I’m in a tizzy these days. In case you’re wondering what that means:
Why? Here are some reasons:
- It’s that period of maximum activity between Thanksgiving and New Year’s in the US, in which we are bidden to feast, shop, party, cook, attend holiday-themed events, plan travel or visits from others, finish up plans for 2017 and devise new plans for 2018.
- It’s the last week of my academic semester in which both my students and I have the most work to do (me–grading; them–assignments) and they are at their most panicked (provoking same in me).
- Because of the aforementioned conditions outlined in 1) and 2), all of my exercise/activity/self-care regimens have gone by the wayside– seriously by the wayside. The wayside by which they have gone is not even remotely in sight anymore.
- I’m still doing some yoga everyday (today is day 66!), but the amount of yoga has shrunk to a few sun salutations, legs up the wall, a twist or two, and sometimes a yoga-in-bed video, which lasts 5–7 minutes. I really need and want more yoga, but it’s also by that long-since-left wayside mentioned in 3).
- Just when I think the world can’t possibly accommodate even one more additional depressing or appalling news story, several come galloping across my news feed.
I don’t feel even a smidgen of control over my life right now. Naturally, 1)–5) are contributing to this feeling. But even apart from them, I’m not sure exactly what to do or how to prioritize things I want or need to do. I’m not sure how fast or slow I should be going. I do know that going slow feels good until time passes and I realize how little I’ve gotten accomplished. I also know that going fast is a limited option– I can manage it to finish an urgent deadline, but then I collapse for a while.
So I’ve decided to come up with my Christmas/holiday gift list a bit early. Here’s what I want:
- permission (from myself and the universe, by which I really just mean myself) to be in this state of tizziness. It won’t make the tizzy go away, but at least it won’t add a layer of useless guilt.
- a little more quiet, so I can listen to myself. I think we often know what we want and need, but have to listen. Right now there’s too much cacophony to be able to hear anything.
- clarity for honest appraisal of what I think I can and want to do. Yes, I have a lot of goals– athletic, academic, domestic, social, etc. But not all of them are doable or even really at the top of my list, provided I had one. Time to focus.
- sufficient gumption to prioritize goals, plans, activities. I’m lucky and privileged to have a job where I have some control over some of my activities, and I am very grateful. All the more reason not to waste this gift. Instead I’d like to put it to work for me and others.
- oh, I would like a new (to-me; it can be used) commuter bike, specifications to be named later. I figured while I’m making my wish list, I might as well add that to it.
Seriously, though, we can all use some time and space for reflection before/in lieu of getting caught up in the end-of-year and beginning-of-year frenzied planning. What’s on your wish list during this time of year?
Here’s a pretty picture that maybe represents some stuff I want, including a spot on the beach next to those balancing rocks.