advice · fitness · goals · habits · self care

Go Team 2023! It’s hard because this stuff is hard

Most of the clients I see as a coach have been being hard on themselves for a long time.

They have an idea of what they want to do or how they want things to be but they can’t quite get there. And, since they are the common denominator in every (perceived) ‘failure’, they assume the problem is them.

They assume that since new habits and changing aspects of their lives are so hard for them, they are doing something wrong or they aren’t doing enough.

And if are finding it hard to establish a habit, of you are struggling or having to start over, you might be thinking that it is because you aren’t disciplined or that you aren’t working hard enough.


The reason this stuff is hard is because…


If you need proof about how hard this stuff is, just look at how many books and articles and blog posts and YouTube videos and courses there are on habit building.

If habit change was an easy process, there would be no market for those things.

And if there is a market for it, that means lots of people are seeking this advice.

So, what makes more sense – that you and a bunch of other people are lazy people who don’t work hard enough? Or that habit change is hard work that requires different strategies at different times for different people?

You know what I am going to say here, right?

The problem is NOT YOU.

You may need to change your systems, you may need to change your approach, you may need to change how you are thinking about some things, you may need to gather new resources or get more support, but the problem is not you.

You are doing the best you can with the resources you have.

The fact that you find habit building hard is not a reflection on you or your efforts, it is a reflection on the challenges inherent in the process.

This stuff is hard because it is hard.

Please be kind to yourself about the whole thing – self-compassion will serve you well today and in the long run.

Here is your gold star for today’s efforts – whether you are working on your habit, your plan for your habit, or if you are just working on accepting what I said above (it’s also hard to break the habit of blaming ourselves when things go wrong.)

A drawing of a gold star surrounded by spirals drawing in black ink
Image description: a drawing of a somewhat irregularly shaped gold star that is outlined several times in black lines and surrounded by spirals (drawn with a black pen) and small gold dots.