Month: November 2020

fitness

Body image and self-compassion: Guest Post

fieldpoppy

I got an announcement on a listserv earlier this week about an eight week supported group about Body Image and Self-Compassion, and the topic intrigued me. So I contacted Naomi Reesor, the organizer, to ask her to share its intentions and background with FIFI readers. I interviewed her via email. Thanks so much, Naomi, with being so generous with your time and heart.

Can you start by just telling me a little about yourself?

I am a registered psychotherapist (qualifying) working out of The Compassion Project in Hamilton. I work with a variety of individuals who struggle with anxiety, depression, trauma, OCD, gender/sexuality identity, body image, and more. This has been my first year working as a therapist in private practice, but I have been involved with the mental health field for the last five years working with a variety of clients through crisis counselling over the phone and providing supportive case management to homeless individuals living in the shelter system.

I identify as a white queer woman and use “fat” as a descriptor for my body. While I have had my own struggles with body image, I recognize that I also have the privilege of existing in what would be considered a “small fat” body in which I can still shop in most department stores and fit in common spaces. My whiteness, cisgender, and able-bodied identity also means I do not experience the same discrimination as others who face intersecting oppressions. 

Outside of work, I am a person who loves taking care of houseplants, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race with friends, and doing outside park workouts with my inclusive fitness trainer!

The title of your workshop — “body image and self compassion” — really intrigued me.  Can you tell me a little bit about the purpose of the group?  

The idea for the group originated by seeing both personally and professionally the impact that the pandemic has had on our relationship with our bodies. In general, people have been more confined to their homes and have less access to movement. At the same time, there has been an obvious increase of fatphobic jokes about gaining weight during the pandemic that only increase this negative feeling towards our bodies.

This group has been developed to help explore these complicated feelings towards one’s body particularly during this time, and specifically by deepening our self-compassion.

Tell me a bit more about self-compassion in this context?  

The basic idea of self-compassion is having the same care and empathy to ourselves as we commonly extend towards others. In this context, it is allowing ourselves to engage in kindness and understanding towards what we consider as inadequacies and imperfections with our bodies. We will also be taking a look at how we can extend compassion towards ourselves as a person who is going through a difficult time during the pandemic, and help normalize the changes that may be occurring in our bodies by recognizing the shared experience with others.

Naomi in “professional mode”

What’s your hope for what participants will experience around their relationships to compassion?

I’m hoping that through engaging in exploration and experiential exercises, clients will be able to foster compassion for their own struggles and discomfort, as well as gain a better understanding of how certain oppressive structures work against the idea of showing kindness to ourselves.

What led you to this topic?  What made you want to step into this space?

I began becoming involved with body positive spaces about 10 years ago when it was more of a niche internet movement. It helped me immensely to see others who looked like me showing themselves love and kindness, I have learned that self-love is a journey that ebbs and flows. These days, the idea of body positivity is more understood by the layperson but it has also been commodified and capitalised on in a way that sometimes pushes out the more marginalised individuals in our society in order to seem more sellable and palatable. It is important to note that the body positivity movement originated from plus size black woman who are now often pushed out of this same space.

There is also the fact that we may find ourselves feeling guilty if we are not able to engage in feeling positive towards our bodies while they go through changes. I want to be able to explore the complexity of these topics and allow ourselves the capacity for empathy during the low times, rather than sticking with the presumption that body positivity and self-love is always a linear journey. While the pandemic has really accentuated the need for this exploration, this has also been a topic that has been on my mind for a while as body positivity becomes more mainstream, yet seemingly also more exclusive.

Who are you hoping will participate in your group?  What will you be doing?

I am hoping that anyone who is looking to explore negative or conflicting feelings towards their body will be open to joining us! We will be working through how we develop negative perceptions about our bodies, what we want out of our relationship with our bodies based on our own comfort levels, and exercises for developing a kinder and more compassionate relationship with our bodies. This will involve both in session activities as well as homework exercises to try outside of the group.

What would you like readers of this blog to know about body image and self-compassion?  What message would you like them to carry?

Approaching exploring body-image through a self-compassion lens does not mean that we are going to increase your self-esteem or encourage you to embrace your own beauty. We want to be able to explore the idea of being worthy of compassion and respect regardless outside of how we feel our bodies look to others. If you are eventually able to get to a place where you are comfortable and happy with your body – amazing! If you are struggling to accept your body or going through re-occurring feelings you thought had already been processed, let’s explore how we can find compassion for this struggle and compassion towards your body instead of constant self-criticism. I want to hold space for this idea that there are so many ways to show kindness and respect towards our bodies whether it be self-love, body positivity, body neutrality, or body liberation.

If you are interested in participating in Naomi’s group, leave a note in the comments or contact her through this link: thecompassionproject.ca.

Thanks so much to Naomi for sharing herself with the blog!

fitness · motivation · running · training · winter

Winter running has begun!

Tracy I3 Comments
Image description: Headshot of Tracy, smiling, droplets of melted snow on face, frost on her headband (a paisley Buff), smiling, grey running jacket with melted snow visible, empty streetview of an intersection and a red brick building in the background.

Winter running! Just the other day I posted in my 220 in 2020 group that I have officially become a “fairweather runner” because I skipped a Sunday run a couple of weeks ago. Susan chimed in and said, “because it was a hurricane!” Well, maybe not quite a hurricane, but the winds were gusting up to 90 km an hour and it was pouring rain. Not many people would want to venture out in that.

Fast forward a week, and it was a mild 1 degree C and snowing on Sunday morning. This time I actually felt eager to get out there. It was almost perfect, easy to dress right (early winter tights, a short-sleeved t-shirt, a buff to keep my ears protected and my head from getting wet, and a windproof/waterproof running jacket), and it felt somehow inviting. If it’s going to be cold, I’d rather have cold and snow than cold and rain. Plus I’d rather run in light snow than in blazing sun on a hot and humid day (yes, I’m Canadian :)).

Lots of people complain about winter running. I’ve blogged about it before. See my old old post “Gearing up for Winter Running” where, 8 years ago I was trying to figure my gear for my first season of winter running. I also used to feel fearful about it (see “Getting over the fear of winter running”). Sometimes I’ve had to brace myself for it. Sometimes I’ve hit a wall with winter running. It has its pitfalls. Like it can be icy, which is a hazard. Sunday wasn’t at all icy, though some slush had started to accumulate by the time I was well past the halfway point. It was mild enough that the pathway stayed reasonably clear. That’s not always the case. I’ve run through heavy snow before and it is not fun when there is no clear path and you’re wading through snow or taking risks on the road (I do not like doing that but I have done it).

Winter running can also be dark if you run in the early morning or after your work day. Pandemic life means I can get around that this year by going for more lunch time runs. In fact, I have a pact with a friend in another city in which we run “together” at lunch time a couple of times a week. That just means we text each other before we leave and check in about how it went after we’re back. Running buddies can really help with getting out the door in less than ideal weather, even when they’re somewhere else.

This year I didn’t have to brace myself for winter running. That’s because the first real winter run that I did landed on a temperate day with a little bit of snow. I bailed once the week before, where at Tuesday lunchtime it seemed like a blizzard. My pact friend and I decided to go for a walk instead that day, and once we were each out the door we called and had a phone call, walking and chatting with each other instead of running (it’s good to have a back-up plan for when you just can’t even). Compared to that day, my Sunday snowy run felt absolutely lovely. And we’re in the early days of winter right now, so I haven’t hit the wall. That said, I probably won’t force myself out into the kind of weather that would make me hit a winter running wall if I ran in it regularly. And I’ve had winters where, because I was training for a particular event, I couldn’t afford to skip a long Sunday run just because there was a blizzard. This year, I can cozy up with a cup of tea and watch the weather rage if that’s what I’d rather do.

That must be why I look so happy in the pic I’ve used in this post. This year, I get to go out in the winter weather that makes me feel good, not like I’m battling my way forward with each precarious step. And if I don’t feel like it, I’ll do something else instead.

How do you feel about winter running?

OMG. Sam did it. Sam completed Zwift Academy 2020.
cycling · fitness · Zwift

OMG. Sam did it. Sam completed Zwift Academy 2020.

Sam B

This morning at 6 am, this was me. It took several alarms and a coffee but I made it to my bike on the trainer. My soundtrack was Happy morning songs.

Photo

In theory, it was an easy ride. In practice, not so much because it was less than twelve hours after finishing the last of the Zwift Academy workouts, #7.

The ride was full of people like me, racing to complete Zwift Academy 2020 before tonight’s deadline. I teach Wednesday evenings so that wasn’t possible for me.

What do you need to do to finish? “To graduate the Academy, complete the program’s 8 structured workouts and 4 additional Zwift Academy events, which can be any combination of Zwift Academy group rides, Zwift Academy segment group rides, or Zwift Academy races between October 1st and November 25th.” From the FAQ.

One person was doing this ride right after completing workouts 7 and 8. Ouch. Also, not possible for me. Eight was tough. See Anaerobic depletion is about as much fun as it sounds. But 7 was tougher. I think it was the hardest of the lot.

I have fond memories now of the earlier workouts and might go back and do Sprint! again even. All the workouts stay in my workout folder so I can repeat them again without a deadline this time.

I did it. It wasn’t easy but I’m glad I finished.

Next up, a new FTP test to see if I’ve improved any. I’ll report back.

Exercising in a winter wonderland
fitness

Exercising in a winter wonderland

Nicole P,5 Comments

I am not a natural winter-lover. I hated winter when I was a kid. Summer remains my true love. I partially attribute this to being born at the end of June. It was how I was acclimatized from an early age 🙂

I have been told stories of how I used to cry my head off when I had to put my snow pants on and go outside in the winter. As many Torontonians my age will say, winters were harsher back then. We had lots more snow. Or is it just that we were smaller and it seemed like more snow? I do remember a constant pile of snow lining Bathurst St., where I grew up, all winter long. It was MUCH taller than me all winter. Or at least it seemed it. We have had snowy winters in recent years, but there are many winters where we’ve had hardly any.

As a teenager, I remember being too cool for hats and other winter accessories and running to the store at lunch with friends, and freezing, because we weren’t dressed properly. Not winter’s fault!

I don’t ski or skate. I am not good at things where my brain has to relinquish control to my feet. Particularly, on uneven surfaces. For this reason, typical winter sports didn’t helped me enjoy winter.

When did I start appreciating winter more? When I started running. I started running many years ago, in September. It was late summer, early fall, and I had just returned from a trip to British Columbia, where my aunt running head of me, while I walked, inspired me to start a running program when I got home. My first “race” was a 10K run in Ajax, a small city east of Toronto, in December. It was aptly called a “Chilly 10” or something like that.

So, my running program forced me to learn how to dress for, and embrace running outside, as the weather became colder and snowier. By the time I finished that first 10K, I was hooked on running and wanted to start training for my first half marathon. And while I hadn’t, yet, developed my aversion to running on treadmills, I preferred running outside. I enjoyed going places. Having a start and finish. Finishing at one of my favourite places for coffee is a delight.

It didn’t take long for me to notice that when I was dressed appropriately, running in the winter was pretty lovely. One of my favourite traditions which started that year, was running on Christmas morning. It’s always so quiet. And often, there is lightly falling snow. It feels so magical. Look at what a little “winter-lover” I became.

Is it Christmas morning? Not yet. This was Sunday morning at the park and those are tracks in the snow from my running shoes.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t choose summer over winter. I prefer summer, followed by spring, early fall and then early winter. I do not enjoy late fall because I find the adjustment to the darker days, harder and sadder, and I know what’s coming. By late winter, the joy in the season is getting old and I am ready for spring. Plus, in early winter, I can relish the idea that the days are starting to get longer, even if it is doing so at a snail’s pace.

My acceptance of winter running has spilled over into other areas of winter activity. When I was still going to the office for work, I walked most days. Even in the winter. People always found this surprising. But as long as it wasn’t exceptionally messy on the sidewalks (which isn’t typical in Toronto these days) and not one of the -30C with the windchill days, I’d much prefer dress for, and walk outside, than pile on to the stuffed streetcar. That’s just me. Although if we ever go back to the office, after this pandemic is over, I doubt I will be alone in this sentiment.

It’s old news that the pandemic has made exercising inside more challenging. In addition to running outside, I have been enjoying my outdoor park workouts with Move fitness club. There is a much smaller group partaking in these workouts these days. It’s not desirable to many. Each to their own.

A picture of our small group, between EMOMs (every minute, on the minute), in the park, last Sunday.
This day was not snowy but it was cold. And, I ‘m doing “pallof presses” which is the kind of thing that is good for you, but that I would never do on my own.

According to this article from Harvard Health, there are advantages to exercising outside, in the winter, including:

  1. “In colder temperatures your heart doesn’t have to work as hard, you sweat less, and expend less energy, all of which means you can exercise more efficiently.”
  2. “Winter workouts help you get exposure to sunlight, which may help ward off seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression that some people experience during the winter months.”

The article also talks about things to be cautious about in the winter, including “While cold-weather exercise is safe for most people, if you have certain conditions, such as asthma or heart problems, check with your doctor to review any special precautions you need to take based on your condition or medications.”

Here are some tips for cold weather exercise from the article:

  1. Wear layers (I agree, this is crucial as it keeps you warm and gives you flexibility as you warm up to de-layer).
  2. Protect your head, hands and feet (where heat will escape most easily).
  3. Wear sunscreen on exposed skin (face). Yeah it’s cold but you still risk getting a sunburn, especially around snow.
  4. Stay hydrated.
  5. Choose a safe surface.

A tip I would add is to not expect it to be the same as working out in the summer. You may have to modify your workout. You won’t be sprinting up hills or doing step ups on slippery steps. But there are good alternatives (running on the spot and high knees) and change can be good for you brain, in addition to your body.

In my mind, there are pros and cons to exercising outside right now. They are (not an exhaustive list):

Pros

  • the ability to feel like you have “mettle”, “grit”, “tenaciousness” (good, old-fashioned, bragging rights – which is what Insta was made for, no?)
  • once you are warmed up, you realize “it’s not that bad”
  • it can be beautiful if there is snow, sun, other outdoor elements that you might not appreciate if you were not working out, outdoors
  • in the case of a group workout in the park (spaciously distanced, etc.), you get the camaraderie and incentive derived from others
  • you are working out! movement is good any time of year!
  • there are winter days that are definitely challenging. But slightly cold weather can be easier to work out in than 30 degree celsius summer days.
  • you get to wear cute winter hats and other gear

Cons

  • it’s not summer
  • you may get a little damp from doing things in wet snow
  • you are not snuggled inside with your book, coffee and dogs
  • you will become one of those people who post “post-workout” pics, when your endorphins are pumping, and you can’t help yourself
  • you may have to resignedly admit that some winter days are just as nice, if not nicer, than some summer days
  • you have to do more laundry, because there are more layers that need constant washing

I wholeheartedly assert that people should embrace winter movement, in any way, that they are able. What about you readers? Do you enjoy exercising outside in the the winter?

Nicole P. with her toque and women’s 416 run neck gaiter, on her way to her winter park workout.

fitness

Finding out I had COVID-19 (Guest Post)

Michelle Lynne Goodfellow
Image: Two weeks’ worth of days written on a sheet of paper on a clipboard. The dates are November 15th to 28th. The dates up to November 22nd have been crossed off, and November 28th is specially circled in bright yellow.

Past contributor Michelle Lynne Goodfellow was diagnosed with COVID-19 in November 2020. To pass the time during her quarantine, she wrote about her COVID experience.

In Ontario, where I live, there’s a website where you can check for your COVID results. And because I got my test done at a hospital, I could also use the hospital’s patient portal.

(They suggested they might post the results faster on the patient portal. Umm, no. Close, but the Ontario results page won that race.)

I tested at at 5pm on a Wednesday night. Starting Thursday around noon, I kept checking and rechecking every couple of hours.

Nothing Thursday. Nothing Friday morning.

Finally, around noon Friday, I tried again. Refreshed. Entered my health insurance information.

New screen. My heart stopped when I saw the red POSITIVE notice.

Lots of internal swears. Immediate call to my workplace, to let them know for sure. (I’d been self-isolating with symptoms since Wednesday morning.) Texted my sister, while simultaneously calling my 77-year-old mom. With whom I share a house. And who was sewing in the bedroom across the hall. (We’ve been communicating by phone or FaceTime (and Messenger) since Wednesday morning.) Chaos for about 10 minutes, while all the important people were brought up to speed.

I couldn’t believe it. Nobody could believe it. I’m the most vigilant, most diligent, most COVID-prevention-protocol-rules-following person I know. How and when did I mess up badly enough to get COVID? HOW DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN?

(After contact tracing, we still don’t know. I’ve had no known, close contact with someone who’s also tested positive.)

My first thought was for Mom’s safety: PleasepleasepleaseGod don’t let her get it.

Please.

I didn’t care for myself. Wasn’t really worried for myself (although I still wake up every morning doing a cautious body check: Has anything changed overnight? No? Sure? Good…)

I don’t enjoy not knowing things. I didn’t like not knowing whether I had cancer or not. I didn’t like not knowing if I had COVID or not. Not-knowing sucks.

But my default not-knowing strategy has, over the years, become, Don’t worry until you know there’s something to be worried about.

Well, now there’s something to worry about.

This rule-following woman became the self-isolation poster child. Since Wednesday morning – not Friday, when I found out my result.

I live in my bedroom. I don’t leave it except to go to pee etc. in our home’s only bathroom, or to go outside for a walk on our property. (Or to occasionally get something from the basement, where I have a sewing and art studio that Mom doesn’t go into.)

I have five more days of quarantine, as I write this. Mom has a few days more than that. I have never so badly wanted to wish away time as I do right now. I want those five days gone. I want everybody (Mom) okay. If she doesn’t have symptoms by the end of my quarantine, she needs to be tested herself. And her quarantine will be over shortly afterwards. PleaseGod.

I don’t talk much about my mental health. Haven’t so far, anyhow. But the hardest part of getting COVID is managing the anxiety and the negative thought-loops that are my coping mechanisms left over from early childhood trauma. I’m in trauma therapy right now – have been for several months – and I’m getting a lot better at coping with stressors and triggers. Still. It’s been a ride.

I try to go for a walk outside every day. I can walk around my yard while in quarantine, so I do – several times around the edge of the whole property: down the driveway to the drainage ditch, across the front lawn to the treeline, along the treeline to the edge of the field at the back (with its stubble of wheat stalks left behind after the fall harvest).

Along the edge of the wheat field to the other side of our property, up over the berm planted with spruce trees and down again, beside the bird feeder that Mom watches from her living room recliner, along the side of the garage, and down the driveway again.

Four loops takes about 20 minutes. I’ve been wearing my Vessi waterproof shoes to trudge through the light dusting of snow. (The waterproofness works, so far. I should try to get a sponsorship. “Wear your Vessi shoes to walk around in your snow-covered grass yard during your COVID quarantine.” (Yes? Probably not…))

On today’s walk, I listened to the scared parts of me. The little girl parts, who are afraid of big, scary things like losing my mother.

And the grown-up Michelle let them be scared, and that was progress. She made space for their panic and their keening.

And I go back into my room, and cross off the quarantine days on a self-made calendar. Five more sleeps. Five more sleeps…

Michelle Lynne Goodfellow is a writer, artist, and maker. You can see some of her creations on her Instagram feed.

Make-Ahead Breakfast Food Prep–The Pumpkin Spice Edition!
eating · habits · holidays

Make-Ahead Breakfast Food Prep–The Pumpkin Spice Edition!

Marjorie1 Comment

Last year I offered up some breakfast and lunch food prep ideas based on what I’d been eating at the time.  Appetites change, work from home has replaced “the office” for many of us, and I wondered if it might be time for another set of recipes.  Today, a few more ideas for make-ahead breakfasts.  I know we’re reaching the end of the “pumpkin spice” season, but I find these flavors wonderful and soothing as long as the weather is cold. 

Marjorie’s Homemade Granola–Master Recipe

I’ve been working on a good homemade granola recipe for probably a decade now.  I like to have some sprinkled over fruit and Greek yogurt.  I eat it for an afternoon snack fairly often as well.  I will first provide the master recipe, in which you can switch things up as much as you prefer.  Then, I will give my go-to version, for those of you who don’t want to make so many decisions.

one.  Preheat the oven to 300 oF.

two.  Stir together in a baking dish or large glass casserole:

2 cups old-fashioned oats, quick oats, buckwheat groats, other flaked grains, or a mixture of any of these

1 cup unsweetened flaked coconut (you can use sweetened, if you can’t find it unsweetened, but obviously, the final result will be sweeter)

1.5 cups coarsely chopped nuts, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, or a mixture of these

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp powdered ginger

three.  Heat briefly in a microwave and stir together:

2 tbs nut butter or coconut oil

2 tbs honey or maple syrup

four.  Add 1 mashed very ripe banana to the honey mixture

And maybe ½ tsp almond extract or 1 tsp vanilla extract 

five.  Pour the wet ingredients over the dry and stir until everything is evenly moistened.

six.  Bake until completely dried, stirring every half hour or so.  If it starts to toast too quickly, lower the temperature to 250oF.  Takes about 1 ½ hours.  

seven.  Allow to cool completely before packing into containers with tight-sealing lids.  Stays good, at room temperature, for several weeks.

My Go-to: Coconut Buckwheat Granola

Ingredients:

1 cup buckwheat groats (also called kasha)

1 cup quick oats (these seem to make the best, crunchy oat clusters in my experience)

1 cup unsweetened, flaked coconut

2 tbs all-natural crunchy peanut butter

2 tbs honey (really delicious with a strong-tasting honey like blackberry honey)

1 cup slivered almonds

½ cup chopped walnuts

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp powdered ginger

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 very ripe banana, mashed

Harvest Egg Bake

This custard is like a less-sweet pumpkin pie for breakfast.   In parts of the world where you are sadly without copious quantities of canned, winter squash puree, you could substitute mashed, roasted sweet potatoes.  One final note, if you want to substitute another milk, keep in mind that fats serve an important purpose in custards, keeping the proteins happy as they reach temperature.  A less fatty “milk” like almond milk or skim may split and create a less favorable texture.

one. Preheat the oven to 350oF.

two. Butter a large, 9×13 baking dish.

three. Whisk together:

12 whole eggs, or 6 whole eggs plus 2 cups egg whites

1.5 cups whole or 2% milk or soy milk 

15 oz can (about 1 3/4 cups) pumpkin puree

½-1 tsp cinnamon (honestly, I don’t actually measure this, I use a lot)

A few shakes of ground nutmeg

¼ cup brown sugar (or more, to taste)

1 tsp vanilla extract

Zest of 1 orange (optional but delicious)

four. Pour the custard into the prepared baking dish.  Then sprinkle evenly with:

2-3 finely chopped, good baking apples

⅓ cup raisins, dried cranberries, cherries, or a combination thereof

Maybe a few tangerines or a naval orange, finely chopped

five. Bake until just set in the middle, about 1 hour.

six. Allow to sit 10 minutes before serving.  Makes 6 servings.

Variation:  Harvest Oatmeal Bake

Follow the recipe, adding 1/2 cup additional milk or water to the custard and evenly spreading 2 cups of old-fashioned oats with the apples and fruit, gently pushing the oats down into the custard with a spoon.

Serve warm with a scoop of plain Greek yogurt, maybe a little maple syrup, and a tablespoon or two of chopped walnuts, for a satisfying, balanced breakfast.

Bonus “recipe:” Spiced Coffee

I make my coffee in a pour-over, but I would think this would work in a French press, too, you will just get a little more spice powder circulating in the cup.  But hey, the sludge is part of the charm of French press coffee, right?

Add to the filter with your coffee grounds:

A generous shake or two each of cinnamon and ground turmeric

A little nutmeg

Maybe a dash of cardamom

Sweeten and cream your coffee, if you like, as you like

Marjorie Hundtoft is a middle school science and health teacher. She can be found buying cinnamon in bulk, picking up heavy things and putting them back down again in Portland, Oregon. You can now read her at Progressive-Strength.com .

Photo description: Pumpkins in a pumpkin patch. Photo courtesy of unsplash, photographer Christopher Rusev.
fitness

My COVID-19 test (Guest Post)

Michelle Lynne Goodfellow2 Comments
Image: A sketchbook; on the left page is the back of a greeting card, with an image of the sun shining. On the right side is a line drawing of a similar shape, altered to resemble the coronavirus

Past contributor Michelle Lynne Goodfellow was diagnosed with COVID-19 in November 2020. To pass the time during her quarantine, she wrote about her COVID experience.

There’s a game I play with myself when I’m driving at night. I hate darkness – hate how it closes in, and makes the world disappear while I’m driving down the road at 80 kilometres an hour. 

So when I’m driving in the dark, I pretend it’s Golden Hour. I pretend the sun is low in the sky behind me, giving the landscape a soft glow. Imagining this golden light makes me strangely happy.

The night I drove myself to my COVID test, the sun was literally setting. I didn’t have to imagine the golden light – it was already there. I tilted my visor to block the yellow sun-ball, and let my eyes soak up the beautiful light all around me.

This is an auspicious sign, I thought. I’m driving to a COVID test, but it’s so lovely. 

I drank it in. The peaceful drive, the light. I tried to forget the real reason for being in that car at all.

The test centre was in an urgent care hospital where I’d been before. I thought I knew where I was going, but had a moment of doubt when I turned onto the street. I hadn’t used the GPS before my trip – did I remember right? Was this it?

I was supposed to show up for the test exactly on time. Not early, not late. There was nowhere to wait, inside. So I was anxious that I had chosen the correct cross-street. I didn’t have any extra time to stop and turn myself around.

The street was right. I saw the hospital up ahead. I passed by the parking lot, because I knew there was more parking at the back. Except when I got there, that lot was full. Running out of time, running out of time, I went back to the first parking lot. Stashed my parking ticket in my bag. Where was the parking kiosk? I would have to find it before I left.

I race-walked to the back of the building, and entered. Someone covered in PPE gave me some hand sanitizer and a surgical mask. I had to take off my homemade cloth mask to put it on, and I felt a kind of shameful shyness about exposing my naked face in a hospital, during a pandemic. Like a girl trying to change out of her bathing suit on a beach under a towel, I tried to whisk the new mask under the old one, so that no-one would see my nose and mouth. It was less than graceful.

And then it didn’t matter that I was on time – there was a line-up at the intake counter. When my turn came, the receptionist indicated a piece of paper that I should put my health insurance card on. I placed the card face up, turned towards her, so that she could read it without touching it.

When she was done typing all her computer magic, she told me to pick up the paper along  with my card – it was instructions for getting my results. Okay. That made sense. I liked the economy of that little piece of paper, all of a sudden.

The waiting room chairs were roped off with crime scene tape. (Not really crime scene tape, but definitely yellow. Caution tape?) I stood, six feet away from anyone else, waiting for my name to be called. 

It was fast. A short bottleneck in front of a man in more PPE, who asked me why I was there. My mind went blank. Why was I there? Why did they *think* I was there? I stuttered my symptoms.

When I said shortness of breath, he asked, “Congestion?” I started to tell a story that I realized, one sentence in, was going to be too long. Quick course-correction; I said it was hard to talk. I think he mentioned something about going to the hospital if my breathing got worse. And then I was whisked away to a consulting room.

The (technician? nurse?) looked scared, and asked me to lower my mask below my nose. Again, more shyness. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I said inside my head, apologizing to this young woman covered in PPE, who was about to be exposed to my bare nose.

She put a long, thin plastic thing in my right nostril, and twisted it lightly. Said it might make me sneeze, or make my eyes water.

It was no big deal. You hear so many things – Oh, the COVID test is awful, they shove a swab so far up your nose it hurts…  It wasn’t like that. A tiny, noticeable rotation, deep inside my nose, and then it was over. 

My eyes were shut, and I was very still. She asked if I was okay, and I realized I had been holding my breath, waiting for it to be bad, but it never got bad. I opened my eyes.

Follow the exit signs to leave. One more minute, and I was outside in the dark.

The parking payment kiosk was also dark. I shrugged nervously, and figured I could pay by credit card at the exit gate. When the time came, the gate when up without needing a payment. Sweet. That was nice of them, to give us free parking.

The drive home was not golden. I hate the darkness – hate how it closes in and makes the world disappear while I’m driving down the road at 80 kilometres an hour. I imagined Golden Hour light, and tried to forget where I’d been.

Michelle Lynne Goodfellow is a writer, artist, and maker. You can see some of her creations on her Instagram feed.

Some stories of active people and COVID-19 recovery
aging · athletes · covid19 · fitness · illness

Some stories of active people and COVID-19 recovery

Sam B2 Comments

CW: There’s some discussion of weight and weight loss in these stories.

Here on the blog we’ve written lots about exercising from home because gyms are closed and about other indirect effects of the pandemic on how we workout. I’ve also written about exercise and how it might affect one’s immune response.

But I’ve been wanting to write about exercise and people who’ve recovered from COVID-19. I was reminded of it again when this passed through my newsfeed: Exercise After Covid-19? Take It Slow.

Jordan D. Metzl writes, “For the past 20 years, when patients asked me about exercising while recovering from a viral illness like the flu, I gave them the same advice: Listen to your body. If exercise usually makes you feel better, go for it.

Covid-19 has changed my advice.

Early in the pandemic, as the initial wave of patients with Covid-19 began to recover and clinically improve, my colleagues and I noticed that some of our patients were struggling to return to their previous activity levels. Some cited extreme fatigue and breathing difficulties, while others felt as if they just couldn’t get back to their normal fitness output. We also began to hear of a higher than normal incidence of cardiac arrhythmias from myocarditis, inflammation of the heart muscle that can weaken the heart and, in rare cases, cause sudden cardiac arrest. Other complications like blood clots were also cropping up.

What was most surprising is that we saw these problems in previously healthy and fit patients who had experienced only mild illness and never required hospitalization for Covid-19.

In my sports medicine practice, a cyclist in her 40s with recent Covid-19 symptoms had leg pain that was abnormal enough to warrant an ultrasound, which showed near complete cessation of blood flow because of arterial and venous blood clots in both legs. Thankfully, our team caught these early enough that they didn’t spread to her lungs, which ultimately could have killed her. Recently, a college student in Indiana with Covid-19 died from a blood clot that traveled to her lungs. As the pandemic has evolved, we’ve learned of a much higher risk of blood clots from people who contract the virus.”

That’s just an except. It’s worth reading the whole thing.

Through my social media networks–mostly academics, but also fitness types–around the world– I know more than 20 people who’ve had COVID-19. The group has had the full gamut of experiences, from spending time on a ventilator in hospital intensive care units to weird, mild flu like symptoms.

What’s been most striking, to me, is the way it’s hit my very fit friends in their 40s-60s. Some of the people were sick at the start of the pandemic and they’re still not well enough to return to the sports they love at least at their former intensity. Others bounced back quickly and are full steam ahead in their fitness pursuits.

At the same time I keep hearing other friends, most notably ones who haven’t had COVID-19, say they’ll take their chances with the virus since they are fit and active and likely won’t get a bad case of it. I try not to scream “it’s not about you.” It really isn’t. It’s about spreading the disease and hurting someone who is more vulnerable. But it’s also not clear that even a mild case of COVID-19 should be taken lightly.

I worry about the long term health effects of this particular virus. I mean, don’t get me wrong I find death terrifying too and I find dying alone especially terrifying, but assuming COVID doesn’t kill me it’s the long term effects that scare me. In particular, given that it’s a huge source of pleasure and purpose in my life, I’d hate to not be able to be active as I age.

Of course lots of people have mild versions of the illness and the range of experiences is itself striking. Over the next few days we’ll be sharing some stories of active people who’ve had COVID-19

Here’s the first two:

Patricia is 62, lives in London, Ontario and she rows, skis, golfs, plays tennis, trail runs and cycles. We know each other through masters rowing.

“I was surprised that I got it. I took all precautions. I had a mild case according to the Health Unit. I thought my allergies were playing up. My eyes were sensitive to light and I had a tightening in my chest. I had night sweats (I thought menopause was rearing its ugly head yet again). Apparently I had a low grade fever. I developed a cough that lasted about a month and lost my sense of taste and smell. I found I was winded easily and that lasted for months. My sense of taste and smell have never fully come back yet. I was in direct contact with an individual who had Covid on March 18th. My cousin passed away from it at the end of March.”

Heather lives in Kansas City, USA and she’s a 46 year old Triathlete/Road Runner/Mountain Climber/Zwift Racer/Cyclist. She’s on Sarah’s Zwift bike team.

“My health story really began when I was a young woman (22).  I was taking birth control pills and ended up throwing a blood clot to my brain, it was misdiagnosed as a migraine and ended up hemorrhaging causing a major stroke.  Being at risk for blood clots is something that is always in the back of my head… too much weight -can  cause blood clots.  Smoking – can cause blood clots, drinking too much – can cause blood clots. Having babies, having too low a heart rate, being too inactive… pretty much all can lead to blood clots.  So when COVID-19 came out to show that every autopsy of those who died with the disease had blood clots throughout their system, I felt I could really not do well if I get it.

In May (3 months into the pandemic) I decided that sitting on the couch and stress eating my way through the lock downs was not going to set me up for successfully fighting COVID.  I started really focusing on dropping the extra 20lbs I had acquired and strengthen my body to give it a fighting chance.  I used My Fitness Pal to track my calories and used the input vs output method of dieting.  I started signing up for challenges that pushed me – 30 day cycling challenge to complete 500 miles.  Climb Mt. Everest Challenge to climb/run/hike or bike 29,029 ft. In 50 days… These challenges along with the calorie watching allowed me to take off the 20lbs and get strong.  My doctor put me on a prophylactic low dose blood thinner in anticipation of getting COVID and I just continued to be as healthy, fit and strong as I could be.


I ended up contracting COVID 19 in the first week of October.  Coming in, my fitness level was strong.  My doctor advised that I not push my heart rate past zone 2 for the 10 day isolation period.  That was a long and hard 10 days of being sedentary.  I rode one Zwift race and I kept my heart rate down under zone 2 and it took me twice as long to finish as the rest of my team (but I got them a point!). 

My case was a mild case.  I had a total of 3 hours of low grade fever, nasal congestion and the typical loss of taste and smell.  After 10 days I felt like I was good to go.  My doctor gave me the green light to get my heart rate up again and when I did I found the result was as if I didn’t have any fitness built up.  My max heart rate was nearly 20 points higher than it had been 2 weeks prior.  I struggled holding speed and stamina and began to think maybe COVID did affect me.


It has been 5 weeks since I was released to work my body as hard as I want and it has been a slow come back.  I race twice a week and ride two more times a week.  I walk and run hills and with every effort I am watching what my heart is doing.  It is slowly coming down and I am able to hang on longer, recover by dropping the heart rate faster and push the way I want to push.


I consider myself lucky to have had a good outcome having had COVID and would caution any athlete to not fight through this one by pushing your body.”

Heather on her bike

This afternoon Michelle Goodfellow shares her story about testing positive for COVID-19.

cycling · fitness · training · Zwift

Anaerobic depletion is about as much fun as it sounds, Zwift Academy Workout #8

Sam B3 Comments

As you know, I’m racing to finish Zwift Academy before the November 25th cutoff. It’s still touch and go whether I’ll make it. I’m trying to fit it all in.

Thursday night was a tough team time trial effort with TFC Phantom with missing team members and technical difficulties. Friday night was the usual TFC race with the usual suspects. We race as a team Thursday night and then Friday we race against one another, with a nice mix of cooperation and competition.

TFC Phantom Thursday night line up, Sam and the guys!

Saturday, my 💓 heart was all about sleeping in but that wasn’t to be. I only had five days left to finish Zwift Academy. Workout #8 was scheduled for 9 am.

I did manage to sleep until 8, make instant coffee and toast, and hop into bike clothes and onto the bike.

My playlist was the Awesome Mix, Songs to Sing in the Shower and then some jazz/soul by Joni NehRita.

Joni NehRita

NehRita gave a talk on Friday as part of the Improv Institute’s Thinking Spaces series. Her presentation was called “Love + Protest.”

Here’s a brief bio from her website: “Jamaican-Canadian artist Joni NehRita writes songs about unity, hope and social justice. Her jazz-tinged brand of soul is infused with rhythms & sounds from her Afro-Caribbean background. A multi-instrumentalist, songwriter and producer, she has a gift for writing infectious, well-crafted songs that are deeply personal.

This year NehRita releases her 4th full length album, “Love & Protest” which is a marked step further toward global roots/world music. She has played festivals & concerts (both as a solo artist & backing other artists) in North America, Australia, England, France, Germany & Oman. She has also sung with the KW Symphony & Hamilton Philharmonic.”

Love it when my work introduces me to new music and a new artist.

Digression over now back to Zwift Academy!

From Zwift here’s the description of workout 8: “This Zwift Academy workout helps build your attacking power level for a solid punch. Short efforts all under 1min will make you feel the burn.”

https://youtu.be/RMrtajoddgI

I loved seeing all the different country flags over the riders heads. And as usual I enjoyed the banter and chit chat during the warm up, cool down, and the chunks of recovery riding.

The first half was all out sprint efforts and then having exhausted our anaerobic abilities, we recovered and turned our attention to three one minute efforts will above FTP. Not fun. But I did it. We survived. Yay!

Just one more workout and two more group rides or races to go. Wish me luck!

Learning and the brain logo Zooming for Mindfulness: report from a weekend webinar
fitness · mindfulness

Zooming for Mindfulness: report from a weekend webinar

catherine w1 Comment

You would think that a reasonable person would opt for just about anything other than 3-hour webinar on a SATURDAY, after a long week of Zooming here and yon.

Nevertheless, I opted.

My university paid (it’s so hard to turn down free things) for me to attend a Mindful Resilience and Wellness for Educators webinar. It was mainly for K-12 teachers, but the lessons applied to college students as well.

I know, I know– you are all probably a) already well-versed in, or b) heartily sick of tips for self care, wellness, resilience, bread baking, etc. during the pandemic. Me, too. BUT: this webinar taught or reminded me some things that I found valuable. Here they are.

The 20-20-20 Rule, which I had totally forgotten. Here’s what the Canadian Association of Optometrists says:

Many of us spend a good deal of our time staring at screens from laptops, computers, smartphones, gaming systems and television. This can put a lot of strain on our eyes and cause eye fatigue. When using your screens give your eyes a break.

Use the 20-20-20 rule. Every 20 minutes, take a 20-second break and focus your eyes on something at least 20 feet away.

Woman in front of computer, hands on face, bathed in blue light (not in the spa way, but the computer-for-tool-long way).
Woman in front of computer, hands on face, bathed in blue light (not in the spa way, but the computer-for-too-long way).

Then, there’s screen apnea. Really? I hadn’t heard of this, although it’s a notion that’s been around a while. My favorite mindfulness folks at Ten Percent Happier explain it here:

Over a decade ago, researcher Linda Stone noticed that a majority of people (possibly eighty percent) unconsciously hold their breath, or breathe shallowly, when texting or emailing. She called it “screen apnea.”

In the short term, screen apnea can affect our well-being and our ability to work efficiently. Shallow breathing can also trigger a nervous system “fight, flight or freeze” response if we stay in this state of breathing for extended periods of time. It can not only impact sleep, energy, memory and learning but also exacerbate depression, panic, and anxiety.

And over the long-term, not breathing properly contributes to stress-related diseases and disturbs the body’s balance of oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitric oxide, which keep the immune system strong, fight infection, and mediate inflammation.

Fortunately, combating screen apnea can be very simple, especially if you already have a meditation practice.  Simply bringing attention to your breath and body can make a huge difference. 

During the webinar, we did several mindfulness meditation exercises, designed to address screen apnea and the tensions that cause it. One was focused on the breath. Another centered on noticing any tension in the chest, legs, arms and mouth; we tightened these areas, then relaxed. We also did an abbreviated version of the loving kindness meditation, focused on ourselves.

Finally, there’s the encouraging notion of post-traumatic growth. The webinar leader, therapist and educational consultant Christopher Willard, talked a bit about how traumatic events (like the current pandemic) can result in post-traumatic stress, but also leave open the possibility of making meaning and learning from our experiences.

Here’s a great overview article in Scientific American about post-traumatic growth, if you’re interested. However, I learned a lot just talking in breakout sessions with others about how the pandemic had shaped our teaching experiences. Everyone said they now felt a stronger connection to their students (and vice versa), and spent more time just being with them, talking and listening. I feel exactly the same way. I’ve gotten to know and appreciate all my students more since the pandemic hit. When it’s over, I really want to take with me the value and practice of slowing down and taking time to just be with my students. I’ve learned a lot from them about the importance of resilience– how they count on me to hold space for them– and how they themselves manage their own lives in the face of uncertainty and danger. It makes me admire them more, and want to be better at my job.

All in all, the webinar was well worth my time.

Readers, did you already know about these notions? How are you developing resilience during this time? I’d love to hear from you.