(Content warning for a small amount of negative self-talk about weight and food).

“I just tried to not let myself go into my head, not listen to those voices that would throw me off.” (A friend talking about staying grounded while doing a performance that wasn’t landing).

“And yet, even when I would be finishing 3 hours of high intensity spinning, with energy still left to burn, there was still a part of me that figured that many of the “natural athletes” in the room secretly knew I didn’t belong.” (Nicole, writing about imposter syndrome in a post for this blog a couple of weeks ago).

We all know those inner voices. Sometimes they replay an actual experience from some point in our life — one of mine is a flashback to a guy snottily commenting on how they should “only let fit people on this hike” when I had a hard time climbing up a boulder on a nature walk at a provincial park. Sometimes they’re an amalgam of cultural voices — “sure you can lift 150lbs but you still look like a sausage in that dress, you’re not really fit.” And sometimes they’re a whole carnival we’ve created and perfected that replays until it’s almost an automatic loop.

I’m currently doing a formal certification program for coaching (life and work coaching, not sports), and learning to work with this inner chorus is a big part of our process. In my program, this set of voices is called our “saboteur” — the negative self talk that can show up when you’re trying to change something that matters to you — but that might challenge the “safety” of the status quo. I prefer to use the term one of my friends coined — the “committee of jerks in my head.”

I like labeling these voices jerks, because that’s what they are. They are like those muppet guys in the balcony who sit there criticizing and complaining about everything — the ones who aren’t exposing themselves or putting themselves at risk, just sitting on the sidelines throwing things.

When I’m working with clients and I hear statements like “I’m not as good at this as other people” or “I’m not the kind of person who could be that brave,” I hear a mental “click” that tells me there might be a saboteur at work. Most of the time, saboteurs are linked to pretty deep stuff — our deepest fears about our capability, lovability, fear of being alone. And they help us stay in the places where we might feel unhappy, but we feel safe because it’s familiar.

Learning to befriend our inner critics is deep stuff. In my coaching and consulting I do a lot of exploring and expanding different perspectives, encouraging people to actually talk back. One way that works for me personally is to be playful with it. Trying to hear your inner self-talk as coming out of the voice of the critical muppets is one way — you can then hold it at arm’s length, see it as something that doesn’t have to be a fixed, intimate part of you. See it as the meme it is — something glib that shows up that you don’t have to give real credibility.

Another thing I personally do is to picture my inner critic — the one who’s always trying to trip me up — is to picture it as a baby hedgehog that’s trying to get under my feet. I made a photo of a baby hedgehog my phone wallpaper for a while — reminding myself that I didn’t have to keep internalizing the fear that was constantly showing up for me, but I could see it as some external being I could have more control over. It’s actually a cuddly little thing trying to protect me — but I can hold it in my hand, be grateful that I’m being reminded that being where I am is “safe,” but I want something different. It actually works.

I was thinking about saboteurs in the gym the other day, thinking about all of the voices over my life that have made me feel like I didn’t belong there — I’m not a natural athlete, I’m a klutz, I’m fat, I’m slow, I eat too much junk, I can’t translate verbal instructions into physical action, nobody wants me here, nobody likes me.. Fill in your own self-talk here. And then imagine it as a curmudgeonly muppet or a baby hedgehog. And see if that changes anything.

What do you do to silence your inner critics?

Fieldpoppy is Cate Creede, who lives, works and talks to muppets in Toronto.

Sam, Catherine, Susan, Tracy and I are all participating in facebook groups to track our workouts for the year, with the goal of hitting 219 in 2019. This is my third year doing it, and I’ve written about it many times — exploring what “counts” as well as the impact of counting and accountability.

Last Tuesday, I hit #250 for 2019 (a noontime #getstrong class, benchpress day) — and it made me pause and reflect on how profound the impact of participating in this group has been for me. I used to be a person who worked out a lot, but I think my default setting was day-without-a-workout and then I sprinkled in runs, spinning and yoga classes and trips to the gym, probably working out three times most weeks, if I’m honest. Now, I’m someone who works out pretty much every day, unless something significant happens to stop me. And that happened in less than two years.

Over those two and a half years, I’ve really tried to define what “counts” for me. It’s a very imprecise science, but here’s where I’ve landed: any episode of sustained physical activity that isn’t what I would normally do in my day. Riding my bike 5km to a meeting doesn’t typically count, because I would do it regardless — but riding my bike in the rain or cold, or to a meeting that’s unusually far away, does. (If I have a medium long commute, I’ll add some yoga or planks or something to make it feel like a set of activities). For the most part, I count one episode of activity as one “unit,” whether it’s 20 minutes of low key yoga or an 8 hour, 150 km bike ride. I believe it all evens out. (I also have an arcane system of half points, usually applied to something like a short self-guided yoga session or after dinner walk that I didn’t really feel like doing but made myself do. I give myself points for getting off my butt when I didn’t want to even if the actual output wasn’t particularly intense).

I know — it’s wacky — but it works for me. And even though I’ve been a person who works out regularly for 24 years, it has transformed my relationship with moving my body.

My first year doing the group — 217 in 2017 — I worked hard to get to 217, finally hitting it on Christmas day, then doing a few “bonus” workouts for the year. I felt pretty pleased with myself. Last year, after working out every day in July, I realized I could aim for 300 — and ended up at 302. This year, I’m well poised to surpass 300 — although I don’t really have a refined goal — maybe 325? (350 seems punitive and like it would lead to me not having enough rest).

Across the past year or so, there are literally only a handful of days where I just shrugged and didn’t work out at all because I “didn’t feel like it” — the days I’ve “missed” I’ve been sick, or traveling, or literally working 14 hours. There are almost no days where I haven’t grabbed at least a pre-bed 30 minutes for a quick 20 minute run or Yoga with Adriene. Now I have a little inner question mark of “what will you do today?” — not “what days this week might you be able to work out?”

Theory in action: this Thursday, I facilitated a huge, all day, complicated meeting in Ottawa. I had to be onsite at 7, then had to fly home later that night. The day before, I squished a 5 k run in between arriving and diving into prep, then the day of the meeting, at lunch, I put on my training shoes and marched briskly around a two bridge loop on the Ottawa river. It was a gorgeous day, with the parliament buildings right behind me (looking reassuringly solid despite the messy chaos of the news of the day — although I see that the wind made a haystack of my hair, lol). In the past, I might have managed the run, but never both the run and the 7 km walk.

I don’t take selfies of every workout, but looking at the ones I do have over the year, it’s a pretty amazing reel of me moving my body and moving through my life: running around my neighbourhood, and in Australia, Uganda, Lithuania and the south of France… yoga poses where I’m going deep into strength and stillness… hiking in Iceland with my niece, near Algonquin park, and in Newfoundland… stand up paddle boarding with my neighbour… riding my bike in Lithuania, Newfoundland and in the last leg ever of the Triadventure, which has been part of my life for so long… learning to lift heavy weights for the first time in my life in the feminist gym down the block that feels like such a powerful gift. The images are a kind of journal, and they’re a ribbon of affirmation: I am strong. I can move through my life with grace and power. I can make choices every day that feed my health, my mind and my soul.

What we actually do in our “219 in 2019” accountability group is simple: we list what workout we did and what number it is. There’s a bit of discussion and encouragement of each other, but mostly it’s just a record. But the impact of it on my life has been profound.

What kinds of simple habits have transformed your relationship with movement?

Fieldpoppy is Cate Creede, who lives and moves her body in Toronto. She writes for this blog once a week.

I confess I was prepared for it, the dreaded seniors’ discount. But also, thrifty me says “yay,” seniors’ discount.

Years earlier, at the St. Mary’s quarry, my friend Rob had been given the seniors’ discount. We all laughed. We were shocked. But it turns out, it starts there at 50. Wow!

We were still thinking 50 was the new 40, not the new 65.

And then on sabbatical in New Zealand, a local cinema started the seniors’ discount at 50. I wouldn’t want to be the one making judgements about who to ask for that one.

So far though I’d been skating under the “potential senior” radar.

But this April that ended. I posted to Facebook, “Are you shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart today for any particular reason? OMG. Funniest way ever to ask if I qualify for the seniors discount. First time ever anywhere! Must be dean-ing!”

Turns out it’s 55. They were a few months early but not by much.

Lots of places, I’ve since found out, start the seniors’ discount at 55. See the Y ad below which turned up in my newsfeed after my birthday. It’s in London though, not Guelph. Guelph doesn’t appear to have a seniors rate at the Y.

I was just chatting with a friend about seniors’ discounts that start at 50 or 55. We both want the discount but hardly identify with “senior.” My son said the same is true with “youth” pricing. He doesn’t feel particularly youthful some days. I like his suggestion of “alternative adult” to cover both “seniors” and “youth.”

But why do we get a discount anyway? I’m not retired and I won’t be for some time. In fact, I’m earning more than I ever have. I plan to work for another ten years or so. For the case against see here.

“On average, citizens who earn the most money and have the most net wealth are 50 and over. So why is it this group that’s entitled to discounts at the movies, supermarkets, hotels, and nearly everywhere else you turn, while the young and poor pay full price?” From Why seniors don’t deserve a discount.

Whatever you think of them, here’s a relatively up-to-date guide to Seniors discounts in Canada.

What do you think of seniors’ discounts? Looking forward to getting them?

by MarthaFitat55

Inspired by Catherine’s piece on creating a SOAP note for herself as a cyclist, I decided that almost six years after making a decision to train regularly and cultivate functional fitness as an ongoing goal, I too should write a SOAP note for myself.

First a quick recap. Catherine describes a SOAP note thusly:

“It’s a method that health care providers use to write notes on a patient’s medical record. SOAP stands for Subjective, Objective, Assessment, and Plan. Roughly it involves getting a description from the patient about their current condition, noting the results of observation, testing and physical examination of the patient, offering some suggestions about diagnosis and possible causes of current problem, and finally a plan for treatment. Sounds like a reasonable system to me.”

And it is. I found it an enlightening exercise and one I plan to share with my trainer as we look to the year ahead.

Subjective

• 58 year old female presents today for an evaluation of powerlifting practice
• Reports she has been weight training for almost six years and would like to improve her overall flexibility now that core strength has improved significantly
• Self-identified strengths include willingness to learn, general upper and lower body strength, overall comfort with cardio exercises, adaptability to home-based modifications,
• Self-identified weaknesses include lack of comfort with complicated exercises, fear of reinjuring hypermobile hip joints, and concerns with impact on fitness level and consistency in practice due to gaps in training

Objective

• Head – is capable of understanding complex directions when she practices patience and increases focus
• Eyes – tends to carry out certain movements with eyes closed to minimize distractions and to avoid chalk dust; notes she recognizes that this can be a barrier re addressing safety concerns
• Ears – listens to trainer, tries to block the sounds of others in the gym to increase focus
• Lungs – has tendency to exercise-induced asthma when working out in cold weather (includes brisk walks in winter when going uphill)
• Heart – in great shape for 58 but recognizes more cardio would be of benefit for overall heart-lung function
• MSK (musculoskeletal) – can deadlift with ease 175lb (3X) (Personal Best 231 lbs) and can squat a weight between 175 and 200 lbs fairly confidently although fears of hip reinjury can interfere with progress; core strength has improved significantly based on progress with increasingly complex planks
• Neuro – plans approach for lifts and squats, is able to self assess areas which need tweaking, has adopted techniques to address attention and focus
• Psych – gets anxious about losing ground when off for recovery or when trying something totally new

Assessment

• Powerlifter: past beginner level and approaching intermediate skill level, more than ready to advance to greater skills and weights with commitment to a consistent routine
• Human: knowledgeable of options available; needs to increase confidence by recognizing existing skills and strengths developed in the past six years

Plan

• Continue to weight train
• Identify new goals for the coming year
• Establish routine for maintaining/ adding complementary activities such as swimming and walking to support cardio development and yoga to support flexibility
• Implement safety check to reduce/eliminate fears about certain exercises
• Remember to always stand up
• Have fun

Have any of you readers decided to create a SOAP note? Let us know in the comments!

Thinking again about wrinkles, stretch marks, scars, and ink.

Since the early days of the blog I’ve been amused by the search terms that have led people to the blog. See my post on naked feminist trampolining. Thanks to Google we get a report of what words people put into the search box that result in them clicking on a link to us.

Often they’re awful . See from the last 7 days: secret crouch pics, candid teen panty , hairy up skirt pictures, and so on.

Often they’re sad. See from the last 7 days: i hate my old menopausal body, calories burned goodlife newbody, will i ever get my pre baby body back.

But these days, more and more, our people are finding us!

Three of you found us by searching ” fit feminist fifty.” Yay! Welcome!

One of you found us searching, ” women aikido sexism.”

A bunch of you are still menstruating in your 50s and found us by searching those years and terms.

Two of you wanted to know if “christy brinkley has osteoporosis.”

I like also finding ” accepting mid 60’s body changes ” in the search terms. Hello!

Anyway, so nice that you’re all finding the blog. Welcome to everyone! Including the person who found us while searching for ” oppression vs privilege.” That’s a bit broad for us but I am sure we have things to say.