Hey Team,

Yesterday’s post was all about asking friends for specific support – borrowing their expertise– but today’s post is reminding you of the expertise you already have.

I know that sounds a bit odd – aren’t you already using your expertise in the service of expanding and enhancing your life?

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

You see, I’m not talking about using your knowledge of yoga to seek out/build a yoga flow or using your research to create a meditation plan, those are useful but they are also direct and obvious applications.

I’m talking about borrowing established techniques from another area of your life to apply to your expansion/enhancement/habit-building process.

Those other areas of your life don’t have to have anything to do with the practices you are trying to implement, they just have to use skills that you can transfer to your new practices.

Perhaps recalling how you created your routines for a new work project might provide clues for you to establish a meditation habit.

Maybe considering how you generate a new grocery list might have information for you about how to create a ongoing strength-training routine that alternates different movements.

Perhaps your start-of-day checklist for the office might have applications for a new wellness routine.

Maybe revisiting times when you persevered with challenges in your volunteer work might show you new ways to persevere with the challenges in the exercise class you are taking.

The thing is, no matter how someone might be feeling in a given moment, we all have successes in different parts of our lives and we have all built skills in a variety of areas. Bringing those successes and skills into a new area lets us remember our victories, provides an opportunity to build on them, AND the whole process gives us another chance to celebrate those victories, to remember our hard work and to relive the good feeling of figuring things out.

Thinking in these terms always reminds me of one of the first times I applied the idea of borrowing my own expertise in my own life:

At one point, my writing practice involved daily writing but I struggled with it because it felt like it was going nowhere, like I was wasting my time.

Luckily, though, in a moment when my mind wandered I realized that a) I wasn’t actually trying to finish anything, the goal was to get used to the idea of writing and b) I already knew how to do something like this because I do drills in Taekwon-do all the time. When I do side-kick drills, it’s not about achieving something in particular in that session, it’s about making sure my body is ready for when I need to do a side-kick in a pattern or in the sparring ring.

When I realized that I already had a baseline skill in do this repeated thing so it’s ready when you need it, it was much easier for me to keep writing every day.

And yes, I know that example is the reverse of what I am asking you to do here but I’m sure you can see how it could have worked just as well the other way!

So, Team, today I am inviting you to consider the following questions. They are all getting at the same thing (finding transferable skills) but they come at if from slightly different angles.

1. What do I already know how to do that could help me build this new practice?
2. Where have I already found some success and how could I use that knowledge elsewhere?
3. How is what I am trying to learn or do similar to something I have already learned?
4. If I can’t make a direct connection, is there some element of something I already know that could be useful in building my new practice?

And here is your gold star for your efforts today whether you are identifying your own existing expertise, trying to figure out what expertise you need, or just trying to put one foot in front of the other, literally or metaphorically – it all counts.

Be kind to yourself out there, pretty please!

Go Team Us!

Hey Team,

Here we are on day 4 of advice I have borrowed from my writing and coaching practices and today we looking at ways of are dealing with our inner critics.

Most, if not all, of us have some sort of inner critic and whether you receive its critical information as an inner voice or, like me, if you just have it float to the surface like a remembered ‘fact’, the critic always seems to get more active when we are trying to make a change, to add something new, or to try something that’s a bit personally risky.*

When people (including me) are trying to get into the habit of writing or just trying to write something new, the inner critic has a field day. There are so very many ways for an inner critic to be discouraging, saying things like ‘that’s already been done’ ‘you sound ridiculous’ ‘you’ll never be able to finish this’ ‘no one wants to read this’…you get the picture.

And even though we know that the inner critic is mostly just our brain trying to protect us from harm/risk/embarrassment** and that the things it says are generally untrue, its persistent presence is a real obstacle to sticking with our project.

I mean, it is already hard to start something new and having criticism piled on top of that really adds to the challenge.

All of this is just as true for new fitness or wellness habits as it is for writing.

When we are trying to add something new, to expand or enhance our lives in some way, our inner critics will bubble to the surface.

This is an oversimplification, of course, but basically our brains are trying to conserve our energy, to keep things the same, to avoid the work of laying down new neural pathways, and the inner critic is one way to achieve all of that.

However, the inner critic is short-sighted. It has no idea how good things can be if we make these changes, if we put in this effort, if we do the exercises, if we sit in meditation, if we write the article. The inner critic is in cahoots with our brain to keep things the same, it doesn’t know about the value of change and expansion.

So, we actually know more than the inner critic and we do not have to assume that it is right.

But recognizing that fact doesn’t make the inner critic go away, it will still keep chattering at us one way or another and we need some strategies to manage its noise.

Now, when I’m advising myself or other writers about dealing with the inner critic, I have three suggestions

1) Give the inner critic a schedule

When I’m writing, that might mean literally scheduling a time when I will consider the critic’s concerns – i.e. At 2pm on Tuesday, I will consider the idea that this is a waste of time.

Yes, that feels a little foolish but putting that structure in place keeps the critic from taking over and it helps me keep its complaints in perspective.

We could do the same thing for the inner critic’s complaints about our new habits. Having some sort of ‘office hours’ to consider/journal/contemplate the critical commentary will help us contain the chatter and help us sift through it for any useful information.

2) Record the concern and thank the critic

If the critic gets particularly chatty when I’m writing I’ll put a piece of paper and pen next to my keyboard and when a inner critic concern arises, I’ll write it down and thank the critic for its concern, indicating that I have it recorded.

I may have to do this several times but something about the process reduces the number of recurrences. I guess my brain and the critic believes that I am taking the problem seriously and lets me compartmentalize?

I always review the list later, just in case something important arose, but there is rarely anything that I need to address.

This approach can work just as well for times when your critic is concerned about your well-being habits as it does for my critic’s writing concerns.

Sure, you may not want to stop and write things down during your yoga practice but you can choose another way to satisfy your critic that the concern has been noted.

3) Acknowledge the critic and persist anyway.

While we respect what the critic is trying to do, we can’t forget that we actually know more than it does.

So, it’s also ok to kind of override that critical voice by saying something like, ‘I hear that you are concerned that I don’t know what I am doing AND I am going to keep working on this.’

I know this is similar to making note of the criticism and it is similar to trying to ignore the critic but it has a bit of a different, defiant feel that I really like.

This approach is telling the critic, ‘I know about that issue so you can stop talking about it. I am going ahead with my plan no matter what.’

The critic may still disagree but the defiance seems to slow it down a bit.

And this can work whether you are trying to get words on a page or do another lap in the pool.

Team, there are all kinds of joys and all kinds of challenges in the process of making changes that will enhance or expand our lives.

When we develop and practice techniques to deal with common challenges, we can reduce the amount of energy required to deal with them and we can pour that energy into our new activities instead.

Whether you are dealing with an inner critic, dealing with another challenge, or simply having the most straightforward day of your practice so far, I wish you ease and a sense of triumph.

And I offer you this gold star for your efforts today, no matter what those efforts might be.

Go Team Us!

*Not necessarily actually dangerous, just a bit outside what they are accustomed to doing.

**Sometimes the inner critic has borrowed someone else’s annoying discouragement to pester us with but that still doesn’t mean what it says is true.

Hey Team!

On Monday, I talked about letting your routine carry you into your practice, yesterday I talked about how you can complete your practice even if you aren’t feeling enthusiastic about it, and, today, I am borrowing another technique from my writing practice and encouraging you to be willing to be awful at things.

When I am coaching creative people (myself included), one of the most common challenges they face with writing or making something is that they are trying to make it good when it might be better to let themselves be awful.

I know, that sounds weird, but it’s true – the key to creating something good is the willingness to be awful.

Often, when my clients are writing or drawing or working on a piece of music, they are trying to get it right the first time so they either have trouble starting because they are editing before they even get anything out there or they are correcting themselves so often that they aren’t actually getting anything done.

Instead, I recommend letting ourselves be awful at the thing we’re trying to do. And I don’t just mean the willingness to be awful while you are learning and so you’ll be better as you gain experience – I mean that any time you do your practice, I’d like you to be willing to let yourself be awful at first and trust that you’ll make it better as you go.

When writing, that means getting any old words down on the page – we can fix them later.

When drawing, that means getting some rough lines down so the idea can take shape over time.

When meditating, it could mean letting yourself wiggle a bit or recognizing that refocusing when your mind wanders is part of the practice. 

When exercising it might mean making a mess of the plan, or executing the movements imperfectly, or enduring the feeling that you will never do this right. 

When I’m learning a new pattern for Taekwon-do, letting myself be awful is part of the process, otherwise I get stuck a few steps into the pattern and I can’t move beyond that. 

And, yes, I know that it is important to use correct form (for safety) and that  it is important not to spend too much time practicing something incorrectly (otherwise you will have to unlearn it) but there is a lot of space in imperfect practice before you will be doing yourself any harm.  You can learn the safety basics and learn how to correct your practice overtime and still give yourself a lot of room to be awful. 

You can, in fact, give yourself permission to get all kinds of things wrong, to feel all kinds of foolish, to take as much time (in a single practice or over time) to get things to feel right.

The only thing I hope you *won’t* do is let concerns about being temporarily awful* stop you from proceeding. 

So, Team, today I am inviting you to try and let go of your concerns about being awful (and/or your concerns about feeling like you are awful) at the practice you are building. It’s ok to not to get things right the first time (or the first umpteen times) and it’s ok to have to work up to being even somewhat decent at the thing you are trying to do. 

And here, as always, is your gold star for your efforts – the efforts you are applying to your new practice, the efforts you are putting into letting yourself be awful, the efforts you are putting into being kind to yourself.  No matter how big or how small your efforts are today, they all count and they are all moving you in the direction you want to go. 

Go Team Us!

Be kind to yourself out there!

*By the way, you can also feel free to continue being awful at things if you enjoy them but aren’t necessarily going to get much better at them. I am not a great singer nor am I a great dancer but I have so much fun with both of those things that I just go ahead when I get the chance. No one will be buying tickets to see or hear me but that’s completely irrelevant to my fun.

Hey Team,

It took me a long time to realize that enthusiasm isn’t necessary for success.

Sure, enthusiasm often makes things easier but it can also be hard to sustain.

And, despite what my ADHD brain tries to claim, it is completely possible to forge ahead and take the actions you need to take even on days when your project is the most boring thing you can imagine.*

Yes, this is a bit like my Give It A Try advice from last week but that was mostly about getting started on a given day. This post is more about repeated efforts.

Before I fully understood how my brain worked, I used to fall for the idea (that lots of so-called gurus like to toss around) that if I *really* wanted something then I would naturally be able to do it. That if I wasn’t enthusiastic about a project 24/7 then obviously I didn’t actually want it bad enough.

Basically, I thought that my varying levels of enthusiasm were a SIGN of something.**

One night, years and years ago, I finally cleared some mental space and some time to do some writing and I found myself utterly without enthusiasm for my words. In my boredom with myself, I got on Twitter and directed a tweet at three of my favourite writers seeking an infusion of writing energy. I don’t remember exactly what I asked and two of the writers responded with friendly, kind and joking responses.

The third one, though, she responded with some absolutely brain-changing words for a writer in need of encouragement:

When it’s all over, the words that you dragged out one at a time in tedium read exactly the same as the ones made of white hot inspiration. ~ Ursula Vernon

Ursula Vernon is a prolific writer in a variety of genres and she gets stuff done.

If she also sometimes dragged out words in tedium then I could totally do that, too – it didn’t mean anything about my skill as a writer.

I didn’t need to worry about my wavering levels of enthusiasm, they were just part of the process.

Now, I’m not saying that I can always make myself write when I want to but there is freedom in not having to concern myself with generating enthusiasm. After all, if I have to generate enthusiasm and then generate energy to actually write, I’m doing twice the work for the same result.

The same thing is true for the tasks you want to do in service of enhancing and expanding your life.

Sure, enthusiasm for your tasks is great when it’s there and it is perfectly ok to drum some up if you can.

But it’s also ok to carry out those tasks in tedium today (or any given day) and just get them out of the way.

Your exercise doesn’t have to leave you energized and glowing every time.

Your meditation doesn’t always have to bring a sense of serenity.

Your plan to drink more water doesn’t have to feel exciting today.

Your journaling practice can be utterly revelation free this time.

And sometimes your practice will just be a placeholder, something to connect yesterday’s task with tomorrow’s, one more stone in the path leading to where you want to go.

Sure, if you always feel unenthused and you can’t figure out why you are bothering, take a closer look at what you are doing and why you are doing it.

BUT

… if you are having occasional bouts of indifference or even frustration, let me rephrase Ms. Vernon’s advice to apply in this context:

The practice you do in tedium will be just as helpful for you as the practice done in white hot excitement.

So Team, today (and whenever), I invite you to give yourself the freedom of being unenthusiastic, of letting the task be a placeholder, of letting the process carry you through your practice. It will be helpful to you, one way or another.

And here, as always, is your gold star for your efforts – whether they ae enthusiastic, kind of phoned-in, absolutely enormous, or so teeny that only you can tell they are complete. Your effort counts.

Go Team Us!

*Before my fellow neurodivergents descend upon me, I’m not saying it is EASY and I am not saying we need to ‘just do the thing’, I’m saying that enthusiasm is not necessarily a requirement for action. I do recognize that we may need to dig deep in other, neurodivergent-compatible ways to summon the ability to proceed without enthusiasm.

**Varying levels of enthusiasm/a complete lack of enthusiasm for a project *might* be a sign to look at your plans a little more closely but it’s probably just the normal ebb and flow of feelings around a long term activity.