My Apple Watch lobs bits of wisdom to me on the regular.
“Yesterday you didn’t hit your workout goal.”
Yes. I know. I was in a car all day!
“Your VO2 max is low.”
Uh. I didn’t ask you to guess this. You also ignore cycling data sooooooo
And on and on it goes. Sometimes it tells me things I already know, like how little sleep I got.
The more confusing ones are prompts aimed at evaluating metrics I don’t care about or find meaningful.
My friends with Garmins fair no better. It’s a constant onslaught of being told you are doing garbage miles, overtraining or “detraining”?
The promise of smart watches is beautiful data transformed into coaching insights that help you achieve your fitness goals.
The reality is, even with sleep mode/do not disturb, my watch will buzz to prompt me to stand in the middle of the night. WHY???
A series of bar graphs proclaims I have averaged 17 stand hours a day. But I’d rather sleep more than a couple hours at a time.
I do take great comfort in the heart rate monitoring. It’s why I got the Apple Watch in the first place. Now I just need to figure out how to kill the annoying notifications.
As soon as I saw the Insta post (above) by Kelowna runner and mental health advocate, Christy Lovig, I rushed to a grab a notebook and jot down my thoughts. In the past, my claim that running without music, a podcast, or an audiobook is a wonderful experience has fallen, more often than not, on ears that have AirPods lodged in them. “Why,” a friend might say, “would I turn down the pleasure of listening to music that I love for the drudgery of noticing my laboured breathing?”
Here’s why. Unless we live in a monastery ruled by vows of silence, most of us live noisy lives. Text messages, emails, meetings, work tasks, domestic labour–all keep us listening for the next thing we must attend to in a state of vigilance and, often, high stress. The stimulation of our screens keeps the mind revving, the privacy of our thoughts invaded, over and over again, by the lighting up of a phone, the appearance of a badge on a laptop. A run without a phone separates me from all of this. I run early and the silence of the morning, before the rest of the world wakes up, is like a warm blanket after a chilly swim. My mind stops shivering and starts to settle, to notice all the world has on offer: the soft quietness of fresh snow, bird song in the spring, the smell of fresh-cut grass. Were I in a library, another quiet space that I enjoy, I would rustle my thoughts into focused attention. On my runs, a thought drifts in, but I don’t try to hold on to it. Without some kind of tool to fix it in place—a pencil, a keyboard—there’s no point. Thoughts, feelings, plans, and memories rise and fall like waves.
I won’t lie: staring down a long run alone can be daunting. I sometimes ask myself, “How on earth am I going to get through the next three hours? I’m going to be so bored!” The miles stretch out in front of me. I have learned to simply start and let the miles, and the hours, take care of themselves. And to trust that, when I finish the run, I’m going to find myself renewed in ways I can never quite anticipate—mostly, calmer and happier, even in the absence of any answers to the problems of that week, or day.
While in Vancouver last weekend, I ran the seawall and took note of how many solo runners had ear buds in—about 99%. I’m sure they were enjoying their weekend run, catching up on tunes or news or stories they want to hear. But I wondered if they weren’t missing an alternative kind of catch up, one that might restore their sense of self in a different way.
The SkiErg is the first station in a HYROX event. You need to complete 1000m on the SkiErg, which comes after the first 1km run. Following this, you will run a further 7km and complete 7 other functional stations (sled push, sled pull, burpee broad jumps, rowing, farmers carries, walking lunges and wall balls).
Now I can’t run so there’ll be no HYROX racing in my future, but past me, runner me, would have loved this event.
I love farmer’s carries and sled pushing and pulling.
So I’ve been looking on in envy at this event that’s growing fast in popularity. Sarah and I work with a personal trainer at the fancy gym and he’s doing a HYROX event this fall and is starting to train.
That means he’s starting to incorporate some of the HYROX events into our workouts. (YAY!)
Yesterday it was wall balls and the ski-erg.
I remember wall balls from my CrossFit days.
The ski-erg I’ve done once or twice before knee surgery when I needed upper body cardio. This time Sarah and I had fun racing each other to see how fast we could complete 300 m. We did it twice and came within a few seconds of each other.
It’s fun. Like the rowing machine, it’s the kind of strength plus cardio event I enjoy. Also, technique matters. We’ll definitely do it again.
When I was in my 20s I was asked in a job interview (to be a casino table dealer) if I prefer various or repetitive tasks. I knew the best answer was: you say “both.”
But…turns out it’s not true: while some ppl take comfort in it, I struggle with repetition. I don’t usually take pleasure watching the same movies again and again. I get bored eating the same food. I have little interest in returning to the same vacation spots year after year.
That’s all fine. But when I pick up then drop exercise classes, sports leagues, or health routines, I can be critical of myself. It has become part of my self-story that I can’t make good habits. Some days, I even tell myself I am lazy; as evidence of my half-efforts to stick with stuff, I point to a closet of barely user gear.
Then, last week, someone I know described themselves as a novelty seeker. And I thought, hey, me too. ME. TOO.
Novelty seeker positively reframes all my negative self-talk. Recently, I went line dancing, I disc golfed, and I played scrimmage soccer in one week. I am taking up cycling in mid-life. I run around making things. Truly, rather than focus on one sport or type of exercise, I have always sought various ones.
Being a novelty seeker means that I trade off becoming really good at one or a few things by doing them over and over for the joy of experiencing many new things all the time. It means I am not less active, just differently active.
I still seriously admire all the people I know who run long distances, lift weights daily, or play pickleball 5 times a week. And I can appreciate that there is likely great variety within these activities that perhaps I don’t notice (because I haven’t stuck with them long enough).
Perhaps ultimately it is less about the number of favourite sports and activities we have and more about the mindset we bring to what we do. The idea of novelty-seeking works for me. What works for you?
Composite of multiple sports balls from Wikipedia is CC0.
Two physiotherapists from Kitchener-Waterloo from a 2019 blog post on the Ontario Physiotherapy Association web page. They are showing off their blue T-shirts, which say #PhysioHelpsLives
May is National Physiotherapy Month, and FIFI bloggers are big fans. Almost all of us have written about injuries and how physiotherapy has helped.
Sam is probably the most prolific: she worked with physiotherapists both before and after having two separate knee replacements. They helped her remain mobile, then prepare for each surgery, and then recover to the point that she is back to regular cycling and long walks with Cheddar.
Cheddar the dog, from one of Sam’s blog posts in 2024. he is a blue-eyed golden lab, I think.
If you are struggling with balance issues, arthritis, stiffness, or injury, and are able to see a physiotherapist, you might want to get things checked out and get support to keep you moving. May is when we celebrate physiotherapists, but any time is a good time to check in on your bone and muscle health and strength.
The title of this article about Canadian ultrarunner Stephanie Case winning a the 100 mile race Ultra-trail in Snowdonia, Wales, on May 17, six months after giving birth, really gets my goat.
The article itself is just fine. It talks about how 42 year-old Case took three years off from running and this was her first big race since then. It’s honest about some of the challenges she faced both with her body and with managing the logistics of feeding her baby. Case talks about the importance of supporting new moms, and allowing them the space to pursue things they love, while also recognizing that stories like hers risk setting impossible standards for women.
Case did a truly remarkable thing. She ran 100 km in a little over 16 hours, starting a half hour behind the elite runners in the first wave. She did it a mere six months after pregnancy and birth, something that can be really hard on a woman’s body.
Ultramarathoner Stephanie Case takes a selfie while on the trail in northern Wales.
But would there have been the same attention to her story if she had been using formula, as many women do for all kinds of reasons? Somehow I doubt it. I still see way too much “breast is best” social media shaming of women can’t or chose not to breastfeed. Full disclosure: I am very much in the “breast is great if it works for you and your baby, but fed is best” camp. Formula was invented for a reason, and millions of children are alive because they had that option (especially in countries with access to clean water and good quality formula).
Still, if a stupid headline is what it takes to highlight the accomplishments of an amazing woman doing a really hard thing, I’ll swallow my grumpiness and celebrate her.
On Monday, I started the second half of my Storytelling tour with my friend Catherine and our first day went really well.
But you know what else?
It was really tiring.
The kids were great and the teacher was great and the school was great, but there was a lot of energy going in all sorts of different directions today – just the nature of a busy school day – and it made it a little bit challenging for my slightly-sleepy ADHD brain to focus on my stories and on the work I was trying to do.
So, I had to use a lot of energy to concentrate and stay on task and, at the end of the day, I felt a bit jangled. Kind of scattered. A little bit at loose ends.
I know from previous experience that when I feel that way, it’s all too easy to lose the rest of the day to kind of aimlessly wandering from task to task in search of ways to settle my brain.
On Monday, though, I refused to lose my evening to that feeling. Instead, I decided to take action to find equilibrium, to gather my energy back to me.
I started with a good chat with Catherine about the interesting parts of the day and the things we especially enjoyed.
Then, while Catherine was out for a walk, I did some journalling and had some tea.
A photo of my journal, a patterned, pink, soft-covered notebook, with a teal and silver pen on top. Above the notebook is a mug of tea, the mug has a moose and the word Canada on it.
I followed that with meditation and deep breathing before heading out on my own solo walk (around Port Union, NL, in case you’re wondering)
Photo of a river with a grassy incline in the foreground, a few large rocks in the water, and a rocky, shrubby incline on the other side.A photo of two birch trees growing close together, the trees don’t have leaves yet and the trunks have interesting patterns in the bark.A photo of a small harbour with scrubby grass in the foreground and rocks outlining the water
And when I got back from my amble, I lay on the floor for a while in a restorative ‘legs up the wall’ yoga pose.
A photo, taken from my perspective as I lie on the floor, of my jean-covered legs resting against a pillar in our rental unit as I do legs up the wall pose.
It all helped and I feel much more at ease.
And, sure, I may have felt better with just one or two of these things but I was enjoying the process so I decided to roll with it.
Do you know that scattered feeling I am referring to?
🚲The big news in my life isn’t really fitness-related. It’s my first month back in the dean role after research leave. The bad thing about that fitness-wise is no time for weekday long summer bike rides or random classes at the fancy gym. I’m sometimes jealous of retired friends with lots of time to train. The good thing about being back in the office is that I’m a fan of routine and schedules, which helps with fitness, my day job, and getting other things done, like reading and writing.
📅I’m at 158 workouts so far in 2025. There are 219 days left in the year. If I work out every day in 2025, I still won’t hit my goal of 400 workouts. It’s not so easy to do that it turns out, without twice weekly physio. Oh well. I’ll reassess when we get to July 1, the halfway mark.
Lilacs and storm clouds on the Guelph to Goderich trail
🚶A very cool thing about life with new knees is that I am walking lots. I’m walking with Cheddar, yes, but also when I go away to conferences, and when I’m staying in Toronto. I’m really enjoying my ability to do this.
🏊 Swimming: I’ve been swimming a few times before aquafit classes but I haven’t yet executed my plan of lane swimming at the Y. You can sign up for adult lane swim with a lifeguard/instructor who gives stroke improvement advice. I have all the details. It fits into my schedule, but I likely won’t get going on this plan until after the Canadian Philosophical Association meeting in Toronto in early June.
😴 Sleep has been going very well. I love a regular schedule and going to bed early. In the last month I slept at average of 8 and 1/2 hours a night. Zzzzz.
My sleep for the past month
🏋️♀️🩹💪 Physio: I’m back at it! Not twice a week, not once a week, just once a month to check in and ensure all is going well.
⛵ Sailing: We’re definitely behind with sailing. We haven’t even rigged the snipe yet. Yikes. Sarah is super busy at work. Wish us luck!
🚴 Biking: I blogged about revising my annual distance goals to something reasonable, 3000 km a year instead of 5000. But with this extra cold and rainy spring I’m not even on track to meet that. I’ve dropped my goal again, to 2500 km. Again, I’ll re-evaluate at the end of June if I’m still struggling.
📚 Reading: My favorite book so far this year is Playworld.
But I’m behind with my 2025 reading schedule. For a while I was so upset about what’s happening south of the border that I couldn’t finish any of the books I started. And then I read a couple of not-so-good books. They’re all reviewed over at Goodreads.
📝📖 Writing
Finally, I have been writing! I’ve finished three things, and some of them are even out there to be read.
I presented a short commentary on Serene Khader’s book Faux Feminism last week in Montreal.
And finally I wrote a piece for the first-gen philosophers blog. You can read it here.
🌸 Other stuff: I’m also seasonally confused! It feels like fall. That’s partly the weather but also because we had some New Zealand summer followed by the start of fall there. After Orientation Week, the start of the school year, at Otago, it’s time for serious fall and the intensity of the first half of the academic year. Instead, we came home to spring. It’s not helping my seasonal confusion that it so horribly cold. Here are the headlines: Toronto faces coldest late May in more than 50 years and Toronto’s unusually low late May temperatures not seen since 1967: meteorologist.
That’s May. It was a big month! Luckily, I love my job and I’m happy to be back at work.
As Gavin and I were having coffee this morning, before I went to the gym, I was recalling the times my sister and I participated with my Dad, as a kid, in the Walk for Israel. I said, “I know the route became shorter over the years, but I have a memory of it being 25km and that seems impossible.” Gavin nodded that it did seem unlikely and must be an exaggerated childhood memory. I searched for “1980 Walk for Israel” because that would be around the time we were participating as children, and it was 30km! I do remember there being stops where people attended to our blistered feet. It still seems unfathomable that we walked that far. I was 9, almost 10. My sister would have been 13.
The memory of that walk and others we attended, with my Dad, were positive memories. Besides, going for Walks for Israel, most of our walks with our Dad were less than a kilometre from our apartment near Bathurst and Finch, down to the Baskin and Robbins ice cream store at Sheppard and Bathurst. During the Walk for Israel we would wind our way through the city from North York, which was still its own city, down Avenue Road, to downtown Toronto, and we stopped along the way for donuts and other goodies. I remember it being very hot. Not like this cold and rainy May, we’ve been experiencing in Toronto.
Being kids, I don’t remember it feeling very political that we were walking for Israel. I don’t remember a big police presence, but I may have been ambivalent to it, as a kid. The walk felt very community oriented and a fun day in a city where I had only ever experienced feelings of belonging. According to a search online, “The first Walk with Israel was organized in May 1970 as the “Walk for Jewish Survival”. The original walk is 22 miles (35 km) long and funds raised go to the UJA-Israel Special Fund. The walk was billed as the largest single community event for Jewish Toronto with money always designated for Israel.” This was the source: https://www.jewishtoronto.com/history-of-uja-federation.
I grew up in a diverse environment. At least, it felt like it at the time. My family is Jewish, but we were never overly devout, in the sense that we didn’t regularly go to synagogue. We celebrated the Jewish holidays (Passover, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and, more as we got older, and it became a more important holiday, Chanukah), but they always felt as though they were more about the traditional food and getting the extended family together, than about the prayers or religious aspects of the events.
My family was lower income growing up. We lived amongst other Jewish families, but also amongst people from all different backgrounds. The public schools I went to in North York were very multicultural, even applying a 2020’s DEI lens. We communicated these differences in a way we wouldn’t now but it never felt, to me, that we didn’t all get along. My parents were never exclusionary about who our friends should be and they always had friends from different backgrounds.
As we grew up and started dating, marrying, etc., our family became more diverse and our family gatherings always included people from different backgrounds going forward.
As I grew older, even though I loved Hebrew school and had other strong ties to the religion, I grew to understand that I am more culturally Jewish, than religiously so. I consider myself an atheist, in terms of my understanding of a higher power. However, that cultural connection has remained strong, throughout my life. As I moved out of predominantly Jewish neighbourhoods, expanded my circle of friends to include close friends of different backgrounds, particpated in DEI events at work, and in many other instances, the cultural influence of Judaism on my life is undeniable. It’s something I cherish, respect and embrace.
While I feel culturally very Jewish, I also feel as though “my people” includes anyone who I identify with, where there is mutual understanding, support, etc. Those things have little to do with whether someone is Jewish or not.
In my late 20th century, North American, experience of growing up, Jewish, this involved going to after school Hebrew school (mmm, challah and grape juice), reciting the four questions at Passover, and, being reminded regularly of the Holocaust. Understandably. I was barely a generation removed from people directly affected by the horrendous massacre that happened in Europe under Hitler. It wasn’t only the Holocaust we were regularly informed about. We were told about the times our great uncles had to fight off the neo-Nazis in Toronto in the ’40s and how the Jews and Italians came together to do so. We were told of the regular antisemitism in Toronto, including signs in parks that read, “No Jews or Dogs”. We were told of great-grandparents fleeing Russia/Poland/Ukraine/Lithuania from the Pogroms in the ’20s. There were ample examples of our people fleeing and being massacred.
When I went to the University of Windsor in 1993 as a 21 year old, I remember being shocked at casual antisemitism (“You are Jewish” with a crinkled up nose and an expression of dismay, “I’m not Jewish” when someone was accused of being cheap). I had never witnessed it in my 1980s/90s urban utopia of Toronto at that time (I am not saying it was a utopia, but in my mind, in my experiences, and having experienced some other events since that time, including world events, it was a happy, peaceful, feeling, time).
Being an avid reader, I read books such as Night by Elie Wiesel, as a young adult. I remember reading his account and his assertion of, “Never Again” and understanding that he meant to anyone. Not just to Jews. It’s a sentiment I still hold and hold to all people. Not only Jews. I’ve also read many accounts over the years of the Palestinan experience in Israel. There is nothing like a well-written, personal account of an experience, to get one to have a better understanding of the “other”.
Before I get into the rest of my post today, I want to say that this post is about my feelings. It’s not about facts. And, not because facts are not important. I will just say that in last several years, I have read many facts, often from very educated people, on both sides of the Israel-Gaza conflict. I can read those facts, nod my head at many things, and still leave those facts, uncertain about many aspects of what is being talked about. I can have conversations (rarely) with people where we exchange a few facts, as well as a few emotions/feelings, and leave feeling as if no understanding has been reached. I think it’s important to understand facts and have conversations, but I don’t expect a lot of understanding from my post today. I am not looking to “sway anyone” and I would appreciate it if people don’t try to “sway me” in return. This is just a post about my feelings.
As an adult, as I have become more and more grounded in my political leanings (I am “woke” in terms of social responsibility, yes, but I am also fairly moderate in terms of fiscal responsibility, etc. and further away from the norms of my childhood. I have been comfortable in my belief that I don’t agree with much of what Prime Minister Netanyhu does. I grew to understand that if there was a fresh conflict in Israel, in the news, it was not OK for me to question the Israeli PM, in some company. As is often the case with any group that feels that they may not survive otherwise, you are either “with Israeli” or not. I have often said, well, I don’t agree with many politicians in Canada. I don’t agree with Netanyhu. I can believe Israel has a right to exist (and I do) but that doesn’t mean I agree with everything its leaders do, just as I don’t agree with everything that our leaders in Canada do.
So, whenever I’d wake to fresh news of a new conflict in the Middle East, involving Israel, I’d start getting tense. Not just because the idea of conflict and people suffering is upsetting, but, because, I knew I’d start seeing polarizing posts about the issue, in my social media feed. Polarizing posts on both sides.
With the rise of Trumpism, there’s been a rise of polarization on topics, in general. With the Middle East, it seems particularly challenging to find moderate, middle ground, let’s find some commonalities, type of conversation.
Also, with the rise of Trumpism, there has been a rise in people who hate people coming out of the woodworks to share their nonsense on social media. Whenever there is a rise in hate of any kind, you can be sure the Jew haters will have a field day. I have seen many examples of such emboldened hatred, in my neighbourhood in east Toronto. Ten years ago, I was aghast when I came across a swastika and a Jew hating expression on a utility pole in my neighbourhood. I was shocked. But would not be shocked today. It has become the norm.
Having said that, the antisemitism doesn’t feel omnipresent. And, while I see the feelings expressed that if you don’t 100% support Israel, you are feeding into antisemitism, I feel as though by resisting any conversation, there are ways this can encourage antisemitism, as well. There are many contributing factors to the rise of antisemitism. Some of those factors involve supporting leaders who rile up fears in everyone as a way of showing their support. Just like there are many different political views on any topics, many of us have different opinions on what the root causes of antisemitism are and how best to address it.
When the horrendous attack by Hamas happened at a music festival in Israel on October 7, 2023, in addition to being horrified at the barbarism on display that day and feeling sad for the unnecessary loss of life and the taking of hostages (50 of whom remain held by Hamas), I must have sighed many times and still do because it was clear that Israel would retailiate. Yes, it’s about bringing the hostages home. Yes, there are reasons Israel is protecting itself. Whatever people’s feelings are about this conflict, my feelings at my core are, even if it’s for freedom and Israel’s right to exist, “at what cost”. Freedom at what cost? Has the loss of life that has occurred since October 7, 2023 created any chance at peace, lasting peace? How many Palestinian’s lives have been lost? I will add, when I see “Free Palestine”, my response is “from who”. It’s not as simple as a ceasefire. However, I would prefer there be a ceasefire.
When I express some of my comments as described above, I am considered, by some Jews, as a “bad Jew”. However, there are situations, at work, in my community, in other instances, where I don’t feel 100% comfortable expressing my concerns about the protests against Israel, as well. I know a couple other people who have similar feelings as myself, but it sure does feel that, for many of us, we are in “no community” land.
I support those who participated in the Walk for Israel that happened in Toronto today. I support their belief in community, Israel, the need for Israel and it’s right to exist. I feel sad that the event has become so political that there needed to be a huge police presence. I feel sad that the occurrence of the event was met with a large protester presence. However, I didn’t feel compelled, this year, or in recent years, to join in on the event. It’s something I think about as I think about my childhood memories and where I feel the strongest sense of community today.
Lest anyone feel upset by anything I said above, I truly wish for a world in which people are at peace, both in their physical safety and in their hearts.
Nicole P. is hoping the sunny weather evident in this photo from last year, returns to Toronto soon.
May is usually a time of transition for me. The school term finishes and I ease into my summer schedule, which often includes travel to see friends and family, occasional conferences, and summer-at-home activity and projects. This May, however, I’ve been running (and driving and flying) around. Last week I was in Vermont with a friend, hanging out, doing some work, and petting the resident cat Kasper. This week I’m in South Carolina, staying with my sister and seeing my mom and other family.
My sister’s kids are out of the house this week on their own travel adventures, so we are taking advantage of the quieter time to hang out together and also knock out some home improvement tasks. Her wish list includes the following:
replace IKEA wardrobe doors
paint IKEA wardrobe sides to go with new doors
buy new bed and mattress
get rid of old bed and mattress to complete transition
paint bathroom one
paint bathroom two
buy and install IKEA standing shelf unit for bathroom two
paint upper kitchen cabinets
miscellaneous car maintenance for her and kids’ cars
My guess is that we will achieve some from her list and some from my list. We have already made some progress, having gone to IKEA right after she picked me up from the Charlotte, NC airport and scoped out possible purchases. And last night we watched several episodes of Hacks.
I like domestic activity, I like visiting my family, and I’m looking forward to this week. I’ll update y’all when I get back (my flight takes me home on May 31). Then my actual summer will begin…
A patch of Rocky shoals spider lilies; hoping to see some later today!
