My workouts came to a halt the end of October. The scramble down to New Brunswick was quickly followed by a return home. My beloved and I took turns being away for work. Starting today we will both be home TOGETHER. What a novel concept!
So we are back to strength training this morning.
I’m walking the dog again.
Strava sees the unusual gaps in my activities. So does my Apple tracking apps.
I feel a pang of guilt and let it go. I mean. It’s understandable to not make everything work all the time!
Dr Suess in “Oh the Places You’ll Go” has a line about “Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t.”
And it reminds me that sometimes you need to not do the workout.
I move my body for my wellbeing. Part of that is having a buffer so when I can’t be as active my body is ok.
Walking is the last activity to fall off my plate and the first thing I pick up. It really helps my back and my brain.
Next is strength training. I love feeling strong and capable. I need a reliable block of time with Michel so we can grunt together.
Then comes the indoor spinning. Whew. Ya. I need time and motivation for that so it is sprinkled sparingly into my calendar.
I’m glad my beloved and I are committed to caring for our bodies. It’s a joint project done in parallel.
Nat and Michel are dressed in cozy winter clothes, dusted in snow, smiling after a walk in a snow squall. It’s fun to have fun, but you have to know how!
A congratulatory note telling me I’ve put 400 km on my walking shoes.
The nudge was intentional. I’ve had a few bouts of plantar fasciitis. To try and prevent more rounds I look to replace my footwear before it visibly wears out.
This is hard for me. My gut says “Those shoes look fine.”
The clicking of my calf and heel tendons are telling me that, actually, I need new shoes.
I know a slip on shoe made for walking works for me so back to the Sketchers brand I go.
I try to get them on sale. I am not picky about colour. Although the white always look raggedy so I picked a dark blue from the discount website. $80 CDN plus tax is better than $120!
The shoes arrived with a 32 page booklet from the Mayo Clinic “Walk your way to fitness.”
Huh.
Unexpected!
I gave it a read and could not find one critique of the information inside.
It treated walking with the respect it deserves. It is exercise!
The booklet outlined guidelines on physical activity as well as suggestions on starting a walking routine.
On page 19 it mentioned replacing worn out shoes. It happened to use the exact distance I walk every day. At a minimum I cover 3km a day which means I should replace my shoes every 6 months.
I’m pretty sure those white Sketchers are coming up on a year. My feet have been whispering “replace your shooooooes” for a while now.
So I log my new shoes in Strava in the “My gear” tab. I often record my walks with my watch which is connected to Strava. The gear plus workouts means I will continue to get nudges on replacing my shoes.
My phone tells me I average 4.5 km a day. It’s always watching.
Unlike Strava, there are no buttons needed for my phone to count steps and kilometers. Since it doesn’t get all the distance the Strava nudge is my failsafe. It honestly feels like I just bought the white shoes. Honest!
This confirms I can’t rely on my perception on how long I’ve had shoes or when I should replace them l.
Reading the booklet reminded me of many things I’ve learned about walking and how this movement supports my wellbeing.
Many universities have limited space for cars, lots of sidewalks and spaces for students to walk or cycle between classes (and often to residences on or near campus). Generally, students can buy most of what they need at shops on campus or very nearby, and there are lots of third spaces such as parks and plazas where they can simply hang out with friends.
They may be the nearest thing some cities have to walkable communities (sometimes known as 15 minute communities). I have seen arguments that they may be part of what has older adults reflecting back on university as one of the best times of their lives. There may be some truth to this.
This week, I returned to living on campus for the first time since 1980 as I have been at a textile conference out of town. I walked a lot! I’m actually pretty impressed with myself, considering that I spent hours every day hunched over textile equipment.
I’m an analyst at heart, so I checked with Google Maps to estimate how far I would have walked as a first-year student at the University of Western Ontario, when I lived in a residence and walked to the music school every day. I walked a lot then, too: at a minimum, I walked to class, then home for lunch, then back to class and home again. That’s over 50 minutes of walking, even before going out in the evening, or leaving campus, or going to a class in a different building.
This week’s distances were similar, by the time I walked to breakfast, to my classes, home to unload and rest, and then back to the class area for evening activities. There were lots of elevators, and car parking and a shuttle bus for those with disabilities, so there were options for people who don’t walk everywhere.
Obviously, university campuses aren’t a perfect model for walkable communities for whole families or people who don’t work on campus. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could incorporate more active transit, third spaces and housing that is close to where we live and shop?
This third space on campus was quite lovely. It has public art, benches, trees, a pub/restaurant, and a mix of older and very modern buildings. Behind where I am standing to take the picture you will find restaurants, some shops, an art gallery, a church and a hospital, all within a five minute walk.
I get it now. That intense maelstrom of emotions that come for me at 3 am. This week I realized it’s stereotypical mid-life crisis energy and I am really in it.
Shifts in parenting
My mid-twenties kids are out in the world making big choices. I remind myself I did that at their age too. I was married at 22, a parent at 25. It turned out ok but WOW it looks very different from my fifty year old perspective.
There is no shortcut around lived experience and I’m working on having a healthy detachment while figuring out what support looks like for them.
Ah yes, capitalism
My paid work is the experience of many people who are employed at mid-life. Restructuring at my company is shifting roles, responsibilities and networks. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t have a sense of normalcy.
I thought my career was on one trajectory but that has faltered. I’m disappointed and quite sad about it.
There’s no peace at home
We are renovating our kitchen. Week 4 of no sink, stove or dishwasher has definitely taken the gilde off the lilly.
A tiny kitchen with some cupboards in place. A variety of walls with paint and crack fill.
I am in a privileged spot where a mortgage and renovations are financially feasible. Our contractors are wonderful humans who really care about us and giving us an exceptional experience.
But.
Good.
Green.
Earth.
It is more disruptive and expensive than I could have imagined. It might be mostly done in 2 more weeks.
That’s a lot
So.
Ya.
No.
I’m not sleeping.
My wakefulness at 3 am from hot flashes and bathroom break turns to questions both practical and existential.
What sized drawers should that pantry have?
Has my kid who fell off a cliff in BC actually ok?
Why do I feel invisible at work?
Good thing he’s here
The anchor, and wonderful gift in my life, is my partner of 30 years. Michel and I are good and it makes things feel achievable.
We are in step on nutrition, sleep and prioritizing our health. Our family histories are full of cardiovascular risks and we are doing what we can to stack the deck in our favour.
Move it, move it
My silly little goal of cycling to work has really helped me adopt a better mindset on the road.
I’m choosing to share quippy videos with friends on my cycling commute. My watch is posting all activities on Strava.
I think it surprises people how active I am. I like to think I’m a small part in them thinking they can add more activity to their lives too. Positive peer pressure for the win!
My mileage from walking and cycling since January 1 is approaching 800 km. That is triple my usual mileage for this time of year.
A screenshot of my cumulative mileage. On Thursday at 9 am I hit 743 km. Yay!
Crafting
I knit so much last weekend I gave myself tennis elbow. I’m working on this beautiful shawl. I got the pattern and supplies on my trip to Iceland last year. The designer, gk dottir, is a wonderful human. The short rows and colour changes mean it is just challenging enough to get into flow.
A wedge of knitting showing glittering copper, sparkling champagne and sparkling black lines segments filled in with white, orange and grey strokes. The pattern is called Dragonfly and is inspired by zoomed in imaging of dragonfly wings.
I’m taking beading classes through my local rec program. It’s an Indigenous lead class with Indigenous and settler students. I love it so much. I come home from the weekly class and I spend HOURS beading. I get into flow and my worries fall away.
What’s a mid-life crisis without more tattoos?
Oh ya. I’m hitting all the stereotypes. I’m getting line work on a full sleeve next week.
I have been without a car for much of the past few weeks. I was not comfortable cycling for various reasons, so I pulled out my transit pass and started using the bus. My step count went way up.
This isn’t entirely surprising. I have to walk further than my driveway to get to the bus stop, and connecting buses and final destinations do not always align perfectly with bus stops.
It was rather fun to take the bus; definitely more social, and less pressure on me to navigate to where I was going. And because I’m cheap, I often walked to places that were relatively close because I didn’t want to pay $4.00.
Better health outcomes from using public transit isn’t news. OCTranspo has listed a bunch of studies here. This meta-analysis considered 27 studies, of which 9 reported on absolute measures of physical activity associated with public transport and further 18 papers reported on factors associated with physical activity as part of public transport use. A range of 8–33 additional minutes of walking was identified from this systematic search as being attributable to public transport use.
Of course, good integration of transit modes is what will encourage people to get out of their cars and use public and active transit, so this image from a study by UITP on exactly that issue seems perfect.
Pedestrians use a crosswalk while cyclists on a separated bike path wait for them to cross. There is a tram and another vehicle that may be a bus, and two large bike parking areas full of bikes. In the far background, you can see one car and possibly a truck.
A few weeks back I realized I could not bike to work for a good while. My beloved works from home. I get very anxious on my walk into work.
What can an extrovert who verbally possesses everything to do?
Post your positive self talk on social media! here is an example from Thursday.
Natalie is wearing a blue raincoat with the hood up. Her grey toque with a red and white band pokes out. Her wet brown hair slides down her shoulders.
Honestly, it started back in December posting love notes online during a winter storm while my sweetheart was away for 2 weeks. Then it became a bit of a walking weather report. Then it became the nice words I need to hear to be ok in the morning.
Before the pandemic I’d regularly cry on the walk to work. Sometimes I’d dry heave on my front lawn. I never realized how bad my anxiety was or how much it coloured each day until I got to work from home for a few years.
Going back to the office I stuck to a steady routine, every Wednesday, whether I was needed there or not for 18 months. I needed the practice.
My schedule includes a second day now and I keep working on pairing a self propelled commute with a little pep talk. It really does help.
My friend Yvonne regularly ends our chats with “I love you.” It wraps up our conversations beautifully.
It took me by surprise at first. I grew up in a family culture where “I love you” and hugging were not central to interactions. Turns out I really enjoy those two things quite a bit.
So, I’m glad you are reading this. I love that you care and spend time thinking about fitness and feminism. I think it’s good for both of us. I love you!
July is the month that for me is most seriously summer. June has convocation in it and the end of convocation feels like it marks the end of the academic year. August is when things start up again around the university. I’m planning meetings. Course outlines are due. There are some serious writing deadlines.
Highlights? The big highlight of the month was a combination conference + visiting family trip to Scotland and England with my mother. I love Edinburgh and the British Society for Ethical Theory. I loved walking all over the city together stopping for ice cream comes and eating at the Edinburgh Food Festival. It felt wonderful meeting up with family in Yorkshire and Lancashire. Again, some wonderful walks, time in pubs, and great conversation.
I have reached the end of Phase II of my experiment and I am declaring it a success.
No. I didn’t manage to do a warm up before each walk.
And I didn’t manage to organize my days to make it easier to do a warm up.
Instead, I have successfully discovered that I don’t want to keep trying to make this work.
Yes, success on your own terms really does have a lot going for it.
ANYWAY!
Just like my efforts from the week before, last week’s attempts at trying to warm up before I walked the dog meant that I ended up delaying my walk and stressing the dog out.
This photo is not from this week but I thought it made a funny juxtaposition to me mentioning her being stressed out. Image description: a photo of Khalee, a light brown, medium-sized dog, lying on her belly by our patio doors. She is pointing her snout toward the camera and her tail is toward the door, she looks pretty chilled out.
As a bonus, I also ended up feeling annoyed about the whole thing.
And while it may come as a shock to hear this, annoyed is NOT the feeling I am going for when it comes to taking a walk.
When I had this idea two weeks ago, I was trying to make sure that I got ‘more’ out of my walk. It’s my most consistent form of exercise and I wanted to increase my efforts cardio-wise so I could ensure that I was challenging myself – especially on days when I didn’t have time for other exercises.
It definitely seemed like a good idea and when my first week didn’t work out because of general life chaos (and a few sick days), I reframed the experiment and tried to focus on picking a specific time for my walks so I could include time for my warm-up.
But when that didn’t work out either, I gave it a bit more thought and I realized that trying to intensify things was taking the fun out of my walk.
My walk is usually a relatively relaxing part of my day. I’m not always super keen on having to go out in bad weather and sometimes it’s a challenge to jam it into my day, but once I am actually out there, I never regret it.
I listen to a book or to a podcast or just to the sounds around me and I stroll along with Khalee, taking things in. I usually feel the tension drop out of my shoulders as I amuse myself by watching herself sniffing her way along.
Occasionally it’s a bit dull and it’s usually not much of a physical challenge but maybe that’s asking too much of my daily stroll.
Maybe instead of trying to make my walk more intense I could just decide to enjoy the experience of being outside with Khalee, observing the way things change from day to day and week to week and catching up on podcasts and books.
Last year, I discovered that a single flower grows behind this fence and I was delighted to discover this week that it is a perennial! Image description: a sunny spot behind a fence and between some trees where the ground is crowded with winter-browned grass and a single set of green shoots are growing upwards.
So, it took me two weeks to determine this but it turns out that my experiment wasn’t ‘Does a 5 minute warm-up help me have a more exercise-y walk?’ and it wasn’t ‘How can I make it easier to do a warm-up before I walk?’ it was ‘Will the effort of trying to do a 5 minute warm-up before my walk add something positive to my day?’
And the answer to that is a resounding NO.
Sure, you could look at this revised-revised experiment and say that I didn’t try hard enough or that I didn’t give it enough time or that I didn’t organize it well but all of those conclusions ignore the key finding from this single participant study:
I don’t *actually* want to work on adding a 5 minute warm-up.
What I wanted was to have my walk serve more than one purpose – a walk AND a specific type of exercise.
BUT since trying to add intensity was decreasing enjoyment, I feel totally comfortable in ditching my warm-up plan.
So, instead, I’m going to follow my usual non-plan impulse-related approach for my walks and I will get more cardio in other ways.
I’ll work on being more consistent with my other forms of exercise.
And if consistency gets too hard then I’m just going to keep starting over – I’ve got lots of practice at that.
I was going to start this post by saying that I picked a poor week for an experiment but I don’t think that’s entirely true.
I think I got ahead of myself with my experiment and started at the wrong question. And my hectic week made that very obvious, very quickly.
My experiment had nothing to do with test tubes and beakers (flasks?) of green liquid but this image just struck me funny. Image description: a photo of two people’s hands holding lab glassware that has green liquid in it. They are both wearing white tyvec suits. One person’s hand is holding a beaker (flask?) aloft and they are gesturing to it with their other hand as if to say ‘See what I mean?’ And the other person’s hand is holding a test tube with the same liquid in it near the base of the beaker.
To recap, last week I planned to do a 5 minute warm-up before I took the dog for a walk, just to see if getting my heart rate up before I left would help me work a bit harder on my walk.
I thought it was a good-sized experiment, reasonable and not overly ambitious, so I thought it would be easy.
Then last week looked at my plans and laughed.
My days got incredibly jumbled making it both hard to remember that I was going to warm up first AND making it hard to find the extra five minutes before our walk. (Usually on hectic days I take a walk on the spur of the moment but the warmup plan complicated that.)
Khalee somehow immediately connected my warmup with our walk and either tightly circled around me or jumped on me for the whole time I tried to get moving.
Khalee doesn’t get why I’m making a big deal of all of this. Can’t I just amble along sniffing the ground like a normal person? (Evidence suggests that Khalee thinks she’s people, so she would obviously consider herself a normal person.) image description: a slightly, side-on view of Khalee stretched out on my bed with her head raised (sort of a Sphinx kind of pose) She is looking over to the right rather than directly into the camera.
I was sick for three days and while I could manage a walk on two of those three days, I just couldn’t make myself do a warmup too.
So, yeah, it wasn’t a great week and I didn’t get the information I needed.
Except, I kind of did.
For starters, an experiment that fails is still useful because I know what doesn’t work.
But, also, it showed me that my initial question was wrong – I had started in the wrong spot.
Before I can test if a warmup helps me increase my heart rate during a walk, I need to ask myself “How can I make it easy to do a 5 minute warmup before walking Khalee?”
So, that’s the question I’m testing this week and I think the first thing I’ll try is to pick a specific walk time each day and include a 5 minute window for a warmup.
Tune in next week for another exciting update in the ongoing saga of ‘Christine and the 5 minute warmup.’
*****
By the way, while I tend to default to reframing anyway, this particular reframing was inspired in part by this great post on Instagram from Divergent Coach Kelly who was reminding those of us with ADHD that aiming for consistency might be a source of frustration so we can pick other things to aim for – like getting really good at starting over.
