Tag: goals

fitness

Checking in on my 26 Things in 2026

Diane HarperLeave a comment

Mostly because of the school year, fall always feels like an opportunity for new beginnings. It’s also a great time to check in on progress and do some course correction on earlier goals, if you want.

Back in January my 26 in 2026 looked like this. How’s it going and what do I want to change?

I didn’t camp much more at the cottage: between work and driving restrictions following surgery there just wasn’t time. However, I did get proper furniture installed and have actual cupboards and shelves to store the essentials, so it’s getting really easy to stay overnight when I want to. The electricity project is moving forward nicely so I should have power soon.

The canoe is still sitting up onto its blocks, but I have permanent stairs, a new lifejacket and a boating emergency kit so it will happen next year for sure. In the meantime, I have purchased an inflatable kayak so I can go out even if my friend isn’t around to canoe with me.

I’m way behind on my 1,000 km cycling goal but my e-bike finally has a new battery after two years of trying to figure out what was wrong, so I’m starting to get back into the cycling habit. I’ll be happy if I hit 500 km and I’m pretty sure I can do that. I didn’t get my bike set up for winter cycling, but winter is coming so I’ll try to sneak that in before the end of the year.

I have already hit my goal on books read, but only at half my goal on magazines. I’m determined to get there!

Cooking goals have been a mix. I’m cooking more vintage recipes, but making very little use of my medieval cookbooks.

I am debating giving up one of my gardens. It felt like too much this year, though my garlic harvest was the best ever.

I was at 61,173 M as of Tuesday, so I’m pretty happy with that. I still have three months to go and I’m getting into the habit of having a short swim at work in addition to longer weekly swim practices, so I might just hit 100 km. Not bad considering I wasn’t allowed to swim for over a month.

Crafting, sewing, decluttering Mom’s without adding to my own clutter, something artistic, meeting up with friends, vacation, relax: fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, mostly fail, fail. Some things got done, but not nearly enough.

I am being more conscientious about monitoring my health, eating more fruit, trying to spend more time with Mom, volunteering less, and doing more stretch and strength exercises. There’s still plenty of room for improvement, but I’m going to count all of these as successes.

Summary: between now and the end of December, do more biking, reading , swimming, relaxing, and a bit more cooking.

Oh, and keep saying hello to all the good dogs I meet, even if I don’t actually pat most of them.

This happy dog may not be real, but at least she stood still for a photo (unlike a half dozen others I saw that day). I like how she’s ready for the changing of the seasons, dressed as a ghost, holding a pumpkin bucket in her mouth.
fitness · goals · motivation · running · training

That was then: on evolving goals

Tracy ILeave a comment
Comment from this time in 2024, when I (Tracy) said speed work seemed unnecessary!

Last week Samantha sent me the above reminder of something I said two years ago. The gist of it was a challenge to the idea of being speedy. Indeed, I said “I used to care about going faster but now I just care about continuing to get out the door.”

Fast forward to the present, where in my preparations for my recent 5K I included speed drills. And after completing the 5K to my satisfaction, I set a new goal that would shave a minute and 40 seconds off of my time.

“What changed?” Samantha wanted to know.

Back in September 2024 I was still trying to regain my running rhythm after an Achilles injury that had plagued me since 2019. It took me out long enough that I lost all the gains I’d made over the years. And so that fall of 2024 I was in the mindset where I just wanted to run again and I didn’t want to be injured again.

It was the right frame of mind for the time. But why have different goals now? It’s not as if I am ever going to be speedy. So why bother with speed work and speed goals at all.

As some readers may know, I have been back to the beginning again with Couch to 5K starting in April. I got behind but stuck with it and I liked having structure and a goal. The structure came from the program itself. The goal was simple: complete the program. After I managed to get through week 7 of the 9-week program I switched to the FIRST program outlined in Rin Less, Rin Faster.

For this you do three purposeful runs a week plus two cross-training sessions. The three runs are speed intervals, a tempo run, and a long run. I found myself enjoying switching it up rather than just pounding the pavement in the same way each time I went out. It made things fun. I discovered that I enjoy speed work. All the while I keep my perspective. I am not and never will be a speedster.

As the date of my 5K event approached, I found myself excited to go out with a time in mind. My goal of 37:00 was not a time that would break any records. Not even personal records. But it helped keep me on pace and I finished in 36:40. That felt like an accomplishment.

And so I set a new goal. To hit a 35:00 5K. It is giving me something to train for and we’ll see where it takes me. I said to Samantha back in 2024 that I just wanted to get out the door.

Today, it’s the variety in the training that is actually getting me out the door. One thing I’ve learned over the past 14 years since we’ve been blogging about fitness is that things change. I change. And I need different plans for different times.

Right now I’m enjoying the purposeful running 3x a week. I’m struggling with the swim workouts because of ear aches. I am experimenting with different ear plugs but I’m nervous now whenever I do freestyle, which is my main training stroke for a good workout. It is the only stroke that gives me these ear issues, no doubt because of the head turning for breathing.

So that’s what I’m working on now, as well as sticking with the running through the winter and incorporating resistance training a couple of times a week. I’ve been sporadic with that but it’s important.

All in all, I like being able to set new goals, change my mind, push myself in different ways, and evolve in my priorities. I don’t need to be locked into one track just because I was there before. That is the stuff of boredom and burnout. When I shift and change, it stays fresh and motivating.

How have your goals changed over time?

Nat’s reasons for riding
cycling · goals · Sat with Nat

Nat’s reasons for riding

natalieh (she/her)3 Comments

My post last week about how my 100 km ride did not go as planned generated a lot of discussion across my social media platforms. The conversation is ongoing!

I have marvelous friends who are supportive, encouraging and unapologetic when calling me out on being mean to myself. I’m very lucky.

There were several gems I have mined from those discussions. Today I am looking at a question my gym buddy Rob asked me.

Why did I want to ride 100 km?

The first answer that came to mind was that I wanted to test if I was ready to ride longer than 100 km.

I’m very comfortable completing the MS Bike Tour. The two days of 80 km supported every 20 km felt great. It’s a different challenge to ride continuously in 50 km blocks. I underestimated that gap and was disappointed.

The myth of linear progress

I wanted to complete a 100 km ride as part of a story of physical fitness that showed progress.

When my results were similar to the ones I had 12 years ago it felt like a set-back.

In chatting with my friends in Randonneurs Ontario they shared stories of struggling to have consistent times on a given distance.

We spoke about routes, conditions, health, training, age and injuries.

There are a lot of variables that affect how long it takes to complete a route. Only some of those are under my direct control.

Is that the real reason?

Rob invited me to push against the first answers to validate if that is really why I wanted to ride 100 km.

Hope

What I wanted out of the ride was some evidence that my longest distances are ahead of me.

Ten years ago I completed the People with AIDS Bike Tour from Toronto to Montreal. It was 600 km over 6 days. The longest distance on a given day was around 135 km.

2016 Me, in Montréal, embracing a volunteer at the finish line.

Between then and now I quit cycling in 2020 (during the pandemic) then re-started in 2023.

I’ve been inconsistent. Without a capstone event after the MS Bike Tour my distance peters off each year. I have not used the indoor trainer in the winter.

New goals

What I really want out of cycling is more adventures with Michel. We are getting ready to try some rail trails this fall. I got a trailer to bring our dog Lucy along.

Active living

My big picture goal is an active life that supports my physical and mental wellbeing. I really enjoy shorter jaunts and I want to extend that to longer rides.

Consistent Riding

There is no secret to going longer, faster and happier on a bike. It’s time in the saddle on a consistent basis.

Training for the PWA ride had specific milestones to meet in order to be allowed to ride. There were distances to hit, an average speed above 20 km/hr and a deadline for back to back 100 km days.

Unstructured fun

In the shoulder season my focus will be fucking around and finding out. I will try some wider tires and some rail trails. I will get on my bike 2-3 times a week in addition to my utility cycling.

Folks jumping with joy by the waterside.

Thank you

I wanted to wrap this up with a giant thank you to my friends and family. I never imagined my writing about being disappointed with my 100 km would illicit a tsunami of responses. Texts from Nova Scotia and British Columbia and every province in between!

Messages from folks showing they had read every word and could relate. Thank you for reading my posts and connecting over our shared experiences of try to keep these bodies doing all the things.

A coffee with ‘thank you’ dusted on the creamy froth in cinnamon.

The Future

I’m still thinking about my mid and long term cycling goals. I’ll be sure to let you know once I settle on them.

Whatever the future holds, I suspect it will include my dog!
Sometimes A Vague Goal Is Pretty Useful
ADHD · goals

Sometimes A Vague Goal Is Pretty Useful

Christine HenneburyLeave a comment

Do I owe you a thinky post about World Creativity Day? Yes, yes, I do. Alas, last week was made of chaos, headaches, and migraines and it did not get done. I have safely emerged from that maelstrom but I am writing this on Monday and my solo storytelling show is tonight and my focus keeps wandering from my thinky post. Since I would prefer that my brain stay in one piece, I am writing about something else today and I will get back to the creativity one soon.

On Sunday evening, I made a list of things I wanted to have done by the end of this week. There were a few work tasks, a couple of household things, and, oddly enough, one rather vague item – become stronger. 

I don’t even really know where that last one came from but I found myself intrigued.

I mean, becoming stronger is an ongoing goal for me so this isn’t completely new but something felt different about having it on my list in that format.

Become stronger.

Become stronger. 

When I phrase it like that it’s not a list of exercises or a bunch of tasks or a potential goal, it’s an open loop. 

And my brain, the same one that fights with me about exercising or completing tasks*, is ALWAYS intrigued by an open loop and it starts in with the questions…

What does ‘become stronger’ mean?

How can I become stronger in a week?

What would that involve?

How will I know if I become stronger?

Why do I even want to become stronger?

Who do I want to consult on this?**

When can I get started?

See how quickly my brain dug in on this? It is totally invested in solving the mystery of how to become stronger this week. 

And I’m going to let it figure it out as we go. 

After all, I know that I can’t get a lot stronger in one week but that’s where the vagueness of ‘become stronger’ works out well. I don’t have to get a lot stronger, I just have to move the needle. 

And, in fact, when I got up Monday morning my brain was already reminding me that we had to work towards getting stronger today. 

So things are off to an interesting start!

A photo of a horse in the distance with a lot of field all around it.
This is what I got when I searched for ‘vague’ in the image library. I guess it’s accurate? The connection is value at least. Image description: a black and white photo of a dark-coloured horse (I think) on light-coloured ground that could be a field or snow or a beach. The horse is in the distance in the centre so it is very small relative to the size of the image overall. It is maybe 1/8 of the height of the image and 1/12 or the width.

PS – Today’s ‘become stronger’ activity turned out to be this 10 Minute Morning Workout to Boost Energy from MonikaFit.

Well, I won’t be able to get a lot stronger in one week but I will be able to

*Yes, I do often refer to my brain as separate from me, apparently it’s an ADHD thing.

**In this case the ‘who’ will be a combo of fitness people on YouTube and Instagram but I really wanted to get a who question in there so I phrased it as who instead of saying ‘What videos will I watch?’

aging · celebration · swimming

I am Officially a Senior Lifeguard

Diane Harper1 Comment

Today I turn 65. I already belong to a Facebook group called Senior Lifeguards.

I just finished my skills of the month which are basically the same as the fitness tests for my National Lifeguard certification. I redid that qualification a month ago.

It sometimes seems like a crazy thing to do this job, but I love it. Happy birthday though me!

The back of my red pinny folded to show the words lifeguard/sauveteur in whire, with my green whistle attached by a cord so it’s handy in case of emergencies.
Nat’s fitness secrets to success in 2026
advice · Happy New Year! · new year's resolutions · Sat with Nat

Nat’s fitness secrets to success in 2026

natalieh (she/her)1 Comment

A new year often brings a sense of renewal. I’m not one to make resolutions in January. It is a good time to check in on goals and make adjustments. Steady as she goes!

I’m stacking the deck in my favour for a good 2026 by ensuring each day has movement in it. Daily dog walks, cycling commutes, strength and flexibility. I’m set up for success and have fully ditched “all or nothing” thinking.

Resilience

I’m bracing for bad stuff too. Experience has taught me along with all the great things comes a healthy dose of hard stuff, horrors even.

It’s the complicated gift of middle age, being pulled in many directions without falling apart.

Going through tough stuff has taught me I’m a good hugger. Olympic level hug giver right here. Happy to demonstrate at any moment.

I hold hands at hospital bedsides very well. I stay careful and kind now, even when I’m really upset.

I’m more resilient thanks to my fitness adventures.

So my wisdom to share on this year’s fitness goals is here for you if you need it.

It all counts

Watch didn’t record? Garmin dump your ride? It’s ok if it didn’t end up on Strava. Your body knows you did it. Data is only one measure. You were there. You did it. Go you!

Say it again, it all counts

Barely got to the workout? Had to wrap up early? Needed to lighten the resistance? Take a lighter weight?

AMAZING! You showed up for yourself and invested in your wellbeing. Well done!

You don’t have to like it

There will be days it sucks and you don’t enjoy the workout. You will always feel a sense of accomplishment regardless of how it went.

If a given activity is really chapping your ass switch it up. Ditch the weights and do a cardio dance class. Yoga pissing you off? Take up a martial art. You don’t always have to like it. Way to go!

Confidence comes from trusting yourself

You know when you are sick and need to rest.

You know when you need down time.

You know when you need help staying motivated.

You know who to go to for help.

You know a lot!

Trust yourself!

Plans rarely survive encounters with reality

The beautiful plan will fall apart. That’s ok because you knew it would happen and made flexibility part of the plan. Please, please, please break up with perfection.

My MVP (minimum viable plan) is 60 minutes of movement. Walking, cycling, stretching, dancing in my underwear. It’s adaptable.

Weather is sweet? I’m on my bike.

Back getting tight? Add another walk and do some yoga.

Bike out of commission? Grab some dumbbells.

You get the idea.

Messy is good

Challenge yourself to be a bit of a wreck. Not all moments are instagram moments.

Exploring the edges of your capacity is exciting and helps you grow. It’s not necessary every day but totally required to keep monotony at bay.

Team up to survive

It’s a fitness wasteland out here. Team up in person or virtually with workout partners. You will get more workouts in more often. Harness the power of positive peer pressure.

HAVE FUN

I’m serious. Play disc golf, beach volleyball, snorkel with manatees, whatever makes this year different than last year. Be silly and do stuff. That’s part of fitness too.

That’s it

Thank you for reading this far. I hope you gleaned some gems that you can keep for 2026.

Spoiler, this is the advice I need so I wrote it down. Hopefully I don’t forget!

LETS GO 2026!

Nat is cozy in winter clothes. Michel, forever photographed just behind her and off to the side is looking lovely. They are in front of a brick house with lots of snow on the ground.
fitness · goals

Checking in on my 25 in 2025 (Fall Edition)

Diane Harper

Checking back and reflecting on what I have done is always interesting. And novel, because I’m usually that person who doesn’t look back often; I’m too busy chasing the next fun thing. Here’s what I had planned to do. How have things gone since my mid-year check in?

Camp more at the cottage property. My friend Mel was only available for one long weekend, and we had no time for hiking or canoeing. However, we did manage a proof of concept with the cats. Interior finishing is continuing to progress and the cats didn’t escape and get eaten by a bear, so this is definitely going to be a repeat project for next year, once I have electricity to run the heat and water pump.

Bike at least 2,000 km. I might hit 200. The knees are still sore, but I’m continuing to work at physio exercises to stretch and strengthen the offending areas. I have my e-bike back in service for the first time since last fall and I have gone out for a couple of longer rides. There are a few fun group rides coming up. I hope to get out to at least one, because I miss that social activity a lot. And it’s almost time to set up my bike on the trainer and see whether I’ll use it this year.

Read one book a month: goal complete and exceeded! Thank you Ottawa Public Library and your interlibrary loan service. I’m anticipating some quiet days in November and December when I can curl up in bed with a stack of magazines.

Cooking one new recipe a week, with lots of vegan and vegetarian, using what’s in my pantry as much as possible, has shifted a little again. I have decided to focus more on making sure my plate is at least half full of vegetables. I even spent a couple of months tracking what I ate (not quantities though). For the first time in years, my most recent blood tests show my cholesterol comfortably in the normal range, so yay me!

Gardening in a drought was a bit of a disaster. Enough said. I am already thinking about how to make my gardens more climate-resilient for next year.

Swimming 200km a year: I’m close to halfway there, but definitely will not meet this one. I am counting wins in that I reconnected with some old swimming friends, and made a few new ones.

Me with old friends Michelle and Lois at the lake in September. We first met in a swim program many years ago, but headed off to different clubs when that pool closed a decade ago. It has been great to reconnect and swim together again.

Crafting was all over the place: I had fun at my textiles conference and followed up with a six-week course on one of the techniques I learned. There has been no art at all, but one of my really fun challenges has been making a pair of mittens patterned after those worn by Bernie Sanders at the first Trump inauguration, using a pattern I have mostly designed on my own.

Sewing continues to not happen.

Decluttering has definitely been a mixed bag, since I have taken on the challenge of cluttering at Mom’s. Her basement is being cleared, but mostly to my house. I am struggling to keep up with moving things onwards to their final home. It all makes me more determined than ever to tackle my own stuff.

Vacation to visit family and friends in southern Ontario ended up being too short, but it was fun to meet up with all the other bloggers for Sam’s birthday.

Elder care continues to consume way too much time, and yet I know it is precious time as Mom won’t be around forever. The realities of discovering how “not independent” Mom is, after spending a lifetime seeing her as very feminist and independent is shocking. It has me thinking a lot about how to ensure my own independence as I age, and simplify all the decision-making for my kids when they need to take over. An updated list of accounts and passwords would be a good start!

Most of my friends seen to be struggling with similar aging parent challenges, on top of their own health issues. So minimal get-togethers to just hang out. We’re all too tired. Heck, I was too tired even to relax in my hammock.

I haven’t been loud with my activist voice, but I did use my voice for an adventure. I joined in the production of one of the medieval York Corpus Christi plays, finished up my costume (that June sewing deadline on my original list), and acted the part of one of the three wise men.

I’m on the right of a small raised outdoor stage, presenting my gift of incense to the Virgin Mary, accompanied by her maid servant. Another wise man in blue is kneeling on the left, and in the background, you can just glimpse Herod and a soldier waiting for their next cue.

Will I bother to update this list again? Probably not. It’s already almost the end of the year, and I doubt much will change between now and then. Besides, I could use that precious blogging time for a nap.

I will make another list for next year. My goals are always wildly ambitious, but I’m learning that checking in on them helps me to refocus and to remember my successes, no matter how modest.

ADHD · cycling · fitness · goals

Christine Rides Again! (Really Slowly)

Christine Hennebury1 Comment

Let me start by saying that the adage, “It’s just like riding a bike.” is a lie – I have not been on my bike in a while and riding was NOT a straightforward or automatic process.

So, over the past couple of summers – despite my best-laid plans – I haven’t spent a lot of time on my bike. Actually, phrasing it like that makes it sound like there was a time in my past when I did a lot of cycling but that’s not true.

I have had one bicycle or another ever since I was a kid but I haven’t done any regular riding since I was maybe 12 or so. I occasionally used my bike for transportation when I was in my late teens/early twenties and I did a little bit of riding with my kids when they were younger but neither of them were particularly into cycling AND I found it very difficult to pay attention to their safety and my own.

I know there have been a couple of times here on the blog when I have mentioned my intentions to cycle more and I did put in some effort around those times but sooner or later some combination of lack of skill*, poor weather, general busyness, or good old ADHD time/task challenges would waylay my plans.

As you can probably tell, cycling keeps getting put into the “I’d like to but…” category for me so I was quite surprised to wake up last Thursday with the thought “I’m going to go for a short bike ride this morning.”

So, around 10:30, after I drove my eldest to work, I lathered on some sunscreen, excavated my bike from the shed, put on my helmet and took off.

Truth be told, I wobbled off but I was on my bike so I’m calling it a victory.

As I got to the end of my street, I discovered that the easy path to the parking lot I was going to practice in was blocked off by a road crew who were fixing some wiring. So I had to turn around (very awkwardly and with an audience – sigh!)to go another way, another way that was UP A HILL.

At this point, I was being asked to demonstrate two challenging things immediately. I have a bit of trouble making any turns so making a tight turn was a nightmare. And going uphill is, well, going uphill. (And yes, for the record, I *do* feel quite odd talking about my challenges amongst all the excellent cyclists on this blog.)

But I got through both challenges with a good combination of spite, perseverance, and walking my damn bike in spots and then had the reward of riding downhill to my planned practice area.

I got to the parking lot and decided that riding in a large oval around the (empty) parking spots would be a good way to practice turning in a low-risk environment. And because I was looping around the same number of parking spots, I could create a baseline measurement of my efforts and how I was feeling at different points in the loops.

It went ok.

I was, however, plagued by the thoughts that pop up whenever I am trying to build a skill. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing here? Is there something you’re missing? Is this hard because you need more practice or is it hard because you are missing some information? Maybe you are wasting time and effort here because there’s a little trick you don’t know? Maybe you should stop until you know what you’re doing?”

(Are those questions an ADHD thing? A Christine thing? A human thing? Since I have always been me, a human with ADHD, I don’t know how to distinguish which thoughts belong to which category.)

I didn’t let my brain talk me out of my self-defined practice though. I filed a few questions away to ask my husband later and just did what I set out to do.

And then I left for home.

It was only as I reached the end of the parking lot that I remembered the road crew and the fact that I had ridden downhill right before arriving at the lot.

That meant I had to ride uphill AGAIN right away and right after tiring myself out with my parking lot practice.

I did a ride/walk combination and got myself back home with minimal swearing but a fair bit of sweating and drank about 25L of water. (ok, it was probably far less than that but this version is more interesting AND it speaks to my perception of my refreshment.)

And I definitely plan to do it again this week.

Maybe even twice.

a selfie of Christine in her bike helmet and sunglasses, she is smirking
I think this expression could be described as ‘bemused smirk.’ Image description: a selfie taken during one of my MANY breaks on my short bike ride. I am wearing a grey and green helmet and large sunglasses and I’m smirking in a ‘Get a load of this nonsense.’ kind of way. I’m wearing a black blouse that has white star-like shapes on it, my hair is sticking out under the helmet and kind of curling backward in a mullet-y sort of way and I look a bit sweaty.

*I have always found cycling very challenging. I don’t make good use of the gears (a combination of a lack of practice and an utter inability to remember what to do when.) I find it hard to turn and I get panicky about it and often overcorrect. I am plagued and distracted by the feeling that I am missing an important piece of information that will keep me safe/make this easier. Yeah, there are a bunch of things.

PS – So, I just came back to this post to edit something and accidentally opened last week’s post instead. I had completely forgotten what I had written last week but I was delighted to discover that I actually followed a lot of my own guidelines when I decided to go out on my bike.

fitness · habits · new year's resolutions

Checking in on my 25 midway through 2025

Diane Harper1 Comment

I have done this challenge for couple of years now. You can read my full plan for 2025 here.

Camp more at the cottage property. Hasn’t happened yet, but it’s still early in the season. I have made some modest progress on getting the cottage finished, including water and electricity. The canoe hasn’t gone into the lake yet, and I haven’t gone hiking; both may need to wait for my friend Mel’s annual visit.

Bike at least 2,000 km? Hahaha no! But I am doing lots of physio so my knees don’t hurt as much when I do bike. I’m trying to make it a regular practice, but I’m still struggling to set time aside to stretch and work on mobility.

Reading one book a month is going well. The only challenge is that I renewed my library card so I am reading books I don’t own, instead of reading books on my shelves so I can pass them along. I am a bit behind on reading magazines, but I think I can complete this challenge.

My longstanding challenge of cooking at least one new recipe a week is more-or less on track. My focus has shifted from cooking for Dad to cooking more vegan and vegetarian meals for myself. I have been far too busy to work on redacting medieval recipes. I’ll need to get back into the habit of doing that. I have been pretty good at shopping from my pantry.

The gardens are a bit of a disaster this year, and I totally forgot I wanted to push my boundaries on different veggies and only planted a few. However, I did successfully propagate new grape vines and overwinter pawpaws.

I have no idea how I’m doing on the goal of swimming 200 km a year. Probably not very well, as I missed quite a few practices this spring. My little crew of open water swimmers has fallen apart and I’m not sure how brave I am while I wait for next steps on treating the heart murmur.

I am doing some crafting but nothing too exciting. My textiles conference with four days of classes is next week, so hopefully that will spark some new ideas.

I am so far behind on sewing five new outfits I don’t even want to think about it! My machine is currently trapped behind kitchen cupboards that need to go to the cottage as soon as the walls are ready. I have acquired more fabric thanks to helping Mom declutter, but I have ideas for most of it (more Beach pyjamas!). Sadly, my art supplies are also trapped, so I have not been doing anything artistic either.

I have managed some visits with my son and grandson, but failed miserably at meeting up with friends for social time, or just relaxing, or even doing much volunteering. Elder care will continue to be a major theme for the rest of the year, which means I am cutting back on volunteer activities and probably not going to make that couch-surfing vacation.

Reviewing all of this reminds me that there are things I want to do and things I need to let go of. I am pushing myself too hard to achieve goals, rather than learning to relax and enjoy some of the freedom that should come with retirement.

A lot of things conspired in the first half of the year that made it very challenging to stick to fitness routines (or even house cleaning routines, to be honest). I think my goal for the second half of 2025 is to do as much of the 25 as I can manage without stressing myself, with a particular focus on those that are about relaxing and being with family and friends.

Photo from a long-ago visit to Senegal, where I managed a couple of days relaxing at the beach.
What Counts as Winning
fitness · fun · goals · soccer

What Counts as Winning

elan.paulson

A few years ago, a group of 40+ women organized a “chill” low/no-contact indoor rec soccer league. The idea was to avoid the intensity, aggression, and injury risk that can make adult rec sports feel more stressful than friendly. Stories like those on this Reddit thread confirm that too much competitiveness can make rec soccer less fun.

Our soccer building keeps league-wide policies: in this new league we couldn’t self-officiate or prevent too-skilled teams from registering. Most players still wanted to play on their own teams and keep score. So, how do you ensure a new league will be fun and friendly when many elements stay the same?

We have tried a few things: captains keep a group chat, and referees are asked to be aware of rough play. This year, each team nominated a “player of the game” from the opposing team—a small gesture to recognize effort and positivity, not just goals. Since its inception, I’ve enjoyed playing in this league and am grateful to those who have supported it so far!

Still, as play has improved over the past few years, I’ve noticed a shift in the intensity level of some games. It has made me wonder: how can we maintain the spirit of “chill”?

Here are some on-field ideas teams could adopt or maintain:

  • Drop back for any line or goal kick.
  • Stop play as soon as the keeper has the ball or is on the ground.
  • Discourage any arguing with referees calls. All concerns about calls go through captains.
  • Take a very short rest/water break within each half, even with subs (Ayso, 2024).
  • Rotate players across positions.
  • Teams who notice a skill gap, or when there is a goal difference of >4, pass a set number of times before shooting (Rabinoviz, 2015) or only make ground shots.

And some off-field ideas:

  • Each new season captains create a play agreement they share with their teams.
  • Keep communication flowing between refs, captains, and players throughout the season.
  • Encourage post-game socializing between teams.
  • Skip playoffs (especially shootouts) and just extend the season.
  • Check in with players occasionally for feedback.
  • Individuals can reflect after each game, or the season: Did I have fun? Did the other team help me to have fun? Did I help the other team to have fun? (Thanks to Sara for this idea.)

The goal isn’t to restrict play—it’s to shape it in a way that reflects our shared values: community, fun, safety, and mutual respect.

Around the same time I was reflecting on all this, I read Sam and her colleague’s article, “The Virtue of Aggression in Sport” (2025). I’ll admit, the title gave me pause—given that I was sharing an update about a league trying to minimize aggression! But the authors draw a thoughtful distinction between unacceptable violence and “controlled physicality” (para. 1). I’ve heard a few league players express similar views: physical intensity can be part of what makes soccer feel satisfying. It doesn’t have to mean harm.

The article makes the case that some aggression is appropriate, even desirable, insofar as “those who are highly motivated to win will pursue their goals vigorously” (para. 3). And I don’t disagree—it’s important to clarify what kinds of aggression are acceptable and unacceptable in competitive sports.

Sam’s article makes valid philosophical arguments, but I think our chill league strives to align with its broader point about defining what kinds of physicality we allow. We can pursue the goal of “chill” by creating a space where fun, fitness, and community are the measures of success. Ideally, “winning” isn’t about the scoreboard—it’s about how we feel during and after the game: connected, respected, and glad we showed up.

After playing in our last regular game of this season, I realized one more thing: I care less about physicality and more about avoiding situations where negativity and aggression/competitiveness feed each other. For me, it is essential to maintain positive feelings of goodwill and care for everyone on the field.

So, as the league evolves, I hope we keep deciding together what kind of experience we want to have, then actively working towards shaping that experience. I plan to keep pursuing (vigorously) the goal of keeping a positive vibe on the field: that’s a win for me.

Rec sports players: how do you keep things positive and fun, even with varying levels of skill, intensity, and physicality?