Back in February, I started keeping a fitness journal. It started out as a handwritten thing but after a month or so, I started using voice dictation to keep my journal on my phone.
Every single Monday since then, I have opened my Google doc journal and chatted a bit about how things are going with my fitness plans.
This isn’t the kind of tracker I have tried to keep before – a record of the specifics of individual exercise sessions – it’s a reflection of how I feel about my exercise lately. I make notes about the kinds of exercises I have done, whether I am feeling better or worse for having done them. I pay attention to which exercises feel good and which ones are getting on my nerves – and whether the annoyance is worth it.
I do a screen cap of the weekly report from my Fitness app and write about whether my perception of my efforts matches the report.
I talk about whether exercise has felt difficult or easy or anything in between in the past week.
I note any specific highlights, struggles, challenges, or high points, what contributed to those feelings and whether the feelings lasted.
My fitness journal has become exactly what I hoped it would – a place to celebrate, a place to whine, a place to notice the changes, the differences, and the benefits that come from my efforts to move my body in beneficial ways.
This has nothing to do with fitness journaling, I just like daisies. Image description: A photo of two white daisies amidst some grass
It’s a container for all of my ideas and thoughts around exercise and fitness. It lets me see how I have changed my mind, changed my approach, changed my plans over time. It shows me what works and what doesn’t work.
It has let me see what aspects of fitness and exercise matter to me and which ones don’t.
It has shown me what a little extra effort and a little more conscious relaxation does for my well-being.
Having notes from my previous self makes it a lot easier to do the things that matter to me.
And since my journaling only takes 5 mins or so every Monday, it is definitely worth it.
I’m giving myself a gold star for sticking with my fitness journaling practice. ⭐️
Do you keep a reflective fitness journal? What is your practice like? Do you find it helpful?
As we roll toward the end of August, we’re into/getting into one of the pressure points in the year.
You know what I mean, that feeling that you *should* (shudder. Yes, I still hate that word!) jump back into a regular schedule or that you *should* (shudder, again) be gearing up for fall, that it’s time to put the ‘laziness’ of summer behind you.
NOTE: In addition to my hatred for the word ‘should’, I am also not a fan of the word ‘lazy.’ Sure, sometimes we’re using it in a positive, indulgent, way, celebrating our lack of activity, but mostly it seems to be used as a way of chastising someone for resting or for not being actively busy at this exact moment. AND it’s used as a weapon against people with ADHD which makes me dislike it even more.
And, as always, I vote no on all of that.
Yes, most of us are back to (or getting back to) regular schedules and if that inspires you to go a bit harder with your exercise or with your work, that’s totally cool. Forge ahead.
But if you are like me and all of this messaging leaves you feeling tense and overwhelmed before you even get started then let me offer a counter-message:
It’s OK to do the bare minimum.
You don’t have to ‘go big’ with every single part of your life all the time.
And this is especially true if it feels like everything is gearing up all at once.
Sure, you may not have control over the pacing of some parts of your life right now – particularly if you follow an academic schedule – but you can give yourself a break on the parts that you do control.
You can ditch things that aren’t urgent.
You can scale back in some areas.
You can do the bare minimum in others.
And these things are just as true in your exercise/self-care/wellness plans as they are in every other part of your life.
Maybe you don’t need to jump back into your fall routine/plans just yet. You can reevaluate your plans and choose a graduated schedule for adding things back to your day-to-day.
You can choose a scaled-down version of whatever your past self planned for right now. If your original idea feels overwhelming, then doing something once or twice a week and building up to your plans for three to four times a week is probably more sustainable anyway.
And, of course, you can always choose a bare minimum version of your plans. Even a bare minimum gives you a placeholder, a sense of accomplishment, a stepping-stone for the path ahead. Lots of people need to make space in their life for their habit before they start building the habit itself.
If you are starting out or just getting back into things, the bare minimum might be a 1 minute walk in the living room or a one line journal or a meditation practice of 10 focused breaths.
If you have well-established fitness practices that you usually jump into but you can’t find the energy for at this pressure point right now, your bare minimum may look different than a beginner’s does. It’s up to you what constitutes the bare minimum but choose the smallest or shortest routine that you feel ‘counts’ as your practice.
Whether you are excited and enthused about jumping back in or whether you are feeling tense and overwhelmed by everything gearing back up again, I wish you ease and I hope that you can be kind to yourself about the process.
And, as always, I offer you a gold star (I think it will show up above!) for your efforts to find the way that works best for you with as little stress as possible.
If, like me, you are getting worn out by all the ‘Go, go, go!’ fitness and wellness messages that are all over social media right now*, I want to remind you that it is ok to do your own thing.
If you are keen on ramping up your exercise level right now, have at it!
If you are trying to slow things down, that’s good too!
If you are trying something new, that’s great!
If you are sticking with the tried and true, that’s marvellous!
No one else has your body, your brain, your schedule, your experiences, your emotions, your idea.
You can choose what works for you right now.
If you don’t know what might work, you can get some advice, try something different, or get some help but you only have to keep the parts that work for you.
Yes, you may hear a bit of nonsense from people who think they know best but feel free to let that noise fade into the background.
You can do your own thing, move your own way, find your own path, and be content.
As long as you are responding to the needs of your body, your brain, and your heart (literally and metaphorically) then you are doing the right thing.
And if you keep your efforts and your expectations aligned**, you’ll probably feel quite good while you do it.
It takes a bit of work to do your own thing, whatever that might be, so you know that you get a gold star for those efforts.
Here’s a very friendly gold star for you.
Have fun out there!
Image description: a drawing of a gold star with a happy expression surrounded by small blue dots and teeny black dots.
*Yes, I know they are always there but sometimes there seems to be even more of them than usual and right now is one of them.
** What do I mean by this? Well, I’m advising you to ensure that your expectations reflect the effort that feels right to you right now. So if this is a season for slow walks and meditation, please don’t demand that your body be ready for extreme sports by September. After a season of slow walks and meditation, you’ll probably feel more relaxed and introspective so perhaps your expectations could be that it will be easier to sit in meditation or that your slow walks will be longer or that your legs enjoy the feeling of walking or that you will be more mindful of the changes in nature. Not that you have to aim for ‘more’ of anything, I’m trying to convey a sense of noticeable change rather than trying to make you go bigger.
Note: I am reserving judgment on April though. Who knows what might come after March? Could be anything, really. It’s the very distant future, extremely Not Now.
Before we dive into super-real, and definitely happening right now, March, let’s roll back to the very distant and hazy past and see how the ancient month of February went. (ADHD time is a bizarre and fluid thing, no?)
My plan for the month was to extend my walks a little, to follow my meditation program, and to do at least one hip mobility exercise before bed.
Walking
I didn’t extend every walk but I extended as many as I could. We had some especially erratic weather in February – lots of snow storms, some warm(ish) temperatures and some ridiculously cold temperatures. The pathways and sidewalks and streets have varied from clear and easily-traveled to hellish landscapes of lumpy ice and deep patches of softer snow. Between temperatures that were too cold for the dog’s safety and terrain that was too uneven for my safety, it was tricky to be consistent with longer walks. But, that being said, when things were safe for me and for Khalee, we added a little extra time to our adventures.
Khalee on one of the better days for walking in February. Image description: Khalee, a light haired dog in a red sweater with white hearts on it, is wearing a harness and leash and standing on a snowy path. The image is a sort of top down view and Khalee is standing sideways and looking back past me as I take the photo.
Meditation
I managed to meditate fairly regularly but I didn’t follow the program of daily meditation I had planned. BUT because my plan was short-term, it felt easier to keep course-correcting towards meditating daily and, as a result, I meditated more often than I have in the past. Also, I became more aware of when stress was making me breathe shallowly and took conscious, slow, ribcage-expanding breaths to help myself feel better. Those breaths aren’t meditation per se but it is a mindful style of breathing so I’m counting them as part of my meditation practice overall.
Hip Mobility
The hip mobility exercises are where I really shone in February. I didn’t use a tracker but since I stacked the exercises into my bedtime routine I was able to do them at least 20/28 evenings. I found a big difference in my hips and lower back as a result.
Imagine me kind of doing this but I am brushing my teeth and reading an ebook at the same time. ADHD who? Image description: a GIF of cartoon character Daffy Duck standing in a spotlight doing hip circles. His eyes are mostly closed and it looks like he may be whistling. He’s probably trying to look sexy but he mostly looks odd.
So, as I think back on the ancient history of February 2023 I am comfortable with declaring it a success. And I think I owe that success to two things: 1) only planning one month at a time 2) reflective journaling.
A Short Reflection on Reflective Fitness Journaling in February
I wrote in it for the first two Sundays but then I had two busy Sundays in a row. Logically, I should have moved my journaling plan to a different day but I didn’t.
BUT
Because the first two weeks were so helpful, I was in reflective mode even though I didn’t always write things in my journal. So, I was still getting some of the benefits even with a less structured version of the practice.
And being in reflective mode really helped me to be kinder to myself about how I approached my other practices and it guided me to spend a little extra time figuring out how to fit movement and meditation into my daily or weekly schedule.
My conclusion? Even imperfect reflection practices are extremely beneficial.
March Plans
So, obviously I am going to keep up my reflective journaling plans but I am going to aim for 4 written reflections – one each Monday.
I’m keeping my evening hip mobility exercise but I am going to add in a shoulder mobility exercise every morning when I take my meds (or at least when I get my reminder to take my meds.)
I already get at least 20 minutes of movement every day but for (the rest of) March, I’m going to aim to do that movement before noon each day. Might be yoga, might be a walk with Khalee, might be strength training, but the goal is to have it happen earlier in the day.
And I’m going to keep working on that daily meditation practice – even if it is ‘just’ that mindful breathing I described above.
Let’s see how this unfolds as we March on!
No one said marching had to be dull, right? Image description; A GIF of a person person in a marching band uniform, holding a baton by their side, is moving across a field by hopping on one leg while kicking the other leg out in front of them. When they reach the centre, two other people in uniform are waiting there doing a similar movement on one spot. The stands in the distance are full of spectators.
We are midway through the season of a new +40 rec soccer league that over 100 women joined because they wanted less aggressive play. As I’ve reported in previous posts, there was an expectation that play would be less rough, but a series of decisions and limitations made it unclear (to me) what mechanisms would actually make that happen.
Has the league met expectations and achieved its goals? I asked the team captains their thoughts in a Facebook group chat they share.
Yes, Less Aggressive Play
Of the eight team captains who were polled, all agreed that the league was either a little or a lot less aggressive than other rec leagues they have played in (Poll 1):
Poll 1 of team captains
According to most team leaders, what has been different from other leagues is the higher frequency of penalty calls (Poll 2).
Some team captains also said they perceived more efforts of teams to be friendly. One or two captains said their teams talk with each other and the opposing teams about aggressive play.
Poll 2 of team captains
I think that team members talking before or during the game about their expectations (rather than just complaining after the game) shows goodwill and is more likely to improve league morale. Because aggressiveness is subjective, it can only help to have a more shared understanding of what aggressive play looks and feels like for each team.
A few captains added in the chat that their teams felt the league was fun. One captain said,
I think it’s going well, not as crazy aggressive as the other groups and no pressure we are just having fun and being active :)
Interestingly, no one said their own teams admit when they have been too aggressive. I didn’t ask whether it is because they genuinely don’t feel or notice when their play is too rough, or if it’s just not a good strategy for games.
Concerns and Reflections
Apparently rough play has not been fully eliminated: over the last few months, folks have brought forward concerns about a few aggressive players.
As league organizer, Cindy usually addresses concerns with team captains, who in turn speak with their own players. So, the process for dealing with the perception of over-aggressive play seems non-confrontational and a shared responsibility. As Cindy said, “Everyone is contributing to its success. It shows great community!”
While I expected Cindy to deal with these league issues kindly, I did not expect that over half of the captains would say “the refs also call out play that our team does not consider aggressive.” In other words, some feel that refs are making too many calls on aggressive play in this “chill” league.
Why might this be a concern for some teams? It can be difficult to avoid accidental contact on an indoor field. As well, some would say that defending space and moving into the opponent’s space is a normal part of soccer. And, every time a play gets stopped for a penalty, it’s less time to play soccer.
This idea that refs are calling aggression that players don’t agree to made me reflect on my own assumptions. A “rec league” suggests it will be social and fun, but for some women fun means competitive play. Have I been assuming that the only way to have a chill and fun league is to reduce aggression to the point of low or no contact?
I have noted in past posts that aggression is in part in the eye of the beholder. Those with less experience may see those with more soccer experience as aggressive, but the reverse can be true as well. At least the refs seem to be calling roughness due to unchecked skill and roughness due to lack of control.
ReDefining a League
This new rec league was organized by the criteria of age and intolerance for aggressive play, but there may be other ways to ensure safety but also give players what they want to have fun. One captain suggested to me that, instead of aggression level, league divisions could be based on experience or skill level. A beginner league for adult women of all ages could teach about safe play and what is appropriate contact. In such a league, frequent stops for penalties and game explanations might be more welcome.
At the same time, an adult beginner league begs the question of when someone is and no longer is a “beginner.” Sometimes experienced soccer players recruit their friends, and of course they want to play together despite skill level differences. (I’ve gotten better mostly by playing with friends more skilled than me.) It’s tough to make everyone happy.
If the “chill” league continues in another season, the norm for play might stay at low- or no-contact. In this case, how the game is played might need to change—and teams who plan to register in this league will have to be ready for that.
The beauty of sports is that they are what we make of them. According to most team captains, right now most members of this “chill” league seem relatively happy with the game that they have made together.
Well, Team, like the title implies, the single most important thing I want you to have gotten out of these posts is the idea that being kind to yourself is the only way forward.
When you are building a habit you are trying to teach yourself something new. Perhaps you’re learning something entirely new or you are practicing a new way of behaving in a familiar situation. Either way, you are exploring new personal territory and that has a lot of inherent challenges build right in.
The only way to meet those challenges is to be kind to yourself about the process.
Think back to teachers you have had in the past.
Which ones really helped you learn?
Was it the cruel ones with the sharp tongue and the impossible standards?
Or was it the kind ones who showed you how to proceed, supported you as you went along, helped you to correct mistakes, and encouraged you to keep going?
Sure, the cruel one may have spurred you into working hard out of spite but your learning and growth was your own doing in that case. You developed discipline and worked hard *despite* them, not because of them.
The kind teacher may not have been your favourite at the time – their standards were probably high too. They were probably the one who kept after you when you slacked off, the one who knew what you were capable of even when you didn’t.
Kindness isn’t necessarily being ‘nice.’ It’s not about making things unnecessarily easy. It’s not about having no standards or no expectations.
The kind teacher knew when to push you and when to give you a break. The kind teacher had realistic expectations based on who you were and how you moved through the world. The kind teacher tried to be fair.
And that’s the sort of thing I am talking about when I remind you to be kind to yourself.
Today, being kind to yourself might involve resting from physical or emotional exertion.
Tomorrow, being kind to yourself might involve pushing yourself a little harder in your workout just to see if you can.
Being kinder to yourself isn’t based on what you ‘should’ want or what you ‘should’ be able to do.
It’s about meeting yourself where you are today and making the choice that will serve you best now and in the long run.
Being kind to yourself is about being self-compassionate, about recognizing that your needs are important – even when they change from day to day- and about supporting yourself as you expand your comfort zone to encompass new things and improve your sense of well-being.
Being kind to yourself is a key element in making those types of lasting change.
After all, like those memes say – if being mean to ourselves worked, we all would be perfect by now.
So, Team, even if self-kindness is still a work-in-progress for you, please keep working at it.
You are worth that effort.
And speaking of effort, here is your final gold star for this January series.
Congratulations on your efforts this month, please be kind to yourself as we roll into February.
Have fun out there!
💚⭐️💚⭐️💚
A drawing of a 4-pointed gold star (made of three similarly-sized points and a long point at the bottom) surrounded by smaller stars in the same shape made from thin gold lines. The large star is essentially 8 gold triangles with black outlines arranged into a long-tailed star shape, the smaller ones are like asterisks with a longer line on the vertical axis. The background is blue and the entire image is framed with a darker blue line.
This is my second-last post for this January series so I am continuing with my plan to reiterate the messages I hope I stressed throughout the month. Yesterday, I reminded you to check your systems. Today, I’m reminding you to focus on your efforts instead of your results.
Yes, I know it is really fun to notice and celebrate results. I’m definitely not arguing otherwise. However, results take time, they are not always within your control, and results happen after a series of efforts. If you only focus on results, you can end up frustrated and annoyed -especially if you realize that the result you originally sought isn’t the same as the one you want to seek now.
Soooooo, if you focus on your efforts instead, you can enjoy more regular feelings of competence and accomplishment. You can check something important off your list every single time you are working towards your goal or moving forward with your habit.
This doesn’t mean that you need to put in a Herculean effort every time.
It means that all of your efforts count.
The day that you do a single squat or a minute of meditation? That counts!
The day that you do an hour long dance workout or sit in meditation for hours? That counts too!
Focusing on your efforts makes everything part of the big picture (your habit/goal/practice) and of the biggest picture (your well-being.)
I’m not saying that you’ll never be frustrated or disappointed – those things are just part of life (and of habit-building)- but focusing on your efforts can help you have a realistic perspective on things.
And when you notice the efforts that you regularly have time and energy for, you’ll have more reasonable expectations for your eventual results.*
So, Team, as you move forward with your habit-building practice, please consider keeping the focus on your efforts instead of just on your results.
Caveat: If you are the type of person who is completely fueled and energized by the idea of your future results and you can easily shake off disappointment and frustration about day-to-day activities, please just carry on doing what you are doing. Different brains enjoy different approaches and I just want everyone to have the freedom to work in a way that makes sense to them.
Here’s your gold star for today’s efforts, whether you focus is just on the work of today or if you also have one eye on that distant prize. Please be kind to yourself, either way.
A drawing of a shiny gold star surrounded by small dots. The dots are green, blue, red, and pink.
*To use a non-fitness example, if I want to write a novel I can focus on that end result – a finished first draft. Compared to my imagined future manuscript, 5 minutes of daily writing will seem paltry and it will feel like a very long time before I can celebrate an accomplishment. However, if I focus on my efforts – building a regular writing habit that will eventually lead to a manuscript- I can enjoy the process more, I can celebrate more often, and I can see every writing session as part of the bigger project. AND, because my focus on my efforts will show me just how much I can get done in a day, a week, a month, I won’t be creating the unreasonable (and definitely disappointing) idea of finishing my novel in a very short period of time.
I only have three more posts in this January series so I wanted to reiterate three important things for you to carry with you as you forge ahead with your habit-building.
First up: a systems check!
Whether you are cruising happily along with your habit building, you are finding each day a struggle, or you are somewhere in between, it’s a good idea to check your systems from time to time.
Note: Doing a systems check is especially important if you are struggling. In my experience, people who are struggling with habit-building are awfully quick to attribute their struggles to some ‘flaw’ they perceive in themselves.
I don’t want that to happen to anyone but I especially don’t want that for you, dear Team members. Instead of defaulting to self-blame, please get curious about your systems instead.
Do you have systems in place to support the plans that you have made and the tasks you need to do to bring those plans to fruition?
If you haven’t consciously chosen a system for adding this habit to your life, you are probably unconsciously defaulting to a system you have used for something else. And a system designed (consciously or unconsciously) for a different project is unlikely to support you in building your current habit and will probably cause you a lot of frustration as you go along.
Your system doesn’t have to be complex or elaborate, it can be a straightforward as selecting a time and a place when you can be reasonably certain that you can do your habit-building tasks on a regular basis.
For example: If you are trying to build a habit of daily meditation, your system could involve choosing to meditate first thing in the morning because you get up before everyone else and you are rarely interrupted. It could also involve things like l putting a blanket in your meditation location every night, setting your coffee pot timer a little later so your coffee is ready when your meditation is done instead of when you first get up, or requesting support from your partner or roommates to take care of anything that arises during your meditation session.
Are your systems doing what you need them to do?
Maybe you have systems in place but they are designed for an ideal day rather than your regular life.
Perhaps the system elements you thought you needed at the beginning don’t actually meet your needs.
Or maybe you the system you created was perfect at the beginning but you quickly outgrew it.
It’s possible that the system you created is more complex than you realized and it’s too hard to follow. (This happens to me a fair bit. I often don’t realize how many steps I have put in place until I try to follow them on a regular basis. Then I end up trying to meet the requirements of the system instead of the system serving me.)
It’s ok to adjust a system that isn’t working.
Taking time, even mid-project, to assess how your systems are working is probably time well-spent.
Identifying the friction in your system now will help you reduce frustration overall and help you refine your habit-building process more quickly. Reducing that friction will let you spend more time on your habit-related tasks and less time fighting with yourself and your own system.
What do you need to add or remove to get your system working for you?
This is not the time to be hard on yourself about what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ need.
If you think of something to add to or remove from your system that will help you move forward with your habit building, please do what you need to do.
If you find it easier to exercise with a ribbon tied around your left wrist, tie a ribbon around your left wrist. And have a system for keeping track of the ribbon and one for cleaning it when it gets grubby.
You don’t have to get precious about the ribbon – you know you *can* exercise without it, it’s just feels better when you do – but you also don’t have to atop using it just to prove a point.
Go ahead and adjust your system until it meets your needs.
After all, supporting you is the whole point of the system – it might as well do a thorough job.
All Systems Go
So, Team, as you move forward with your habit-building practices and tasks, please do the occasional systems check.
You will always be doing the best you can do with resources you have in a given moment.
There’s no need to let a mismatched system cause you any stress or, worse, to cause you to doubt yourself.
With the right system, and the right match between your expectations and your efforts, you can build the habit you want to build.
And, speaking of efforts, here’s a gold star for your efforts today – whatever those efforts might entail.
Be kind to yourself out there.
Pretty please.
A drawing of a large gold star outlined in green against a shaded green background decorated with closed yellow spirals and green dots.
I had a few complicated things to do and I’m not feeling particularly well and I just kind of want to climb under a blanket and take a nap.
I had a reasonable amount of things on my to do list today but now it is mid-afternoon and I can take things in two possible directions.
1) I can forge ahead with my to do list as-is and just hope for the best.
2) I can get strategic and decide which tasks to work on and how much time/energy I am going to put into them.
Perhaps you’ve had success with option 1 but almost every time I’ve tried it I have ended up feel frustrated and dissatisfied and VERY conscious of the tasks left undone.
And I have usually had to spend a fair bit of time coaxing myself out of feeling badly about the whole thing.
However, anytime I have paused and made a conscious choice about which tasks to work on and how long to spend on them, I have more peace of mind right from the start.
My tasks feel more accessible, more possible. My efforts make sense to me, they feel more direct. I end up being able to focus on what I *can* do with the resources I have instead of having an constant low-key dread that I won’t get stuff done.
What does this have to do with your habit-building tasks?
Well, I have found that I feel much the same when the tasks ahead of me are related to my habits as when they are related to my work.
If I am holding those tasks in my head on an off-kilter/busy day with the idea that I will get to them ‘as soon as possible’ and that I will do them completely as planned, I end up feeling stressed about them. They take up way more room in my head than they need to and I end up feeling like I am falling short.
BUT
If my day is going a bit sideways and I stop to make a choice about what I will or will not do, I feel better about the whole thing.
Instead of going into overdrive, mentally and physically, and wearing myself down, I focus and choose my next steps.
And making those choices gives me peace of mind.
I’m no longer fitting in a 20 minute walk ‘if I can’ – I’m choosing to take a 10 minute walk because I am certain I have time for that.
I’m no longer ‘hoping to meditate before bed’, I’m choosing to stop anything else I’m doing at 10pm so I have time to meditate.
Or, I’m no longer planning to row ‘when I finish everything else’ (a phrase that could extend my day far more than I want to), I’m choosing not to row at all today because I had to shift my priorities or because I don’t feel well.
Alternatively, I may be choosing to row or walk or meditate for a longer period of time or in a more challenging way and choosing *not* to do something else.
So, Team, based on this extended example from how my brain works, how do you feel about choosing the parameters for your habit-building tasks today?
Will making a conscious choice bring you peace of mind?
Or are you just as happy to carry on with your to do list and see what happens?
Please choose whichever feels kindest to you.
And here’s a gold star for your efforts today, no matter how many choices are involved.
*Nothing serious just some minor symptoms related to having a tooth pulled a few days ago.
PS – I know that some of these thought patterns have ADHD-related origins, at least in my brain, but I understand that at least some neurotypical people also think this way sometimes. Either way, I think making conscious choices on a hard day is good for your brain and helps you feel more in charge of things.
A drawing of a shiny gold star against a background of green spirals and green dots.
Sorry for the spoiler in the title, Team, but I always want you to be kind to yourself, no matter what.
I think that one of the biggest obstacles in developing new habits is how hard we can be on ourselves about the challenges involved.
We’re trying to layer a new habit into an already busy life.
We’re trying to rewire our brain to make a different choice.
We’re working to change an ingrained system.
Over time, our brains and our bodies have acclimatized to one thing (for better or for worse) and we are trying to coax them into doing something different.
That takes effort.
Conscious, repeated effort.
This requires experimentation. There will be successes. There will be missteps. There will be adjustments. There will be changes.
The whole initial idea may have to be revamped if those experiments and adjustments provide new information.
This things (and all kinds of others) are all very normal parts of the process of building a new habit, of making change.
So, when you bump up against any of these things and falls into ‘blame yourself’ mode, you don’t do yourself any favours. In fact, it just makes things even harder.
So, please, don’t add that obstacle.
Aim for self-kindness.
When a mistake is make, when something needs to be changed, when you are struggling, try to view yourself through the most compassionate lens possible.
Instead of defaulting framing things in terms of fault and failure, try to to see yourself as a normal human being doing normal human things. A normal human being who needs support, structure, and systems to build a new habit.
Whenever possible, err on the side of self-kindness.
I know that self-kindness may not be easy.
In fact, it is a whole separate habit to build.
But, it is definitely worth putting into practice, even if you are just experimenting with it at first.
Even if you don’t *fully* believe it, even if you have doubts, even if you worry that you are letting yourself away with something, it’s worth giving self-kindness a try.
And if you can’t stir up kindness for yourself, imagine that I am talking to you about the situation at hand. Imagine what I would say to you in the situation (hint: it’s going to be kind and it will not involve blame.)
Self-kindness is never going to be a bad choice.
Your gold stars for today’s efforts in self-kindness, habit-building, or planning are in a basket below. Take as many as you like – you’re doing an awful lot of work here!
Wishing you ease and self-compassion today and always, Team.
Image description: A drawing of a shallow basket filled with gold stars of various sizes sitting on a table. The table and basket are drawing in black ink with a woven pattern on the basket and lines like wood grain on the table, the stars are painted gold.
