He’s been unwell for a long, long time but it was a ‘might live a long long time’ type of frailty, not a ‘could pass any time’ sort of illness so losing him on Saturday was sudden and jarring.
I am sad, disoriented, and unfocused and every muscle in my body has been tense since Saturday.
But even amidst grief, ordinary life details must continue and holding on to those routines is helping me to put one foot in front of another while I make my way forwards.
Khalee and I have been going for walks.
Image description: a light haired dog looks back toward the camera. She is standing on a sidewalk next to some winter-worn grass.
I’ve been drawing a daily monster.
Every May, I set a drawing challenge for myself to create MAYbe 20 Monsters. This year the monsters are giving advice. Obviously this one was a note to self. Image description: a drawing of a teardrop shaped purple and blue monster with big glasses with text to the right that reads “Terri wants to remind you that it is okay to feel however you feel. “Go ahead and feeling your feelings,” she says, “Let them wash over you like a wave and they will pass.” She knows it isn’t easy to do but it will get easier in time.”
I’ve been meditating. (On Sunday, it was warm enough to lie in my saucer swing to meditate.)
Image description: the view upwards from my saucer swing – the black rope from the swing, some bare branches and a cloudy sky with some blue peeking through.
And I have been doing yoga.
I really liked how straightforward and direct this video was and how she didn’t try to be soft and singsong when she spoke.
A video from the SaraBethYoga YouTube channel. The still image shows a person with brown hair and a yellow shirt leaning to one side to stretch their neck. The background of the image is purple and white text reads ‘Grief Yoga Neck & Shoulders.’
And all of those are keeping me moving forward, literally and metaphorically.
I’m being kind to myself about it, I’m going slowly, I’m being gentle with this new version of me, I’m moving with/in/through grief.
My Dad was Peter Hennebury, a mostly-Civil Engineer, who loved bad jokes and thick books. He had a quick wit, a sharp tongue and a equal penchant for both formality and irreverence.
He was and is loved.
If you are so inclined, please raise your next cup of tea or coffee to Pete.
Yes, these grumpy faces are deliberate and they are a joke. Image description: a photo of me and my Dad with grumpy expressions on our faces. He’s a thin older man with grey hair and glasses, wearing a collared shirt and a hoodie. I’m a middle aged woman with a round face and light brown hair and glasses wearing a black hoodie.
This week was my spring break, which I spent in South Carolina with family– my mother, aunts, uncle, cousins, and of course my sister and her kids. Last week I posted about my goals for the week, which included low-key nature walking in state and town parks. I did that, and will blog about those adventures this week.
But what I didn’t expect was that I would go bowling. But I did that, too, with my sister and two of her kids. It was fun. Actually, it was very big fun. How could it not be fun? After all, bowling includes:
funny shoes
multicolored balls to throw at things (sorry, correction– roll at things)
Graphic animated signs showing how you did in your most recent frame
a snack bar
80s soundtrack playing in the background
other like-minded souls acting as if they don’t mind your loud enjoyment of the game
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t bowled since college. Even then, it was just the occasional group outing where I didn’t worry about my complete lack of knowledge or technique. I recommend adopting this same attitude, as it promotes enjoyment.
However, if you’re feeling ambitious, you could watch this video on 3 bowling tips for beginner bowlers that my niece Gracie found after we got back from our bowling expedition.
To save you time and effort, the three tips are:
buy an expensive custom bowling ball, as the bowling alley-provided ones are bad and don’t really work;
hire a bowling coach and bowl all the time;
practice kneeling at the line of the lane and doing a spinny thing with your hand and the ball– unclear for how long.
None of us found that advice helpful.
My niece Gracie, who plays volleyball a lot, had the best form of all of us.
Gracie in the classic post-ball-release form, about to get a strike.
I think I lifted the ball a bit too high here.The backswing seems not too bad.I think the ball’s not supposed to bounce down the lane.
Still, I managed to get the hang of it after a while. Luckily, none of us needed to remember how to score– it was done automatically, along with graphic indicators:
Spare…Gutter ball, in huge lettersStrike!
My sister won the first game, and I won the second. I think we both forgot about deference to the kids in the heat of competition. Gray was trying out his own technique of holding the ball (rather than gripping it using the finger holes) and spinning it down the lane. Had we played three or more games, I think he would have beaten us all. Gracie, who had the best form, decided to be experimental and lost interest in actually knocking down the pins. My sister and I mainly concentrated on not falling down.
I highly recommend a family or friend bowling outing. For $41.97 for four people, it was a good deal. I do admit to walking creakily for a while post-bowling but it was short-lived. And maybe bowling shirts will make a comeback. These always looked great on Laverne and Shirley.
Laverne and Shirley, in lavender bowling shirts, Laverne’s with her omnipresent script L.
So, readers, do any of you bowl? Did you have a bowling heyday? Have you tried it lately? Are you tops in your league? Let us know.
This year I’m spending the Christmas holidays with my family in South Carolina, where it is unseasonably cold (but nearly as cold as most of North America right now). This is no news to anyone who knows me, as it’s my usual holiday routine– fly or drive from Boston, arrive at my sister’s or my mother’s house, and divide up my time between towns and relatives. It can get a little hectic, but it means seeing more family, which I love, and listening to more audio books or podcasts, which makes the shuttling manageable.
What makes my holidays most meaningful, though, is the sweet combo of nature, activity and loved ones. I thought I would share a visual holiday stroll with you, my dear readers. I’d love to hear from you if you’d like to share some of your holiday activities with friends, family or yourself.
In no particular order, here goes.
First up, a stroll and chat along the Riverwalk in Columbia, SC with my nephew Gray.
Gray and me on a bridge over a canal next to the Congaree River in Columbia, SC. Two of the many bridges crossing the river.
We talked about music, what to make of Ye (formerly known as Kanye West), urban walk spaces, and whether an adjacent ant hill was occupied (he poked it with a stick despite my recommendation against it, but nothing terrible happened. Whew.)
Some years, my sister and her kids (and friends) head to Litchfield Beach right after Christmas. There are fewer tourists, so we have the shoreline to ourselves. We walk all we walk, collect shells, and catch up on each others lives.
My niece and nephew with friends on a not-cold, cloudy and beautiful day by the ocean.My sister Elizabeth and me, left to our own devices by the teenagers. We were just fine.
When I’m in Darlington, I always take the opportunity to walk in Williamson Park, which has a cypress swamp. It’s always interesting to me how the swamp changes and adapts over the seasons and years.
Icy swamp with cypress knees and trees poking out of the water.Although I walk with family here often, it’s a pleasure to be there just with my own company.A bridge across the cypress swamp, in the low light of December.
Then, of course, there are times when it’s necessary to try out some of the cache of Christmas toys the kids received. Gray let me go for a ride on his three-wheeled swivelly scooter. I think I did pretty well. By the way, that December it was very warm, so I was in short sleeves– another South Carolina holiday treat.
I’m concentrating to get the hang of swiveling on this scooter.
And of course, there’s a lot of dog walking. I have dozens of holiday photos of us taking out Kiwi the Yorkie and Bailey the Golden Retriever.
My niece Gracie, Kiwi, Bailey and my sister Elizabeth at Sesquicentennial State Park.
There’s always more to share, but my sister is reminding me that I still have to gifts to wrap before heading to my mother’s house. I wish all of you a peaceful, nature-included, happy December 25.
Parkinson’s Canada hosted “Pedal for Parkinson’s Prince Edward County” this past Saturday, a charity bike ride features a 40-km and 75-km option, starting and finishing at the North Marysburgh Town Hall.
Our team was called Susan’s Spinners– Sarah, Sarah’s Zwift ZSUN teammate Emily, and me. In the photo above we’re joined by Susan, a family member and occasional blogger at Fit is a Feminist Issue, who is also a cyclist and who has Parkinson’s.
Here’s a few words from the participants:
Susan
This year attending the Pedalling for Parkinson’s event in PEC was somewht bittersweet. I haven’t been on my bike for the past month due to a recent back injury, so didn’t want to chance riding.
I also missed my original team, the Rigid Riders (people with PD and their friends) as most were attending events supporting team captains Mike and Steve as they ride across Canada raising awareness and funds for Parkinson’s (https://spinningwheelstour.ca/)
What made it a wonderful day though was that two members of my extended family, Samantha and Sarah, and Emily, a friend of theirs who I didn’t know, came together on short notice to form a team, Spinning for Susan, to bike and raise funds to support me and Parkinson Canada.
Recently I’ve thought the most important message a person with PD can hear is that they are not alone. I not only felt that profoundly but am happy that my team raised funds for Parkinson Canada to spread that message and to continue to support people with PD across the country.
Sam
It felt odd to be doing another charity bike ride so soon after the Friends for Life Bike Rally, but this is an important cause for our family. Susan and I have known each as friends since Grade 9 home economics and we’ve been family since I married her brother many years ago. I joke that Susan and I were friends first, back when he was the annoying older brother.
So Susan’s Parkinson’s diagnosis has hit the whole family. She’s been riding with a Parkinson’s group and in past years has ridden this charity ride. When it turned out that we could have the use of Sarah’s family farm in Prince Edward County that weekend, it all started to come together. Sarah and I would ride and Susan would come along for support and inspiration. She’s also a very generous donor to Parkinson’s research, giving enough so that Sarah and I both got jerseys! When Sarah’s teammate Emily, who lives in the county, agreed to come along, we had a happy trio of riders. I’m struggling a bit with speed these days so I was happy to have a chatty, scenic social ride for a very excellent and important cause.
Emily
I didn’t even know the event was taking place until 48 hours ahead of time when Sarah invited me to join in. Since I’m training for a 150km ride in September, and live in the neighbourhood, it sounded like a great opportunity to find some company for a long ride.
As I signed up online felt a pang of guilt, however. They were asking for a minimum fundraising commitment of $250. The ride was in just over 24 hours… “Nothing to lose,’ I thought, and made my own donation to get the ball rolling. Four of my friends and relatives jumped at the chance to donate. In less than 24 hours I was above the threshold. Guilt assuaged.
So happy that I went. I not only managed to raise a little for a really good cause, I got to meet the wonderful Susan, for whom we rode, and had a lovely social ride as a bonus. I will definitely be back next year!
Sarah
Like Sam I found it seemed strange to be doing another fundraising cycling event so soon after the Bike Rally, but I knew I really wanted to ride in support of my family who are living with Parkinson’s Disease, including Susan and my uncle Jack. I also had two grandparents with PD, so I’ve been able to see the results of all of the groundbreaking research, much of it being done here in Canada, that’s making a big difference in the everyday lives of over 100,000 Canadians with PD. In a generation there have not only been huge leaps in treatment but also understanding this progressive neurological disease, and the important role exercise plays in mediating symptoms. It was amazing to ride with folks who told us how movement, especially on a bike, is medicine for them.
The ride itself was super well organized and had lots of support from the Prince Edward County community, from the local radio station to the Lions cooking us lunch. I will never cease to be amazed at the number of cycling-friendly roads all over the County, even if some of them are a little rough.
All in all, a great day on the bike for a great cause!
Sarah and Sam listening to the pre ride instructions
Join us next year! It would be great to have a larger team and make it a social weekend in Prince Edward County.
I’m two days in and thought I’d report on how things are going. Lol.
Mostly I’ve been responding–deleting emails from Fluevog and text messages from TomboyX, my favorite shoe and underwear companies respectively. I’ve unsubscribed from mailing lists. I’ve taken the Poshmark app off my phone.
Friends have been asking if I stocked up at all. I did make offers on a bunch of stuff I liked at Poshmark and had some of those offers accepted. I did buy a number of good quality black and white t-shirts, some new underwear, and bras. In the bra case I was replacing the underwire version I’ve rejected during the pandemic.
Have I been tempted to buy anything?
Not really. I went on autopilot registering for an upcoming cycling event and put the event jersey in my shipping cart. But by the time I checked out, I remembered, and took it out. Bike jerseys are among the last thing I need. I think I own about 30. Last I counted that was 31. See Old shorts, thinning lycra, and too many bike jerseys.
Tour de Norfolk bike jerseys
We parked outside my favorite consignment store in Guelph today and I did consider the sale rack. But I resisted. I didn’t even go in and see if any of my stuff had sold.
I’m still undecided about a friend’s upcoming wedding. I said I’d make an exception for unexpected big events. I think though there must be something I already own that I can wear. Time to try on all the dresses that I reject as being too dressed up for work.
For those of you who are doing this challenge with me, how are you finding it so far?
Today is Father’s Day in many places around the world. In the US we are also celebrating Juneteenth, which is now a federal holiday and in many states (including mine– MA). Here is some information about Juneteenth, from this NYT article:
Juneteenth, an annual commemoration of the end of slavery in the United States after the Civil War, has been celebrated by African Americans since the late 1800s.
President Biden signed legislation [in 2021] that made Juneteenth, which falls on June 19, a federal holiday, after interest in the day was renewed during the summer of 2020 and the nationwide protests that followed the police killings of Black Americans including George Floyd and Breonna Taylor.
On June 19, 1865, … Gordon Granger, a Union general, arrived in Galveston, Texas, to inform enslaved African Americans of their freedom and that the Civil War had ended. [This] put into effect the Emancipation Proclamation, which had been issued almost 2 1/2 years earlier, on Jan. 1, 1863, by President Abraham Lincoln.
Early celebrations involved prayer and family gatherings, and later included annual pilgrimages to Galveston by former enslaved people and their families, according to Juneteenth.com.
Today, while some celebrations take place among families in backyards where food is an integral element, some cities, like Atlanta and Washington, hold larger events, including parades and festivals.
What better way for the blog to commemorate this double holiday than to celebrate black fathers and daughters? So, let’s look at some father-daughter teams that celebrate family strength, grace, power and speed of movement.
“The Greatest” Muhammed Ali and his daughter, boxing star and champion Laila Ali. In an interview not long after her father’s death in 2016, Laila Ali said this about him:
“Not too long ago, I said, ‘Mom, you know, do you really think daddy was really, really proud of me? Or do you think he was just trying to make me feel good, like, girl, you’re bad and all that kind of stuff?’ She’s like, ‘No. Your dad really was proud of you.’ She’s like, ‘You changed his mind about boxing and women in sports.’ And then she’s, like, ‘That was big because you know your father, he’s very hard headed.’ And I was like, ‘You’re right. I did. You’re right. I won that battle against Muhammad Ali.'”
Laila and her father, sports legend Muhammed Ali.Laila Ali, holding her WBC/WIBA Super MIddleweight World Title belt.
Pro tennis star Sloan Steady, daughter of NFL running back, the late John Stephens. They were not in contact with each other until Steady was 13. They stayed in touch until his death in a car accident when she was 16. You can read more about their relationship and her growth as a top-level tennis player here.
Sloane Steady with her US Open winner’s cup on the cover of Sports Illustrated.The late John Stephens, New England Patriots running back. He died in a care accident when Sloane was 16.
Venus and Serena Williams and their dad, Richard Williams. There is a lot written and broadcast about the tennis legends Serena and Venus Williams and their father’s role in developing and supporting their tennis careers which I won’t try to summarize here. I like the hugging, though.
Serena hugging her dad while Venus applauds Venus and her dad hugging on the tennis court.
Finally, here’s former NFL offensive lineman Bubba Paris and his daughter, pro and Olympic and college basketball powerhouse Courtney Paris. Bubba helped the San Francisco 49ers clobber the Denver Broncos in the Superbowl, 55-10. Ouch.
Courtney is the only player in NCAA history, male or female, to have 700 points, 500 rebounds, and 100 blocks in a season. She was a star player for Oklahoma, an Olympian, and then played for the WNBA, leading the league in rebounds two years in a row. She’s now an assistant coach back at Oklahoma. Courtney’s dad isn’t at all surprised at her success. Below is from a 2004 interview, when she was still in college:
“I knew at an early age that basketball wasn’t for me,” Bubba said. Courtney Paris put her father’s hoops skills plainly: “He’s a horrible basketball player!”
On the other hand, “Courtney is so gifted; she has the ability to be the next Michael Jordan, the female version,” Bubba Paris said. “She has a mental toughness she is prepared to face anything.”
Bubba Paris and Courtney Paris. I think she gets her focus from him.
To all the fathers and daughters (including my own late father Billy Womack, who was an amateur golf champion), I wish you a happy Father’s Day. And to all of us in the US, Happy Juneteenth!
Yes, you read that right. After two plus years of pandemic and nearly two years of life with a little one, we are going on holiday. As in, travelling somewhere that’s not to see our family, or visit friends (we are, in fact, going to visit friends on the way, but we’re also going to be on our own for a bit).
We’ve rented a camper van and will be cruising around Dutch campsites. We’re taking our bikes (the adults) and trailer (the toddler), in the hopes that it will stop raining for long enough that we can do some cycling tours through very flat landscapes. This may not sound very adventurous, but right now I think it’s going to hit the sweet spot of being active but not overexerting ourselves, and fun for everyone in the family. We also have a kite, beach toys, and swimwear – not that we’re planning the brave the North Sea (though who knows?!), but the weather forecast really isn’t great, so if it won’t stop raining, at least we can go to the indoor pool.
When you read this, we will actually already be on our way back, but I’m writing this post before we even leave, since I don’t know how much Internet we’ll have along the way (the campsites all promise wifi but I also honestly don’t know how much I’ll feel like posting when the alternative is frolicking around a campsite or the beach!
What better place is there for a sunny and warm US Memorial Day holiday than the water? That’s just what I thought, so I went paddling with friends Deb and Tim and their teenagers Mari, Leah and Jacob (who actually just turned 20, but who I’ll refer to as teen for the purposes of this blog post), as well as their dog Ruby, who is turning 7 soon.
It was Tim’s birthday, so he planned a group paddle trip with the current down the Concord River in Massachusetts. We left cars at put-in and planned take-out spots, and then launched a) two inflatable tandem kayaks; b) one inflatable rowboat; and c) my sleek lightweight zippy carbon/kevlar 13′ kayak. Off we went.
There was paddling. There were hijinks. There were photo ops. There were snacks.
Me making a peace sign, rafted up with Mari, and others in background. Jacob and Ruby the dog and me, with Leah on the right photobombing.
Ruby the dog liked to keep herself moving, preferably between boats. She moved nimbly, but sometimes resorted to swimming (with her doggie life vest). My narrow boat was a no-go. That didn’t stop her from trying, though.
About an hour or so into the trip, though, the teens began to tire. Admittedly, wrangling the inflatable kayaks is difficult– they simply aren’t made for speed or distance, and they’re difficult to steer, too. And the inflatable rowboat? Fugetaboutit.
I had an idea: I’d practiced towing another kayak in a Maine weekend course. But I didn’t have a tow line. Rats! Luckily, Tim came prepared with lots of rope. So we tied one kayak to the stern of mine, and I began paddling. Turns out it was way easier than I thought. Yay! And, it was much easier to paddle in a straight line while towing than not while towing. Great!
We tried rotating the kids into different boats to take breaks. Deb hosted her son Jacob, who was in turn hosting Ruby in one of the inflatables.
Deb paddling a yellow inflatable kayak, her son Jacob lying with his head in her lap, and Ruby keeping watch.
Then, about 30–40 minutes later, more teens got tired and our pace slowed to a crawl. The charm of the wildly careening inflatables was wearing off, and the kids just wanted to head down the river. No amount of snack application was working. Fair enough. So, Tim once again dug into his backpack of treasures and came up with more rope, this time tying the rowboat to the kayak (which was tied to my kayak). I restarted paddling.
This time it was harder, and I made very slow progress. But it was forward motion and it was sustainable over the next couple of hours. Check out the picture below for verifiation.
Me, towing an inflatable kayak and rowboat, with three teens and a dog.
Tim and I decided it was best to take out at the next big landing. We arrived, and some of us stayed with the gear while others took an Uber to get the other car at the desired but un-reached take out spot. Hey, it happens, right? (Raise your hand or comment below if you’ve had this experience.)
We all made it home, considerably later and considerably hungrier than we expected, but none the worse for wear. It was a really fun time, with lots of laughs, some snacks, great weather, serious energy output, and some lessons learned. Here are my takeaways:
I can paddle for longer than I thought, even when it’s not as fun and I’m going slowly. This lesson may be applicable to other areas of my life, maybe…
I’m getting a tow line for my next trip– you wear it around your waist so you can attach and detach yourself from the line.
Slowing down the process of getting into my kayak worked very well. I kinda wish I had done the same with the getting-out process; I might’ve ended up less wet and smelly. Duly noted.
Bringing in-case gear, especially since it’ll fit in my boat’s rear hatch, is a good thing. I’ll be bringing extra rope and bungee cording, a knife, bug spray, headlamp, extra snacks, space blanket, an extra-extra bottle of water, and probably a few other things for all my kayak trips.
Every active trip I take– by land, sea or air– is going to be am opportunity for learning something new. Janet suggested I document my kayak outings with what happened, how it went, and what I learned. Imma do that.
I’ll bring a map next time. And the time after that. and so on.
Hey readers: any anecdotes about over- or under-shooting pickup or car locations during hikes, paddles, etc.? I bet you’ve got some good stories, which I’d love to hear about.
When Elan posted her story of a stormy Guelph to Goderich ride, it made me think, as summer approaches, that it might be nice to have a summary post–which we can update from time to time–which lists local biking trails we like. The conditions are that they are dedicated trails–bike only, or multi-use–and that they’re in this region of Ontario. Oh, also they are wide and not particularly technical, best for gravel bikes or hybrids but no mountain bike, or mtb skills needed. With the pandemic I did a lot more trail riding than usual. I liked that it was local and also safer than road cycling.
Highlights: Would definitely recommend for families with children. Lots of good on and off spots with parking. Perks include trail side alpacas and nearby Slickers Ice Cream!
Advice: The website makes it sound like this is doable in a day or 2. Maybe if you’re going fast and not carrying gear. We say, take your time and stop at some of the communities along the way. I loved my avocado and grilled sandwich at Em’s cafe and also homemade butter tarts at farmer’s stand en route. We also want to recommend Chef Bill in Midland, of Chef Bill Presents, who cooked up dinners to go for us to eat in the park. Thanks Sarah and Bill!
Highlights: The Tiny Trail and all the food along the way.
Sarah with the Bob trailer on the trailLunch at Em’s cafeObligatory Day 2 selfie
How about you? Which trails in Toronto have you ridden? Which do you recommend?
Well this is not the post I expected to write this month! A few months back I wrote Sam that I had been exploring and really enjoying exercise and would like to regularly blog about aquafit. At that time, I’d been going to the pool two to three times per week for a few months. It was a habit and it felt good. I also had started really enjoying the feeling of getting a good cardio workout. That itself felt like a minor miracle.
I wrote my introductory post and looked forward to seeing what was coming on my journey of digging into exercise. It turns out what was awaiting me the last month was a lot of frustration and not getting to exercise! This is not new – many people struggle to get to their gym or their exercise. Women especially are conditioned to put our needs after others. In my case, historically it’s been really easy to distract me from exercise because honestly, I didn’t like it and I didn’t want to do it.
This is different though. I want to get there. Apparently though, wanting isn’t always enough. I’ve only been to the pool a couple of times since mid-April. And it shows. It shows in my mindset, which is more easily frustrated. It shows in my aching hips that don’t want to sit for hours while I teach and grade. It shows in my own disappointment too.
Now I have good reasons for not getting to the gym. I’m on a job search that is going s.l.o.w.l.y. (I teach college on contract and I want a permanent, student-facing job!). My husband is on sabbatical in Italy for the month of May. He’s working hard too and I’m happy to support him, but oh boy, I didn’t anticipate how many things would go sideways at home with our kids while he was away, or how much of our lives relate to getting our kids to places. I am struggling between my kids’ needs and my own, and my own have been losing out.
On my dog walk, I had to stop in front of this beautifully blooming magnolia tree
In truth, all reasons for not exercising are “good” reasons. Our reasons can be legitimate even when they are frustrating or disappointing. Canadian society seems to have a fixation with connecting fitness with guilt and judgement (as anyone who knows this blog knows). The last thing I want to do in writing today is to contribute a sense of judgment of people’s choices. What I do want to acknowledge (mainly mainly to myself) is that for the first time I really miss exercising. That makes this post another in my posts celebrating my journey toward enjoying and, I would say, reclaiming my body as my own for my own use. THAT feels pretty good to say.
So since I’m missing activity, and my growing strength and confidence as (dare I say it?) an athlete, it seems that my next challenge is to actually get back in the pool, and doing some late spring hiking. I can see I need to re-establish my routines and make space for myself in my life. I’m working on that now. So far the best I can do is get out each day to walk my dog. It’s a start – I’ll let you know in a month how it went!
