I needed this reminder today so I thought you might, too.
Whether you are trying to add new things to your life, to maintain the things you already do, or to level up a little, it is very easy to get overwhelmed.
And when we’re overwhelmed, we forget that we can only do one thing at a time.
When that happens, we often end up either trying to do everything at once or feeling like there’s no point in doing anything.
If this is happening to you, I’d like to invite you to do one little thing that’s related to your goals, habits, or plans.
Take a really deep breath and let it out slowly.
Do one squat.
Listen to one relaxing song.
Do 1 minute of cardio.
Write 1 sentence in your journal.
Put 1 thing away.
Drink 1 glass of water (or 1tsp of water.)
If you are already regularly exercising/drinking water/meditating/journaling, just add 1 little bit to your practice – one more sentence, one more squat, one more minute.
If you are struggling to take good care of yourself in some other way but you can’t get started because it is all too much, pick a tiny, tiny thing and do that – look up the email address, put on a tiny dab of face cream, do one stretch, put on (or take off) warm socks.
It’s natural to fall into the all or nothing trap, to think that only huge changes will help, to feel like only drastic actions will count.
But, the truth is…
It all counts!
All of your efforts matter.
Even giving yourself the tiniest nudge, the tiniest bit of help, the slightest movement, gets you closer to where you want to be.
Doing one little thing gives you a foothold. It tips the balance in the direction you want to go. It reminds you that you are here for yourself.
No matter how small that little thing is.
Doing one little thing is not going to bring instant, sweeping change but it will be an instant, sweeping victory for Team You.
Taking an action, no matter how small, reminds you that you *can* act on your own behalf and that you will.
And it is going to earn you a gold star:
Image description: my drawing of a cartoonish gold star with a happy face. The background is covered in small blue dots and the drawing is ‘framed’ in blue with black trim.
The past couple of months have been tough. By way of explanation, here’s a partial and intentionally vague list.
1.A bunch of my students are having major mental health struggles. I’ve had so many phone conversations with deans and other administrators, putting our heads together to figure out how to help, get them access to resources, shuffle around their class schedules and assignments, and provide as much support as our roles allow. In desperation I brought candy to one class this week, which, btw, was a huge hit.
I stumbled upon this treat in the candy aisle of my local grocery store. Even though I’m not a sweets person, I now love it beyond reason.
Sweet tart watermelon-berry ropes. Don’t let its weirdness fool you– it’s so good.
2.Three dear friends have lost family members in the last month. I knew all of their family members very well. I’m sad at the loss of them, and sadder for my friends. I’m doing what I can to help make my friends’ lives a little smoother through this intense period of grief and grief rituals. Mainly this involves showing up and/or bringing food, eating food with them, talking and listening to stories.
3.At this time of my life, my friends and I are all dealing with aging parents. Two friends’ parents have had major deteriorations of their health status, requiring changes to living conditions, medications, and treatment. In these cases, all I can think to do is be a good listener, and remind them that I’m here.
4.There’s a very distressing but important work service thing I’ve been asked to do. It’s now clear (to me but not to you all– sorry about the vagueness) that it’s reached a level of distress such that I can’t do the important service work thing. It’ll be okay, but the distress is still sloshing around.
5.Experiences 1–4 have taken their toll on me and my level of self-care. I have been eating a lot of takeout. I haven’t been able to get to sleep before 2am. I haven’t felt like moving much at all. My instincts all tell me to be quiet, be still, play Spelling Bee on my phone and order pizza.
So I’m doing just that. I’m holding down the fort— working, being there as I can for friends and students, sleeping when I can, getting much better at games on my phone.
Right now, I miss more regular and vigorous movement. I miss cooking meals for myself that feel satisfying and self caring. I miss having more productive days for work and play.
So, what to do?
I’m talking with friends and letting them help me by luring me out of my house for activities and quality hanging out time. I’m adjusting my schedule as I can so that I can get enough sleep. I’m meditating a couple of times a day. Oddly enough, being still and quiet for mediation makes me feel more refreshed and energized afterwards. I’m taking advantage of ordinary everyday movement when there’s an opening.
And I know that this too shall pass. Everything does. My bikes aren’t going anywhere. My yoga studio isn’t going anywhere. Lakes and pools and oceans to swim in aren’t going anywhere. Woodland trails and sandy beaches to walk on aren’t going anywhere. They’ll all be here when life shifts and I don’t have to concentrate so hard on just holding down the fort. That helps a lot.
Readers, what do you do when you have to hold on tight? I’m curious.
Today, I’d like to invite you to pause for a little bit.
Yes, even in the midst of AllOfTheThings, I’m hoping you can let your body and your brain refresh a little.
Maybe that means taking a break away from your desk.
Maybe that means giving yourself a few minutes to exercise.
Maybe it means meditating, or colouring, or calling a friend.
Maybe it means taking your time with your tea/coffee/glass of water.
Maybe it means deciding not to participate in that argument someone is trying to drag you into.
Maybe it means giving yourself time away from being hard on yourself (tell your inner critic that I said you get AT LEAST 5 minutes of quiet right now.)
Whatever ‘taking a break’ means for you right now, I hope you can find some space to pause in a way that serves you well.
It’s hard to decide to take a break and it’s even harder to actually take one.
Just do what you can, even if you can only stop for a few seconds right now.
As always, here’s your gold star for your efforts.
A drawing of a cartoonish gold star with a happy expression, surrounded by small black circles and dots.
My plan for today was to make a really fancy gold star out of 31 other gold stars. It was going to be a big celebration of all your hard work this month and it was gonna look fantastic.
My plan did not work.
Instead, I had eleventy-million other things to do yesterday and this morning, and I couldn’t quite get the desired effect in my drawing.
In fact, the background of my original drawing got so messy that I had to cut out the star and put it on a new background.
So, I’m afraid, we are celebrating your month’s work, your month’s efforts, with an imperfect drawing.
Not to say that every other drawing has been perfect, but I really wanted this one to look closer to what was in my head.
But you know what?
My imperfect star actually works far better for the theme of this final post for January 2024.
By the end of today, you will have done everything you could do in January.
You will have used the resources you had to do whatever you could to toward the goal you had in mind.
Maybe you had a great month and things went according to plan.
Maybe you had a terrible month and nothing went right.
And maybe, like most of us, you had something in-between – some things went right, some things went wrong, and you moved yourself forward a bit.
This last day of the month, is a great time to declare January ‘good enough’ and to shine on like the gold star person that you are.
And no matter what kind of month you had, you can look at the things that went right, and celebrate them.
You can look at the things that went wrong and gather information for your next steps.
You can stomp around and curse and be annoyed at the universe for making this month such a challenge…and then you can figure out how you want to move forward from here.
Maybe you’ve discovered that this goal is perfect for you and you want to keep going. You can use the information from January to stay on the same path or to change things up a bit.
Maybe you’ve discovered that this goal isn’t exactly what you want. You can use the information from January to figure out a new goal and a new plan to reach it.
Maybe you’ve discovered that your goal for January had some value for you but some things need to change. Use what you learned in January to make those changes.
The key thing, from my perspective, is that you recognize your efforts. Whether or not your results were tangible, you were working on something, you were trying.
And that effort is valuable to you.
That effort matters.
Even if you spent all month trying to get your new habit started and never quite managed it, those efforts matter, and there’s useful information in there for you.
No matter how far you got with your new habit you were trying to do a hard thing, you were trying to expand your life.
It’s a good idea to find everything you can to celebrate about your efforts.
And it’s an especially good idea to be kind to yourself about the challenges inherent in trying to expand your life.
I know that people like to say that we all have the same 24 hours and it’s our choice about what we do with them but we all know that’s not true.
Yes, we all have 24 hours in our day but each of us are experiencing those 24 hours differently. We are coming into that time with different abilities, different capabilities, different capacities, and different demands on our time and energy.
We need to be kind to ourselves about our efforts, the realities of our lives, and the things we are trying to achieve.
So let me say one more time, you are doing the best you can with the resources you have.
Please be kind to yourself in the process.
As I said above, this isn’t the star I meant to create for you today. But I did what I could with the time, resources, and art supplies I had handy.
When I started to run out of time, I had to recognize my limits and declare this good enough.
Even though it didn’t match my vision.
Even though it didn’t match my plan.
It still a celebratory gold star with gold stars inside it.
It still celebrates your efforts today and throughout the month.
It’s not perfect, but it is definitely good enough.
Good enough, just like our efforts this month.
Good enough, just like we are.
So, Team, let’s all forge ahead and shine on.
Go Team Us!
A drawing of a gold star filled with 31 smaller gold stars. The background of the drawing is dark green with black horizontal lines and each star is outlined in black.
Reminder about these reminder posts: I have touched on these topics before but they are worth reminding ourselves about. In my posts, have often shared ideas from my work as a writer or a coach but today’s post is borrowed from my work as a storyteller. 💚
Hey Team,
Please don’t forget that this goal, this habit, this practice is part of YOUR story, not someone else’s.
That means that you get to decide what the story is about, what elements belong in it, what details are important, and what the story means.
Because of the social soup of ideas we grow up and live in, we end up with stories in our heads about what we are supposed to want, what we are supposed to enjoy, what we are ‘allowed’ to do, and what we are supposed to look like.
We also get an extra large dose of stories about what fitness is and who gets to call themselves fit or strong.
We also get a bunch of stories about resting, about mental health, and all kinds of other stuff about our overall wellness… but you get my point.
The thing is, though, all of those stories are from someone else’s point of view. They reflect their biases, their experiences, and their knowledge, not any sort of ultimate truth.
And even though we have often internalized those stories as if they are true, we can actually reshape the stories from our own point of view so they serve us better.
I’m not saying it’s always easy to do but realizing that at least some of the ‘facts’ we have absorbed about fitness are actually stories from someone else’s perspective – stories we can reshape for ourselves – is a good first step.
There is no divine story of ultimate fitness and wellness that was passed down from an all-knowing deity.
There are facts about how bodies and brains work and then there are stories built from those facts.
Every story you know about fitness is from someone’s point of view and has been filtered through their knowledge and shaped by their experiences.
Those stories may or may not apply to you, you can choose what to accept as part of your story.
You can gather facts relevant for your body and brain and make your own story, one that serves you.
If the yoga instructor criticizes your body instead of helping you adapt the pose, they are telling a flawed story and revealing their biases.
If someone at work tells you that someone of your age/shape/size can’t take up hiking, their story is a lie not a fact.
If you just want to move in fun and interesting ways every day and someone tells you that your activities ‘don’t count’, they are full of crap and their story sucks.
Yes, it is frustrating and hurtful to hear and experience these things but that doesn’t make them true.
Go ahead and find ways to comfort yourself and to soothe your hurt feelings but, please, please, please, do NOT accept those stories.
Please recognize them as someone else’s story and a biased, poorly crafted story at that.
Really, they have a lot of nerve trying to pass off their crappy stories as truth! You deserve better than their petty nonsense.
Please give yourself the space and time to create your own story about your fitness, your strength, your mental health, your rest, about what’s important, about who you are in the world.
You are building your own habit, finding your own way, and doing what works best for your body, your brain, and your life. You’ll get where you are going at your own speed.
And while you might borrow useful elements from someone else’s experience, it really only makes sense to craft your own story to support your own journey.
So, Team, please don’t buy into stories that make you feel bad about yourself.
Instead, shape a story that works for you.
And here’s a gold star for your efforts today whether you are storytelling or just focusing on that next small step.
A photo of a small drawing of a gold star outlined in black with black angled lines in the background propped up against a black pen on a wooden surface.
PS – Another useful idea from storytelling: The most interesting, engaging, and memorable stories involve the protagonist facing obstacles and challenges, failing then succeeding and maybe failing again. Basically, they just forge ahead the best they can while using what they have learned. Instant success with no obstacles to overcome is not only incredibly rare, it makes for a very boring story. “They tried the thing. It worked.” is a very dull tale.
Today’s reminder is that you are already good exactly as you are.
You don’t have anything to prove.
You can choose to expand your life through new habits and practices.
And you can choose to improve your skills.
Those things are about adding to your life, making it more fun, making it easier, making it more enjoyable, making it more straightforward, giving yourself more room in your own brain and body.
Those things are not about trying to fix yourself.
You are not broken.
You are not a project.
You are good, just as you are.
So, go ahead and add practices that enhance your life, that help you show up the way you want to show up in the world.
But please don’t think that you have to fix yourself before you get to have fun or try new things or wear what you want or work towards the things that are important to you.
I’m not going for toxic positivity here.
I’m not saying that we’re all perfect,
I’m not saying we all do everything right all the time.
I’m saying that we are good.
We don’t have to earn our place. We don’t have to earn the right to be here. We don’t have to improve ourselves.
We are good and we can choose ways to expand.
We aren’t fixer-uppers, we are ‘make this home your own.’
Here’s a simple gold star to accompany this simple (but not easy!) message today.
Your efforts matter. What you want matters. What you need matters.
You matter.
Be kind to yourself, pretty please.
A drawing of plain gold star on a white piece of paper.
Reminder: These reminder posts cover points I have already made but they are things I often have to remind myself about. If I need a reminder about it, maybe you do too.
Left to its own devices, my ADHD brain would convince me that there is a perfect time to do everything, that there is no point in starting something if I don’t have time to finish it, and that I need to do a lot of thinking/figure something out before I start working on it.
All of that stuff is only partially true.
There are some times that are better than others for doing things but any time is better than no doing it at all.
It’s better to get a bit of something done, to give myself a foothold, than to wait until I have time/energy to do the whole thing. (In fact, if it seems like it is going to take A LOT of energy, my brain is going to put all of its resources into resisting that thing.)
And while I may need *some* time to think before I get started, I don’t need as much as I imagine I do. In fact, if I keep all my thinking in my head instead of putting it into a list or a drawing, I may never get started.
It’s better for me to get enough info to start and then plug away at it to figure out the next steps.
Now, I know that my brain goes to extremes with this type of thinking but I have heard from lots of neurotypical people that they are plagued by this kind of thinking sometimes too – especially when they are trying to build habits or do something new.
That might look like “There’s no point in exercising for 5 minutes a day.” or “I’ll never be stronger if I only lift 5lb weights.” or “I have to figure out a workout plan and then I’ll get started.” or “The best time to meditate is first thing in the morning but I’m too busy then.”
Now, this is when a lot of well-meaning Instagram posts would be telling you ‘No Excuses!’ or ‘Your dreams are on the other side of your excuses!’
Blech.
I don’t find those things helpful at all. Sure, those thoughts are technically excuses but they aren’t you consciously trying to weasel out of something.
They are sneaky thoughts that feel like obstacles-
So, instead of yelling at yourself about not accepting any excuses, I’m going to recommend that you borrow a different, determined (but not mean) phrase that I use to get myself on task when my brain tries to pull the tricks I described above:
Doing things gets them done.
Yeah, I know it’s a ridiculously obvious thing to say but it stands in opposition to all of my brain’s automatic thoughts and it will stand in the way of yours, too.
Yes, it may be best to meditate in the morning but since doing things gets them done, you can meditate now and it will be done.
Yes, it might be ideal to create a big workout plan but since doing things gets them done, you can workout without a big plan and your workout will still be done.
The idea of working out with 5lb weights or exercising for a short period of time may not feel useful right now but if you can’t manage a longer workout yet or if you can’t lift heavier weights yet, you can remind yourself that doing things gets them done. In this case, the phrase has extra meaning because doing these ‘first steps’ kind of workouts gets them done AND lets you build toward the workouts you envision.
No matter how you are trying to expand your life, doing the tasks related to that expansion not only gets those tasks done but the effort is part of the expansion process.
So, Team, please remember that your efforts today matter.
Not only are you giving yourself the boost of doing what you intended to do today but you are also moving toward something you want or need in your life.
Don’t let your brain tell you otherwise…
Doing things gets them done.
Here’s your gold star for your efforts today.
Be kind to yourself, pretty please!
A small drawing of a gold star that is outlined in black. The light purple background of the drawing is decorated with short thin black lines and small gold dots and the edge of the drawing is outlined in black. The drawing is resting on a wooden surface and is propped up on a marker to angle to top of the drawing toward the camera.
Reminder about these reminder posts: I’ve decided to use the last few posts in January to remind you about key things that I may have touched on or written about before. If it seems kind of familiar, it probably is, but I think it’s worth revisiting.
When you are starting a new practice, building a new habit, trying to expand your life in some ways, there are going to be rough spots, tricky spots. There will be some friction.
I’ve already written about a variety of approaches to deal with specific and common fictions but the main idea at the root of each approach is to treat yourself with intense self-kindness.
You are a delightfully imperfect person trying to do a hard thing.
The fact that you face some challenges in the process doesn’t mean you aren’t working hard enough, it doesn’t mean that you are flawed, it doesn’t mean that you don’t really want the thing.
It simply means that the overall project is tricky.
It’s ok, as a normal person, even as a normal person who sometimes does extraordinary things, to find hard things hard.
And what’s hard for you may come easily to someone else, what’s easy for you may be hard for them.
The only way past those rough/tricky/friction spots is to be kind to yourself about them.
If you are mean or indifferent to yourself about them, they will feel harder AND you will waste time arguing with yourself about your feelings.*
Having that internal argument will leave you feeling down, hopeless, and stuck. You don’t need that!
Instead, I would like to see you start with self-kindness and address your challenges from that perspective.
Self-kindness doesn’t mean a lack of commitment or a lack of discipline. It means approaching the challenge at hand from a place of understanding.
This isn’t about just being nice to yourself and just saying ‘Oh well!’ when things don’t work out.
It’s about recognizing that you are a good person who is doing what they can with the resources they have.
It’s about speaking gently to and about yourself as you find ways to address the challenge at hand.
It’s about finding the resources and support you need to forge ahead with your plan, instead of blaming yourself for not already having them.
It’s about not only recognizing that you have different capacities on different days but adjusting your plans accordingly.
It’s about matching your expectations to your capacity – if you just started martial arts in January, there’s no amount of dedication and practice that can make you a black belt by June. Instead, it’s kinder to yourself to pour your energy into becoming a very skilled yellow belt.
It’s about using all the tools in your motivational toolbox for habit-building however and whenever you need them.
It’s about treating yourself kind and offering yourself support as you work through the process, no matter what the outcome.
Intense self-kindness will get you further than self-recrimination ever will – and you will feel better in the process.
So, Team, here’s your happy little gold star for today. It’s for your efforts toward your habits and for your efforts to be kind to yourself.
Self-kindness isn’t always easy – many of us weren’t taught much about it – but it is always worth it.
A drawing of a small happy-faced gold star jumping into the air. The star is surrounded by gold asterisks and there are two lines on the bottom left to indicate the stars jump-path.
*Feelings aren’t a waste of time but arguing with yourself about how you should (*shudder* I hate that word!) feel is a waste of time.
As the self-appointed Go Team cheerleader, I have made an executive decision to use the last few days of the month for reminder posts.
What are reminder posts?
Well, they cover topics that I know I have mentioned before, in passing or as topics for previous posts (this year or in other years), but that I often need reminders about.
And if I need reminders about these things, perhaps you do, too.
On to today’s reminder:
Unlike some other words that have come up previously* the word YET is a delight to me.
It keeps the possibilities open.
It reminds you that some things take time AND that there is still time to do the thing you are working toward.
It allows you to imagine the future you are working toward.
It gives you room to change and expand in the ways you want to.
YET! (I love it!)
Consider the difference between:
“I can’t sit for 5 minutes of meditation.” Case closed, not gonna happen, cross it off the list.)
AND
“I can’t sit for 5 minutes of meditation yet.” (But I am working towards it, I’m on my way. That milestone is in my future. It is something I will be able to do.)
The word YET is enticing to me.
Adding it makes me feel excited about a project or plan.
It really belongs in my toolbox of motivational strategies and hopefully it can go in yours, too.
And if YET doesn’t appeal to you in the same way, what word does?
Is there another handy word or phrase that you can include in discussions of your goals, plans, and practices that can have that same effect for you?**
Obviously, I want you to find what works best for you but adding some yet power is a good place to start.
And here’s your gold star for your efforts today, whether you can do everything you want to be able to do or whether you can’t do it YET but you are moving in that direction.
Wishing you ease! 💚
A drawing of a gold star made up of tiny black-trimmed triangles. The background of the drawing is a series of overlapping concentric circles drawn in black ink.
*I’m looking at you *should* (shudder) (UGH)
**For your amusement: My Dad often used the phrase ‘Later on, in the cool of the evening’ (I have no idea where he borrowed that from) to refer to things that he wasn’t doing yet. He didn’t necessarily mean that particular evening, it was how he noted that this wasn’t the time for the activity in question. Feel free to borrow his phrase if it helps -“I can’t cycle up that hill now but later on, in the cool of the evening, I’ll be able to zoom right up there.” (Oh, Pete! He was so Pete-ish!)
When I sat down to write this post today, my mind went blank.
I typed ‘Go Team! 2024:’ in the title bar and then realized I didn’t know what to say.
So, I grabbed a small piece of paper and started drawing stars until one of them seemed ‘right’, then I coloured it and decorated the background.
And then I knew what to write about.
When I first started these posts a few years ago, I used to include photos of star decorations in my house (I have a lot!) or photos from online and that worked out fine but it didn’t add anything very much to my daily practice of reaching out with an encouraging post.
So, at some point, I started using star drawings instead (I have a lot!), and then I began drawing stars specifically for each post.
Sometimes I draw stars inspired by the post’s content and sometimes I use the drawing process as a ritual to help me write the post.
Sure, I guess I could say that drawing a star is part of my Go-Team-post-writing routine but calling it a ritual sounds fancier, magical, and more fun to me.
And it does feel more like a ritual than a routine.
It does feel like I am drawing (ha!) something out that I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to access.
And given that I know I can rely on my ritual to help me write, even if my mind is blank at the start, I’m wondering if a ritual would be helpful for your practice as well.
What kind of activities or actions could help you switch from another task to your habit-building task?
What small rituals can make your practice feel more fun or more magical or fancier? (if fanciness is appealing to you)
If you have to bundle up before going on your daily walk, could you consider donning your hat and mitts as a ritual? Could you add something to the process to make it more fun/magical/fancy?
If you plan to do some meditative drawing, could you start by lighting a candle or by laying out your supplies in a certain way or by putting on specific music? Would those changes make it more magical, a little more special? Would they help soften the sense that this is something you *have* to do and bring it closer to something you *want* to do?
Anything that you want/have/plan to do can be enhanced by a ritual, whether you add extra elements to the activity or “just” reconsider how you approach it.
(Putting on your mitts can be just putting on your mitts or it can be a step in the ritual of preparation, depending on how you look at it.)
Is this all silly? Perhaps a little.
But adding a little silly fun can make a big difference and help you shift from thinking about doing something to actually doing it.
And having that ritual, that process, has its own momentum that can ease you forward to the next step without overthinking it.
I’ve often seen trainers advise people to put on their exercise clothes first thing in the morning or right after work so they will be in the ‘gonna exercise’ mindset.
I think the same thing applies to an ritual you attach to your practice. Aside from adding fun, it makes the practice almost inevitable.
Sometimes, it just seems to be easier to start a ritual than to jump into a practice.
And I’m all for anything that makes things easier.
And we don’t have to get precious or prescriptive about our rituals, we all know that we *can* do our practices without doing a ritual.
I could have also come up with a post (a different one, obviously) by making some lists, looking at past posts, using writing prompts, or just typing until something started to make sense but the ritual felt easiest today.
(In my case, it also helps that the drawing is part of the post so my ritual isn’t just about getting me started, it’s also getting me closer to done.)
So, a ritual is really one tool in your toolbox to help keep your practice going. It’s one you can use regularly, when things get challenging, or, if it doesn’t seem useful, you can just leave it to rattle around at the bottom of the box.*
And ritual or no ritual, here is your gold star for your efforts today.
I wish you ease, self-kindness, and peace of mind. 💚
A photo of a gold star drawing resting on a wooden table. Each section of the star is filled with thin black lines that follow the shape of the section (i.e. the pentagon in the centre contains smaller pentagons, each inside the other, the triangle points have sets of lines that each meet at a point.) The overall effect is kind of like sets of nested triangles that meet at a set of nested pentagons. The background of the drawing is a bunch of small dots and the edge of the paper is trimmed in green.
* In my imagination, your habit building toolbox is one of those red metal toolboxes with the removable tray so the rattling makes sense to me. If you have a more orderly toolbox in mind, feel free to choose a different end for that sentence. 😉
