CW: discussion of comments made about people’s eating habits, especially in family circles
While browsing Facebook yesterday, I came across a post from a FB friend expressing their frustration and anger over food concern trolling comments from their family. The comments mainly consisted of observations on the amount of they ate or put on their plate. When confronted, family members said they were “just kidding”. Right.
I am so done with this behavior, and I’m glad this person called out the comments for what they were– body shaming, food concern trolling, toxic fat phobia. Enough!
Reading this made me reflect on what my family holiday eating atmosphere is like these days. I’m very happy to say that it’s fun and satisfying and supportive and respectful.
One really great thing about my sister and her kids is that we all eat what we want and how much we want. There’s really no judgement, except that I occasionally make fun of them about how much they love sauces on the side. Remember this scene from When Harry Met Sally? Their orders are often like this:
Ordering things on the side, taken to its logical conclusion. From When Harry met Sally.
I feel completely at home with my sister and her kids– at home in my body, at home with my plate at mealtime. My sister and I do talk about nutrition— protein and fat in particular— as we both have gut issues. We offer advice to each other in the form of “I was having this gut problem, ate or didn’t eat this, did that, and the following happened. Maybe that info will be helpful for you.” That works for me.
My mother is experiencing cognitive decline, and it’s hard for her (not remembering things) and for us (trying to figure out what to remind her about and when to go with the flow). She is eating less, a combo of lowered appetite and forgetting to eat. But she hasn’t forgotten about the foods she likes. She takes real pleasure in a burger, turkey sub sandwich, or a snickers ice cream bar (yes these exist). And we’ve enjoyed a bunch of nice meals together, talking about the food, how good it is, and what it reminds us of— other meals, other friends and family members, other times. Connecting with my mom through food is a pleasure I hope will last for a while yet.
I wish for all of you, dear readers, days and days of happy meals with family and friends through the rest of this holiday time and in the new year to come.
Smiling cheesecake with chocolate sauce. On the side, of course. By Insung Yoon for Unsplash.
This year is the first Christmas of being empty nesters. Our youngest is in British Columbia. Our eldest is over for a couple days. His beloved is on military deployment. So it’s just the 3 of us and we are finding new traditions.
Last night we had Tortiére, a savory meat pie, mashed potatoes and green beans. We made homemade apple fritters in the air fryer. Not too shabby. It’s a nod to the French Canadian tradition of Réveillon, celebrating the start of the holidays with food and family.
Today we are having turkey, wild rice & apricot stuffing, sweet potato casserole, bronzed onions and cranberry sauce.
If we get real ambitious we will make Cracker Candy. It’s a quick and easy dessert where the butter and sugar candy is poured over saltines and topped with chocolate and pecans.
One thing that is definitely on our agenda is giving Lucy and ourselves a good walk.
Our neighbourhood is quiet with students gone home for the holidays and many people traveling. It’s like we have the city to ourselves. I enjoy the peaceful, unhurried way everyone is going about the day.
Lucy the dog sits patiently by the door waiting for a walk.
As part of doing things differently this year there’s no alcohol involved. In previous years we’d have wine with meals and cocktails in the evenings. I’m surprised that I’m not missing it.
We’ve scaled way back on gifts as we are investing in house renovations next month. It’s a big change but one that feels good and aligned with what we really want.
Snowy walks are better in Santa hats. Nat and Michel smile while dressed in warm jackets covered in snow.
If where you are has today as a holiday I hope you are getting the day you need. I hope it includes the perfect balance of fitness, family and fun.
Now that I’m back at the pool regularly, I’m feeling like my body isn’t fitting well into my swimsuit. Normally this doesn’t bother me, but I have a new swimsuit, and new suits are always very tight.
Coincidentally, I have been following a nutritionist who writes about the nutritional contents of many different foods and encourages people to eat at least 5 servings of vegetables and 2 of fruits each day. She doesn’t worry about exact measurements for servings – eyeballing, filling half your plate with vegetables, measuring by using your hand or fist are all valid. Eating a variety of things will probably be just fine for overall nutrition. No foods are off-limits. I find her nonjudgmental approach refreshing.
An example of a plate half filled with veggies. This one is from The Institute for Family Health.
So, as part of my fall routine, I’m trying to be more mindful of what I eat. I am writing very basic notes in a paper journal. I don’t track amounts or types of food. If I had an egg salad sandwich with lettuce and tomato, and ate a peach afterwards, that’s literally all I write down.
I have considered adding a note at the end of the day about whether I felt satisfied, or whether I needed to adjust my meals going forward, but so far I haven’t bothered. I’m just focusing on noticing when I feel satiated and when I feel hungry, and whether I am drinking enough water.
It’s not quite as simple as the principles of intuitive eating that Tracy wrote about many years ago, but it is definitely inspired by that approach.
After 6 days, I have noticed that I don’t normally eat much fruit; having a piece of fruit with two meals a day feels like a lot.
I have also noticed that I don’t always eat as many vegetables as I thought I did. I eat a lot of vegetables most days, so that’s an area for further exploration. Are the servings I estimate too big? Am I underestimating the vegetables I hide in sandwiches, omelettes etc?
Have I noticed any other things? Honestly, no. And I may never notice any. My aim is to see if focusing on the positive aspects of food will help me to make some tweaks to my already fairly healthy eating habits.
If, over the next six months, my bathing suit starts to fit a little more comfortably, that would be nice. But that might have nothing to do with how I eat. It could happen because I’m getting more exercise, or getting more consistent about engaging my core, or because my bathing suit stretches out with wear, as they always do.
An old picture of me playing in the water while wearing a comfortable old swimsuit. Clearly, I am not concerned about how I look as long as I’m having fun.
Dear readers, we at FIt is a Feminist Issue are constantly vigilant, keeping watch for encroaching messaging that suggests that we need to do some ridiculous cockamamie thing in order to maintain our health, fitness, sanity, and good humor as we run, jump. cycle, swim, climb, paddle, and dance our way through the life trajectory.
Here’s the latest insult that Samantha encountered recently. She put out an APBB (all-points-bloggers-bulletin) our our bloggers FB page, and I quickly responded. Take a deep breath, then take a quick look:
A breakfast menu page with the insulting and deeply flawed headline “55+ Menu”. I know, I know. Take another deep breath– I’m handling it. It’ll be okay.
You may find yourself intuitively troubled, but not yet able to articulate exactly what is wrong with this picture. Again, don’t worry. Here goes…
On the one hand, the actual listed portions work for me personally (a 3-egg omelette is always more than I want in one sitting). Also, 2 slices of French toasts sounds fine. But I’m not now, nor have I ever been a hearty breakfast eater. Even when cycling or paddling in the morning (yes, I have documentation for these admittedly rare events), I tend to eat a little lighter before activity, and then eat energy bars or blocks during activity. One’s mileage varies.
(Parenthetical note: when ordering two slices of French toast, I’d love an egg on the side, but not an egg*. I have no idea what an egg* is, so am rightly suspicious. More research is needed here).
On the other hand, I strongly resent:
1) the idea that 55+ folks have to worry 1a) about calories; and 1b) about calories more than 54- folks. There’s data to suggest the opposite, namely that as people age, their metabolisms manage body weight differently. In particular, more body weight presents fewer risks to health and mortality in older people than in younger people.
2) the idea that 2a) 55+ people should avoid egg yolks for “health” reasons, or 2b) any folks at all (55+- )should avoid egg yolks for “health” reasons. I just wrote a blog post with the latest in egg-news, including the results of a July 2025 study showing that eating 2 eggs a day in fact reduces LDL cholesterol more than eating a high saturated fat diet, with or without an egg.
3) the suggestion that so-called Fit Fare reflects current– or any– research on 3a) nutritional needs for humans 55+-, or 3b) specialized nutritional needs for folks 55+. I looked around online and didn’t find anything, or at least anything positive to say about chain menus that offer lower-calorie variations on their usually-extremely-high-sodium menu items.
Past marketing research does show that casual-dining chains benefit financially from offering both packaged low-calorie food combos and so-called “healthier” combos. But it doesn’t mean that such combos are a) actually healthier, or b) what I want.
So, readers, when it’s breakfast time, my advice is eat what you want. You’ve got loads of options, no matter whether you are 55+ or 55-.
A montage of unsplash-provided breakfast from around the world. Enjoy…
Hey readers– what DO You eat for breakfast? I’d love to hear your ideas, as it’s fun to switch thiings up every once in a while.
Close-up of a hand grasping a freshly glazed donut oozing with icing, ready to satisfy a sweet tooth craving
A year ago today, I posted a blog here about the jarring effect of seeing a very thin Brie Larson, playing the lead role in Lessons in Chemistry, preparing food that she never seemed to eat. I was not alone in trying to puzzle through the strange effect that her appearance had in relation to the show’s rich stylization of food. FIFI stats tell me that at least 5489 readers clicked the link to open that post in 2024.
The nerve that the blog touched, perhaps, is the nerve hit, repeatedly, by the horrible lessons served every day to North American women for dinner and dessert. “You should be perfectly thin. If you are perfectly thin, we will adore and praise you.” But also, “You must not be imperfectly thin. If you are imperfectly thin, scaring us with intimations of death and disease, we will shame and shun you.” Putting food near the perfectly thin celebrity reminds us of what she eats, or maybe doesn’t eat, to look the way she does. We see the food, we see the body, and the red flags appear. The imperfectly thin body, we fear, serves as the star’s understudy. It’s like the optical illusion that has us looking at a duck—no, wait, a rabbit! The mind is not quite sure what it’s perceiving. Should we clap or hold the applause?
The trouble with making all of this explicit is that drawing attention to the problem may look like blaming the victim. I see the jutting collarbones and hear the rumours and turn away out of respect for the privacy of the woman whose life is so mercilessly mined for entertainment and exploitation. She may be naturally tiny or she may be suffering. It’s none of my business. Except it is, insofar as her body elicits a visceral response, reminding me of my own vexed relation to the story it tells, or doesn’t tell.
I started thinking about Brie Larson again because I’ve been thinking, lately, about elite women runners and the price they may pay to achieve their goals. Last year, I wished them all happy holiday eating in my post. But it’s becoming increasingly difficult, for me, to ignore the problem of disordered eating and running excellence. In some ways, it’s even harder to have this conversation than it is to talk about Hollywood celebrities. There might be a world in which actors could all gain weight and continue to play characters in movies, but could women marathoners carry any weight and still be competitive? And, if we want to respect both their professionalism and their boundaries, should we not simply agree that they are born lean, mean, running machines and move on? Only, reports concerning college women athletes suggest that it’s probably not just all good nutrition and good genes, all of the time. The idea that a decade after graduation, North American runners have grown out of whatever food-related issues they might have had as young women—well, I wonder. (A brave post by Kelowna runner Christy Lovig addresses this subject head on.)
Recently, I wrote here about a marathon that went sideways. One of the stranger thoughts I had, in the final excruciating hour of that race, was that donuts were to blame for my lack-lustre performance. In the cacophony of nasty voices that I had to listen to, one was louder than the rest: “Too many donuts.” To be clear, this was not a reflection on whether my nutrition plan might have failed me—that more protein and fewer simple carbs might have made for more muscle and less fat. No, this was a moral judgement: “You are a bad person because you eat donuts and now you are being punished for it.”
I feel lucky in not having had to struggle with disordered eating since brushing up against it as a teen. But like most women I know, I carry an internal critic quick to judge and shame my appearance and the appetite that has me relishing donuts whenever I can get my hands on a good one. Most of the time, I ignore her. But when I’m sad or vulnerable, there she is, observing that I want too much, whatever that “too much” might be—wanting to run a marathon or to eat a second piece of pie. I had better prove it’s all worth it–by running a BQ every time I take on the 26.2 distance, for instance–or make myself small.
So, this holiday season, I wish everyone enjoyment of their favourite festive food. But I also wish for honest conversation, at the family table, about the damaging lessons we learned as girls about appetite; about the casual comments made by friends and family that reinforce these lessons, decades later; about the runners, including me, who work to maintain the illusions of control and self-discipline that our culture values so highly, at such great cost.
Alison Conway lives and works in Kelowna, British Columbia, on the traditional and unceded territory of the Syilx Okanagan people.
Hi folks– if you don’t yet know about FIFI founder Tracy’s blog Vegan Practically, I recommend you take a look. It’s chock full of useful discussions about ways to eat that don’t involve consumption of animal products. Posts include philosophical arguments around veganism and vegetarianism, restaurant reviews and delicious recipes. In short, there’s something for the whole family.
For me, Tracy’s blog has two additional huge advantages: 1) explicit acceptance of the fact that each person’s process of matching up their eating habits with their moral principles is different. Lots of people who are interested in reducing, say, meat intake, will want to do it incrementally. Her blog supports that, which leads me to 2): strategies around reducing one’s animal-product footprint in easy-to-follow ways. She shares her own research and product reviews, offers restaurant and catering critiques and shout-outs, and shows how her life works as a practical vegan.
I’ve been a life-long omnivore, but over time an increasingly uncomfortable one. I teach a Philosophy of Food course, so am very familiar with both the philosophical arguments and overwhelming factual case to be made against eating animals. But, all my previous half-hearted and unprepared attempts to eat vegetarian petered out. I felt stuck and, well, uncomfortable.
Over the course of many conversations with Tracy and others who eat few or no animal products, I came to the conclusion that ANY reductions in e.g. meat or dairy intake were a good thing. I started with eating vegetarian food at restaurants with friends who were vegetarian, and cooking more vegetarian food when having friends over. I moved on to finding vegetarian favorite dishes at restaurants (or for cooking/preparing in my house) and incorporating them into my regular eating rotation.
Then, in 2022, I watched My Octopus Teacher on Netflix. I also read the book Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. Both of them feature an octopus protagonist with a great personality. Yes, I know that the book is fiction. But hear me out: these representations of an intelligent, complex, lovable animal flipped a switch for me. I no longer would even consider eating octopus. The decision was made. Period.
Done (at least for that particular animal). Thanks Eden C for Unsplash for the photo.
Of course, eliminating octopus from my diet wasn’t exactly a heavy lift, as I didn’t normally eat much octopus. But, it was proof of concept. And, as a good philosopher, I looked around to see what inferences I might and could and should draw from this position.
Enter the pig. Pigs are known to have complex lives and engage in lots of intelligent behavior. Studies have shown them to be smarter than dogs and even 3-year-old children, says the Humane Society of the United States. Well, okay, then. Pigs are off my table. No more pork for me. Oh, and while I’m at it, no more lamb (again, not a heavy lift, so let’s put it on my no-eating list).
As a person from the American South who visits family there often, avoiding pork is not an easy feat. Also, I admit I like the taste of pork products. But that is no longer a reason for me to eat it, or even consider eating it. Pigs are just not creatures I eat. Period.
However, even though the switch has flipped, I have to do some mental and moral work to keep away from pork, mainly because there’s pork in so much food out there (e.g. corn chowder in restaurants). Now I’m among the folks who are actively bothered that there aren’t more non-pork items on a menu.
As of this writing, I’m still eating beef, chicken and seafood. I particularly love shrimp. But, it’s the next thing on my no-eat list. Why? I read this NYT article about the environmental and human damage the shrimp industry imposes. I already sort of knew some of that info, but reading the article flipped that switch again. I can’t, in good conscience, eat shrimp anymore.
Of course YMMV. The Times article points out that different folks respond in many ways to information about harms produced by industrial animal (in this case shrimp) farming:
In the end, decisions around shrimp come down to your values about what you eat. Dr. Rodriguez Martín and Dr. Lively said they eat shrimp, as does Mr. Nash, though rarely, and he reads the packaging meticulously. Dr. Lively generally eats shrimp only from the United States.Dr. Koehn doesn’t eat shrimp, but he tries not to lecture friends and family.
You may be wondering: what about the chicken and the beef? And dairy, too. The same arguments and considerations apply to them, too.
Yes, you’re right. What I can say by way of explanation (not defense) is that I’m paying attention to what I’m eating, actively exploring meat-free options, working them into my diet as best I can, and knowing that for me, this process takes time. But it’s happening.
Eliminating meat from my diet one animal at a time may not be the most efficient way, but it is my way, for now. And it’s kind of working.
What about you, dear readers? If you are at any point in the process of animal product reduction, let us know what you’re doing. We’d love to hear from you.
1.Who here used to sell Girl Scout cookies? Anyone? Anyone? I did.
2.Who here has looked forward to Girl Scout cookie season (especially the thin mints)? No need to be shy– feel free to step on up. I’m already there.
3.Who here wants to transmit their admittedly-hard-to-get-rid-of feelings of body policing and food restriction on a bunch of little girls, otherwise excited to do some business with the public for the very first time? No one? Good. Not me, either!
If you answered yes to 2. and no to 3, you’re in good company. And, the Girls Scouts are happy to help you out with some tips. Here they are (copied from their Insta page)
Honestly, this advice is good for virtually any situation, and virtually any person.
Who here loves the fact that little girls selling cookies can help the rest of us remember that sometimes (actually, all the time), a cookie is just a cookie? ME!
Oh yeah, we all want in on this.
But you’re not limited in what else a cookie can be: it can be a thin mint, lemon, toffee, or whatever you can dream up and whip up (and buy up from your local troop). Here’s their list for this year:
The 2024 Girl Scout Cookie Lineup
If you want to read about one mother’s experiences with body- and diet-conscious messaging during her daughter’s first cookie sales, read here. If you want to find out where and how to buy Girl Scout Cookies during the season, check it out here.
Or, you could decide to bake or buy or borrow some other cookies to enjoy at your leisure. It’s up to you. Enjoy…
Did you make any resolutions, set yourself some new challenges, or plan some adventures?
What’s in a word? I’ve been thinking lots about adventures lately and how much the word, adventure, resonates with me. It’s my Word of the Year even.
But there’s also the contrast between the language of resolution, challenge, and adventure.
The pasta quest post above certainly hit a nerve with our fit feminist community on Facebook. I shared it there, and nearly 500 people liked it. Many reshared it. One of those people was my friend Todd Tyrtle.
On his own Facebook page Todd wrote, “Last week I listened to Lee Craigie and Jenny Graham talking on a podcast and they said something I really liked. They talked about the how calling something an “adventure” can have a totally different feel to calling it a “challenge”. A challenge implies investment in an outcome. A pushup challenge likely means a total number, or the ability to do so many at a time. People do weightloss challenges, writing challenges. And the thing about doing a challenge means there’s a chance of failure. You don’t do enough pushups, ride far enough, or finish a novel in November. An adventure is something different entirely. An adventure can be a long walk, a new recipe, a bicycle tour or learning a new language. You may or may not have the outcome you expect. Instead you’re expecting interesting things to happen.
My challenge to you in 2024…
Wait…
The *adventure* I suggest for you as we approach the new year is to consider taking on more adventures and fewer challenges and resolution. Like Pasta Quest!”
At about 15:55 is where they start talking about adventures, and about 17:15 in is where they talk about the difference between an adventure and a challenge.
I find I’m often thinking in more adventure terms these days.
I like the idea of trying one new fitness thing a month for 2024. That resonates because during my knee surgery recovery I was so focused on physiotherapy and personal training, everything else dropped away. I feel ready to broaden my fitness horizons again.
Or taking Cheddar to a new park every week for a dog hike. The larger goal there is getting to know the surrounding area better.
A friend, maybe it was the blog’s Diane?, mentioned reading a book each month from a different country.
I also like food adventures. Maybe not pasta quest but something that would get me trying new fruits and vegetables. Perhaps trying a new fruit or veggie every time I get groceries. Or trying a recipe from a different country every week.
I’ve got a friend who has the goal of camping in all of Ontario’s provincial parks. That might be fun, too.
And then there are the people making art with Strava maps of their bike rides. I like this one.
Strava map of Santa
How about you? I’m curious to know if thinking in terms of challenges, resolutions, or adventures makes a difference in your mindset. I’m also curious if there are any adventures in your future. Let us know in the comments below.
On January 18, The Washington Post was either having a very slow news day or engaging in a hazing ritual for new editors. Why do I think this? Because of this article that somehow got published about how Dr. Susan, Jebb, chair of the UK Food Standards Agency personally doesn’t like it when people bring cakes into the office:
“If nobody brought in cakes into the office, I would not eat cakes in the day, but because people do bring cakes in, I eat them,” professor Susan Jebb, chairwoman of the Food Standards Agency, told Britain’s Times newspaper. “We all like to think we’re rational, intelligent, educated people who make informed choices the whole time, and we undervalue the impact of the environment.”
Hmm. I see. Did a new study come out about workplace treat consumption and health outcomes? A randomized controlled trial to measure employee BMI before and after the experimental group had a slew of employee birthday parties? A literature review on the state of employee workplace nutritional intake?
Nope. Courtesy of Daniel Herron, on Unsplash. I don’t know if the writing is edible or not.
Someone just asked Jebb what she personally thought about workplace cakes. She added:
“As The Times article points out I made the comments in a personal capacity and any representation of them as the current position or policy of the FSA is misleading and inaccurate.”
But then she went on (fair enough– some reporter kept asking her questions, which she kept answering).
“With smoking, after a very long time, we have got to a place where we understand that individuals have to make some effort, but that we can make their efforts more successful by having a supportive environment,” she said. “But we still don’t feel like that about food.”
Right. Public health nutrition professor doesn’t want cake in the workplace, and suggests that we are now in a position with respect to cake in the workplace that we used to be with respect to smoking in the workplace.
As you would imagine, Washington Post subscribers had much to say in the comments. For ease of digesting them, I’ll put them into manageable bites:
Clever frontal assaults:
Oh, please. I’ve never been afflicted by second hand cake because it isn’t possible, unless perhaps you slip on someone’s cake and fall down the stairs.
Is it possible to actually inhale cake involuntarily now?
Some of the foods in our environment are designed to kill.
Crabby and ungrateful co-workers
I didn’t like the cake for my birthday at work from co-workers, even if they were excellent. I also didn’t like it when sweets or cakes were brought in for everyone to enjoy.
… while the person bringing cake to the office is trying to be kind, they’re poisoning their colleagues.
No more workplace cake because no more workplace!
Maybe it’s not the cake but the workplace that’s killing us.
Maybe working in an office is the real health risk, not the cake. Sitting at a desk and working on a computer for 8 or more hours a day is way worse than cake.
Pro-cake partisans
I love office cakes. I love office snacks. I love goodies that distract from the daily grind.
How often do these coworkers bring cake to the office? They can come work with me.
My favorite is below– I wish I had written it myself, but I’m doing the next best thing by sharing it with all of you here:
The underlying assumption here is that gaining weight is just as unhealthy as smoking. Believe it or not, responsible science doesn’t actually support a clear and direct connection between weight and health outcomes. Food can be a social catalyst and cultural touchstone. Eat the damn cake if you want to; don’t if you don’t.
So, readers, what do you think? When it’s someone’s birthday in your office, should you let them eat cake? Let us know in the comments.
Image description: Veganuary logo, which is the word “VEGANUARY” in block letters of a variety of fonts, and a little “v” up in the top right corner that looks like a heart.
I’ve blogged about Veganuary before, and in the six years since then the Veganuary web resources have just gotten better and better. If you want to take the January challenge, it’s certainly not too late to sign up. But you don’t have to sign up to gain access to all that the Veganuary website has to offer. It’s not just for vegans or even just for people who want to try it for the month of January. It’s really a wealth of resources for anyone with some curiosity.
Maybe you just want access to some recipes. The website has that, broken down into categories (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and sweet treats). It gives you some tips for getting started. And it has a really great blog with more recipes, articles recommending great vegan books to read, how to survive Christmas or Diwali (bookmark for next year) as a vegan, and even a whole post about vegan bacon alternatives (for the UK — here in Canada I can vouch for Lightlife Smart Bacon).
If you sign up, which you can do for free, you will get a daily e-mail through Veganuary, a free cookbook, a nutritional checklist, and three meal plans — low calorie, medium calorie, and high calorie).
Veganuary is a non-profit, and they’re doing good work worth supporting. So there is of course an opportunity to donate to them. They make it easy to do, but it’s not a requirement.
Whether you want to try it or not, I recommend taking a look at the website and picking at least one recipe that looks good to you. There are lots of delicious-looking recipes and I would be shocked if even the most fervent omnivore didn’t find at least one thing that looks worth making.
As someone who struggles the most with missing eggs, I’m going to try the Tofu Benedict. What do you want to try?
