When I was growing up there was an ad for ketchup featuring a song by Carly Simon (Anticipation). The tag line — “…anticipation is making it wait!” — reminds me of the classic marshmallow study looking at the impact of delayed gratification (resisting a small reward for a greater one later on).

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because so much of the stress we can experience comes from having to meet other people’s expectation and demands. Now there are times when you need to respond immediately (child is fishing in the toilet, cat is swinging wildly from drapes, the computer ate your project and so on), but many times, you don’t have to.

Whose agenda are you prioritizing? A colleague gave me a very wise piece of advice years ago. She was teaching a workshop and asked how many of us checked our email first thing in the morning? Almost all of us there raised our hands. What would happen if we waited until 10 am to check? or 11am? Not much we concluded. If it was a real emergency, then we would likely get a call. Looking at my own behaviour, I realized the plan I made at the end of the day before, was frequently delayed in favour of responding to someone else’s agenda.

Put yourself first. So today, when you get that request, think about it carefully. If saying yes means your time will be derailed, delay your response. Takeing control of your time, even in five minute or half hour chunks can make a huge difference.

Decision fatigue is real. The New York Times did a piece about it in 2011. While their focus was on the time of day judges made their decisions, the concept applies to us all. Overscheduled, overprogrammed, burdened with managing emotional labour, and juggling multiple roles and demands, we come to a place where we cannot decide One.More.Thing.

Faced with a hydra of a to-do list, we poke at one thing, peek at another, and before you know it, the day is done and you aren’t sure what’s happened.

If you are being plagued with decision fatigue and task overwhelm, pick one thing. It doesn’t matter which one it is, just pick one. Maybe you poke randomly at your list with your eyes closed. Maybe you ask your friend to text you a number between one and ten, and you do the item the number corresponds to. As a quilter I follow says, done is better than perfect.

I remember when I first saw a child throw a full, no holds-barred tantrum. It was pretty stressful on the parent, but after the child was done, all their frustration was gone, and they were limp with exhaustion.

During the early days of the pandemic, things were very stressful. We had daily updates with rapidly escalating numbers and new behaviours to practice, accompanied by lockdowns and guidelines. I had a conversation then about my anxiety and frustration with Cate (FieldPoppy), a regular contributor to this blog. She gave me great advice: get up and stomp around.

I did and it was very satisfying. It didn’t solve the world crisis but it certainly helped me let go of stress. As I learned, stomping offers adults a physically positive way to deal with frustration while also releasing negative energy. These days I often stomp around just for the fun of it.

If you aren’t sure if stomping is for you, try a few jumping jacks, march hard in place for a minute, or weed or rake leaves fiercely. Other options are to shake your arms and hands energetically as if you are trying to fly or kick your feet as if you are playing soccer from your chair. Whatever you do, recognize negative energy will weigh you down and a short burst of fierceness will lighten that load.

When I first learned to run, we were all encouraged to warm up and cool down with a few stretches. I’ve kept that habit, and not just for fitness. I find it helps me get focused before I start work. It doesn’t really matter what sort you do: it’s a gentle movement that gives you a beginning and end to activities. For example, I frequently use the Pomodoro technique to write in chunks. When I get my five-minute break, I take one of those moments to stretch my fingers and then wiggle them.

This article by Kate Bratskelr talks about how stretching can help your mental health. She quotes Kelvin Gary, a fitness expert, who says “Stretching can keep you balanced. (…) (It) can help you keep better posture and alignment in your spine. It helps you feel physically better, which, in turn, keeps you from getting into a degraded mental space.”

Bratskelr also talks about how different kinds of stretches help the mind and body connect, and there are links and examples of good stretches to try. Here’s a link to a another guide for three uncomplicated poses: cow stretch, cat stretch and side angle.

Recently I did a workshop on energizers: my favourite is to spacewalk like an astronaut. It’s surprisingly effective and loads of fun. The slow movements help you to lengthen your muscles that may have gotten tight while sitting and the emphasis on slow movements reminds you not to rush. Go on now, have a stretch and reconnect.

Years ago, a friend told me she had breast cancer. The prognosis was good, but she was worried about the changes this would bring to her body. I can’t remember what she said next exactly, but it sparked a series of the best ever, most awful puns involving the word breast and its synonyms. Well, we laughed and laughed until we cried, and then we cried and cried until we laughed again.

It was cathartic and exhausting, and we felt better after we pulled ourselves together. It reminded me of an article I had read about Norman Cousins when he was diagnosed with a chronic illness. He did all kinds of treatments per his medical team, but he added a daily comedy film after reading about researcher Hans Selye’s work on stress and its impact on the body. Cousins thought if stress could cause harm, then eliminating stress by laughing should do good. It did wonders for his well-being and also provided his body with healing doses of endorphins.

A British survey in 2014 found adults laugh six times a day compared to children who laugh an average of 400 times a day. I wonder if we tripled our laugh quotient as adults, how much more would that add to our day? I’m off to find out. But for now, enjoy this little gem that always brings a smile to my face: Pretty Big Dig.

I was supposed to be on a casual chat catch up zoom call recently. They’re a great bunch of people, but it was warm here, with no wind, no rain, and only a light grey sky. Not bad for late November for an island in the North Atlantic. So I ditched the call, gathered up weeds, planted a few bulbs, cleaned the deck and put away the flower pots for the winter.

You don’t have to be as productive as that to get the benefit of fresh air. Take a quick walk, do a mini-clean up, stick your head out the window or door and take five deep breaths, or sit on a step and look up at the sky. (Watching clouds go by is hugely underrated in my opinion but I find looking up always gives you a different perspective.) Unless it is blowing a gale out, you won’t melt and the cobwebs will leave your brain.

I love music playlists. Feeling tired? Try some Pointer Sisters. Guaranteed to pick you up. Nerves feeling jangly by too much stimulus? Call up some Enya and chill. Regardless of my mood, I often find moving to music helpful. You don’t have to dance but moving your self to the beat provides space for you to connect with your body. Somewhere on YouTube is a tune for you to groove on.

I still remember the day my child had their last nap: Dec. 28, 2003. I never understood why children resist naps; they are the best thing when you need a pick me up. Emma Goldman famously said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution,” but I’m rewriting that sentence to say “If I can’t nap or dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” I think naps are great. Twenty minute naps refresh, re-energize, and reignite your synapses.

My friend SamB, who is also a co-founder of this blog, turned me on to The Nap Ministry. It’s a great blog, focusing on rest for resistance. The Nap Bishop writes:

May a space to daydream and slow down open to you. May you realize the power of taking rest since no one will give it to you. This is why rest is a resistance and a slow meticulous love practice. We must continue deprogramming from grind culture. We must continue not turning away from our own terror. We must deconstruct around the ways we uphold grind culture, capitalism and white supremacy. We must wake up. We will rest.

So go on, set your clock, lie down (or curl up in a chair) and get some Zzzzs.

When I was younger, I couldn’t imagine how someone could forget to eat, but here we are, me living my best life in middle age, wondering why I’m growling. When I get really into my work, the outside world fades into the distance while my overstuffed to do list nags at me and my deadlines loom. Too often, I find myself feeling hollow and anxious, my energy levels lower than the last bar on my phone battery.

The fact is sometimes what you are feeling is not anxiety but hunger. I figured out a while ago that I didn’t need to have a full meal during the day so long as I grazed my way regularly with a variety of easy foods I could grab and eat. I also avoided the sudden dips in blood sugar caused by long gaps between eating. Have some cheese and crackers, a piece of fruit, a yogurt, some nuts or a carrot with hummus. Put your snack on a nice plate or eat it with your favourite spoon or fork. It all makes a difference to how you feel.

We all experience stress for various reasons. Holidays can bring their own levels of anxiety, regardless of the traditions in which we grew up. Instead of an advent calendar, to borrow an image from Christian practice, here’s a month of tips to help you stay grounded.

Are you feeling tired, overwhelmed? Got a headache? Feel a little achy? You might not have enough fluids in you. Staying hydrated makes a difference, whether you are working out or not. It’s easy to forget to drink water, especially when we have too much in our heads and too many balls in the air.

Here’s your reminder for today: go drink some water. Get a glass, run the tap to flush standing water, and then fill. Your water can be cold, room temperature, dressed up with a slice of lemon, or packed with ice. Drink it slowly. Drink it standing up or sitting down. Drink it in a different room from where you were before. A glass of water will give you the space to refocus and re-energize. Be well, stay well.