Feminist reflections on fitness, sport, and health
Author: natalieh (she/her)
Fat, feminist, 50 yr old mother of 2 adults who loves her high energy life partner of over 30 years. I love moving my body and walk wherever I can. I sometimes ride my road bike, do yoga, lift weights and other shenanigans.
But now? Now I feel nervous if I don’t have my CPAP when falling asleep. This happens when the power is out or if there is a mechanical issue. Those nights are fitful sleeps with lots of tossing and turning.
I’ve started to love the lack of snoring. I really hate spontaneous naps that are stopped by me gagging on my own throat. Scary. Gross. I’m over it.
Nat smiles at the camera with just a normal amount of dark circles under her eyes. It’s a win!
Even better in the past 7 years I find more people are open about using a CPAP and sharing strategies to adapt to using it regularly. I think this is the positive peer support we need to persevere and overcome our individual barriers to donning the mask each night.
It was after 8 pm on January 16th when I got a message on Instagram from Courtney.
“Hey! I’m helping to start this new league in London, ON. Can you pass it along? Appreciate it so much.”
What you need to know about Courtney is her gift at connecting people.
She hosts a book club with her wife Pam. I’ve met so many great people there.
Before that, always invites from Courtney to go skating, play soccer, baseball? So many things.
I had met her many years ago when her ex and I worked together at The AIDS Committee of London. We didn’t know each other very well but appreciated each other’s vibes.
Knowing how good she is at bringing people together I was happy to amp up the posts for Queer Hockey London.
Before I knew it, all the people I knew in the community were talking about it. Even at my physiotherapist!
I was thrilled when the call went out for a game at the arena at Western Fair on Saturday March 7th. Admission was free with an option to support the Queer Food Bank run by PFLAG in London, Ontario.
I went with Michel and our eldest, Oli. We saw so many old friends. Those students on placement 15 years ago? Here with partners AND BABIES! So many wonderful people from babes in arms to seniors.
The audience was friends and family of players but also random community members just there for the fun.
Puck drop at center ice. Photo by Dana Nosella, used with permission.
People were handing out pride flags to waive. There was an inflated rainbow unicorn running around who was later joined by a dinosaur. There were pompoms! My roller derby friend Dawn was playing tunes.
Everyone cheered for each goal, regardless of team. Yay!!
A happy hockey player smiles at the camera. Photo by Dana Nosella, used with permission.
There was a lot of social media coverage as well as radio and our local London Free Press
I swear to you when last I fussed with my commuter bike in December I hadn’t resolved a shifting issue. Yet when I dusted it off this week the cable was perfectly aligned.
The Shimano internal gears has a diagnostic setting. You put it in fourth and two dots appear on the rear sprocket. You adjust the cable tension to align them. But. Uh. When I checked it was perfect.
I had avoided biking in to work a couple times in February because I thought I still had a mechanical issue to deal with.
It’s so weird.
I biked in 3 times this week and it felt really good.
Wednesday was foggy in the morning and gloriously sunny in the afternoon.
Thursday was damp in the morning and very wet in the afternoon.
Friday was damp.
But no snow. No ice. Easy riding.
I’m kicking myself for not riding in February but it was a good reminder of how my brain lies to me.
I need to check the facts because I am not always a reliable reporter.
A rear wheel of a bicycle looking shiny in the sun in front of green grass.
My butt is a little sore from 3 days in a row after 3 months of not riding. I’m the women’s local legend of The Colborne which is, quite possibly the shortest, flattest Strava segment in existence.
But hey. I’m out there doing my silly little rides and much happier for it. No thanks to my lying brain.
My beloved and I have both been struggling to get a minimum viable amount of sleep. Our brains betray us. Our backs hurt. Our dog Lucy is hyper vigilant and wants those 4 a.m. snow removal folks to know SHE SEES THEM.
We’ve limited caffeine to the morning. We are abstaining from alcohol. We stick to our wind down routine.
In bed, I pop my bite guard in my mouth and snap my CPAP on. Michel dons his eye mask with earbuds to listen to a bedtime meditation.
We have smart lights that go to warmer hues at night.
We have separate duvets, his is heavy and mine gossamer thin. I still sweat.
And our mattress needs replacing. She’s lumpy. Turns out foam mattresses don’t last longer than 5 years and she’s around 7?
So off we went shopping to find a queen size mattress. Our house is nearly 100 years old and the narrow staircase couldn’t accommodate our queen platform so we have a last minute rickety frame that came in a slim box.
We went in with a plan but somewhere along the line Michel started eyeing split king beds with mechanical frames.
I spoke in French to him cautioning that it would be easily triple the price of just getting a queen mattress.
We had done our research and knew we needed a hybrid mattress with coils and foam so that it would last.
We shared with the sales person that we had an older house.
He showed us some regular mattresses and I knew my budget was gone when we tried a half split king bed. It’s split at the top to allow each person to adjust the upper angle and the bottom moves as one.
I’m promised that the mattress is cooling. I forgot to mention the thrice nightly lather of sweat thanks to hot flashes.
The salesperson promised the mattress arrives in a box no bigger than a twin. The mechanical frame folds up, again into a twin sized package.
We switched to French for honest budget conversations then back to English with the salesperson.
I hope a non-lumpy, bigger bed with better temperature regulation will help me get more than my current average of 6 hours a night.
I go to bed between 9:30 and 10 pm. I get up between 6 and 7 am. I am awake several hours each night.
I will give it a month and let you know how the new bed works out!
A bed with lots of pillows promises a sweet, sweet night of sleep.
Joyce Lister (MacDonald) Sangster died on Wednesday after nearly 97 years on this earth. It’s easy to only see where a person is at when they die. It’s far harder to see them in their youth, especially when you didn’t know them then.
I’ve written often about Gran, our conversations and her influence on me.
You might think “what else could she possibly tell us that she hasn’t already?”
Well strap in for the long read, ‘cause I got a lot of tales to tell.
Basketball
Gran was a vibrant and active woman. She played high school basketball and went on to play in the McAdam village women’s team after graduation. She kept the picture of her and her teammates in the den. The uniforms had crisp collars and pleated skirts. It was the late 1940s after all. She would travel to Saint John and Fredericton for tournaments. The journey taking 4 or 5 hours as there weren’t highways at the time.
Skating
My earliest memories of her are helping me ice skate. We would watch figure skating in the 1980s and she would tell me about how the sport started out “well it was basically a little hop and coasting on one leg back then.”
She was steady and graceful on figure skates helping me learn turns and backwards moves.
Cross Country Skiing
She had wooden cross country skis that we would carefully wax. Anj and I would take turns with her, breaking trail on our modern plastic skis both in McAdam and when she lived in Aroostook.
Sometimes we would pick the wrong wax and Gran’s skis would get clumped up with snow. It was hilarious.
Downhill skiing
She and Grandad would take Anj and I to Mt Farlange to downhill ski. A luxury we would never have experienced without her interest.
Snowshoe
There was snowshoeing, toboggan rides and snow forts.
We had our choice of traditional wooden snowshoes. One design we called partridge feet, round on the front with a long tail out the back. This is more widely known as Huron design. The other pairs were aluminum bear paws, oval with lacing rather than gut. It always took a bit to find our stride but then we would run around the woods, floating on top of the snow.
Summer fun
Summertime with Gran meant swimming, rowing a dinghy and splashing along in the pedal boat at the camp on Oromocto Lake.
We would have family get togethers in July, near her birthday. At first it was the extended Sangster clan, including my great grandparents and all of their descendants. As time went on it was down to Gran & Grandad’s family.
These gatherings always included lawn darts, horseshoes and Croquet.
Walking
Gran was famous in retirement for her daily walks. Her morning route took her by most of my family on my Dad and Mom’s side.
It’s 1999 and I’m kneeling next to Gran. She’s sitting in a grey velour chair holding my oldest son, Oli. There are decorative plates in the background that today hang in my dining room.
A foodie before that was a thing
Besides being incredibly active and fit, Gran was an amazing cook. Her cookies and pies, delicious. She loved feeding people and dessert was served after every meal. Bacon and eggs for breakfast was completed with a donut. Lunch was followed by pie or squares. After dinner, ice cream or cookies.
Big family meals meant a mountain of mashed potatoes that she would not stop serving until we had all undone our waistbands, begging to stop eating.
Growing food and flowers
She loved to garden, growing vegetables and cut flowers. Gran decorated for every occasion and had brooches and outfits for Valentines, St Patrick’s…all the things.
Gran sits at the counter at my parents’ house holding my youngest kid, Jean. I know it’s Jean because Gran has a Christmas tree brooch on and Jean was born on Halloween.
Painting
Gran was an avid oil painter. I would sneak photos of her works in progress. Gran always found fault with her pieces but I was in awe.
Two paintings, one of chickadees the other birch trees along a pond. Four paintings. A red and white light house, a grey barn in a snow covered field, a red covered bridge and a fall stand of trees in browns and oranges. A scraggly note says “Gran’s Artwork 85/86”. I clearly don’t take after Gran in the penmanship department.
Crafting and Gifting
Gran knit, sewed and was generally crafty. She sent me a Christmas card and birthday cards for my whole family every year. Her beautiful script would be accompanied by stickers and a bit of cash. She loved hearing what we bought.
No hugs!
Things I wish were different with Gran. I wished I gotten her hugging more and saying “I love you”. She was very reserved, stoic even. Quick to smile and laugh, she was not demonstrative and neither are her children. I’ve taken up the cause of addressing the hug deficit in my family, much to the chagrin of most.
Gran, my dad, Oli is in my arms. We are outside of my hobby farm in Aylesford NS in the summer of 2000.
The last few times I saw her Gran no longer recognized me. Sometimes she thought I was my mom or another long lost relative or friend. While I thought I had said my goodbyes and that I was ready, it turns out I really wasn’t. I’m so sad for the lost time. She was an immense figure in my life despite being a very tiny woman.
In case you do know our family and want to leave condolences I’ve included her obituary.
I do love the Olympics but I’m especially enamored with the Winter Olympic Games. I joke it’s about hurtling down mountains and doing complicated things on ice. It’s INTENSE.
Olympic rings against a blue sky
I remember the first time women’s hockey was in the Olympics, 1998. I was just out of college, newly married and completely obsessed with the hockey tournament.
The women on that first national hockey team were absolute legends and Canada has built a reputation for excellence ever since.
The competition is small as few nations can put forward a women’s team. This will likely change as the Professional Women’s Hockey League will continue to generate excitement and opportunities in women’s hockey.
Canada is playing Germany in the quarterfinals today. I can’t wait. I will spend most of this long weekend crafting and cooking while hockey is on.
A hockey net sits on the ice in an arena.
I do love in this era of streaming I can seek out and watch all of the women’s events. The CBC Gem app is a godsend. Women’s events are no longer relegated to the prime time highlight reel, they are front and center. Go sports!
A bare road on the left and a 30 cm layer of frozen slush runs up the bike lane. You know it’s a bike lane because there is a higher pile of snow to the right and there are white lane markers sticking out.
Friends, we have had a very snowy winter in London. I was so happy to see Diane’s post on Thursday that she is out and about on her bike.
My bike is in the garage. I keep thinking “maybe next week?”
In the mean time, my beloved and I had our basement renovated in January. This limited our workouts to some dumbbells in the living room.
Today I’m mopping the floor and getting set up for indoor spinning.
My lower back is a mess at the moment so I’m not looking for personal bests, just getting in the saddle for some easy rides.
And likely shoveling more snow. Apparently that will keep happening.
Nat peaks out from behind the snowbank at the end of her driveway. It’s mostly above her head. She is waving both hands in red mittens. Her hair, eyebrows and lashes are covered in frost. She is smiling like a kid in her green parka because this is a silly amount of snow.
I love a good group post. Last month I did a three part series called “Thirsty Thursday”. It got a lot of traction, especially from friends and colleagues, people want to talk about other options than drinking alcohol while out on the town or celebrating at home. Here’s our favourites.
Catherine
Honestly, right now I’m treating myself to the occasional fresh-squeezed orange or grapefruit juice. Several evenings this week I poured myself a small glass half-full of OJ, and drank it with great pleasure. The tart citrus, the texture of pulp, even the bright orangey-yellow color are sensory delights during the dark cold winter. It’s intense, so it’s perfect for sipping. I am squeezing grapefruits myself for the next round of after-dinner citrus concoctions. Yes, you add grenadine for color/flavor-sweetness, and/or seltzer or tonic for fizz, but at the moment I’m into the pure power of citrus.
Sam
I’m a big fan of Geez Louise. The company is Canadian and women-owned. The drink is prebiotic sparkling water with 5g of plant-based fiber, zero sugar, and no sweeteners. I like Melon Mint best, Lemon Lavender second best, and Grapefruit Basil third.
There’s a lot I can’t drink now, coffee after noon, very carbonated beverages any time. Luckily I’m happy with plain water most of the time. Also, mint tea. But the Jeez Louises taste good and don’t upset my stomach so they’re a win.
A picture of four cans of Geez Louise Melon Mint.
Elan
I haven’t tried this yet but the Juicer at Pearl Morrisette, One of only a few two Michelin star restaurants in Ontario, creates a tisane with herbs infused in water, then mixes with a fresh pressed juice. The result is depth and complexity without too much sweetness. Try infusions with basil, nettle, sea buckthorn, oregano, or lavender!
Martha
The Carbon Bar has a great mocktail menu. My favourite mocktail is any variation of a Moscow mule. I love the zip the non alcoholic ginger beer gives to fruit syrups!
It’s in Toronto. It’s also quiet, conducive to conversation and the meal we had there a few years ago was lovely.
Diane
I love my sparkling water with a splash of flavouring. I use a SodaStream because it creates less waste, and preferred flavours are lemon or some sort of shrub (an old syrup recipe that I make using fruit, vinegar and sugar). You can find the recipe here:https://siglindesarts.wordpress.com/2024/01/01/rhubarb-shrub/
A funnel shaped crystal glass containing a drink the colour of ginger Allie on a white lace tablecloth.
Tracy
Day to day I like flavoured sparkling water. But my favourite two mocktails are both at Planta: the cucumber mule and the cosmic colada. So good.
Nicole
I have had some good shrubs and similar in restaurants, but really, I’m happy with good coffee – or – a Diet Coke!
Cate
I like RISE hibiscus kombucha for a sparkling middle of the day treat.
Nat
There are so many great mocktails. My favourites are Edna’s mojito. It’s crisp and served over a glass full of ice so the tall can goes far.
Clever G&T is available at grocery stores in Ontario and is a modest price point.
Chill Street Gin Fizz from Nova Scotia is tangy and blueberry flavored.
As a side note, I loved reading everyone’s go to drinks. I remember the first fresh squeezed orange juice I ever had. It was in Florida and it tasted like sunshine.
Often I’m looking for complexity or intensity of flavour, a different kind of stimulation than water, tea or coffee.
I hope you found inspiration to try something new!
My lower back is often tighter than I realize. My massage therapist kindly reminds me to keep walking, lifting and stretching. It usually keeps things decent.
My last physiotherapy appointment I asked Emily if we could assess my right hip. It was very painful after swimming last week.
Emily asked me a bunch of questions then set about assessing my hip and back. I stood on one leg, then the other. I did side bends. She then had my lay on my back and put my leg in various positions asking me to press or pull.
“Ok. Now I want you on your stomach and just go into a baby cobra as relaxed as possible.”
The pain went away. Yet another moment of “what I go in for is not the issue”. Translated pain is the name of my game.
So I’m on a tummy time routine with hourly baby cobra. It’s definitely working.
No more hip pain but WOW is my lower back screaming day and night.
It’s frustrating as I continue to chase one petty injury after another.
Looking back there have been many things to irritate my lower back.
My fall in December , walking in snowy conditions, less strength and cycling and, oh yes, shoveling a shit tonne of snow the past month.
It’s the injury of desk jockeys, those of us with extremely sedentary jobs.
“But Natalie!” you exclaim, “you are a very active person!”
Not farmer active. Not contractor active. I’m active around an 8 hour day of sitting. So I’m using the standing option as much as possible. I change up where I’m meeting. I use stretch brakes. Walking commutes.
While I am frustrated at always being in physiotherapy for something I’m grateful I can access expert care.
It’s tempting, laying here writing to just stop doing everything. But I know it will only make the pain and my quality of life much worse. So. Baby cobra and being kind to my back it is.
This is my final installment of Thirsty Thursday where I write about how I’m leaving alcohol behind.
Growing up in rural New Brunswick the epitome of hospitality was offering guests an alcoholic drink when they arrived.
Birthdays, graduations and most events had alcohol at the center. We got together to have drinks at home or in bars. Drinking was the activity and the socializing came second.
Inadvertently we excluded anyone who didn’t or couldn’t drink.
Many years later I’ve learned that socializing doesn’t have to be centered around drinking alcohol.
That’s not to mean I’m asking people to not drink but rather have other things as the reason we are getting together.
My friend Jess and I regularly get together over crafting events, like making clay ornaments.
A star, heart and tree shaped white clay ornaments with red ribbon loops.
Michel and I have dates swimming, walking and working out.
Friends are coming over for a pre-concert hang next weekend. The plan is making pizzas and playing board games.
I invite my eldest over to help me on projects around the house.
I get together with friends to read each other’s writing.
Alcohol can be involved in these things but they are not what is bringing us together.
When I move alcohol to the periphery I center time with friends, creativity and wellbeing.
