ADHD · fitness · meditation · mindfulness

Christine and the Meditation Mystery

I have been doing a short meditation (less than 5 mins) every day for almost 3 months now.

After each session, my app (Insight Timer) prompts me to journal about it and even though I haven’t gone back to read what each journal entry says, I know that today’s entry was a pretty typical one.

It went something like this “Hard to focus, kept getting distracted. Still worth the effort though.”

I’m not judging myself for not being “good” at meditation.

I know that bringing myself back to my breath over and over is good for me.

I know that the practice is the point.

Also, holding onto the habit of meditating, no matter how “successful” I have been, has been extremely helpful amid the emotional challenges of the past two months.

So, I was going to forge ahead with short practices and see what happened.

A light haired dog sitting peacefully on green grass under a tree.
Khalee also does mindful meditation sessions but she doesn’t overthink them like I do. Image description: a photo of a Khalee, a medium-sized, light-haired dog sitting peacefully under a tree on a green lawn. Patches of sunlight are here and there across the grass. She is peaceful but alert with all of her paws folded under her body. This position is often described ‘being a loaf’ or ‘loaf dog’

Then I came across a program that involves longer meditations led by an instructor I enjoy.

And even though I was hesitant about my ability to do longer meditations, I decided to go for it and I started last week.

And here’s where we get to the mystery:

It is just as hard for me to convince myself to start a 12 minute meditation as it is for me to start a 2 minute one but once I get started…

It is WAAAAAAAAY easier to meditate for 12 minutes than for 2 minutes.

Not only do I feel better afterwards, I feel better DURING the 12 minute practices.

Mysterious, right?

Shouldn’t my ADHD brain be getting bored?

Shouldn’t it be HARDER to do a longer session than a shorter one?

Why doesn’t my brain want to peek at the timer every 30 seconds during a long meditation the way it does during a short one?

If the 12 minute sessions were guided meditations, my relative ease might make more sense but they aren’t guided, they just have some specific instructions for when thoughts arise. And those instructions don’t seem all that different than most standard advice about meditating.

Perhaps my brain likes the opportunity to try focusing over and over again in a longer time frame. Maybe my subconscious doesn’t think it is worth the effort to focus for just two minutes?

I haven’t solved this mystery.

Clearly I need to gather more clues.

*closes eyes, begins to breathe slowly*

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