The other 20% of the time it was a screencap of the info from my fitness app. That was less inspiring (less interesting!) but it kept the habit in place.
I’m sure that was partially because of my injury but it was also because it felt like I was journaling for its own sake rather than for any actual benefit.
I was essentially keeping the habit in place but for no real reason so it’s no wonder the practice just kind of dropped off my to do list.
For the record, I’m not being hard on myself about this – I’m just noting what happened and I don’t feel bad about it at all.
BUT
I think it’s time to get back into the practice of reflecting on my fitness – what I did, how I felt, how I want to feel and what activities might help me to feel that way- and obviously a journal is the direct route to that kind of thinking.
I’m probably going to do some combination of a digital journal (so I can think aloud with voice dictation) and and paper journal that has lots of room for me to write, draw, and collage.
I’ve revisited my earlier posts and developed a series of questions to use as a guideline and I (once again) plan to review my previous entry when starting a new one (extra reflection? why not?)
AND since journaling often leads me to solutions I haven’t thought about before but I promptly forget them once I close my journal – I am going to keep some index cards nearby to pull workable ideas out of my journal pages to keep for easy reference.
My plan right now is to do some fitness journaling 3x per week (I think writing once per week was part of the problem before – too much to say in one entry so it became a chore) for 3 weeks and see how it feels.
And, of course, I will probably make adjustments as I go.
Do you journal about your fitness practices? Do you find it helpful? Do you have any advice to offer?
On Monday, I started the second half of my Storytelling tour with my friend Catherine and our first day went really well.
But you know what else?
It was really tiring.
The kids were great and the teacher was great and the school was great, but there was a lot of energy going in all sorts of different directions today – just the nature of a busy school day – and it made it a little bit challenging for my slightly-sleepy ADHD brain to focus on my stories and on the work I was trying to do.
So, I had to use a lot of energy to concentrate and stay on task and, at the end of the day, I felt a bit jangled. Kind of scattered. A little bit at loose ends.
I know from previous experience that when I feel that way, it’s all too easy to lose the rest of the day to kind of aimlessly wandering from task to task in search of ways to settle my brain.
On Monday, though, I refused to lose my evening to that feeling. Instead, I decided to take action to find equilibrium, to gather my energy back to me.
I started with a good chat with Catherine about the interesting parts of the day and the things we especially enjoyed.
Then, while Catherine was out for a walk, I did some journalling and had some tea.
A photo of my journal, a patterned, pink, soft-covered notebook, with a teal and silver pen on top. Above the notebook is a mug of tea, the mug has a moose and the word Canada on it.
I followed that with meditation and deep breathing before heading out on my own solo walk (around Port Union, NL, in case you’re wondering)
Photo of a river with a grassy incline in the foreground, a few large rocks in the water, and a rocky, shrubby incline on the other side.A photo of two birch trees growing close together, the trees don’t have leaves yet and the trunks have interesting patterns in the bark.A photo of a small harbour with scrubby grass in the foreground and rocks outlining the water
And when I got back from my amble, I lay on the floor for a while in a restorative ‘legs up the wall’ yoga pose.
A photo, taken from my perspective as I lie on the floor, of my jean-covered legs resting against a pillar in our rental unit as I do legs up the wall pose.
It all helped and I feel much more at ease.
And, sure, I may have felt better with just one or two of these things but I was enjoying the process so I decided to roll with it.
Do you know that scattered feeling I am referring to?
Lately, I’ve been receiving the same message from various quarters in my life. The message is this: I can do less, in a less is more way. I can push less. I don’t need to try so hard. I can trust the universe. That all sounds almost dangerous, especially the trust part. Also, how can I be less-is-more without diminishing myself? The message is hard to receive, because, at first blush, it seems to align with a long-held, not-so-happy belief—that I am too much. I talk too much and laugh too loud. I am too bossy, too excitable, too energetic, take up too much space, too, too and too. You get the point. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been getting this too-much message since I was born (at a sub optimal moment that I was told negatively impacted my father’s career).
Yet I know (in that deep knowing way) that this time the words are not coming as criticism. Rather, they arrive as an invitation to be more myself, which sounds paradoxical, since the message is about less. Do less. Yes, and…be more. Less noise. More presence.
What does this mean in my day-to-day? Well, in the learning groups I facilitate and the 1:1 coaching I do, it means—ask one question, without refining it fifteen times to get just the right word or adding seven more layered questions, with icing flourishes in between. Ask one question. Then wait for the answer. Literally.
And metaphorically. Trust that the energy I want to share with others will be felt without me doing a jig, standing on my head and waving a fiery sparkler. I am enough, without needing to push my energy out into the world. This feels like the difference between authenticity and personal brand.
As you can see here, I am still very much in the wrestling phase with these ideas. I haven’t corralled them into a coherent narrative of how I will be going forward. I am exploring a new equilibrium between my exuberance and trusting my presence.
While trying to strike a balance between overplanning and just kind of winging-it, my ADHD-brain often forgets that there are many options in between those two extremes.
I can have a tentative plan. I can have a list (or jar) of ideas to pick from. I can have a flowchart of if-thens. I can follow a plan and then adjust the pieces that aren’t working for me.
I can…probably think of eight million different ways of approaching the things I want to do.
However, all of the options between those extremes really come down to one thing: It’s always a good idea to be responsive to (and take care of) Today’s Me.
The me who makes plans often imagines perfect conditions for today’s me.
She forgets that I might be busy or sick or uncomfortable or upset or helping someone else or just plain unable to do the things she set out for me to do.
Changing my plans in response to Today’s Me’s needs is not slacking off, it’s not giving up, it’s not getting sidetracked.
Actually, since all of my fitness/well-being goals are really about taking good care of myself long-term, changing my plans in response to Today’s Me’s needs is actually getting me closer to those goals instead of further away.*
Giving myself room to change, adapt, or adjust Past Me’s plans is a vital part of learning to take good care of all versions of myself – past, present, and future.
And the same goes for you, Team.
The steps that lead you toward your goals will not look the same every day. Sometimes you will have the capacity to take bigger steps, sometimes your steps will be smaller, and sometimes you will need to rest. And, of course, the information you gather over time will occasionally lead to you taking a whole different path or choosing a whole different goal.
It only makes sense for you to respond to Today’s You’s needs so you can continue to support all of the versions of you going forward.
Being kind to yourself like this is really a life-long practice, hey? (Yeah, I know. I had kind of hoped I could just learn it once and then keep going, too.)
Here is your gold star for your efforts today whether you are able to respond to Today’s You or whether you are still figuring out what that might look like.
I wish you ease either way.
Image description: A small painting of a smiley-faced gold star with black pinstripes in the background is propped against a green background on my white desk.
*As someone with ADHD, I need to take a close look at whatever Today’s Me wants because I know that the me-of-this-moment may not be great at prioritizing or at thinking long-term. So responding constructively to Today’s Me’s needs might look a little different for me but it’s still important to do it. (I know just how stubborn Tomorrow’s Me will be if I am unkind to Today’s Me!)
Last week I outlined my plans for April and I thought I made things pretty easy for myself.
And I kind of did.
But, apparently, not quite easy enough.
It turns out that a mindful cup of tea – clear break- in the afternoon is a lovely addition to my day.
My days have felt a bit calmer.
I have gotten to have tea with friends three times, including tea with my sister Denise on her birthday.
I just feel really good about making a point to stop for tea and a rest.
And I’m sure that yoga would have a similar calming effect and would feel great for my body and my brain…
If I could remember to do it.
I mean, technically speaking, I have done yoga daily because I did a few focused stretches and a little time in Savasana (corpse pose) before heading to bed.
But that wasn’t what I had intended to do each evening.
My plan was to do a 10 minute yoga video before bed so a few stretches and some time in Savasana was not the kind of practice I was seeking.
Instead, it’s the kind of practice I end up doing when I realize moments before bed that I don’t have enough energy to do 10 minutes of movement – even gentle, restful movement.
So, since the tea practice is coming to me fairly easily, I will just let that one roll along and I will focus on figuring out how to remember to do that 10 minutes of yoga before I am too tired.
This week, I’ll experiment with setting an alarm for 9pm and see if that makes things easier.
And once I’m done my daily yoga, I’ll probably even have another cup of tea.*
Image description: A photo of the edit-alarm screen on my phone. The background is black and there are settings for the time (9:00 PM), Repeat (daily), Label (Yay for Yoga!), Sound (Constellation), Snooze (option is on),This isn’t from this week, I just like this photo. Image description: a large glass mug decorated with stars is sitting on a wooden table. The mug is partially full of tea (a tea bag is still in the mug and the white tag is hanging over the side) and next to it is a green post-it note that has the word reminder at the top and below it is a drawing of a robot pointing to a sign that reads ‘Everyone needs to recharge!’
*Don’t worry about me drinking tea at 9pm. Mostly it’s ginger-peach tea but even if I have caffeine at that hour it won’t keep me up – this may or may not be related to my ADHD.
I’m starting April while on a school storytelling tour with my friend Catherine (not blogger Catherine, a whole other marvellous Catherine) so the month is truly off to a good start.
Storytelling is great for my mental health and the fact that I am taking a break from my usual routine AND hanging out with a dear friend compounds the positive effects.
And this tour has been good for my physical health too because Catherine is a big proponent of finding energy by getting outdoors. So there have already been several times when her choice to go for a walk has shifted me into a more active rest mode after a busy day instead of just sitting around.
(To be clear, there are times when sitting around would be the right thing to do but in this case the walk felt waaaaaaaay better.)
Since the month is starting on such a positive note I have decided to add more positive health elements.
1. I found out yesterday that April is Afternoon Tea Month which is definitely a made-up kind of commemoration but as an avid maker-up-of-things, I’m here for it.
I’m going to celebrate by taking an afternoon tea break every day.
I can hear my sisters’ voices as I write that, “Chris, don’t you already drink tea every afternoon?”
And the answer is “Of course I do!”
But my April plan to to focus on the ritual of it, the making of the tea, the clearing of mental space, the sitting down to drink it.
This isn’t going to be a ‘drink tea at my desk while working’ kind of thing, it’s going to be an actual break in my afternoon.
One of my favourite cups for tea (a gift from my friend Mary) Image description: a cup of tea sitting on a small mat on my table with my ebook slightly out of focus in the background. My cup has a blue octopus on the side (only part of it is visible) and it has an ice cream cone held in one of its tentacles.
So that’s a small April addition for my mental health, now on to my physical health.
2) I mentioned last week that I am following the Active April calendar so that is staying part of the plan but I am also going to really commit to evening yoga (again!) and I have made a YouTube playlist to choose from each day.
And since I know sometimes get stuck in the decision making process, I am giving myself the default that if I can’t pick one, I have to choose the video immediately after the one from the night before.
I have often done evening yoga before and I throughly enjoy it when I do but I have gotten out of the habit so this is as good a time as any to get started again.
My brain has been VERY jumbled for the past few days.
On top of all of the things going on in the world as a whole, several friends are going through some heavy things so I am trying to be there for them, and, of course, I have some very ordinary (but still quite present) brain-jumbling stresses:
There was a mix-up with my prescription for my ADHD meds and I had to do without them for three days, I had a migraine, my back and my knee were both giving me trouble, I had a lot of finicky-detail work to do, we’ve had a lot of the kind of wind that puts my nerves on edge, and, through no fault of my own, all kinds of small things have gone awry in ways that required me to do a lot of back-and-forth to get them fixed.
By today (Monday), my brain had just noped out.
It would only do what absolutely HAD to be done and even some of that was kind of a hard sell.
Luckily, while puttering this morning, I came across a note-to-self from a while back that said, “If you can’t do your work, give yourself permission to play. No point in just being annoyed, might as well make something fun.”
My brain felt kind of thick and stubbornly refused to suggest anything to make but then I found a YouTube video by Amy Tangerine called “1000+ pages in journals done with one simple trick” in which she invites the viewer to gather their supplies and make something while she talks.
So I made this. It’s not finished – it needs something horizontal and somewhat rectangular to go over the spot where the dark blue meets the light blue there in middle near the bottom. I haven’t found the right thing yet, but I will.
Can you spot where I got smears of paint on my desk from trying to clean off the spots of paint that landed beyond the paper when I flicked by brush to make the dots? I am a true artiste! image description: a mixed-media image that is sort of a landscape in black, green, gold, and two shades of blue. On the upper left is a black moon with tiny torn pieces of green paper overlaid like clouds. On the upper right is a cloud cut out of scrapbook paper that kind of looks like an old letter. The bottom right is a larger piece of torn green paper that forms a kind of a slope with two flower stickers and a butterfly sticker on it. The bottom left is painted light blue and a there’s a darker blue mass and in combination it kind of looks like a blue iceberg floating on water. There are thin gold and black lines extending from the left of the paper to the dark blue. Everything is outlined in gold and there are blue flecks of paint all over the white background.
Focusing on that small creative project helped a lot but it occurred to me that I have been feeling extra jumbled quite often lately and I have saved quite a few things that seemed helpful.
So, I thought I would share them with you in case you have been feeling extra jumbled lately, too.
Remember that the goal of all of this isn’t to push away our feelings or to pretend that everything is fine all the time. This is all about trying to create space for us to deal with stress, with our emotions (and with all of the damn things that are cluttering up our brains) in a way that is more effective and less overwhelming.
Now, speaking of overwhelming, please don’t make the mistake that I tend to and attempt to try everything here all at once or all in one day.
Just pick one thing that has some appeal and see how it feels.
Give it a real chance though, at least a few minutes. Sometimes when I feel jumbled, I expect instant results and then I kind of hop from attempted solution to attempted solution without really getting into any of them.
Guess what? That makes me even MORE jumbled and then I get annoyed, which is not a good combination.
Anyway, here are some of the things I am keeping on hand for my own jumbled brain. I hope they help and/or they inspire you to create your own resource list.
I wish you ease, my friends.
*****
Here’s a video from Yoga with Adriene that I find quite soothing:
And this guided meditation for stress relief is helpful:
And you know I am a fan of this breathing exercise to calm anxiety – I’m sure I have posted it a dozen times!
These tips from Anna the Anxiety Coach on Instagram have a lot to recommend them:
This journaling video has some good ideas as well.
And, finally, I’ve heard that ‘heavy work’ exercises can be helpful. A young friend of mine was told that taking action when anxiety strikes can help ground you in your body. They were advised to do squats, to push hard on the wall, or to carry something heavy up and down the stairs and it really seemed to help them in the moment. Here’s more advice on that topic.
Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.
I’m leaving January feeling bruised by life. My word of the year, ease, has gone and hidden in a deep underground cave. I’m worn out on coming to this blog with my woes. What’s happened now? Among other things, the home I lived in for 27 years with my ex, will pass on to other owners on March 1st. I haven’t lived there for 2 years, and I thought I was over it. Apparently not. Somewhere in a hidden corner of my psyche, I imagined that I might live there again. Recover that sweet feeling of security and home. Finality is crashing down, bringing with it all the scaffolding I thought I’d put in place to manage the grief of so many other losses these last three years. Mother. Cat. Marriage. Home. Health. And more.
Amid the dusty ruins, I have still managed to drag myself outside in my running shoes and put one foot in front of the other. Someone recently pointed me to the research around sunlight in the eyes first thing in the morning—good for regulating circadian rhythm (i.e. sleep), boosting mood and such like. And yes, some of the sources are questionable, so I’m offering no links. A quick Google search turns up a trove.
Research and dubious sources aside, how good does it feel to be blinded by the sun first thing in the morning? So good. Right? Especially (especially!) on a cold winter day, when we are sun starved.
Soaking up apricity
My last few runs have been a battle royale to get my body out the door. And the grace of that sunlight in my eyes has saved me. I run with my eyes half closed, head turned toward wherever the sun is coming from, soaking in its faint warm breath. Like a fireplace that puts out almost no heat, until you get right up close, the winter sun warms only my eyelids, its touch not even reaching my cheeks. There’s a word for this delicious, precious feeling: apricity. The warmth of the sun in winter. Having that word now to describe the sun’s solace in my eyes enlivens the experience. And it is these tiny shifts in consciousness that will get me through. And my runs. And family. And friends.
Every year I choose a WOTY, as many of you do, no doubt, and many of us here at Fit Is a Feminist Issue. I was having so much trouble choosing my word for this year, that I couldn’t even contribute to our group post. I kept saying to people, I want a word like ease. Something that captures the lightness and flow of ease. The way we can be more present when we are at ease. And I kept not wanting to choose the actual word. Ease. One friend sent me this fabulous Japanese expression, ichi-go ichi-e, which basically means for this time only or cherish this moment. It’s a version of Marcel Proust’s madeleine or the Heraclitus’ line about never stepping into the same river twice, with a dash of gratitude added, for the beauty of the river we are stepping into or the deliciousness of the madeleine we are eating. As beautiful as all these ideas are, ichi-go ichi-e felt heavier than what I was looking for. I try to make a practice of being grateful for as much as possible in my life. And that gratitude does not necessarily bring me ease. Gratitude demands attention and intention, especially in hard times. I was looking for a word that captured a feeling of less effort, if not full-on effortlessness (if that’s not a contradiction).
As I was effortfully trying to write this, pushing words and ideas around on the page, as if they were one of those sleds people push in CrossFit, I came across this quote from Norman Fischer, a Zen priest, poet and teacher: In the full intensity of the present moment there is never anything to fear—there is only something to deal with. It is a subtle point, but it is absolutely true: the fear I experience now is not really present moment based: I am afraid of what is going to happen. So, maybe ease is less about gratitude and maybe more about finding a way through fear. Not that that is simpler. Yet softening around all my myriad fears feels like it just might be a route to ease. A few days later, while writing something else, I came up with this formula:
What I was wrestling with was the idea that if I can move into the future with trust and find the grace to dance with what the universe delivers, then I will be able to move through my boat load of fears. And there, on the other side of fear, is where I will find ease.
As I headed out to meet a friend for a run on January 1st, in a cold winter rain, which turned to snow just in time for our run and then switched back to rain as we took our last steps (thank you, universe, for that opening gift of 2025—an easy gratitude!), I realized that I was resisting the word ease, because it felt so impossible, or like I don’t deserve it. Here’s a sampler from that voice in my head: It’s coming up on 3 years since your marriage started falling apart and you still can’t find ease? What’s wrong with you? Why are you not over it already? If you can’t find ease by now, you never will. Also, that’s your fault. The inside of my head is not always the most cheerful place to be.
When I realized that my dis-ease with the word ease was about resistance (my fear!), and not my usual, there’s-a-more-perfect-word-to-describe-what-I-mean, I knew what my word of the year had to be. EASE. Sometimes my word is aspirational and other years it is a beacon. This year it is the former—an aspiration, which I will try to hold lightly, mindful of the paradox that if I aspire too hard, then I will surely not find ease. What will ease look like? Less time in my head, worrying about the future. More time just being (trust!). Making choices rooted more in pleasure and less in financial fear (grace!). Less fighting against what is, like taking my medication (grace!). More noticing the gifts on offer, like how well my medication works (trust!).
This year I will trust and dance with grace. Aspiring. Letting go. Moving through fears. That’s where I’ll find ease. If I do. Not that I’m attached to the outcome. Okay, maybe a little bit. Here goes.
Well, here we are at our very last day of Making Space in 2024.
I hope that my posts throughout December gave you a little room to think, a little room, to breathe, and helped you have a little more space for yourself in your own life.
And I hope that my enthusiasm for your space-making efforts helped you to feel supported and helped you to find a little more ease as you made your way through the month.
As we move into a new year (and as I move into creating Go Team! posts for January), I hope that you can take some of that spirit of ease, that sense of space making, that determination to create a little more room for yourself, into your day-to-day.
I truly wish more ease, more relaxation, more personal energy, and more of whatever kind of space you want for yourself for you in 2025.
As I often say in people’s birthday greetings – May the year ahead bring you plenty of time to spend as you choose and may you have plenty of energy to enjoy it fully.
And since this wouldn’t be a Making Space post without some suggested practices, here are a few for you to choose from. (And, as always, you are free to choose something else entirely – you are the boss of you!)
For today, I decided to offer a variety of things – some are long, some are short, some are relaxing, and some are energizing. It’s a ‘take what you need’ kind of thing around here today.
First up, we have our movement practices.
Here’s a relaxing Vin Yin- Relax & Flow 30 Minute Yoga Practice from Yoga with Adriene.
still image shows the instructor lying on her back on a yoga mat with her legs bent at the knee and leaned to one side while she rests her hands on her belly.
still image shows the instructor lying on her back on a yoga mat with one knee bent (foot flat on the floor) and the other leg bent with the bottom of her foot pointed towards the ceiling and she is holding that foot in both hands.
If you are looking for some extra oomph, this Energy Boosting Cardio Jumpstart – Total Body Warm Up from Fitness Blender might be just the thing.
still image shows the instructor standing with one foot further ahead than the other and her arms are in positions they might be when running – one bent at the elbow at her side and one bent at the elbow in front of her.
If you are looking for a longer workout, this PS Fit30 Minute Energizing Cardio Workout with Amanda Butler is worth a try.
still image shows three happy looking people in exercise clothes demonstrating exercise punches towards the camera
And here are our mindfulness practices.
First up, in case you have a little extra space (or need a little extra space!) we have a 20 Minute Meditation for Inner Strength and Peace from The Mindful Movement
still image shows a photo of two mountaintops on the right and an expanse of pale blue sky on the left and overlaid on the image is the logo for Mindful Movement (overlapping Ms with a purple lotus on top and the word Meditation beneath) and the words Mountain of Strength.
If you are looking for a shorter meditation, then Circles5-Minute Guided Mindfulness: Relax, Recharge, and Refocus could be just the thing!
And if you aren’t looking for movement or meditation but you want to have something kind of friendly on in the background while you read, rest, do crossword puzzles, or do some handiwork, I have been really enjoying The Dead of Night‘s Ambience videos this month and you might like them too. (If that channel’s videos don’t draw you in, there are tons of other ambience channels you can explore.)
still image shows an animation of a roaring fire, a purring cat, and a cup of tea in a candlelit room that seems inviting (at least to me!)
And that’s it for our Making Space posts for 2024.
