diets · weight loss

Losing Weight and Keeping It Off…

diets2This topic has come up for me again lately because of (1) a barrage of email from Precision Nutrition asking me if I want to do it again (no thanks; see here for why) and (2) another excellent post from Ragan Chastain over at Dances with Fat talking about the ridiculousness of our obsession with weight loss. See her post “Even if Weight Loss Would Solve Every Problem.”

As she points out,

Even if becoming thin would solve every single problem in every single fat person’s life (and I don’t think it would), the truth is it doesn’t matter.  Because we don’t know how to get it done. The belief that we know how to help people lose weight long term, and that weight loss leads to greater health, is a major Galileo issue of our time – widely believed, fervently defended, and unsupported by the evidence.

So we throw around this hope, this dream, that one day the research will tell us something different. But even the science team at Weight Watchers isn’t hopeful that this will happen.  Here’s the dirt:

Weight Watchers own numbers show that the average person maintains a 5 pound weight loss after 2 years (a feat I feel could be accomplished by regular exfoliation and without paying a small fortune to Weight Watchers.)  When asked by the Federal Trade Commission to do longer-term studies, representatives from WW refused because “it would be too depressing for our clients”.

No, we wouldn’t want to depress clients with…the truth.  That would be unconscionable wouldn’t it? And why would the truth be depressing? Because, as Ragan Chastain quite rightly points out, we’ve come up with the kooky idea that losing weight is a cure all for everything that is wrong.  And it’s kind of depressing to discover that the magic cure is almost unattainable.

Better to keep people hopeful and trying.  That’s the WW strategy. That’s the PN strategy. That’s the strategy for just about every weight loss program out there.  They use before-after pictures, but the small print says “results not typical.” And it’s rare to see “after” shots that are way after. Like two or more years after. Why? Because it’s really hard to see anything dramatic in a 5 pound weight-loss, which is what WW for example says that the average person maintains 2 years out. Pics from 5 years after would be an even harder sell.

So there are a couple of things going on here. First off, we need to seriously examine why weight-loss is ascribed all the magical happy-making qualities it is. What’s that all about? It’s not as if everyone who wants to lose a few pounds is facing major health risks if they don’t. It’s not as if everyone who is in the perceived “normal healthy” (ugh!) weight range is actually healthy.  And it’s certainly not as if losing weight will solve our financial problems or marital problems or make our kids give us no grief or make the boss our best friend or stop our neighbor from dying or prevent us from getting in a car accident or make airline travel a pleasant experience, give us more vacation days, better sleep, and tickets to see our favourite band. And yet so many people, large and small alike, are filled with self-loathing and despair because they can’t lose weight and keep it off.

And then, we need to even more seriously consider why we reject the evidence before us about what a futile endeavor this actually is for the vast majority of people who undertake it. Please do not start on the “if people just did what they were supposed to do they would lose it and keep it off.” When we individualize this as if it’s all the fault of the people who can’t stick to the program as presented we miss the larger issue, which is that maybe, just maybe, these programs are a waste of time and money.

Ragan Chastain:

Almost everyone who attempts weight loss fails.  Yet doctors keep prescribing the same things and blaming the vast majority of people for “not trying hard” enough or “not doing it right”. Can you imagine if Viagra only worked 5% of the time and we blamed 95% of the guys for just not trying hard enough?  It’s completely ridiculous.  But when I point this out people roll their eyes and say “everybody knows” that you can lose weight if you really try.

Let me say it again – even if weight loss would solve every problem (and I don’t think it will), it doesn’t matter because we don’t know how to get it done and my opinion, based on the research that exists, is that it is a massive waste of time, money, and resources to keep suggesting, marketing, prescribing, and pursuing weight loss.

And finally,

If people want to keep researching weight loss methods that’s fine, it’s also fine if they want to keep researching ways to help people fly like superman, but I certainly won’t be dieting or jumping off my roof and flapping my arms. Attempting weight loss to get healthier is doing something that nobody has proven is possible for a reason that nobody has proven is valid.

It’s been a long time since I built a blog post around quotes from someone else’s blog post, but this message cannot be delivered enough. We all want to think we’re exceptions. That this time we will do it and it will work because we’ll do it better, we’ll be more vigilant, we’ll be “good,” la, la, la.

But, and I hate to be a negative ninny about it but hear me now: a new diet will probably fail and even if you lose weight and keep some or even all of it off, that is not going to mean you’ll suddenly become happy.

But there are lots of other tangible things we can do to live now in the body we have today. So rather than obsess and wring our hands over the impossible, why not move on from that and live in reality?

aging · competition · fitness

The downside of competing against yourself: You can’t PR forever!

We have written quite a bit on the blog about competition (see Tracy’s The Competitive Feminist) and the idea that in endurance and lifting sports you don’t have to view others as your competition. Instead, you can aim to get better, to achieve a PR, and to be better than the athlete you were yesterday. In this way competition is about self improvement, not about besting others. You’re your own competition.  And that sounds lovely. It can make racing fun even for people who don’t think of themselves as competitive.  I identified my past self as my competition in the fittest by fifty challenge. You see this idea reflected in the slogans below.

 But there are at least two problems with this idea that you’re your own competition, lovely as it is.

First, this isn’t true for all sports. While some sports consist in individual effort and you can make a choice to compare yourself to others or to your earlier efforts, in other sports there’s only the comparison between you and others. Weight lifting is a clear case of measuring your individual performance. How much did you bench?What’s your max deadlift? You can consciously choose to focus your concern on comparing yourself to others of the same age and size or to focus on personal bests and getting stronger over time.

Other sports can come in different flavours. Consider cycling, just because it’s the sport I know best. In a bike race that’s a time trial you can compare your pace over a certain distance to past efforts on that course, but in a road race there’s a lot of interactive strategy. What matters in a road race, the only thing that matters, is your relative place in the race. Team sports are like this too. You can’t compare your soccer performance this year to yours last year because you’re part of a team playing against other teams. The interaction matters.

But these problems aren’t the ones I’m really interested in today though I do have a special interest in the question of whether sports that involve interpersonal strategy are more interesting, more complex than ones that just measure individual effort and fitness. I like sports that include a place for “skill, cunning, and guile.” I have a soft spot for interactive sports of the sort that game theorists can model. I don’t go as far as my partner who declares endurance sports as dull as watching paint dry. I’m sure I’ll write more about this later. I teach sports ethics and I’m interested in some of the definitional issues. What makes some activities sports and others not? Can we rule out as sports those activities that a lack a “game” element? (Interested? Go read When is a sport not a sport? by Wayne Norman.)

The question that interests me today is competing against your past self and losing. That’s sad but it happens. And here’s the very sad part. It will happen to all of us. At some point we stop getting stronger and faster. We get weaker and we slow down. Tracy and I have both commented that our recent spurt of fitness activities have been extra motivating because we’re adult onset athletes. There are no high school sports trophies gathering dust in our closets. Even the relativized notion of competition–competing only against oneself–can be too demanding. Suppose I could average 32 km/hr in a time trial at 30, do you think I’ll still be able to do that at 60? Probably not.

So while the idea of competing only against your past self seems like a more gentle form of competition, in many ways it’s not. There is a time when it starts to be kinder and gentler to compare your performance to the performance of people your own age rather than to the performance of your younger, fitter self. I’ve watched friends, former competitive athletes, struggle with this. Sometimes they switch sports–from rowing to cycling–and sometimes they move on to a less competitive version of the activity–from bike racing to long distance touring. Comparing yourself to your younger self–whether it’s your 5 km time, your hair colour, the number on the scale, or your max bench–can certainly lead to sadness.

So is there a better motivational saying that reflects this? Suggestions anyone?

fitness · race report · racing · triathalon

Fun Times at the 2015 Kincardine Women’s Triathlon

wpid-fb_img_1436651967018.jpg

After last week’s group pre-race report, and a fantastic event on Saturday, we decided a collective race recap about Kincardine would be fun. Here it is:

Kristen: I love this time away with my old friends and meeting some new friends.  Every Tri I have tried it’s a warm and welcoming environment with someone always willing to lend a hand.  As an event planner and manager of volunteers I always try and remind myself that races are volunteer lead and driven events so try not and judge too harshly.  That being said I do think this group really does need to step up their pre-race talk and etiquette.  The organizing team  missed things I felt were important especially as this event is touted as being a beginner race and they have been at it for 10 years.  I found myself asking questions I knew the answer to just to make sure the many new and nervous faces got this information. Something I learned, although my fitness level is now at a point that I can do this length of a race with very little training (6 months of injuries will do that) I certainly was not happy with the results.  Maybe it’s better to say it feels like a new beginning and is wonderful to feel like I’m not longer broken so can again start to train in earnest.  Hopefully, I’ll be back next year.

Anita: Wow wow wow. Kincardine was such an amazing experience, mostly because of the fantastic spirit shared by everyone there. Of course I have to pass along special high fives to the group of women I was with: Tracy, Samantha, Leslie, Kristen, Natalie, Mallory, Susan, and Tara. We all came with different expectations and training histories but we all left with smiles. I couldn’t ask for a more supportive group of friends. My personal performance was great on the runs (I did the duathlon) but a bit of a poor showing on the bike. Guess what? That didn’t bother me one little bit. In fact I feel like I crushed it. Ya, I crushed it. And I’m coming back for more.

Sam: I went knowing I wouldn’t be fast but I went anyway. And that was okay. More than okay, I had fun. I had surgery less than six weeks ago which meant two weeks with no physical actvity at all, other than walking, then a slow return to normal. I concentrated on the friends and family aspect of this event, drove up there with my daughter, my sister in law, and my cousin in law. We had a great time together with a lovely group of bloggers, guest bloggers, and friends. My injured knee survived the 6 km of (mostly) running and didn’t hurt the next day. Victory!

I was surprised, not at how hard the running part of the duathlon would be as I knew that it would hurt given that I haven’t run much in the past month. I was shocked at how hard biking is after a tough run. I spent 78% of it in Zone 4 of my heart rate training zones. Strava had things to say about that. I also learned the bad effect of slow transitions. My Garmin had my moving bike time at 27 minutes but it was 31 on the race chip time spread sheet. Why? Because that includes getting in and out of my running shoes/biking shoes and swapping hat for helmet and helmet for hat.

I love this event, the smiling volunteers, the cheering community crowds, and the wide range of participants, all ages, skill levels, and fitness abilities. Certainly I’d recommend it to any women in the area considering their first tri. Go for it and enjoy!

image
Susan, Tara, and Sam

Nat: I‘m thrilled at how the race went. I absolutely loved being there with a group of friends, new & old. It really made the race interesting to keep an eye out for each other in the bike and race loops since they were out and back courses.

As we gathered to start a few folks were uttering nervous and anxious things. It was harshing my buzz and echoing my inner doubts so I gave a pep talk to those around me. “It’s a beautiful day, the lake is calm and you get to swim surrounded by all these beautiful, strong women. That’s amazing. It will take the time it takes. Enjoy it, it won’t last very long.”

The water was very cold and I didn’t rent a wetsuit but it only slowed me down a couple minutes on the swim.

The bike portion felt amazing as I huffed along on Ethel. I actually passed some folks! Me! Passing! That felt really cool.

Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!

But the run, oh the run, it felt really harsh along the boardwalk then the course merged with the returning runners and I decided I needed some high fives. I needed them bad so I started offering “high fives of awesomeness” to anyone who looked like they could use a boost or even looked me in the eye. Totally gave me something else to focus on and I felt better. My run wasn’t much slower than my usual pace. Yay high fives!

I came in much faster than I expected and faster than I deserved as I hadn’t really trained for this. It was a PB even over a much shorter Try a Tri I did in 2011!

I can’t wait for next year!

Super Nat!
Super Nat!

Leslie: I did it! What a great feeling of accomplishment to have completed (without stopping!) the Kincardine Women’s Sprint Triathalon.  I was overwhelmed by the support and encouragement of the volunteers before, during and after the race.  Even the spectators who lined the route were amazing. A special thanks to the kid with the garden hose-man that cold water felt great on the return leg of the run.  So many smiling faces, and such positive energy.  For me the swim was the most difficult, and therefore presents the main challenge for the new goal I plan on setting down for myself for future triathlons.  I was so impressed at all the results, from all the amazing women participants.  Wow, Katie Peach 43:27 overall race time, you rock! and Jennifer Di Jong in my age category 50 – 54, with a time of 50:17-inspiring.  I had the privilege of meeting the core group of women that my race buddy and tri-mentor Tracy introduced me to.  To Anita, Sam, Kristin, Mallory and all, great to meet everybody.  Finally what had started as something that I was resistant and afraid of, “transitioned” into a positive, empowering experience. Hope to see you all next year.

Tracy in her wetsuit, bathing cap, and goggles, in an exuberant pose before the start of the swim.
Tracy feeling pretty excited that the swim didn’t get cancelled!

Tracy: I had the most fun at the 2015 Kincardine Women’s Triathlon than I’ve ever had at an event. So much so that I wonder if I’m in love with triathlon or just the KWT! It’s a well-run, high-energy event for women (and you know how I love women’s only events!). The volunteers are amazing and the race organizers have their system down to a fine-tuned machine geared at making sure everyone is having a great time.

It looked touch and go for the swim because of water temperature, which registered 8 degrees C the day before the race (minimum to go ahead with the swim is 13 degrees C). But Kincardine’s water is known to “flip” and flip it did.  By the race morning it (just) passed the minimum. Still kind of frigid but with my wetsuit and a pre-race warm-up to get used to the cold water, it was tolerable-ish — it did take me about 2/3 of the swim to find a rhythm, get my stroke under control from the flailing and desperate character it had at the beginning, and start breathing well. I took some time off of my swim from last year and had a good T1.  Swim: 8:35 TI: 2:28

Despite my general struggles with bike training, which meant that I did no training at all once the indoor trainer season ended in late March, I enjoyed the bike ride. As expected given no training, I lost all of my time on the bike. People whom I’d smoked in the swim caught up and passed me all along the route. But I felt solid on the bike and I had absolutely no difficulty with the hills, so there’s that.  Bike: 34:02 (including T2).

I felt pretty good on the run, though I started out of breath. My goal was to push beyond my comfort zone, which I did. In retrospect I could have pushed harder but that’s for another day.  Run: 19:04.

What did I love? I loved being with everyone and having a whole group of people–Sam, Nat, Anita, Susan, Tara, Kristen, Mallory, Leslie, and me. My longtime friend, Leslie, was doing her first triathlon and it was exciting to see how dedicated she was to her training and to watch the mix of nerves and excitement the morning of.  Anita was also doing her first event, a duathlon, and she loved it. And all nine of us were happy. I went into it with no huge expectations and my only real plan (besides pushing on the run) was to have fun. When I came through the finish chute and saw Mallory waiting at the side, and then everyone else started rolling in, I just had a surge of joy!  Perfect weather, perfect company, and a personal best of 1:01:40 that gives me something to work towards for next year, namely, a sub-60 minute finish. That means bike training. Meanwhile, I will bask in the glow of an exhilarating event with an awesome group of women.

image

image

 

Guest Post

The therapeutic value of feminist self-defense, part 2 (Guest post)

For Part 1, see here.

by Grayson Hunt

Philosopher Susan Brison’s story of resistance and recovery after a violent sexual assault reveals the therapeutic significance of anger learned through self-defense training. Ten years after her attack, Brison wrote _Aftermath: Violence and the Remaking of a Self_, describing the effect sexual violence had on her capacity to think and feel at home in the world. Brison spoke of the incredible difficulty she had in learning how to be angry at the man who sexually assaulted her and attempted to kill her (an attack she calls her “attempted sexual murder”). Rediscovering that anger became a matter of re-learning how to defend her body. Physical self-defense courses taught Brison how to resent what had happened to her. Here is a quote:

“One might think it would be easier, and it certainly would be more appropriate, for victims of violence to blame their assailants…. I was stunned to discover that the other women in my rape survivor’s support group were, like me, unable to feel anger toward their assailants, and I was surprised to learn later that this was not unusual. It was not until after I had taken a self-defense course that I was able to get angry with the man who had almost killed me.”

Ultimately, Brison recounts that she was able to break the double bind of self-blame and powerlessness by performing a kind of self-empowered bodily existence. “We had to learn to feel entitled to occupy space, to defend ourselves,” Brison recounts in reference to her self-defense training, adding that, “the hardest thing for most of the women in my class to do was simply to yell ‘No!’.” The ability to refuse another person’s claim upon one’s body by yelling “No” was re-learned through talk therapy and self-defense training, taught alongside kicks and punches.

Brison’s account demonstrates the therapeutic value of feminist self-defense training. It (re)instills in survivors a sense of entitlement to occupy space in the world. Linking self-defense training to recovery and therapy also creates a positive feedback loop. Having more empowered female and feminine bodies in the world communicates the value of women’s lives and livelihood. When we measure the value of self-defense training merely by its ability to prevent an attack, we lose sight of the therapeutic and political value feminist self-defense training can have.

Resting bike face
Resting bike face

 

Grayson Hunt is a professor of philosophy at Western Kentucky University and an avid cyclist.

 

Weekends with Womack

Repeat after me: Athleticism is beauty. Athleticism is beauty. Athleticism is beauty. Athleticism is beauty…

Serena Williams, one of the greatest tennis players of all time, just won the women’s singles title at Wimbledon.

Again.

For the sixth time, actually.

That’s like, five times. And then again. For a total of six times.

six

Serena Williams is one of the great athletes of our time, and one of the greatest tennis players ever. But alongside the story of her win, what else does the New York Times– the paper of record—see fit to print? This story.

In this story ,“Tennis’s Top Women Balance Body Image with Ambition”, many of the world’s top women players interviewed said, in effect, that having the muscular world-class athletic bodies they have makes them feel “unfeminine”, as 14th-ranked Andrea Petkovic said.

“People say, ‘Oh, you’re so skinny, I always thought you were huge,’ ” she said. “And then I feel like there are 80 million people in Germany who think I’m a bodybuilder. Then, when they see me in person, they think I’m O.K.”

Heavy sigh.

Okay, let’s deconstruct this statement to see what’s going on here. Here are some assumptions I found:

  • Being skinny is OK (read minimally acceptable).
  • Being “huge” is bad.
  • Being perceived as a bodybuilder is bad.

Let us remind ourselves that this is coming from a woman whose tennis acumen is ranked 14th ON PLANET EARTH. Despite my intense racket-sports envy of her accomplishment, I feel both sympathy and frustration at what such comments likely accurately reflect about the culture that she navigates.  And this is the culture that we navigate, too.

Serena herself is affected by such assumptions. How can this be? I mean, glorious kick-ass-take-no-prisoners-forget-wearing-all-white-I-look-fabulous-in-orange-and-pink-on-center-court Serena? The woman who wore this at the French Open while firing a bullet serve?

serena

Serena Williams is now in position to be the 4th woman in history to win the Grand Slam of tennis in singles this year (The Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon, and the U.S. Open).  By the way, there have only been three Grand Slam winners in men’s singles (two actually, as Rod Laver did it twice; also, my first tennis racket was a Rod Laver, but I digress…)

But this is what others are saying about her the very day she won Wimbledon:

Not all players have achieved Williams’s self-acceptance.

“That is really an important acceptance for some female athletes, that their best body type, their best performance build, is one that is not thin; it’s one of power,” said Pam Shriver, a former player and current tennis analyst.

Shriver, who cited Angelique Kerber and Sabine Lisicki as similarly powerfully built, believes Williams’s physique and confidence should serve as an example to others.

“The way Serena wears her body type I think is perfect,” Shriver said. “I think it’s wonderful, her pride.”

(taking deep breath)

Okay, let’s look at this more carefully– what assumptions lie beneath these statements?

  • Serena Williams’ body is one that requires a conscious attitude of self-acceptance, which suggests that it would otherwise be reasonable to expect her to be unaccepting of it.
  • Power in a woman’s build is in opposition to thinness– if you’re powerful, you’re not thin, and vice versa.
  • In most contexts, thin is better than powerful for women.
  • Even in professional sports, women with powerful bodies must acknowledge, justify, and defend those bodies, as well as deal with lack of acceptance by others.
  • Serena’s body type requires cultivating pride in a way that’s out of the ordinary, not automatic, but praiseworthy (albeit in a grudging and condescending way).

Note that these claims are made about a woman who wore this dress to the Oscars this year:

Screen Shot 2015-07-11 at 10.50.16 PM

I included this picture because this discourse about Serena’s body as being deviant, as

1) a woman’s body;

2) a professional athlete’s body;

3) an attractive woman’s body

is one of the many reasons why I’m glad this blog and this community exist.  We can celebrate Serena’s accomplishments and beauty in power and motion.  We can also celebrate ourselves in our own glorious athletic beauty, like this bunch of Kincardine tri- and duathletes.  Congratulations, and I look forward to reading all about it!

wpid-fb_img_1436651967018.jpg

Sat with Nat

Last rider on a 100 km cycling event

Warning: the post contains swearing my lovely feminist friends 🙂

On Sunday July 5 I participated in the MEC 100 km bike ride. Sam, Jeff, Eaton and David were there too. Days earlier I floated the idea that Sam and David did not need to go slow with me as I typically putter along at 20 km/hr. You can read about Sam’s experience here.

I didn’t train for this ride. Lately I’ve been taking it easy on short, social rides with friends along the bike paths, nothing too strenuous and not very regularly. I figured the nicer weather and light winds would make for a much better experience than my first 100 km ride, which took 7 hours including stops. I was thinking I could do this ride in 6 hours but, honestly, my heart was set on 5:30, even 5 hours seemed plausible.

I’d raced in triathlons but being a slower swimmer most folks are out of transition when I get there so it is very different to roll up to 150 or so folks queuing up to ride. It was a lot of people but the weather was SPECTACULAR, sunny and calm, a cyclists dream!

Michel agreed to ride with me and I’m very thankful for his company and his knowledge gained from a few brevets he’s done with Randonneurs Ontario.

The event had promised a staggered start, by that they meant the 100 km event started at 9 am and the 60 km at 9:30. I had thought it would be like a triathlon where we’d start in waves like cyclists over 30 km/hr then 25-30 km hr, that kind of thing.

Like Sam mentioned in her post the course went onto the local bike paths, a busy time at 9 am on Sundays: runners and walkers and children OH MY!

Michel whipped past a turn off but we got on course. We passed a few skilled cyclists with flats early in the course and there were two women (names forgotten now….they were lovely) that we would see off and on throughout the trip.

The course was filled with lovely rolling hills and we got to the first check point at the Delaware speedway in 90 minutes. I was feeling good but the gravel from the road to the track meant walking a bit and riding in the grass. Roadies hate loose gravel and I didn’t want a flat as I knew the event 6 hr end time might be a challenge.

Back on the road, around kilometer 35, the sag wagon caught up with us. CRAP. I found out later his name was Adam, a super lovely human. He asked if Michel and I were the last riders, he was picking up the signs. Fuck. “YES. I’m the last rider.” The damn sag wagon. So I didn’t stop at the next check point. “Screw that, let those nice ladies be hounded by the sag wagon.” I thought as we rolled by.

We rolled along and I was feeing super pumped as we hit 50km and the Garmin said 2:30. Oh my goodness! Maybe I COULD do 5 hrs!! It wasn’t until kilometer 60 that Michel told me the time on the Garmin was moving time and my heart sank. I wasn’t keeping a 19.5 km/hr pace including stops, that was WITHOUT stops. fuck.fuck.fuck.

Just a kilometer short of the third check point a huge cramp shot down my leg from my groin to my toes. I pulled over and another sag wagon was right there, the fellow doing the 60 km route. “The next station is just 1 km away, do you need anything?”

I got some water and popped in some Nuun tabs I had with me. Michel knew this meant I needed to stop with water altogether, eat what food I had left and just keep to electrolytes and food, no more straight water. It was pretty hot, 27 C and high humidity.

The sag wagon driver for the 60km was SUPER nice, I think his daughter was driving with him and really, he was so kind, it suddenly became really ok that he was there. He only let me take his pic after the event as I begged him and told him he saved my ego from a total shit kicking.

sag wagon friend
The awesome MEC staff who gave me water when I needed it most. it took cajoling to get this pic and I’ve forgotten his name. Mark? oh dear.

When we rolled into the third checkpoint I called out “Is this where all the cool kids with the electrolytes hang out?” The volunteers and staff all laughed. There was a young boy and his dad riding the 60 km and I made a deal with him that if he rode really fast I’d try to catch him. Adam rolled up in our sag wagon so I knew it was time to go. I was feeling much better after eating a banana and a cliff bar in addition to the bar and bananas I had earlier.

Michel kept the conversation light but I knew I was slowing down, I had the Garmin and I kept seeing well below 20 km/hr so I would push harder. My perception was off and I had a headache. It was mild heat exhaustion, the rural roads didn’t offer much shade and the lack of headwind meant no free cooling that way either.

As we pulled into the last checkpoint the folks were chipper and Michel told me Sam and company and finished already. I knew I was an hour out at least and my heart sank a little further. I’d be lucky to make it under 6 hours and I was feeling drained. We rolled into London and I looked down 92.2 km. Oh I was so doing this! What happened next I swear is true. I biked for what seemed an hour and I looked down 93 km. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

The stop and go of traffic lights at the end was nothing short of soul crushing. I openly wept for no reason off and onto blind rage to sobbing, I was a wreck.

I rolled in with Michel, the last riders of the 100 km around 5 hours and 50 minutes to cheers and nice people.

Garmin

Moving time 5:21, which was much faster than my first 100km ride in April that was 6 hours moving and 7 hours in total. I chalk it all up to the weather and certainly not to any training regime.

my friend Adam
My new friend Adam, best sag wagon driver there is!

I was tired and grumpy after the ride but I felt the need to be a good fattie and smile for everyone. The nice ladies were still eating when we got upstairs and a couple of randonneurs Michel knew were there too.

I was embarrassed about being last but, like many friends pointed out, riders in my speed range stuck to the 60 km ride and I chose to challenge myself. I’m very grateful to my partner Michel for riding with me, I would have peeled off and headed home at a few points if it wasn’t for his playful companionship. I’m pretty lucky to live with a fellow cyclist. Our oldest son is peddling an ice cream bike for the summer and our youngest is ripping around town on his orange fixe. The family that cycles together stays together?

I was tired after the ride but not injured. The next day I was tired and had little patience but I didn’t even have a saddle sore. I can definitely do a 100 km ride at the drop of a hat and that feels pretty cool.

Guest Post

The therapeutic value of feminist self-defense, part 1 (Guest post)

by Grayson Hunt

Preamble/Warning: This is a post on the value of feminist self-defense training for survivors of sexual abuse. I will discuss in some detail a recent encounter I had with an abuser. I encourage readers of this blog to read my post alongside Ann Cahill’s recent post, “What (Feminist) Self-Defense Courses Can Do.”

Last month I went to Lake Cumberland in Kentucky for a day of boating and swimming with friends. At one end of the lake was an amazing waterfall. As I was swimming near the falls, I looked up and saw a man 30 feet above in the bushes on top of the falls. He waved. I waved back. I’m not up on “boating culture”, but apparently that’s what white people do when out boating: everyone waves to each other. Only he wasn’t boating; he had gotten to the falls by foot from the access road up top. So I stared at him, wondering what the hell he was doing up there. Then I realized he was masturbating. I was stunned. I turned away to swim back to the boat and I could feel shame sneaking into my chest and face. I began to feel responsible for what was happening to me, which was the very message I internalized after being sexually assaulted as a teen. But then something changed. As I was swimming away from this man I realized that if I wanted to say something I could, and that it would probably make things better for me. I needed my life to continue, and with as little shame and self-blame as possible. So I yelled. I yelled loudly, and he heard me. I pointed up at him and said three things:

1) “PUT YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS!”

The masturbating man retreated backwards away from the ledge, but was still in view.

2) “I CAN STILL SEE YOU!”

The man disappeared completely from view. Then, bizarrely, I finished with:

3) “GET A LIFE!” (Who says that?) As a recent transplant to the South I have learned that people down here don’t curse in public,, and I guess I didn’t want to attract any negative attention from the other boaters. I needed to keep my righteousness intact!

I swam back to the boat, and told my friends what had happened. They hadn’t heard me yelling.

What does this have to do with self-defense training? The encounter was a perfect example of “stranger danger.” It is an example of a woman defending herself in the face of a random attack, which is what self-defense training courses claim to teach women, where the value of defending yourself is to prevent the attack by a stranger. I took a self-defense training course when I was 7 years old. I thought we were learning to defend ourselves against robbers until it became clear that we were learning to defend ourselves against sexual predators (what a shameful realization to make in front of all your friends!). One of the things they tell you to do is to yell and make a scene, but also to kick, scratch, and gauge eyes (something I would have been too scared to do anyway).

Before I go further, I think we can and should distinguish between feminist and non-feminist self-defense approaches to sexual violence and abuse. Non-feminist self-defense courses actually communicate rather disempowering messages to women. The American Woman’s Self Defense Association, for example, communicates the message that an attack is inevitable, while The National Riffle Association’s “Refuse to be a Victim” training uses victim-blaming and rhetoric (are you the kind of woman who gets abused, or do you defend yourself?). Yikes. I’m not interested in the fantasy of single-handedly preventing rape, nor of possibly deflecting blame onto untrained women.

Feminist self-defense training is grounded in a political and social understanding of sexual violence. Feminists condemn the view that rape is a natural (if regrettable) phenomenon. One version of feminist self-defense training is called Empowerment Self-Defense (ESD). It is an alternative to the fear-mongering approaches espoused by non-feminist conservatives. Empowerment self-defense is informed by the National Coalition Against Sexual Assault, which states that “accountability for violence lies with the person who commits it and that everyone has the right to make choices about whether or not to fight back,” (my emphasis) and that “good self-defense programs do not ‘tell’ an individual what she ‘should’ or ‘should not’ do,” but offer “options, techniques, and a way of analyzing situations.” Feminist self-defense training rejects the inevitability of rape, the inherent aggressivity of the male body, and the inherent vulnerability of the feminine or female body. Feminist approaches to self-defense training view misogynist societal and institutional practices as the central causes of sexual violence, and offer options for acting within that reality. Feminist approaches recognize rape culture – the practice of shaming and doubting the testimonies and character of victims who seek criminal charges and police protection. So, what might a feminist, empowered self-defensive response look like? Well, I think my response is an example. Here’s why:

When I turned around and yelled at that masturbating man, I felt capable of externalizing my anger verbally, which left me feeling that I had a say in the matter; that I was not going to passively receive, but could active engage with, this man’s abuse. And the fact that I was able to act out of fear and anger at all (instead of shame) was different from when I was first assaulted by an acquaintance many years ago. That seems key – self-defense courses that teach you to kick and scream aren’t helpful when it comes to acquaintance rape, marital rape, date rape and family child abuse. (I really don’t think there is a form of self-defense training that can protect against those forms of abuse, which prey on intimacy.) Also notice that screaming at this man in the bushes *did not prevent* the abuse. But it did allow me to act and respond in ways that I couldn’t in the past (even after my initial self-defense training as a child). That’s what I would call its therapeutic value. Screaming this time meant that I was not paralyzed by a traumatic cycle of abuse.

I view the anger and resentment provoked in feminist self-defense training as accomplishments, not weaknesses. The value of feminist self-defense training is that it communicates the message that even within a culture of violence against women, you can act. As a survivor of violence, I find that message both therapeutic and empowering. Within a culture that silences victims’ and survivors’ stories, externalizing anger reverses the more common responses of self-blame and shame. It is in this sense, that I think feminist self-defense training should be measured. That is, for its ability to “thwart the cultural forces that keep women from experiencing their bodies as powerful” as Ann Cahill said in her recent post, and not merely by its preventative promise.

Resting bike face
Resting bike face

 

Grayson Hunt is a professor of philosophy at Western Kentucky University and an avid cyclist.

fitness

Why I Don’t Want to Be a Precision Nutrition VIP (But the Temptation Is There Anyway)

Just to be clear: I am not signing up for Precision Nutrition’s Lean Eating Program again.  Like any program, they have a lot of repeat customers. A few women from my team have been struggling to stay on track and, coming on seven months since our year ended, have either signed up or are considering signing up for the year of coaching that starts later this month.

As former clients, we were all sent a special offer — a VIP offer, no less. Instead of the regular price of $229 US if you pay monthly ($2199 US if you pay all at once), former clients are offered the special price of $137 US monthly ($1319 US if you pay all at once).

I have nothing against PN LE (other than that I despise the photo contest, which is their big promotional campaign that goes against everything they teach all year about what’s important, but anyway–see my post “When Precision Nutrition’s Lean Eating Program Lost Me”). As I said in my review of my PN LE year, I learned a lot and developed some good habits. But I’m faltering a bit, feeling not on top of the habits.

And I’m not the only one. Lots of my “team” feel that way. And that’s what makes the offer so tempting. Something about paying the money provides an incentive to stay on track. Just having the knowledge isn’t enough.

In this respect, though I had high hopes for PN LE, it’s not so different from any other program or plan or (dare I say) diet. The info is good, the habits are great if you practice them, but it’s hard to practice them alone. And they know that. Like Weight Watchers and its Lifetime Membership status, PN LE’s VIP category counts on your needing them in order to succeed in the long run. It’s a huge frustration that they don’t publish any longterm results. They just play up the “after” pics of the people who are in the final two months of their PN LE year.

And the VIP price is a full $37 US (almost $50 CDN) more per month than I was paying when I signed up for $100 per month in January 2014. The “regular” price of $229 per month is unbelievable. It’s just not sustainable to pay that kind of money to “stay on track.” When does it end?

What makes me think that if I do it again I’ll be able to go it alone after that if I can’t do it this time around? Am I going to have to sign up for PN LE (and pay the ever-rising price) every time I feel as if I’m struggling? And what, exactly, am I struggling with? I don’t even know sometimes. The whole idea of intuitive eating? Keeping on top of the habits and the workouts? Life and the various challenges it throws my way?

So no thanks. It’s a tempting offer (because it’s so tempting to think that this time it will be different). The allure of leanness, as advertised in the “after” photos (that the clients are encouraged to have done by professional photographers, providing free advertising for PN’s recruitment purposes), can draw in the desperate (a feeling I am all too familiar with). But I don’t want to be pay a monthly fee for the rest of my life to to keep me on point.

fitness

Doing the Rounds

Amanda Bingson, hammer thrower, USA track and field team.
Amanda Bingson, hammer thrower, USA track and field team.

This morning at 8 a.m. (because doctors meet really, really early) Sam and I met on the fifth floor of St. Joseph’s hospital to give at talk at Grand Rounds in the Diabetes and Endocrinology Department.

We were invited quite some time ago because our friend, swimmer, and guest blogger Dr. Savita Dhanvantari has taken an interest in our feminist approach to fitness and thought we might have something worthwhile to share with the group.

I ran into Sam in the corridor, both of us looking for the classroom in the Diabetes Education Centre, having parked our bikes at different entrances.  The hospital is a bit of a maze but we found our destination with a bit of time to spare, just enough to set up the slides.

About 20 people attended the early-morning presentation. The plan was that we’d talk for about 30 minutes and then have a Q and A.

Here’s what our objectives for the talk were:

1.     To consider some of the barriers to women for participating in fitness activities
2.     Provide a feminist context for the discussion, focusing on social attitudes, cultural expectations, conflicts between athletic and aesthetic values, assumptions about fitness and fatness.
3.     Engage in a discussion about how to perpetuate positive messages that encourage women to get active.

Now, to readers of this blog, all of this is old hat. But most of the people we were addressing aren’t readers of the blog. They’re MDs who don’t usually spend a lot of time in sessions with philosophers, let alone bloggers, as the main speakers.  Nevertheless, they were an attentive audience, with lots of nodding as we spoke.

We focused on five specific barriers:

1. Making fitness about weight loss

2. Focus on aesthetics instead of athletics

3. Gender gap in sports and fitness activities that starts in childhood

4. Unjust gendered divisions of work time and play time

5. Feeling excluded from gyms and other fitness spaces because of weight, age, lack of knowledge/skill, gender, clothing (a general perception of not belonging).

Then we gave a bit of a summary about why we consider our approach to be feminist. Apart from a consistent gender analysis, we think of our approach as feminist because:

  • we talk about social attitudes that create barriers for women’s participation in physical activities (e.g. boys are encouraged to be more active than girls, women’s fitness focuses on weight loss and thinness, etc.)
  • we talk about the social and cultural expectations and values that get in women’s way of pursuing fitness activities (e.g. obligations to put “family first,” gendered division of labor in the home shrinks available time, etc.)
  • we shift the focus from fatness to fitness, from the aesthetic of normative femininity to what the body can do

We ended by making a few recommendations for how to shift the conversation in ways that might be more encouraging for people who have never been physically active, ways that might make them feel more open to trying to introduce physical activity into their lives. Here’s what we recommended as positive messages:

  • Promote inclusive fitness
  • Starting small is okay
  • Find things people enjoy
  • Make fitness a family thing
  • Everyday exercise
  • Stop focusing on weight loss as a measure of success
  • Use your influence as MDs to shift to a message that works for more people

The Q&A was interesting for us. In addition to the usual sorts of questions about whether we thought things were any better today than, say, 30 years ago, quite a few people shared their experiences as clinicians. We heard the frustration they can experience when working with patients who, for their health, need to get active and yet don’t. But here’s where starting where they are, encouraging small steps, and being sensitive to the sorts of barriers that may stand in the way of people’s willingness to incorporate activity into their lives may make a difference.

My ears perked up when one of the doctors suggested that she was working towards getting rid of the scale in her clinic altogether (not quite there yet, but that it’s even being considered is amazing).

We just scratched the surface in the hour we were with them. There is so much more of a conversation to be had. Nevertheless, we appreciated the opportunity to talk to a group of physicians who work with people whose health is in peril and would improve if they became physically active. We hope our feminist approach made sense to them and gives them a different perspective, while also offering something useful and practical.

body image · fitness · swimming

Starting to swim again and the first trauma is bathing suit shopping

Trauma?

Okay, that’s an overstatement.

I know. It’s weird. I’m happy naked. I wear a bikini without any issues. I’m pretty comfy in my skin. Generally speaking I’m at peace with my curves, my rolls, my cellulite, and even my stretch marks. But put me in a sports store changing room with a stack of speedos and other name brand serious swim suits, and ugh. Just ugh.

I’ve written before about bathing suit anxiety and why it’s different than evaluating and reflecting on the way one looks naked or in lingerie.

And it’s weird too b/c generally I like the way in look in sportswear, in active clothing. I love my bike shorts and jerseys and sleeveless running tanks and lifting shirts. I even liked my rowing clothes. So while lots of women don’t like to play sports for fear of wearing tight fitting sports clothing, that’s very much not me.

I like being identified as an athlete and given my build that’s often not clear if I’m wearing dresses and everyday clothes. But put me in bike shorts and jersey and it’s clear I’m a cyclist.

So why the swimsuit angst? Again, I suspect it’s all about identity.

Consider the comparison class. Women who wear bathing suits like these ones I’m about to try on at Sport Check look long and lean. They’re swimmers. They look like swimmers. They don’t look like me.

With my bikinis I’ve managed to change the comparison class. My newsfeed has so many cute women in fatkinis that I’ve come to see the fat girl in bikini as normal. They do look like me. They’re everywhere on body positive and health at every size websites.

But racing speedos? Scary!

And actually, at the end of the day, I’m not sure my self esteem is any worse. I’m able to say, “It’s not me, it’s them.”

I have a long torso and short legs. That’s part of my preference for bikinis over one piece suits.

Maybe I’ll look for an athletic two piece and make that my lane swimming suit. Or maybe I’ll start to think of myself as swimmer again and think of myself as belonging in that Speedo. Maybe.