You’ll have to pardon me today, I’m having a moment. So too, apparently are “skinny” or “pencil” Christmas trees. I don’t mind developing home fashions for the holidays, but the conversation, I can do without.
I’m feeling fed up with the steady stream of judging, guilt-inducing and just bizarre language about the Holiday and Christmas season. This language is certainly not “seasonal” – it’s not restricted to only December. But I seem to have hit my limit with it. My limit? This headline, from yesterday’s Washington Post.
I think, really, it’s the “Treezempic” term – apparently a term developed in social media.
In Western culture, and perhaps especially it seems North American culture, we seem to have a fixation with monitoring our eating. There is even developing consideration of this fixation, sometimes called Orthorexia, in terms of mental health.
Although being aware of and concerned with the nutritional quality of the food you eat isn’t a problem in and of itself, people with orthorexia become so fixated on so-called ‘healthy eating’ that they actually damage their own well-being and experience health consequences such as malnutrition and/or impairment of psychosocial functioning.
Terms like “indulgent” food, “clean eating,” “pure” food… in my opinion, they all risk putting our mindset toward this kind of thinking.
This week, I was disappointed to hear a radio interview with a dietician who ostensibly was promoting eating well over the Holidays, but seemed instead to focus on ‘indulging,’ but “not too much,” giving yourself permission to “cheat” and generally not chilling out and instead thinking and worrying a lot about food.
This whole thing reminds me of “Skinny” or “Fashion” Santa, which apparently goes back to 2015 (but still seems new to me!).
The alternative? Well I think we should all just take a beat. Enjoy a holiday. If you celebrate over the Holidays, enjoy it. If you are not celebrating, perhaps enjoy the slow-down if you get one? (And if instead you are working hard to help those who do celebrate have time off, thank you!) And see if you can have something delicious without the fixation. Do it for me, do it to fight the dang Treezempic. Thanks
Over the past week, I have been choosing to do longer guided meditations in my Insight Timer app.
So, that means that instead of just opening the app and starting the timer, I’ve been searching for new meditations to try.
On Sunday, a typo led to the happy accident of discovering that there are a whole bunch of dog-related meditations mixed in there with the chakra stuff and the nature sounds.
At first I thought it was kind of silly (in a good way!) but then there was something strangely appealing about the idea of doing a dog-related meditation.
After all, dogs are pretty damn good at being in the moment, aren’t they?
And haven’t I often posted a calm picture of Khalee as a good example for myself.
You know, like this one:
Image description: a photo of sleepy Khalee on the quilt on my bed. The photo only shows her head, shoulders, and front paws. Her head is resting slightly sideways one her front paws with one paw sticking out from under it.
So, I figure it’s worth a try.
I can’t seem to link to the meditations in my app but here are a couple from YouTube:
This is a guided meditation to do while petting your dog, to help you both calm down.
‘5 Minute Guided Meditation With Your Dog’ from Marissa Walch. Still image shows the instructor sitting on the floor with her dog in front of her, the dog’s back is to the camera.
And this is a walking meditation to do while, you guessed it, walking your dog:
‘Walking Your Dog Meditation’ from Marie Wilkinson still image shows a stock cartoon image of a brown dog with white paws walking on a leash.
I’m going to give these, and the ones from my app, a try and report back.
Have you tried dog meditation?
What did you think?
PS – Speaking of things that seem silly but are actually kind of cool, maybe your dog will like this calming music as much as Khalee does? I played it for her once when she was agitated because the smoke alarm was beeping (the battery needed changing, there was no peril!) and it really helped.
When I teach writing, I remind people that writing often is a good thing because it helps make your writing skills more available to you when you need them.
And I often compare that situation to doing kicking drills in Taekwondo. The drills aren’t just about exercising/adding strength they are about making my kicking skills more available to me when I need them.
Over and over I have proven to myself that doing the thing often makes it easier to do the thing when I need/want to.
Soooo, why do I have trouble remembering that fact when it comes to relaxation exercises and meditation?
I’m not a stressball at the moment, nor do I lack opportunities for relaxation, but, I do feel that my base level of stress could be a lot lower.
And I have some small practices in place:
I do a very, very short meditation every day and I do a longer one on occasion. (Every time I do a longer meditation, I ask myself why I don’t do them more often.*)
And I have relaxation music/visualizations that I listen to sometimes and I have relaxing drawing practices that I usually only remember to do when I am already feeling a little frayed around the edges.
But, even though I know that doing important practices more often makes them more available to me, I don’t apply that rule to relaxation practices or to longer meditations.
I know that if I practice relaxation exercises (visualizations, music, drawing) more often, I will have a deeper well of relaxation to draw from.
I know that meditating for longer feels better in the moment AND brings me more ease overall.
I know that lowering my base level of stress will help me to be responsive rather than reactive when something goes awry.
And, yet, my brain still manages to convince me that the practices are too long or too much trouble to do on a regular basis.
Irritating, hey?
So, Fit is a Feminist Issue friends, I officially declare that it is time for me to make a change.
I am fed up with this flaw in my thinking and I am going to correct it.
I am going to turn my relaxation/meditation practices into another example of skills that are available to me because I use them often.
Yes, it’s true. Given the chance, I will literally boss ANYTHING around.
To be clear though, I have been trying to boss my neck/shoulder/upper body muscles around for a while (Pain in the Neck, Pah Humbug) but I was less than completely successful. I found some ease but that knot in my neck/shoulder was just hanging around and causing trouble.
(If this is where you want to jump in and say that I might have had more success if I had invited them to relax instead of trying to order them around, please know that I ALSO did relaxation exercises and meditation and lay around on pillows, foam shapes and massage balls of various sizes. This has been a multi-faceted process.)
This weekend, though, I decided to put a lot of effort into bossing those muscles around. I really wanted them to remember that they LIKE moving with ease and that they would feel better if they went along with my plan instead of staying all tense and knotted.
I started with this video from Yoga with Adriene. I’ve found it helpful before and I thought it might help again.
It did.
A video from Yoga with Adriene entitled ‘Neck, Shoulders, & Upper Back’ The still image shows Adriene in exercise clothes sitting crossed legged on a yoga mat with one arm extended to the side and the other one resting on the side of her head as she stretches her neck. Her dog, Benji, is sleeping over to to the side.
When I finished, I felt better but I had time to do a bit more so I tried some Neck CARS (Controlled Articular Rotations).
A video from Tangelo entitled ‘Controlled Articular Rotations Neck’ that shows the instructor rotating leaning his head backwards as he completes a neck rotation.
This video helped A LOT and I could feel things loosening up as I repeated the rotations.
I then meant to try some shoulder CARs but happened upon this video for scapular rotations instead and I gave it a whirl. I mean, I gave it a controlled, careful attempt.
A video from Peter Attia, M.D. called ‘How and why to practice scapula controlled articular rotations. The still image shows black and white photos of the two instructors, one in each bottom corner, and text reading Scapula Training Exercise in the centre.
I only did the first type of scapula CARs from this video but they were extremely helpful. I could feel all kinds of places loosening up as I went through the movements.
So, I am so glad I decided to boss those muscles around on Saturday and follow that up with more bossing around on Sunday and Monday.
My upper body feels more relaxed than it has in a very long time, even before the knot appeared in my neck/shoulder, and I can tell that there is still a lot of muscle relaxing to do in that area.
So obviously, I will keep bossing my muscles into being good to themselves and, of course, into being good to me.
And, in return, the more they relax, the more I will be able to do the kind of exercises they like – more TKD practice, more time on the rowing machine, more yoga.
I’ve thought about all of these things before but I decided to articulate them more clearly after watching this video from Jessica McCabe’s YouTube channel How to ADHD:
a video from the YouTube channel ‘How to ADHD’ called ‘The Struggle to Relax: Why ADHD Makes it Tough.’ The still image shows the host, Jessica McCabe, sitting in a chair with a purple wall behind her on one side and a set of pink-lighted shelves with toys and knick-knacks on them on her other side.
My Thoughts On Relaxing
So, here’s the thing, I’m not very good at doing nothing.
It’s not that I can’t relax, it’s not that I need to be busy, it’s not that I need to work all the time, and it’s definitely not that I can’t take downtime.
It’s that trying to do nothing, having no plans at all, makes my ADHD brain twitchy.
If I’m doing nothing in particular, my brain goes into high gear trying to figure out what I *should* be doing right now.
It will keep trying to figure out the ‘best’ thing to do right now. The thing that will make me the most relaxed or that will set me up to have a better time later or that will make tomorrow easier or that will let me ‘catch up.’
It will keep throwing up ideas and images of a ‘better’ or ‘more effective’ way to spend my time.
And that’s frustrating, to say the least.
So, obviously, ‘doing nothing’ is not particularly relaxing for me.
If I want to really feel relaxed, I have to do a little bit of preplanning (i.e. make some decisions in advance) so my brain will give me a break.
Here are two approaches that help me do that.
I plan a day of things I enjoy doing and make a loose schedule of when I am going to do them.
This looks like “I’m going to read and drink tea until 10, then I’ll draw for half an hour or so, then I’ll go for a walk.”
The key here is having the time limits, otherwise, I might read and drink tea all day.
That would be fine, really…except for the fact that I might have other things I want to do but be unable to switch tasks and do them.
Yes, one of the pitfalls of ADHD is not being able to start things I actually want to do. My brain sometimes perceives the task initiation/future concentration costs as too high and just won’t switch tasks.
Or I might have a grumpy voice in my head reminding me of the other things I could be doing – a situation which ruins the fun of reading but also leaves me unable to switch tasks.
Or, I might happily read all day and then regret it later when I remember all the other things I meant to do that day. So, time limits make all the difference.
I will usually take a look at my plans part way through the day and make sure that I still want to do those things and, if not, I make a new plan.
And I always give myself the option of choosing something unexpected but having the loose schedule helps me make a conscious choice instead of just letting myself be distracted. “Ok, so I planned to keep drawing all morning but I’d really like some cookies. I’m going to draw for 15 minutes, make cookies, and then draw some more while they bake.”
I make a list of stuff I want to do and I let my brain off its metaphorical leash (to borrow Jessica McCabe’s term)
My favourite kind of day is one in which I can do the things on my list in the way I want to do them and in the order I want to do them.
What does that mean?
Well, instead of trying to figure out the most logical or effective way to do my stuff, I just wander from task to task in whatever order appeals to my brain.
On those days, I don’t worry about finishing things or doing things in a way that will make sense to anyone else, I just make a list and then putter my way through it.
If for example, I was letting my brain off-leash on a Saturday but I had to get some stuff done around the house, it might look like this – put in a load of laundry, read for five minutes, clean off the kitchen counter, do some yoga, use voice dictation to write part of a blog post while I lie on my mat, clean the bathroom vanity, hang some of the clothes on the line, read in my hammock, draw while standing at the kitchen table and stretching, chop some veggies for supper, finish hanging the clothes on the line, make a list of ideas for events way in the future, vacuum the hall, wash my hair…you get the idea.
With my brain off-leash, I don’t fight my ADHD tendencies, I just roll with them. I don’t feel any pressure, I don’t worry about the results, I just trust that the important stuff will get done and that I will have some relaxing fun in the process.*
A photo of the trunks, branches and leaves of the maple trees in my backyard one sunny day when my brain was off-leash. I spent a good long time lying in my hammock thinking about how some of the tree bark looked like eyes. Because I had decided to let my brain off-leash, I didn’t worry that I ‘should’ be doing something else, I could just relax and enjoy the trees.
If I was trying to work sensibly or logically or if I was trying to do things the way I suspect other people think they ‘should’ be done, I would probably group like tasks, or finish one task before starting another, or do work and then do fun stuff.
But, for me, making all those decisions (determining the priorities) takes a lot of focus, concentration, and energy. And if I use up all my energy making decisions and being sensible, I will have far less energy for the things I need or want to do.
Yes, I swear this is all relaxing for me
If you can easily switch into relaxation mode or if you have no trouble focusing on your hobbies or activities, my approach to things might not make any sense to you. Perhaps, in your case, having a list or a schedule is the very opposite of relaxing.
For me, though, having that list/schedule/plan IS relaxing. It means that I’m giving my brain what it needs to slow down. It means I can trust that I will create a satisfying day for myself. It means that my brain will work with me instead of forcing me to monitor my own thinking all day.
I’m not approaching relaxation with a productivity mindset.
This isn’t about accomplishing more, it’s about feeling good about my day.
Sometimes that looks like ‘I’ll read until I get bored and then I’ll do a puzzle’, sometimes it looks like letting my brain off its leash to do a mix of tasks, and sometimes it looks like ‘I’ll do yoga at 9:30, work on my zine for 15 minutes, and then play a game.’
All of these things help me do the things I want to do, the things I find fun and/or satisfying, without me having to pour a lot of energy into managing my brain.
All of these things help me to reduce stress and find ease.
That sounds relaxing, doesn’t it?
*Yes, it would be cool if I could just let myself work like this all the time but it’s not practical. If I don’t finish cleaning the bathroom or if I don’t get back to my book while my brain is off-leash, it’s no big deal. If I didn’t meet my deadline on a writing project because I was hanging clothes on the line and then decided to gather fall leaves for a project and then walked to the store for waxed paper so I could press the leaves…and so on, it would create a lot of stress and scrambling.
That kind of makes me sound like I’m starting a band, doesn’t it?
If that was my band name, what would our first album be called?
Ahem.
Back on topic:
Wednesday was my birthday and I had a great day.
My friend Elaine brought me sparklers and other treats for my birthday. She knows how to make everything more fun. Image description: Christine’s right hand is holding the handle of a burning sparkler – a piece of metal that has been coated at one end so it gives off a sparkly flame as it burns. It is night time.
Usually, on my birthday, I’m trying to cram in so many fun things that I actually end up amplifying my usual feeling that I *should* be doing something else.
I always have fun but I tend to feel a bit tightly scheduled and a bit frustrated.
This year, I noticed that feeling creeping up the day before my birthday and I made a conscious decision to get over myself and be clear about the facts:
I don’t have to limit my fun to one day a year. *
In fact, I can add more fun to every week.
I can even add a bit more fun to every day.
I can take my birthday attitude into the rest of the year.
In a surprise to no one, making that decision took all of the pressure out of my birthday.
And instead of keeping a tally of accumulated fun, I just did what I felt like doing in any given moment.
And that’s how I found myself dropping everything to take Khalee for a walk while the sun was out (instead of at a more ‘logical’ time.)
And, it’s how I found myself sitting peacefully, all by myself in the 5pm darkness, watching the small fire I had set in our fire pit.
Normally, I would have talked myself out of lighting a fire just for me. It’s a little bit of hassle and I didn’t have a lot of time before supper, but I had that bit of birthday ‘permission’ going for me so I crumpled some paper and got the kindling from the shed and settled in next to the fire.
I felt calm and restful and so very grateful for all of the good things in my life.
I even felt a bit more patient about the challenges I tend to encounter
It was a wonderful way to round out a day of giving in to my whims.
And, my birthday gift to myself is the decision to prioritize things like an early evening fire far more often.
I challenge you to do the same. 💚
Enjoying the glow of the fire AND the fun of doing just what I wanted to be doing at that moment. Image description: a selfie in which I am outside at night, lit by firelight. I am wearing a dark hat and a dark coat. Only my face is visible and I am smiling contentedly.
*To be clear, I do take time to relax and do fun things on a regular basis. But, on my birthday, I give myself permission to maximize my fun.
