Note: this post is shamelessly stolen from Nat’s Stop Doing list posts (here and here). In just about everything (as far as I can tell), Nat is a role model for us all. In case clicking those links is just too much for you, here are her lists:
2017, Stop:
- glorifying being busy
- beating yourself up over missed workouts
- apologizing for being a hot mess
What wise and prescient advice this is. But wait, there’s more.
2021, Stop:
- letting expectations get away with yourself
- comparing yourself to others
- …and think before taking a new thing on
- limiting yourself
Why yes, Nat, these are very fine things to stop doing as soon as possible. These lists are great in that they are self-caring, non-self-shaming, aspirational but also doable in everyday ways. Reading her lists made me think about what’s going on in my life right now. What would a positive (as it were), useful, inspiring and practical Stop Doing list look like for me? Well, here goes nothing…
STOP:
Apologizing so much: I’ve already started this project, but old habits die hard. Apologizing, for me, is all about insecurity about my own judgment, needs and boundaries. Getting clearer with myself about what I’m doing and what I’m taking responsibility for helps me feel less in need for forgiveness (or permission) from outside sources.
Buying clothes that don’t fit: It still surprises me how hard this is. Having spent years, nay decades, wearing clothes that were too close-fitting or not wearing things I bought that were too close-fitting, I am finally done. This year I’ve ordered XXL, 1X and 2X items because they feel comfortable and fit me. I even bought a pair of white jeans, in my size, that I actually wear. Imagine that.
Saying yes or maybe to things I don’t want to/am definitely not going to do: This one’s on all of our lists all the time, but it bears repeating. Even in cases where I *know* that I’m not going to do X, I’m not always clear to others or myself about my never doing X.
Mowing the lawn is a good example. Every summer, I tell my neighbors in our 3-condo house that I’ll do the lawn. Which I almost never do. I end up feeling foolish and embarrassed and beholden when my upstairs neighbor ends up doing it. Or I do it half-heartedly, late and poorly. Enough already. I can come up with other solutions when I share responsibility, or just say “no” when it’s not my responsibility. This is obviously a work in progress.
Suffering and fretting over things in isolation instead of *asking someone for help*: I help other people all the time. Doing favors or lending a hand is fun for me. I like being around others and feeling good about accomplishing goals together. Perhaps, just perhaps, other people might not mind helping me out with stuff that’s hard to do by myself, or just flat-out hard to do. One thing, though: they won’t necessarily know what I need unless I ask them. Okay. Working on that.
I’m going to stop here, because I think this list is enough for now. See, I’m stopping doing something… 🙂
Readers, what’s something you want to stop doing that you’re working on or thinking about? I’d love to hear from you. Please don’t stop commenting– we love to know what’s going on with all of you!
