Month: May 2020

body image · covid19 · femalestrength · gender policing · normative bodies · self care

Own this moment for yourself

Kim Solga4 Comments

It’s week eight? nine? of lockdown. I’m running out of stuff to read, stuff to watch, and I’m really missing my partner, who is quarantined with his family in India. We’re not sure when he’ll be able to come home.

I’m also not sure when we will be able to go and visit my mom and dad properly again, as they are in their 80s and my father is a lung cancer survivor.

I’m alone, then, and feeling it really hard now. It’s been 71 days since another human being hugged me.

I found normalcy and solace riding my bicycle, for a while. I felt antsy about the possibility of an accident that would leave me stranded, but I was adamant I’d continue to ride nevertheless, for my own mental health. Then, a routine tune-up revealed a crack in my bike’s carbon fork, and we were benched for three weeks while waiting for the replacement part.

UGH.

Meanwhile, Spring began springing up around me. I took my mind off the bike thing by focusing as much as possible on my garden, staining the fence, repainting the porch railing. But then the wind shifted, the skies greyed, and snow (??!!) flew through the air yesterday morning.

I retreated inside, into my head.

Freddie, my road bike, with grey frame, orange bar tape, and orange accents, in happier times (last summer in Wales). Luckily, the cracked carbon fork was replaced under warranty!

Many of us are struggling with the lurching feelings of lockdown; Susan has written beautifully about that experience here. My own sense of balance has been challenged hard, and I’ve found it so important to continue, via Zoom, with my psychotherapy. I’ve made some important breakthroughs (apparently, therapy based in my own dining room REALLY works, who knew?), and I’ve been thinking about how a lack of control over some aspects of my life in the Time Before parallels my queasy feelings right now.

I’ve also realized, as a result, how important it is to find some ownership over my experience of lockdown.

This ownership isn’t the same as control – controlling this situation is impossible and it’s a fool’s errand to try. Rather, owning this experience – partially, provisionally, imperfectly – for me means crafting a lockdown story for myself that makes me feel again like the proud, strong and powerful woman I know I am.

How am I doing this? A few ways. I’m holding to a weekly schedule that helps me to differentiate work time, home time, and weekend time. (Basically, weekends are when I can have alcohol, and donuts.) I’m walking with my dog as much as I can. I’m working out on Zoom with The Amazing Alex, and doing my usual Iyengar yoga too.

Oh, and I cut my hair off – RIGHT THE FECK OFF.

 

I only goofed once! Luckily, the arms of my snappy sunglasses cover the error.

We all know how toxic the policing of women’s bodies (in terms of size and weight) is; for many of us, this policing also encompasses our hair.

My childhood was defined by body image anxiety, and that anxiety was as much about my hair as it was about my shape. I have many vivid memories of failing to “do” my hair right, to borrow an apt turn of phrase from the queer philosopher Judith Butler.

Although my hair was naturally curly, my mom kept getting me perms. (I don’t think my mom has ever not had a perm, in all the years I’ve known her. It seemed natural to me to want/need one too.) Every time we went to the hairdresser, I hoped against hope that this time I’d look good, correct, more or less like my friends (aka “normal” girls).

Every time, I emerged looking like a 12-year-old Betty White.

Betty White, laughing, rocks her ‘do. It looks great ON HER.

For years I clipped my fringe up with bobby pins, trying to create some kind of fashionable front curl; what happened instead was that the others (aka, the “normal” girls) made fun of the fussy bird’s nest that resulted.

Although I didn’t know WHAT to do to solve my hair trauma, I had a niggling sense that my hair didn’t actually look good long. But long hair made me a girl, right?

Which meant I actually sort of looked like Betty White with a mullet.


Like I said: hair is a trigger for me.

It’s been a long time now that I have worn my hair short; I went full pixie back in 2013. I get my hair cut every 5 weeks; I’ve been getting my hair cut every 5 weeks for 7 years.

I didn’t understand until now how important haircuts have become to me as I’ve adjusted my perspective on my body as an adult; far from the trauma of the perms of the past, they now represent me taking control of that old narrative, the one about not having a clue about my ‘do, and learning to love my woman’s body in a non-conventional way.

So, as we sailed past the 10-weeks-since-a-cut mark last Monday, I felt the weight of my hair in my hands in the shower and knew I had to chop it off myself.

I drove to my parents’ apartment building and we had a socially distanced visit in the lobby as I dropped off a Mother’s Day gift and grabbed my dad’s clippers. Back home, I watched a bunch of YouTube videos, read the instruction manual for the clippers online, and moved the kitchen table back from the mirror that sits above it.

I stood in front of the mirror, stared at my reflection, and held the tool in my right hand. I was terrified.

But then I suddenly knew that absolutely nothing I could do to my head would feel worse than the creeping reminder of my toxic past staring back at me in that moment.

I began at my right ear; it took about 15 minutes. Loads of people have complimented me on it. And I feel like an absolute badass!

Hands down, cutting off all my hair has been the most empowering thing I’ve ever done.

A woman riding a cargo bike with kids in front, kids on back, towing another kid on trail a bike. Mother’s Day cycling, remembrances of races past (guest post)
fitness · Guest Post

Mother’s Day cycling, remembrances of races past (guest post)

catherine w

Today’s Mother’s Day post is courtesy of my dear friend Pata. We are riding buddies, crafting pals, and sisters of choice. We both have (and had) complex relationships with our mothers– another point on which we understand each other. We also love them dearly. So, from Catherine and Pata, Happy Mother’s Day to Beth (Catherine’s mom), JoAnn (Pata’s mom) and Tobyanne (Pata’s stepmom).

And Happy Mother’s Day to all of you from us.

Pata (on left) and Catherine, last summer during one of our coffee rides.
Pata (on left) and Catherine, last summer during one of our coffee rides.

Now, on to Pata:

Mother’s Day, 2008: I got up at 5AM and left the house around 6:30 to ride to my first race.  It was a crit– which just means it is a course that goes around and around.  Fifteen laps to be exact, each lap just under a mile.  I went to my parent’s house which is about five minutes from the course to use the facilities (there are none at the race site) and to shed some of the warmer clothing I had needed so early in the morning.

As I entered the race course, I looked over to the woods and out came a coyote.  He looked me straight in the eye and I passed him on my bicycle and he went along his way.  Coyote is one of my animal totems and I felt like he was saying, “Don’t take the race or yourself too seriously, girl!  See the humor and have some fun.”

I was one of the first people to show and rode around the course a couple of times.  A few other women riders who I knew arrived and we rode the course together.  This actually was a mistake for me.  I had already warmed up by riding to the race and I just tired myself out a bit by doing more laps.  Oh well, live and learn. 

The race started a bit past 8:30 and we were off.  I was with the pack but toward the back, which isn’t a great place to be.  There was one woman who was squirrelly and unfortunately I was behind her.  Around the second or third lap she almost crashed into another rider and to avoid getting involved in a crash, I had to go around them.  As luck would have it, neither of them went down.  But I was separated from the pack and never got back on.  So, I rode most of the race time trial style, by myself.

At one point, I passed a fellow team mate who was struggling.  I told her to get on my wheel and tried to pull her so she could rest.  She couldn’t stay on and eventually abandoned the race. 

At the very end, one of the team coaches came up and gave me a lead out to the sprint.  I, being quite befuddled, wasn’t sure on which side to sprint past her and end up sort of muddled it up.  (Turns out the side didn’t matter.)  But I sprinted to the finish in the end.

I was determined to finish the race even if it meant I was going 5 mph (which I didn’t).  I did finish and not everyone did.  I was the last rider who finished.  And lo and behold I got a prize.  They call the last rider the lantern rider.  That would be me.  

I learned a lot in this race.  I went into it knowing that this kind of race wouldn’t be my strength.  I do better when there is terrain and some hills.   But I learned that riding too much before the race isn’t a good idea; that starting as close to the front as you can IS a good idea; that you have to watch out for the squirrelly rider and stay way; and that I am a team player.  In the end, it was a nice Mother’s Day gift to myself.

A lanterne rouge (last rider) jersey. I should get a supply of these...
A lanterne rouge (last rider) jersey. I should get a supply of these…
Sat with Nat

Gardening, Dead Lifts & Squats

natalieh (she/her)2 Comments

Recommended soundtrack: Love Grows (Where my Rosemary Goes)

Recommended equipment: Floppy/big brimmed hat, hardy gloves, sunscreen and knee pads.

While the weather is unseasonable cold & snowy (ew!) in London, Ontario today I’m still all about my garden. Lately I’ve been missing the gym so have been looking for ways to get more intense activity into my day.

I love gardening in our city lot, growing food & beauty.

A very close head shot of half my face, my new green & yellow earrings from Ms. Antone’s Beadwork that match the daffodils in bloom.

Since my yard is mostly perennials the arrival of Spring means a lot of tidying up of edges and removal of detritus. This year, instead of going about things willie-nillie I thought I’d try being more deliberate with the postures I assume as I work.

Turns out you can dead lift branches, a full wheelbarrow or a puppy!

I’m also doing deep squats while I weed. Standing forward bends, lunges, seated forward bends and more can be ways I do work in my garden.

I choose to use hand tools instead of power tools. It’s a small garden and it’s ok if it takes a bit longer to use a buck saw or hand clippers. Plus the upper body & grip strength help counteract all the poor ergonomics of computer work.

I’m thankful I’m able to spend more time in my garden and be deliberate about it. What is something you are choosing to do more of lately?

fitness

#justiceforahmaud

fieldpoppy4 Comments

I’m running 2.23 miles today, for Ahmaud Arbery.

You know the story, by now. If you don’t, you should. Arbery — a 25 year old Black man — was running — jogging — through a Georgia suburb in February when he was pursued, shot and killed by two white men (a father and son) with guns. They claim they assumed he was responsible for recent break ins.

Kamala Harris’ tweet — “exercising while Black shouldn’t be a death sentence” — is a meme by now.

During the pandemic, everyone has had to come to terms with the idea that going outside is “dangerous.” For some of us — white people, affluent people, western people — this is a new experience. It’s not new for people of colour, for women fearful of running at night, for people who wear religious symbols that are outside dominant culture. It’s especially not new for Black men in North America.

I’m a white, middle aged, affluent Canadian woman with a lot of privilege. I run when I want to. I even argue for my right to run — carefully, thoughtfully — during a global pandemic. That’s privilege.

My feminism is intersectional. I’m listening when my black friends tell me they need to raise their sons to know that the world is not safe for them. I’m listening when endless, overwhelming numbers are showing us that the pandemic is just re-emphasizing existing health equities, with far more people of colour — especially men — dying in North America. I’m noticing that “zoom bombing” most often takes the form of racist and misogynistic attacks.

I’m a white woman, and I’m a feminist. This story breaks my heart, and it makes me so angry. I’m an ally, and #justiceforahmaud has to be my fight too.

Ahmaud was murdered on 2 – 23 – 30. He was supposed to turn 26 today. Run 2.23 miles today with thousands of others, in solidarity.

Fieldpoppy is Cate Creede, who lives in Toronto.

covid19 · Guest Post · martial arts

A Month in the Life of a Virtual Taekwondo Coach (Guest Post)

Audrey

Facebook reminded me that just over year ago, in April 2019, I had been at a taekwondo tournament with the kids I coach. I love my kids. I’ve known some of these athletes for about 4 years now, which, I sometimes forget, is quite a lot of their lives. We kick at each other, I make them do pushups, fill their water bottles and tie their chest guards. I get plenty of hugs. They sidle up to me regularly to either check if they’ve outgrown me yet, or tease me about the fact that they outgrew me a year ago. Or at least they did until mid-March.

Happy coach, happy athletes, definitely not physically distanced from each other.

For a little over a month, I’ve been teaching all my taekwondo classes online. The whole studio moved to online classes for our members over Instagram Live and Zoom. It’s definitely not optimal to teach fitness remotely in general, but teaching a contact sport when you’re not allowed within 6 feet of anyone else is a whole other challenge altogether.

I can win without hitting you
byu/Lexi1735 ingifs
Non-contact sparring is tough unless you’re this guy I guess

We’ve been focusing a lot on footwork drills, and shadow sparring (basically the kicking equivalent of shadow boxing). There’s a lot of standard kicking combinations, and it never hurts to review the basics. Some of the kids even have parents or siblings who can hold targets for them. But even though I’ve been trying to find creative ways to do partner-style drills over Zoom, using its Spotlight feature, nothing virtual really quite replicates the feeling of someone else’s foot about to hit you. Not to mention the bodily sense of what you have to do to avoid it and counter.

Still, what makes it worthwhile for me at least, isn’t so much that my athletes are maintaining some of their abilities (though I’m happy they are). It’s that I still get to work with them as a team, and that we’re all still engaged in trying to get through a tough time together.

I’m interested to hear from other people who are teaching fitness (especially martial arts!) remotely right now. What kinds of creative things are you doing to help everyone with their training? Or even just to feel like you’re still connected as a community?

fitness

Experimenting with the “Four Second Workout”

fieldpoppy2 Comments

After writing my post a couple of weeks ago about how much I miss incidental movement since the lockdown started, I started trying to move a little more — a quick walk around the block between zoom calls, spending 15 minutes sweeping my terrace in the middle of the day, putting away laundry in a very inefficient manner (think, three facecloths at a time). And lo and behold, I felt better, just a bit more at ease.

I also started paying more attention to how much I’m sitting, and how that was making me feel. I’m privileged enough to have an ergonomically functional workspace because my home office is my main workplace all the time. But even with a decent place to sit and some integration of deliberate incidental movement, as the lockdown has worn on, I’m still finding myself mushy between the ears and super sleepy by the middle of the afternoon.

Then last weekend the New York Times Well section offered a very alluring idea — the Four Second Workout!

Unlike the six minute workout that Catherine wrote about recently, the “four second workout” isn’t about efficient and doable ways to integrate focused fitness into your life — it’s about adding short intense bursts of movement throughout the day to counter the nasty effects of sitting too much.

I realized, reading this article, that despite hearing “sitting is the new smoking” for a few years now, I have only the vaguest notion what those nasty effects are. This article reiterated what I knew — that prolonged sitting leads to increased risks for heart disease, Type 2 diabetes and other metabolic disruptions — but it also explained why. Many hours of sitting can “contribute to a later rise in the bloodstream of fatty acids, known as triglycerides, probably in part because muscles at rest produce less than contracting muscles do of a substance that breaks up triglycerides. High levels of triglycerides, in turn, are linked to an increased risk of heart disease and other metabolic problems.”

Basically, this study began with earlier findings that long periods of sitting create more triglycerides and insulin resistance in the blood in otherwise healthy young people. Other studies found that sitting is a problem even if you break up the sitting with an intense hourlong run workout during the day. In other words, in a day where you go for a run in the middle of the day but are otherwise just sitting, that run isn’t having the much of an effect on your heart and metabolism — the sitting counteracts the run.

This new study explored whether tiny, frequent workouts would break up the effects of the sitting. They had volunteers add short, intense workouts to their long days of sitting. Every hour, they got on a heavy flywheel bike, did 4 seconds of sprints, followed by 45 seconds of rest, repeated five times in total. (So a total of 20 seconds of sprinting over about 4.5 minutes). They did this 8 times over a work day, for a total of about 160 seconds of intense activity. The next day — magically — this lowered their triglyceride levels by 30%.

The advice? “When you find yourself sitting for most of the day, try to rise frequently and move, preferably intensely, as often during the day as possible and for as many seconds as you can manage.“

Now, I don’t have a flywheel bike in my home office, and I don’t always have 5 minutes between calls. But I decided to try a version of this, to do the very scientific experiment of “seeing how it made me feel.” I grabbed the trusty skipping rope I fortuitously bought shortly before the pandemic, and set my pomodoro timer for every 30 minutes. (This is a method I already use to manage my productivity). Here are my fieldnotes.

7:30 – 830: I do my usual virtual HIIT workout. It’s moderately intense with lots of legwork. I decide this means I can start skipping around 10.

10:00: I do a set of 100 reps, in about 47 seconds. 50 fast skips is easy, it turns out, but it starts to get harder around 70. Process improvement: add shoes. (Ouch). And a bra.

11 am: I don’t really have time to skip between calls, but I let myself be a minute late. I trip up a couple of times and whack my toes but keep going. I arrive on the zoom still breathing hard, shedding my wrap. At this point in the pandemic, I have stopped even trying to look “professional” on calls. But my heart rate is sure up.

Noon: Before I start making lunch, I do a set. This one feels efficient, but I’m getting hot.

1240: I throw in a few random skips while I’m waiting for my tomatoes to finish roasting. I feel virtuous.

1:30 pm: Lunch is still heavy in my tummy. I decide 70 reps is enough this time. My shoe comes untied and I just let the laces flop.

2:00 pm: I’m bargaining — wouldn’t 50 be enough? I go for 100, but I whack my toes a lot, and it’s more like 28 – 37 – 62 – 68 – 75 – 1 2 3 4 up to 25. I sure feel awake.

3 pm: I add music, Icona Pop’s I Love It. I do 100 reps in 45 seconds without stumbling, and then lurch back to my desk, shooing the little cat off my keyboard. She settles back down with her butt on my arm.

3:30ish: Lizzo. The little cat stares at me. This is really feeling like work. Maybe 100 reps isn’t necessary — it takes a full minute to slow down my heartrate. But I do them and I’m not sleepy!

415ish: (forgot to set the timer). Kelly Clarkson. I whack my foot at 37 and 98 but otherwise it’s unremarkable. Does doing this 10 times in a day count as an actual workout, I’m beginning to wonder?

500 pm: I wonder how much I’m annoying my downstairs neighbour. Also, is it possible this skipping rope is too short? I hit my toes a lot.

530: I do a final skip to cap off the day at my desk, with Shakira. I slow down a little and indulge in a bit of side to side. My word but that is a lot of skipping.

**

By the end of the day, I had skipped for around 500 seconds (about 8 minutes), over 10 episodes. How did I feel at the end of the day? Much more invigorated than I have any day since the lockdown started! My brain was still clear at the end of the day and I felt “awake.” I also found that this integrated well with my existing pomodoro “work hard for 30 minutes, take a quick break and stand up” approach. I was also a little sore, but I didn’t know if that was from all the squats and wall sits from my morning workout or from the skipping.

The next morning, I kind of wanted to measure my triglycerides, but since I couldn’t’t (and since I didn’t really know what triglycerides were 48 hours ago), I did a body scan instead. I slept better than the night before (coincidence?), felt reasonably rested and decided I wanted to go for a run outside rather than working out with my virtual group. After my run, I found myself less inclined to eat a bagel and peanut butter than usual, and went for a smoothie instead.

The next day, I had very little buffer between calls, but I threw in a few random skipping episodes during the day, and I think I’ll keep doing that. It can’t hurt. Unless you’re not wearing shoes. Or a bra.

Fieldpoppy is Cate Creede, who is tired of sitting and screens in Toronto. Here she actually put on lipstick and a nice outfit for her afternoon zooms, but skipped between them anyway.

fitness

Zoom, Zoom: Live online group Superhero workouts for the pandemic activity win

Tracy I9 Comments

Have you added online workouts to your pandemic fitness life yet? So many friends in the “220 in 2020” group I’m in have been posting about online group workouts of various kinds. Friends who live in different cities from one another are suddenly announcing that they got to work out “together.” I was already well-immersed in the Yoga with Adriene universe for the past three months, making it part of my daily life while I was on a sabbatical leave in Mexico. But what I’m talking about now are interactive group zoom workouts with Cate’s fabulous trainer, Alex, and other people (even people I know!)!

After just three sessions, I am sold sold sold. My activities have been consistent and sustaining. But after months of walking and Yoga with Adriene, with some light running thrown into the mix, I started feeling starved for three things: (1) a reason to get out of bed in the morning, (2) company, (3) hard training. The Superhero workouts have met all three needs at the same time.

(1) a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

I’m an early riser usually and I like to meditate first thing. Since I got back to Canada from Mexico in mid-March and started my pandemic life at my parents’ house, it’s a rare day that I’m on the meditation cushion before 8 a.m. To me, that’s a late start. Well, after I signed up for the 3x a week version of Alex’s Superhero classes, I’ve had something to get out of bed for: a 6 a.m workout. It’s hard to understate just how energized this made me feel. It’s not easy to get out of bed at 5:40 a.m. (the advantage of not having to leave the house for the workout!), and it requires some planning the night before (workout gear set out, lights out before 11). But oh how good it feels to get up for a scheduled workout commitment with other people.

And then there is the added boost of being able to say, at 7 a.m., “I’ve done my workout for the day!” It’s been awhile since I could say that.

Image description: Tracy, smiling, short wavy hair, workout tank, stairs and furniture in background, with the happy look of someone who can say: “It’s 7 a.m. and I’ve already worked out!”

(2) Company

When Sam and I first started the blog in 2012 to document our Fittest by 50 challenge, I mostly worked out alone and I thought I preferred it that way. Over the years, that has changed a lot. I’ve worked out in the pool in the early morning with a triathlon group. I’ve joined running clinics to train for various distances. I even spent a couple of winters with Sam in her cycling coach’s basement doing tough group work on trainers.

My workout life has merged in lots of ways with my social life. My usual routine when I’m home includes meeting a few friends for Saturday morning yoga and then going out for breakfast together. Then a similar gig for the Sunday morning runs. I’ve been away from home since December 31 and the thing I was most looking forward to was resuming those habits, reconnecting with my people. But then, Covid-19!

Last week when I logged into Zoom for my first Superhero class, I didn’t know any of the other early birds at the 6 a.m. session and I hadn’t yet met Alex. But the simple facts of being able to see other people doing the same workout, and of Alex interacting with us, observing and giving personalized tips on form, encouraging us and checking in periodically gave my workout a new energy. I mean, running alone and yoga with Adriene are great and all, but the social dimension adds another layer. And then at the Saturday 10 a.m. class, I actually got to work out with friends — Cate, Kim, and Anita were all there, as well as Maryjean from the 220 in 2020 group.

We didn’t get to go out for coffee or breakfast after, but at least we got to sweat together and I got to see their faces.

(3) Hard workouts

My routine of late, since I stopped personal training almost a year ago and suffered a running injury that limited my distance and effort for close to a year as well, has been active but not hard. Lots of yoga and walking, so certainly not nothing. But my level of exertion hasn’t been particularly strenuous.

Enter Alex’s Superhero workouts. OMG. Each time I feel as if I can almost not do it, but then I do it (or at least I approximate doing it). It is hard. I come away with a sense of accomplishment and an awareness of just how much I have not done this kind of workout in a long time.

They’re mostly body weight movements with very little equipment needed. A chair for step ups or tricep dips (this morning we did step-up burpees and tricep dips), a mat for floor work, and occasionally a broom handle, resistance bands, light weights (Alex told me cans of food will usually do, and you’ve seen Cate’s book bag solution), a belt or towel. Alex emails us the night before to let us know what we need.

Each workout has a warm-up, followed by three timed segments involving several sets of several exercises, back to back intervals with a teeny bit of rest in between that never quite feels like enough (sort of crossfit style). That provides a combo of strength and cardio work that makes you have to push yourself if you want to stay in the game. Alex is great at creating tough, challenging workouts and offering options that let everyone push themselves appropriate to their level.

What I like a lot about doing it on Zoom is that though I am aware that there are other people, because of the screen size and layout (where everyone is just a thumbnail) I can’t really see what anyone other than Alex is doing. And no one other than Alex can really see what I’m doing. So I’m less likely to compare myself to others and I just focus on what I’m doing–which is needed. Because it’s hard work. (That said, I have a feeling I’m working out with some kick-ass, super strong, super agile, superheros with perfect form on each thing we do).

If you’re interested in checking it out, Alex offers several different sign-up options and you can find her website here. I went for 3x a week (Monday, Wednesday, Saturday), that gives me a choice of 6 a.m. or 8:30 a.m. on Mondays and Wednesdays, and a Saturday at 10 a.m. class. But you can do more or less than that (the more being 5x a week; the less being Saturdays only). If you want a hard workout, company, and a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I recommend giving these workouts a try.

Here’s my makeshift workout space at my parents’ place, where I’ve been hunkering down during the pandemic so far and will likely be for at least another month.

Image description: Yoga mat on carpeted floor, chair at one end and a sliding glass door to the outside, couch, low coffee table with a laptop on it, resistance band under the table, running shoes beside the couch.

What does your workout life look like right now?

I Don’t Want to Let COVID Take Spring Away
covid19 · running

I Don’t Want to Let COVID Take Spring Away

Mina3 Comments

I almost didn’t write this post, because I feel guilty about not being as cooped up and resource drained as so many people are by this pandemic.

Normally this time of year I would be home in New York City. But when COVID hit, I was in California’s Sierra mountains, where my partner and I spend 5-6 weeks in the winter and then again in the summer. We’ve never spent spring in the mountains. The new season felt slow in coming. Back in early April, friends in NYC were sending pictures of cherry blossoms and we were still cross-country skiing. The ski area was officially closed, but we could still beat around on the cruddy snow, safely distanced from other people. But I was sick of skiing (I never thought it was possible) and I missed the flowering trees. Actually, I missed everything about the city—friends, theatre, movies, restaurants, wearing fun shoes and so on. I knew that what I longed for was on a giant PAUSE for who knows how long, still I wrestled against the restrictions.

I spent weeks resenting the lingering snow, the leaf-budless trees and my solitude that was supposed to be over. To compound things, I knew that I was in a very lucky spot compared to many. I could go outside without worrying I’d be shamed or run afoul of all the conflicting information about whether exercising outside was safe or not. (Thank you, Cate, for giving us some medical insight into the dangers of outdoor exercise yesterday.) So I piled judgment and guilt about my lack of gratitude on top of my resentment. Like many women, I’m an expert at self-criticism, that great pleasure destroyer.

Then the daffodils popped up (they seem to be the only perennial around here, other than the wildflowers, which are still mostly under snow). The bare tree branches started to bud and now the leaves are emerging, in all their dazzling early spring green. The birds came back in droves, singing all day long. On Saturday morning we were lying in bed listening to the birdsong when we heard a familiar rustle below our window. The deer were back, looking scruffy and winter shaggy, browsing in the wild shrubbery on the slope below us.

Emily (Mina’s cat) mesmerized by the spring birds and a lone daffodil.

The snow withdrew enough from the mountain trails to make running possible. On my first run in the woods, I spent a third of my time picking my way through the snow piles searching for the continuation of the trail. Every time my foot broke through the surface crust, spikes of old snow stabbed my winter-white ankles. But something else happened too, my resentment started to leak away. I adore trail running. The smell of the cold, damp pine needles went straight to my head. The blast of joy started to clean out the cobwebs of frustration.

I realized that my psyche could keep on fighting against all the restrictions that COVID had imposed on my life. And I could then dump judgment on top, because those restrictions are fewer than many are enduring. I can feel guilty that about running without a mask, about the privilege of running period (no stealth required, as Nicole described in her piece about being a devious runner). And I can feel guilty that what I’m doing outside feels joyful, in a moment when joy feels unseemly.

But why should we diminish the pleasures life continues to offer, despite the pandemic? COVID takes and takes and takes things away from us. I don’t want to let the virus take away spring, in all its hopeful glory. Guilt and self-condemnation don’t serve anybody. So, even as I continue to miss the city, my gratitude is blooming again alongside that sadness.

This morning I ran for an hour on the trails, through dirty old snow and mud, over a fat log across a spring swollen stream and through tall pine forest on a soft carpet of needles. I wore too-light gloves and my hands felt like little fists of ice, my arms sheathed in frost. But with every breath, the heat of my pounding heart met the crisp air with a thank you, thank you, thank you.  

fitness

What really is okay for exercising outside?

fieldpoppy7 Comments

“I just wish someone would give us clear guidelines,” someone said to me the other day. “There’s so much contradictory information!”

It’s true. At this point in the pandemic, every jurisdiction seems to have slightly different guidelines for outdoor activity. In Canada alone, every province is different. Consider this weekend. Bonnie Henry, the provincial health officer of British Columbia, said “Please, go outside…The risk that somebody who is sick spreads this virus from coughing or sneezing outside and you walk by them very quickly, even when it is within six feet, that risk is negligible…. We always say ‘never say never’ in medicine, but the risk would be infinitesimally small.” Nova Scotia opened up its provincial trails and other outdoor activities like driving ranges, with “caution”. Most other provinces had similar advice, with appropriate cautions. But the Chief Medical Officer of Toronto “lamented” stories of people going outside, and our biggest park was closed for the weekend to keep people from congregating to see the cherry blossoms, giving us a “bloomcam” instead.

So how do we make sense of this? For the past six weeks, we’ve heard “sledgehammer” messages that the only responsible choice is to stay inside; this has led to the kind of conflict between runners and other people we normally only see between cyclists and cars. We’ve seen social media shaming and outright animosity, like this sign in NYC’s lower east side:

To try to detangle some of this, I interviewed Dr. Michael Gardam, an infectious disease specialist and Chief of Staff at Humber River Hospital in Toronto, and a frequent voice on CBC and Global TV. (He’s also a colleague of mine). I asked him a few specific questions from our blogger team about his perspective on outdoor movement.

What is the actual risk of spreading covid19 by exercising outside?

“It is extremely unlikely that viral transmission would happen outside without close contact — you would basically have to be right in someone’s face and that would be a really weird thing to do with a stranger.” He added, “this virus is actually pretty wimpy, and it is either killed pretty quickly by UV or dispersed by the wind.” In other words, it’s a lot safer to exercise outside than inside, but to be safe, you need to maintain that two metre distance.

What about people who are so frightened of transmission that they see all runners as a threat?

“People are frightened, and we all need to be kind and do our part to give each other space. If you’re running, it’s better for you to be the one moving out of the way if you can, because you’re going faster. Now isn’t the time to claim your turf on the sidewalk. Be kind.”

“Is the virus actually spread “in the air”?

“If this virus were airborne, we’d all have it. We are talking about droplet transmission, which lingers on surfaces, and can be directly transmitted if we are panting right in someone’s face. Think about what it’s like in a crossfit class, with all that sweating and panting — you don’t want to be doing that. But outside, transmission is extremely unlikely.”

What about swimming? Should pools be opening up?

“In a swimming pool, the chlorine would kill the virus — the issue would be with people breathing hard too closely on you. Pools should be low risk if the number of people in them is limited and you aren’t touching other people or their stuff in the change room.”

What about vigorous vs. lighter exercise? Does that make a difference?

“Again, the risk of transmitting this virus outside without direct contract is almost infinitesimal — it doesn’t matter how vigorously you’re moving as long as you maintain some distance. It could make a difference inside, though– think about that sweat and moisture I mentioned before. “

So you think we should still be exercising?

“Absolutely — from a mental health and overall health perspective, we need to keep moving. We should be creating more space for people to move around outside, safely. We need to be thoughtful about other people’s fear, but that means leaving them space and moving responsibly.“

Why are there so many different messages?

“The lockdown of the past few weeks was aimed at making sure that we didn’t have such a surge in cases that our health system was overwhelmed. In Ontario, we’ve escaped that — both because people have observed social distancing and because the hospital system did excellent preparation to reduce everything but the most essential care. With a new infectious disease like this, we want to slow down transmission so we don’t all get it at once, so we can learn more about the virus and who is most susceptible, how to treat people who are ill, give us some time to get the science ramped up, and so we can keep our health system functioning. We have never had to do this before — so the basic message of “stay home” is the simplest. But as we open things up gradually, we will need to each take some accountability for resuming activity in a thoughtful way. We need to maintain physical distance for a while, but that doesn’t mean not moving. It just means being responsible in how we do it.”

**

You can follow Michael on twitter at @DrMichaelGardam. And I appreciate his time and insight, so much.

Fieldpoppy is Cate Creede, who went for a happy socially distanced run after their conversation, turning around at the entrance to the closed trail.




cycling

Why Sam is still riding inside even though the sun is shining

Sam B6 Comments
A narrow lane, with sun shining through the trees, with no traffic or people.

Even though it’s time for a new mantra, go outside, but do not congregate, and Cate is blogging this afternoon about outdoor exercise, dispelling some myths about moving outside during the pandemic, I’m still riding my bike inside.

Why? I’m asked that a lot and I thought I’d try to explain.

An aside: Sometimes you write a blog post just to explain your reasons for some conclusion or activity. Partly I want to point people over here when they ask why. Partly I want to lay out the reasons for myself, to see if they still hold up. But what I am not trying to do here is persuade others. That’s not my main aim. If you find my reasoning attractive, join me. But that’s not my goal.

First, I take the advice of Cycling Canada pretty seriously. They say, if you have the means to train inside, do it. Cycling Canada recommends you extend your trainer season. “Canadians have been urged to stay at home to reduce the spread of the virus,” says the organization. “At this time, Cycling Canada recommends that cyclists who are equipped to ride indoors strongly consider staying home for recreational riding and training.” And I’m very well-equipped. Without the smart trainer, I might well choose to ride outside. But I have one and I’m using it lots.

Second, I like riding in groups, close to other people. I like riding with friends. In the past I’ve liked riding with bike clubs. And that’s exactly the kind of riding that’s not at all recommended. Six feet away from another bike is pretty far away and it’s a hard distance to maintain. It’s also hard to be heard from one bike to another six feet, given all the breathing maybe ten feet, apart. I hate yelling.

Third, I like riding to nearby small towns for coffee and snacks. That’s also not allowed. Again, Cycling Canada says, “Cycling Canada recommends you don’t travel to the next city or town to ride. Travel between communities accelerates the spread of COVID-19, and can bring the virus to smaller communities that don’t have the same health resources as larger urban centres. Many small towns and tourist destinations – including Whistler, Canmore, Squamish and cottage towns in Ontario and Quebec– are asking visitors to put off visiting until it is safe to do so.”

Okay, I could ride with people already in my COVID-19 family bubble and we could bring our own snacks. Maybe.

Fourth, I am also worried–not overly so but a bit–about what would happen in case of a crash. This isn’t a worry about dying on my bike. It’s a worry about the kind of small crashes I’ve had before, nothing broken, no stitches or concussions, but they’ve landed me in hospital for a day, getting gravel removed and being checked out. I don’t want to land in hospital, take a ride in an ambulance, or spend any time in an emergency room. (If you’re curious, here’s the story of one of my hospital worthy accidents. CW: gruesome photos.)

It’s why I worry about things like country drives right now. Friends went driving around the countryside, with the best of physical distancing intentions, and their car broke down. The next thing they knew they were in tow truck, very close to the driver, without face masks. I don’t want that. I’d risk that for an essential activity–like driving to work if I was an essential worker, or getting groceries–but a drive in the country isn’t needed. It’s an unnecessary risk. Ditto, I think, riding my bike. There are safer ways to get outdoor exercise. If I could run, I’d run outdoors. I can’t. But I do walk Cheddar a lot.

Here’s Cheddar waiting patiently by the front door for an after work walk. He was sadly disappointed because we had university Senate from 5-8 pm. Poor Cheddar!

Fifth, I am really enjoying riding and racing in Zwift. And I’m set up for it. I’ve thought about Zwifting in the summer before, Is it ridiculous to ride inside in the summer?. So this isn’t a brand new, pandemic-only, thing. In general, I like the safety paired with virtual speed.

I’ve also gotten used to riding in a sports bra, no jersey. 🙂

So given the worries, and that I like riding far, and fast, and with other people, there are a bunch of reasons keeping me riding inside right now. (Note that none of those worries have to do with catching COVID-19.) Also, I’m working long days and when I’m done it’s dark. And on the weekends there are a lot of people outside. Lots of them don’t have trainers but I do.

Will I stay inside all summer on my bike? I don’t expect so. I think I’ll ride casually in the sunshine because the wind feels good on my face. But I won’t be racing downhill or chasing QOMs for awhile yet. I’m hoping to get out on some local trails on my gravel bike once they’re re-opened. I’ll ride on the country roads near my home and the university campus, with snacks, and a repair kit, and my phone to call my son to come get me if need be. I’ll pack a mask in case something happens such that I need to be near other people. I’ll get there. But right now that feels, well, complicated.

I have a yard. I have a deck. I walk Cheddar lots. But for now, on my bike, I feel better inside. Follow me on Strava or on Zwift if that’s thing your thing and send me a “ride on.”

Virtual Sam has ridden enough to unlock a new bike. Lighter and faster. Whee!