My highest weight and feeling great?

That’s not how the whole body image & heart health narrative is supposed to go. I know. I’m supposed to struggle with my weight and health. Then, because I’ve sublimated my base urges and really learned to love myself, I miraculously transform into a thinner, better me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this great blog post by Heather Plett.

I just love it and she captured so much of what I have encountered. People LOVE imposing a triumphant narrative on my fitness. 
I’m not at war with my body. My body is not a thing to be dominated or warred against.

I am trying to figure out how to be healthy and joyful. I think I’m hovering or orbiting around that, I’m in the neighbourhood at least.

In July this Facebook memory came up:

I’ve tried a lot of things since 2014 and some of it worked for me, other stuff, not so much. I’ve tried mindfulness and abstaining from alcohol. I’ve tried losing weight. (Spoiler, I didn’t keep it off!)

I’ve though a lot about my cardiovascular health!

I’m back to the weight I was 3 years ago when my high blood pressure diagnosis (and offer of gastric bypass surgery by my doctor) happened. The thing is, I feel great!

I’m gardening, cycling a bit, playing soccer and occasionally working out. My blood pressure is right where it needs to be.

I do know if I put all my time and energy into tracking food and using all my self discipline for staying away from sweets and alcohol I do lose weight for a while. The things needed to do that make me super anxious and sad. I only think about food. It’s kind of awful.

Thing is, I use a lot of self-discipline to parent, take my university courses, be a grown up at work…lots of things. And here’s the deal, like many of my emotional and cognitive resources, I’ve only got so much to go around.

I love making delicious and nutritious food. I love craft beers. I’ve decided that until my blood pressure numbers change for the worse I’m good the way I am.

So I think the question is more of an exclamation. My highest weight and feeling GREAT!

About natalieh

I'm a self described fat feminist 42 year old mother of two teenage minions who loves her high energy life partner of over 20 years. I love moving my body and sometimes do yoga, triathlons and dance like a fool. My next measure of success will be being more fierce and less fearful as I roll through my 40s.

13 thoughts on “My highest weight and feeling great?

  1. Keri says:

    Congratulations. You’ve seem to have truly achieved the health and wellbeing that eludes so many.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Drema says:

    You’ve reached the point where many of us only dream of being. Where we truly accept who we are. Congrats sista!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Drema says:

    Yeah, I think they do for everyone. One day at a time.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Tracy I says:

    Any time a woman says “I’m good with how I am I say, ‘Amen to that!'” Thanks for the update.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. bone&silver says:

    Yes, congrats on choosing happiness Now! I’m glad you exercise, but not that you torture yourself about it + food: we need to love ourselves, that’s healthy ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. sophiehaganb says:

    ‘I’m not at war with my body’- So wonderfully put!!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. ainsobriety says:

    Feeling great says it all! Woo hoo!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. juliepie628 says:

    Hi, Natalie– Brava! I’m in a similar position to yours and, unlike in the past, I’m not letting my higher weight get me down. I’m paying attention to how my clothes fit, sure, but I’m mainly focusing on how I feel and my health factors (blood pressure, etc), all of which are good to great.

    I often forward FIAFI articles to my husband, especially when the subject is cycling, as he is an avid cyclist (he slums with me in the weekends, when I go riding with him…lol). Here’s what he said about this one:

    “Hi sweetie, great article.

    “We all have limited emotional and cognitive resources. I’ve been struggling with issues of self-discipline myself lately. I could put myself on a “program” of diet and training and I would be more fit for a while, but I don’t think I would be any happier. We just need to RELAX. You are a healthy, beautiful woman. Do what you can, but don’t beat yourself up over a few pounds. We will continue to eat and drink in our mostly very healthy way and continue to live and love and just be ourselves in our mostly very healthy lifestyle. The sweet baby Jesus wants us to be happy, not necessarily have resting heart rates under 50 bpm. Optimal health is an emotional/psychological state as much as a physical state.

    “I love you,
    “Jimbo (husband)”

    I picked a good one, didn’t I? 🙂

    (P.S. He’s originally from Georgia, so he says cute stuff like “the sweet baby Jesus” to make me smile.)

    Liked by 2 people

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