Hey Team,

Here we are on day 4 of advice I have borrowed from my writing and coaching practices and today we looking at ways of are dealing with our inner critics.

Most, if not all, of us have some sort of inner critic and whether you receive its critical information as an inner voice or, like me, if you just have it float to the surface like a remembered ‘fact’, the critic always seems to get more active when we are trying to make a change, to add something new, or to try something that’s a bit personally risky.*

When people (including me) are trying to get into the habit of writing or just trying to write something new, the inner critic has a field day. There are so very many ways for an inner critic to be discouraging, saying things like ‘that’s already been done’ ‘you sound ridiculous’ ‘you’ll never be able to finish this’ ‘no one wants to read this’…you get the picture.

And even though we know that the inner critic is mostly just our brain trying to protect us from harm/risk/embarrassment** and that the things it says are generally untrue, its persistent presence is a real obstacle to sticking with our project.

I mean, it is already hard to start something new and having criticism piled on top of that really adds to the challenge.

All of this is just as true for new fitness or wellness habits as it is for writing.

When we are trying to add something new, to expand or enhance our lives in some way, our inner critics will bubble to the surface.

This is an oversimplification, of course, but basically our brains are trying to conserve our energy, to keep things the same, to avoid the work of laying down new neural pathways, and the inner critic is one way to achieve all of that.

However, the inner critic is short-sighted. It has no idea how good things can be if we make these changes, if we put in this effort, if we do the exercises, if we sit in meditation, if we write the article. The inner critic is in cahoots with our brain to keep things the same, it doesn’t know about the value of change and expansion.

So, we actually know more than the inner critic and we do not have to assume that it is right.

But recognizing that fact doesn’t make the inner critic go away, it will still keep chattering at us one way or another and we need some strategies to manage its noise.

Now, when I’m advising myself or other writers about dealing with the inner critic, I have three suggestions

1) Give the inner critic a schedule

When I’m writing, that might mean literally scheduling a time when I will consider the critic’s concerns – i.e. At 2pm on Tuesday, I will consider the idea that this is a waste of time.

Yes, that feels a little foolish but putting that structure in place keeps the critic from taking over and it helps me keep its complaints in perspective.

We could do the same thing for the inner critic’s complaints about our new habits. Having some sort of ‘office hours’ to consider/journal/contemplate the critical commentary will help us contain the chatter and help us sift through it for any useful information.

2) Record the concern and thank the critic

If the critic gets particularly chatty when I’m writing I’ll put a piece of paper and pen next to my keyboard and when a inner critic concern arises, I’ll write it down and thank the critic for its concern, indicating that I have it recorded.

I may have to do this several times but something about the process reduces the number of recurrences. I guess my brain and the critic believes that I am taking the problem seriously and lets me compartmentalize?

I always review the list later, just in case something important arose, but there is rarely anything that I need to address.

This approach can work just as well for times when your critic is concerned about your well-being habits as it does for my critic’s writing concerns.

Sure, you may not want to stop and write things down during your yoga practice but you can choose another way to satisfy your critic that the concern has been noted.

3) Acknowledge the critic and persist anyway.

While we respect what the critic is trying to do, we can’t forget that we actually know more than it does.

So, it’s also ok to kind of override that critical voice by saying something like, ‘I hear that you are concerned that I don’t know what I am doing AND I am going to keep working on this.’

I know this is similar to making note of the criticism and it is similar to trying to ignore the critic but it has a bit of a different, defiant feel that I really like.

This approach is telling the critic, ‘I know about that issue so you can stop talking about it. I am going ahead with my plan no matter what.’

The critic may still disagree but the defiance seems to slow it down a bit.

And this can work whether you are trying to get words on a page or do another lap in the pool.

Team, there are all kinds of joys and all kinds of challenges in the process of making changes that will enhance or expand our lives.

When we develop and practice techniques to deal with common challenges, we can reduce the amount of energy required to deal with them and we can pour that energy into our new activities instead.

Whether you are dealing with an inner critic, dealing with another challenge, or simply having the most straightforward day of your practice so far, I wish you ease and a sense of triumph.

And I offer you this gold star for your efforts today, no matter what those efforts might be.

Go Team Us!

*Not necessarily actually dangerous, just a bit outside what they are accustomed to doing.

**Sometimes the inner critic has borrowed someone else’s annoying discouragement to pester us with but that still doesn’t mean what it says is true.

Hey Team!

On Monday, I talked about letting your routine carry you into your practice, yesterday I talked about how you can complete your practice even if you aren’t feeling enthusiastic about it, and, today, I am borrowing another technique from my writing practice and encouraging you to be willing to be awful at things.

When I am coaching creative people (myself included), one of the most common challenges they face with writing or making something is that they are trying to make it good when it might be better to let themselves be awful.

I know, that sounds weird, but it’s true – the key to creating something good is the willingness to be awful.

Often, when my clients are writing or drawing or working on a piece of music, they are trying to get it right the first time so they either have trouble starting because they are editing before they even get anything out there or they are correcting themselves so often that they aren’t actually getting anything done.

Instead, I recommend letting ourselves be awful at the thing we’re trying to do. And I don’t just mean the willingness to be awful while you are learning and so you’ll be better as you gain experience – I mean that any time you do your practice, I’d like you to be willing to let yourself be awful at first and trust that you’ll make it better as you go.

When writing, that means getting any old words down on the page – we can fix them later.

When drawing, that means getting some rough lines down so the idea can take shape over time.

When meditating, it could mean letting yourself wiggle a bit or recognizing that refocusing when your mind wanders is part of the practice. 

When exercising it might mean making a mess of the plan, or executing the movements imperfectly, or enduring the feeling that you will never do this right. 

When I’m learning a new pattern for Taekwon-do, letting myself be awful is part of the process, otherwise I get stuck a few steps into the pattern and I can’t move beyond that. 

And, yes, I know that it is important to use correct form (for safety) and that  it is important not to spend too much time practicing something incorrectly (otherwise you will have to unlearn it) but there is a lot of space in imperfect practice before you will be doing yourself any harm.  You can learn the safety basics and learn how to correct your practice overtime and still give yourself a lot of room to be awful. 

You can, in fact, give yourself permission to get all kinds of things wrong, to feel all kinds of foolish, to take as much time (in a single practice or over time) to get things to feel right.

The only thing I hope you *won’t* do is let concerns about being temporarily awful* stop you from proceeding. 

So, Team, today I am inviting you to try and let go of your concerns about being awful (and/or your concerns about feeling like you are awful) at the practice you are building. It’s ok to not to get things right the first time (or the first umpteen times) and it’s ok to have to work up to being even somewhat decent at the thing you are trying to do. 

And here, as always, is your gold star for your efforts – the efforts you are applying to your new practice, the efforts you are putting into letting yourself be awful, the efforts you are putting into being kind to yourself.  No matter how big or how small your efforts are today, they all count and they are all moving you in the direction you want to go. 

Go Team Us!

Be kind to yourself out there!

*By the way, you can also feel free to continue being awful at things if you enjoy them but aren’t necessarily going to get much better at them. I am not a great singer nor am I a great dancer but I have so much fun with both of those things that I just go ahead when I get the chance. No one will be buying tickets to see or hear me but that’s completely irrelevant to my fun.