same time as the class. Typically, there are 8 or 9 people in the morning class I’ve been attending for several years. It’s part of the appeal, going to a “boutique gym” to have ample space to do the workout. It’s a luxury to feel like you don’t have to “nab a spot”, as one may feel at a larger gym.
On occasion, there are 12-14 people in the class. Typically, I arrive 10-15 min early so that I secure a spot at the rig. On occasion, we need to partner up.
On these days, as I see the extra bodies showing up, which is good for the gym, to have more members, and which is good for the people joining, that they have showed up, my mind starts hoping I don’t have to partner up that day.
The thing is, I like the people in the class. Many are friends. We see each other 3x a week. When we do partner up, I usually end up enjoying it. Do I enjoy it more than having the rig to myself. Not really?
Partly, I like keeping the rig to myself for practicality. If your partner is a different height, there will be extra adjusting of the bar. If you and your partner are lifting different weights, those will need to be switched out in between sets. In the past, in the haste of doing so, and attempting to be “extra nice and accommodating, I have “injured myself” by snagging my skin moving things around too quickly or banging a knee on the equipment. I can do these types of things on my own too, though.
Partnering can be fun for cheering each other on and encouraging each other to lift more.
Even after I’ve had a session that worked well with a partner, the next time I will still be hoping for a solo rig.
Why does my brain go to this wish so easily? How do I train my thoughts to be less selfish?
One morning, part of the third set, involved 100 sprint on the rower, and two other movements on the turf. People found their spots and alternated between for the first three sets. The turf was a bit crowded. When I went to go for my fourth set on the rower, someone had gone to the one I had been using. I had to scramble to find one. The next one I went to wasn’t working. Then I had to move to another one. My thoughts were not kind to the one who had “taken my rig”.
Why do my thoughts so easily go to annoyance? Why can’t I just be easily understanding. It’s not that I dwell on it or that she would even know I was annoyed, but, why are my thoughts so selfish?
I did the low effort activity of searching on Google for, “How to To Stop Being Selfish”. An article from “Masterclass” came up with this title. It says that the definition of “What Does it Mean to be Selfish”, is, “Selfishness means you care and think about yourself and your interests without consideration for the well-being or needs of others. Though human beings naturally exhibit some selfish behavior, especially during hard times, being self-centered or self-absorbed too often or intensely can become a bad habit that negatively affects your relationships with family members and loved ones.”
On reading this description, I don’t think it fits how I live my life. For example, I do consider others’ well-being. All of us are a little self-centered, here and there, but I always consider others when going about my business. In fact, my business, involves helping others navigate obstacles preventing them from resolving their complaints with public bodies. When I’m walking on the sidewalk, I consider others and “share the sidewalk”, which is uncommon occurrence, these days. When I’m in a store, waiting to pay for an item, I consider others and do not cut in front of them. When planning my day, week, year, I consider my husband, family and friends and how to coordinate my schedule with others.
The Masterclass article goes on to describe 6 Signs of a Selfish Person:
Need for Attention. I don’t mind a little attention, but I am not looking to be the centre of attention. I am also not looking to take attention away from others. I am not “loud or disruptive” as the article describes for this point.
Passive-aggressiveness. “privately criticizing others or attempting to damage their confidence to build up your ego. Passive aggression often stems from deep insecurities that manifest as a need for control.” I do not do this. I like to try to encourage others’ strengths not tear them down. I am not competitive, in any way, actually. Well, maybe, I can be competitive with myself. But not with others. The 5th grader at the gym hated group sports too much to be a competitive type.
One-sideness. “Selfish people will take up a friend’s time when they need to vent emotionally but rarely extend the same courtesy in return. You may have selfish tendencies if you frequently complain about your problems but have trouble listening to others talk about their stressors.” I do not see myself in this point. I have often been considered a good ear to vent to and a trusted source of trouble-shooting in such situations.
Reject advice. “If you’re selfish, you believe that you know everything and your opinion is the only one that matters. Because of this quality, you may have trouble taking advice or direction from others, especially when it runs counter to your ideas.” I do not believe I know everything. Sometimes, it can be difficult taking criticism, depending on how it’s provided, but, I am certainly open to constructive criticism and new ideas. In the gym, I welcome advice, relevant to the task at hand, if requested and from trusted sources.
Trouble compromising. “Self-centered people need to be in control at all times to maintain their sense of self, so compromising with others becomes extremely difficult. An inability to compromise in a relationship contributes to conflict. I don’t believe I am controlling in relationships. My brain craves control, for example, with respect to where my feet are situated during an exercise. My brain likes to feel in control in a way that prevents me from being a good ice skater or rollerblader. I encourage compromise in relationships.
Inability to admit wrongdoing. I can admit wrongdoing. I can admit I have selfish thoughts. I want to correct that.
This article describes the difference between Selfishness and Self Care:
Self-care means recognizing your limitations and caring enough about yourself to meet your needs. While selfishness can cause real damage to you and others, self-care has the opposite effect. The critical differences between self-care and selfishness include the following:
Selfishness diminishes energy, while self-care replenishes. Selfish behavior harms the perpetrator and everyone around them, robbing all involved of their self-worth and compassion. Self-care is a healthy behavior that replenishes your energy so that you can be present in your relationships.
Selfishness isolates, while self-care connects. Unless they suffer from people-pleasing behaviors, most healthy individuals recognize and naturally try to avoid selfish people. Self-centered people isolate themselves through their behavior and have trouble recognizing why. People who practice self-care understand that everyone has their limits, makes mistakes, and needs a break sometimes and can extend that self-compassion to others.
Selfishness saps self-esteem, while self-care builds it. Selfish behavior stems from a poor vision of one’s self which self-perpetuates, meaning the more you practice selfish behavior, the worse your self-esteem becomes. Restoring your physical and mental health helps you build self-esteem and increases the likelihood of expressing compassion for others.
When I read the differences between selfishness and self-care, I think my tendencies, say at the rig at the gym, veer more towards self-care – knowing my limitations, my comfort zone, etc. and wishing for an experience that serves my self-care. Part of me is thinking of the other person, when thinking of the logistics of the pairing. The thing is, I think my yearning for self-care seems to veer towards selfishness, on occasion.
On a more heavy topic, I read an opinion piece on LinkedIn the other day about how white women have the luxury to consider self-care. How it is not an option for many people of colour, for example, and how it is not helpful to people of colour to hear about “self-care”. I think about this a lot these days, also, because of bigger issues in the world. How does my day-to-day behaviour help or hurt these bigger issues? Am I being selfish when seeking for self-care? Is it prudent to care for ones self so that one can be of service, where possible, in bigger issues?
Am I making too much of nothing?
Dear Readers, can you relate to my thoughts? How do you tackle them? How do you try “not to be selfish”?
Nicole P. is looking for ways to go through holiday season and into ’24, in a less selfish manner.
It’s the Herd’s Monday Morning Coffee Crew. Reasonably paced, full of dad jokes, and just 45 minutes long, it’s the perfect way to kick off the week.
The challenge is that it starts at 5:55 am.
It means I get up at 5 and have time for breakfast and coffee and then ride. And the pace is gentle enough that I can even multitask a bit and check in on overnight emails while riding.
Coffee
It’s a good mix of early rising North Americans– this week it was led by a woman from nearby Toronto– and retired UK cyclists who are joining at a more reasonable hour. Or UK stay at home parents or UK #wfh people who are taking the “work” part of “work from home” lightly.
I haven’t checked out the discord channel yet. That would require finding my headphones very early in the morning and I’m not quite there yet.
I ❤️ it.
I mean, I’ve always loved very early morning exercise. It feels like found time. I’m just sleepy the next evening and go to bed early and set myself up well for a week of early to bed, early to rise. By the time 8 am personal training rolls around on Thursday it feels like a luxurious sleep in.
There is also something about Monday morning exercise that feels particularly right. It sets the tone for the week. Here is a thing that really matters, and I get it in first. If I workout on Monday I notice in more likely to fit in weekday workouts and less likely to weekend warrior it.
How about you? Are you a Monday workout person or are you more likely to give Mondays a miss after a weekend of movement?
Since we have already focused on hands, let’s put our best foot forward for Day 6.
If you aren’t up to putting your *best* foot forward, just put your okayest foot forward or just put one foot in front of the other.
The idea that we have to be at our best all the time is nonsense.
Sometimes we are at our best, sometimes we are at our okayest, sometimes we just show up, and sometimes we choose to rest – all of those things are good choices, depending on the day and on the resources available to us in the moment.
Wow, that was kind of a long tangent from an offhand segue from hands to feet, hey? Such are the perils of reading my writing!
So, before you can put any foot of any kind forward, it’s a good idea to make sure that our feet are rested and relaxed. That’s where this video from the Yoga with Bird YouTube Channel comes in.
The still image for this video shows the instructor, Bird, sitting cross-legged and massaging her right foot with both hands. She is sitting on a brown yoga mat and there are plants in the background.
I have been running (ha!) with the feet theme so I wanted to use a walking meditation for today but I was concerned about the lack of inclusivity in that idea. So, you can imagine how thrilled I was to find this meditation from the National Center on Health, Physical Activity and Disability‘s channel that is actually inclusive of people who use wheelchairs or move in ways that don’t include walking.
The still image for this video is a photo at ground height, with a path and plants seen through the silhouette of the wheels of a wheelchair.
About Making Space 2023:
In December 2020, Fit is a Feminist Issue blogger Martha created a tradition – a series of reminder posts to take good care of ourselves during this last month of the year when it is far too easy to get swept up in your to do list, no matter what you are celebrating or not celebrating.
In 2021, I started doing daily December reminders with a post called Give Yourself Some Space, and that’s how the ‘Making Space‘ December tradition began. Throughout December 2021 and 2022, I wrote a short post that included two videos – one for exercise and one for meditation – and a bit of encouragement for you to make space for yourself at this busy time of year.
These posts are not about cramming more things into your month, they reminding you that there IS a *YOU* who is doing all of the things and that you are worth taking good care of.
Perhaps the things I suggest aren’t what you need at the moment. That’s totally ok. Perhaps you can use something else to create some space, something that will help you feel more relaxed or more in charge of your day. Just do whatever you can to give yourself a little more breathing room.
So, some of these posts may be long and some may be short but please know that every single one of them is written with the hope that you can find a little ease in your day, whatever that looks like for you.
I chase sweat. I love activities that make my heart beat strong and fast and provoke sweat. I have long felt that many of my sweaty activities were akin to a meditation—running outdoors, dancing, the flow of mountain biking on a trail, cross country skiing. They are activities that can simultaneously focus the mind and unhook the mind from its usual patterns.
Back in May, when I lost my meditation streak (which I wrote about here), I counted my 5Rhythms dance group as a meditation the first day I forgot to meditate. At the time, I felt like I was playing fast and loose with the definition of meditation. So, it seemed appropriate when a few days later I forgot to meditate again and ended my streak. As if the universe was catching my fast-loose-ness and correcting the error.
Then, a few weeks ago, I was in a training about how to use Internal Family Systems in psychedelic-assisted therapy, and the trainer mentioned that traditional seated meditation worked less well for her than moving meditations, like dancing, because she felt more in touch with her body and the feminine flow of movement. Oh, I thought. As if she had given me permission to approach meditation more expansively.
In the same week, I went to a three-day, silent-ish meditation retreat. Silent, because we were not allowed to speak to each other. Silent-ish, because there were moving meditations, so vigorous they left me drenched in sweat. We also made a lot of loud noise. One of the moving meditations we did each day was Osho’s dynamic meditation. I was dubious at first. I’m not an Osho devotee and resist gurus. Despite which, I loved this meditation. It lasts an hour and has five parts. The first is 10 minutes of chaotic breathing. The second is 10 minutes of cathartic explosion, using body and voice. The third is 10 minutes of jumping and vocalizing the word hoo. The fourth is 15 minutes of stillness. And the fifth part is 15 minutes of dancing. I felt like I’d been waiting for this meditation all my life. So much permission.
I have always missed the vibrancy of connecting to my vital energy in movement when I’ve been at silent retreats in the past. I have memories of going out for a run at one retreat, only to encounter the glares of two women out walking (silently, separately and slowly) in the woods. As if running were heretical, even though I was silent and alone, without a phone, so no possibility to listen to anything either.
The opportunity to breathe deep and sweat out the internal muck that was loosening during the silent-ish retreat was life giving.
All this permission has made me rethink my theory that the universe was smacking me down for defining dance as meditation. I have a new theory. The universe was inviting me into more ease, loosening the rigidity of my counting and defining.
There was a forest with trails at the retreat center. Every day I went out on the trails to play. I’d walk until I felt like running. Run until I felt like walking. There was a thin layer of snow over wet leaves and ice in the mornings. I wore my big winter coat and boots, reveling in the solitude and the joy of moving, breathing and sweating. By the end, my coat would be unzipped and hanging off my back. While I would have gone into the woods, no matter what level of official permission I had, I felt more ease and freedom, knowing that no one was going to frown at me.
The retreat had a second silent-ish element. We spent a lot of time contemplating one particular Zen koan. According to Britannica a koan is, “a succinct paradoxical statement or question used as a meditation discipline … The effort to solve a koan is intended to exhaust the analytic intellect and the egoistic will, readying the mind to entertain an appropriate response on the intuitive level.” One of the most famous koan’s is, What is the sound of one hand clapping? If we can resist our first smart ass response, the koan’s begin to burrow inside our psyche. The koan we contemplated was, Who Is In? The mode of contemplation was this: Our meditation cushions would be turned to face one another in a row of dyads. We would sit facing one of our fellow retreat participants, looking them directly in the eyes, a gong would sound and either the person facing the lake or the forest would be invited to ask the question, Tell me who is in. The answerer would speak for five minutes, holding eye contact and saying whatever was arising in that moment for them. The asker was to maintain a steady, neutral gaze and body posture, listening actively and not responding with facial expressions or gestures. Then the gong would sound again, and we were instructed to switch. A round could go back and forth for 50 minutes at a time. In between rounds we would have a break, some silent meditation, possibly one of the moving meditations I’ve mentioned, and then we would begin again, with a new partner.
Just holding the eye contact for that long was a struggle. Then speaking truly about what was arising was another uncomfortable challenge. And not being able to respond to what others were saying, was its own struggle. I simultaneously hated it and loved it in the moment. In hindsight, I just plain love it. The contemplation was like an internal scrub. In the connection of the eye gaze and the complicity that arose, as we noticed the universality of our struggles, I began to feel as if I were walking down a long hall with windows covered with vertical blinds, so that the hall was striped in the rays of light coming in through the gaps in the blinds. Each person I sat across from became one of the strips of light, as we connected through our eyes. With each exchange, the silence of the rest of the retreat had a richer texture. We were progressively tuning in to each other’s frequencies.
At a certain moment, toward the end of the retreat I was starting out the window at a winter tree filled with birds. A sight that never fails to move me. All at once the birds lifted and wheeled into flight and I felt their lightness in my own bodymind. Silent sitting alone would not have gotten me there.
Since the retreat I notice that I feel more ease in my seated meditations, as if knowing that I could meditate in some other, sweaty way, makes being on the cushion more choiceful. (Side note: Choiceful is a word I’m considering for my word of the year for 2024). I’ve also adopted the language of the retreat leader, who named everything a meditation. As in—shower meditation, breakfast meditation, sleep meditation. More permission.
Before I wrap up, in case the answer to the question I pose in the title of this post isn’t clear—YES.
The final meditation of the whole retreat was an irreverent coup de grace, leaving us all helpless with laughter. I offer you that meditation here. Laughter is, after all, the ultimate healing agent.
I’ve been thinking about it lately in the context of aging and strength training. I know protein needs go up as we age, partly because our bodies are less efficient at using protein. We need more of it.
I also know that for most women, the opposite happens. Protein consumption goes down. That’s part of the story about aging and the loss of muscle mass.
And then I ran across this story in the New York Times.
“Protein recommendations for older adults are currently the same as those for younger adults, but some evidence suggests that those 65 and older may benefit from consuming more — at least 0.45 to 0.54 grams per pound, said Denise K. Houston, a professor of gerontology and geriatric medicine at Wake Forest University School of Medicine.
For a 185-pound adult, this higher recommendation translates to 84 to 101 grams of protein per day. You can get about that much if you eat one cup of cottage cheese, a cup of tuna salad on whole wheat bread, and a six-ounce chicken breast in one day. As with younger adults, regularly lifting weights, running or doing other vigorous activities will further increase the protein needs for older adults. You’ll also require more if you’re recovering from an infection, hospitalization, surgery or a period of bed rest, Dr. Phillips said.
Once you reach your 50s and beyond, you start to lose muscle mass, Dr. Phillips said, which can increase your risk of falling, bone fractures, hospitalization and earlier death.
A lack of physical activity is the biggest cause of muscle loss, but studies have also shown that aging muscles are less efficient at using protein to make new muscle fibers, Dr. Phillips said. And among those aged 71 and older, about 50 percent of women and 30 percent of men aren’t meeting even the lower federal recommendations for protein.”
I might start tracking protein consumption again, aiming for 125 grams daily. I’m doing more strength training these days. I want to build muscle.
It’s part of my gearing up for turning 60 (in 244 days–why yes, I’m counting!).
Do you have a strategy or plan for eating enough protein?
It’s Day 5 and I’m really hoping you are figuring out how to make at least some small spaces for yourself in your day.
I’ve picked out two 5 minute videos for today (it *is* Day 5 after all!) but before we get to those, I have a suggestion for you.
If you are like me, you probably have a few big tasks in the weeks ahead that you want to have finished but you are absolutely dreading. Maybe the task feels way too big, maybe it’s a task you hate, maybe you are afraid that once you get started you’ll get stuck working on it forever…ok, maybe that last one is just me. 😉
When I have one of those tasks ahead of me, I tend to make it into ‘A Thing.’ *
I capitalized ‘A Thing’ and put it in quotes because it’s my personal shorthand for when I have let my dread of a task turn the task itself into a huge monster. It’s no longer just an annoying or difficult task, it’s a whole ‘Thing.’
And I never want to start a whole ‘Thing.’
However, experience has taught me that the only way to turn ‘A Thing’ back into a thing is to get started on it.
And often, the only way to get started is to give myself a really short amount of time to work on it. The amount of time needs to be so short that there is no way for me to actually finish it in that time. And, in fact, the amount of time is so short that I can’t even make visible progress.
My victory is not in how much I get done, it’s in spending a small amount of time on ‘A Thing.’
And usually once I have spent that small amount of time, ‘A Thing’ becomes a thing and I can make plans for how to move forward.
So, today, on Day 5 of Making Space 2023, I am going to make a little brain space for myself by working for 5 minutes – and ONLY 5 minutes – on ‘A Thing.’
Feel free to join me by working for 5 minutes on any task that might be ‘A Thing’ for you.
Remember, the 5 minutes timeframe is the victory.
This is about breaking the spell, not about making progress on the task.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program:
This is fun 5 Minute Movement Break of Afrobeats Dance from the YouTube channel for UBC’s Rec Program –
Still image is of a man in a tank top touching his fingers to the brim of his hat. He is looking to the lower left of the screen and the background is various shades of green triangles coming to a point behind him.
I really like how this video incorporates mindfulness into an ordinary activity, referring to it as an ‘informal’ meditation. This is a 5 Minute Mindful Coffee Break from Katie McLaughlin’s YouTube channel. Feel free to drink tea instead, I did!
The still image is of a latte in a white cup. Someone’s fingers are visible around the base of the cup and they are pouring cream (milk?) onto the surface to create a flower-like shape. (I don’t drink lattes or any coffee at all so I may have all of the terms wrong here.)
*I’m not sure if the whole ‘A Thing’ thing is an ADHD tendency or if it is an everybody tendency but I hope it comes in handy for you either way.
About Making Space 2023:
In December 2020, Fit is a Feminist Issue blogger Martha created a tradition – a series of reminder posts to take good care of ourselves during this last month of the year when it is far too easy to get swept up in your to do list, no matter what you are celebrating or not celebrating.
In 2021, I started doing daily December reminders with a post called Give Yourself Some Space, and that’s how the ‘Making Space‘ December tradition began. Throughout December 2021 and 2022, I wrote a short post that included two videos – one for exercise and one for meditation – and a bit of encouragement for you to make space for yourself at this busy time of year.
These posts are not about cramming more things into your month, they reminding you that there IS a *YOU* who is doing all of the things and that you are worth taking good care of.
Perhaps the things I suggest aren’t what you need at the moment. That’s totally ok. Perhaps you can use something else to create some space, something that will help you feel more relaxed or more in charge of your day. Just do whatever you can to give yourself a little more breathing room.
So, some of these posts may be long and some may be short but please know that every single one of them is written with the hope that you can find a little ease in your day, whatever that looks like for you.
In this past week, I have been experimenting with my schedule to see how to create the softest day for myself.
To be clear, the softest day has nothing to do with whether I have work to do, it’s actually about minimizing any time-related stress and static. And I don’t mean stress and static from other people, I’m trying to work more cooperatively with my own brain here.
I’m figuring out at which point in the day my regular activities feel easiest or most straightforward. Or, to put it another way, when do these activities require the least thought and effort?
This will take longer than a week to figure out, of course, but I have to start somewhere.
Here’s what I’ve found out so far:
1- There are a lot of benefits to walking the dog earlier in the day.
Generally, unless I have a commitment that affects my schedule, I walk the dog either right after lunch or when I finish work for the day. Recently though, I have been walking her right after breakfast and before I start work and it’s been great.
Walking Khalee earlier means:
I have a clear time to start my work day (I work from home so this has always been a challenge.)
I don’t have to wonder when will be the best time to head out for our walk (my brain will mull that over all day if I let it.)
I get a good brain boost from the exercise (I can always use a bit more focus.)
I can free up my late afternoons for other things.
2 – I can get a lot done between 4:00-5:30PM.
I had a hint of this a few weeks back when I had some afternoon meetings and I had to shift my work later in the day. (I had walked the dog right before lunch a couple of days in a row so the end of the day was free.) I have always been trying to end my day around 4:00 or 4:30, thinking that it would be good to have the work day behind me as soon as possible.
Instead, it turns out that putting some of my ‘after work’ tasks in the middle of the day so I can work (especially on my writing) between 4:00-5:30pm is a really good idea. I don’t know if my brain just likes the break from work in the middle of the day or if it likes the ‘deadline’ feeling of 5:30pm (my husband and son finish work at 5:30 at get home at 5:45) but, either way, it seems to work. I feel really focused and determined at that time of day and I finish my work feeling good about it.
Oddly, I have also found that working until 5:30pm makes it a lot easier to head out for any evening commitments, too. I guess that supper feels like a break rather than feeling like the end of the day so my brain doesn’t mind doing something else afterwards?
3- I like doing yoga first thing in the morning AND right before bed.
As you can see, Khalee also likes to do yoga first thing. Image description: A photo of Khalee, a light haired dog, resting on my yoga mat. Our couch, book shelf, and lit Christmas tree are in the background of the photo.
Doing a little yoga when I first go downstairs in the morning feels good and helps me adjust to being awake. Doing a longer yoga session before I head to bed helps my brain tuck away the details of the day and helps me feel more rested.
Neither of these things are huge revelations but I was paying closer attention this past week and I really can tell that it is good for me to bookend my day that way.
Softer but still a ways to go
It’s obviously going to take more than a couple of weeks to undo the stress and challenges of a whole year. Being in stress mode is a habit now and it takes a while to unlearn a habit.
I am making progress though and I feel like I am learning some really important things about my schedule and about my approach to my day to day life.
The softening continues!
Wondering what this Finishing Soft business is all about?
Back in the blog’s early days when it was a Sam and Tracy blog that focused on our fittest by fifty challenge, we spent a fair bit of time thinking and writing about what fitness meant. See here and here and here. It was inevitable. We’re philosophers and analyzing concepts is a big part of what we do professionally.
These days, as we and many of the bloggers here hover around 60, we’re definitely thinking in terms of fitness as successful aging. We want to be able to do things as we get older. For some of us, that’s bike traveling. For others, it’s canoe camping. But we all lead pretty active lives and want to keep on moving.
That’s why the Twitter thread above (I know it’s X, I know, but I just can’t) caught my eye.
Dr. Paddy Barrett writes, “I base my goals on lifespan and healthspan: to be an active and capable 90-year-old. I want to win at the ‘game of life’. If I have the extreme good fortune of living to 90 years of age, I do not expect to be exercising at my current level. Still, I do hope that I will be able to pick up my grandchildren or put my travel bag in the overhead compartment of an aircraft unassisted.”
Being in the top percentile for V02 max and strength matter more than just about anything else when it comes to longevity, he writes.
“Think of it as the height needed for a plane to glide to the runway if it lost its engines. It will continually lose height, just as you will likely continue to lose athletic performance over time, even with the best exercise regime. Most people are in an aircraft with minimal altitude and are likely to land well short of the runway they are aiming for.”
“If your goal is to be a kick-ass 90-year-old, you can’t settle for being an ‘average’ 50-year-old.”
I’m still wondering about my 60 goals. It’s definitely all about setting myself up for success in the (I hope) decades ahead.
I know what the pieces are. I want to be able to walk and bike long distances. I want to be able to go on back-country canoe trips with long portages! I want to be strong. And I want to have good mobility and balance. I’m thinking of setting some swimming goals, too.
“Setting myself up for successful aging at sixty ” doesn’t have quite the same ring as “fittest by fifty” but in reality, the idea is the same. Start from a higher peak so that to the extent that fitness decline with aging is inevitable, you land at a place where you’re happy to be.
For me, I’m mixing all of this aspirational thinking with the realization in light of knee replacement surgery that we don’t have as much control as we might think over health outcomes.
So, it’s this balance between aspiration and acceptance that I’m interested in attaining. I don’t want to acceptance to stop me striking out for new future fitness goals and plans. But I don’t want the striving to get in the way of acceptance where that’s the thing I need to do.
A woman in a pink sweater and pink sneakers and black tights in a standing yoga pose. Scopio.
I don’t know about you but when I am trying to make space for myself, I often think really big – I want to get away for the day or I want 3 or 4 hours to work on a project. And that’s great when it can happen but, for me at least, that’s very unlikely at this time of year.
I have to keep reminding myself that creating a little bit of space for myself is helpful and helps me feel more relaxed and focused.
So, in keeping with that note-to-self, today’s videos are short and focused on your hands.
(insert your own hand-related joke here. Some suggestions: We have to take a hands-on approach to making space! Hands up if you want a little space! I’m getting a grip on this making space thing! These videos are handy!)
Anyway, Team, please take good care of yourself today. Even if the only space you can create is for an extra deep breath.
Still image: The instructor, a woman with brown hair in a low ponytail that is swept forward over her shoulder, is standing facing the camera with her back to two windows. Her forearms are raised almost to shoulder height and she has her fingers curled slightly as if she is in the middle of wiggling them.
In keeping with today’s focus on hands, in this video from massage therapist Rachel Richards, she demonstrates ‘5 Finger Breathing’ a relaxation technique in which you move your opposite index finger along your hand while breathing in a specific pattern.
Still image: a woman with long brown hair is sitting with hands up next to her face. One hand is open, palm to the camera, and she has the index finger of her other hand extended to touch her opposite hand.
About Making Space 2023:
In December 2020, Fit is a Feminist Issue blogger Martha created a tradition – a series of reminder posts to take good care of ourselves during this last month of the year when it is far too easy to get swept up in your to do list, no matter what you are celebrating or not celebrating.
In 2021, I started doing daily December reminders with a post called Give Yourself Some Space, and that’s how the ‘Making Space‘ December tradition began. Throughout December 2021 and 2022, I wrote a short post that included two videos – one for exercise and one for meditation – and a bit of encouragement for you to make space for yourself at this busy time of year.
These posts are not about cramming more things into your month, they reminding you that there IS a *YOU* who is doing all of the things and that you are worth taking good care of.
Perhaps the things I suggest aren’t what you need at the moment. That’s totally ok. Perhaps you can use something else to create some space, something that will help you feel more relaxed or more in charge of your day. Just do whatever you can to give yourself a little more breathing room.
So, some of these posts may be long and some may be short but please know that every single one of them is written with the hope that you can find a little ease in your day, whatever that looks like for you.
