Author: elan.paulson

Elan lives in Ontario, where she curls, crochet, games, and explores feminist speculative fiction. A lifelong learner with a PhD in English and MEd in Educational Technology, she often writes about what team sports, personal challenges, and group experiences teach us about resilience, inclusion, and growth. Her cat, Theo, generously shares his home with her.
Officiating in the Women’s “Chill” Soccer League (Part 5)
competition · fitness · fun · soccer

Officiating in the Women’s “Chill” Soccer League (Part 5)

elan.paulson2 Comments

I sat down with Kayla Marcoux–a skilled soccer player, coach, and referee–who has officiated some of our Sunday “chill” rec soccer games. Kayla agreed to discuss her views on aggressive soccer and her experience as an officiant in our league. Note that we discussed our own views, which are not those of the BMO Center, Ontario Soccer, EMSA Referee, or Canada Soccer.

EP: Can you tell me a bit about your soccer career?

Kayla with the ball and goalie gloves

KM: I’ve played for 25 or 26 years now. I have played as striker, and I currently play as goalie. I am super passionate about soccer. I’ve also coached for 15 years.

After playing and coaching I figured the next thing to do was start reffing. I knew there weren’t a lot of female refs, and that didn’t sit well with me. Now, my friend and I and maybe one other are the only women refs who officiate in leagues at the BMO Centre.

EP: Can you describe simply–what is aggression in soccer? When I think about what is aggression in soccer, I notice that sometimes more and less skilled players may see the other as being aggressive, for different reasons.

KM: It’s not a simple definition. For me, aggression is done with intent and has a lack of regard for the safety of themselves or the other player(s). It makes perfect sense to me that if players from different levels of skill play together, that the player who has less skill or experience could interpret a higher skilled or experienced player as making an aggressive play or challenge occasionally.

Since we cannot determine someone’s “intent,” we must consider their actions: are they trying to “run through people” or are they using their body to shield the ball and gain possession? Running through someone, kicking at their ankles or shins wildly trying to get the ball are examples of what I consider to be “aggressive.” Shielding a ball or going shoulder to shoulder chasing a ball down to me would constitute normal soccer play and not be deemed aggressive. Just because I see it that way, it doesn’t mean someone with less experience than me will see it that way. Opinions will differ for everyone which is why I find this hard to define.

EP: In a poll of the team captains in our “chill” league, some felt like there were too many calls on rough play. How do you call aggression in our league?

KM: Yeah, that’s interesting. It depends on the league. Every league has different calls. It can be a challenge to adapt to varying degrees and levels of play, especially in a league like yours.

Our role as officiants is to watch the temperature of the game but let play happen. Contact is a grey area, one opinion vs another. We normally watch for 50/50, but because there are so many variables we have to try to abide by the rules.

EP: I am afraid I need you to explain to me what you mean by “50/50.”

KM: 50/50 is two players from opposite teams who each have an equal chance of obtaining possession of the ball. But it’s not easy to judge what is equal because players may be of different speeds, sizes, and skill levels when they challenge or defend their possession.

EP: So you are reffing our games with that 50/50 idea in mind?

Kayla Marcoux at the London Optimist Sports Centre

KM: Yes, but that balance of power can change to 60/40 at any time. And that’s what we are looking for. If a player is defending very well, it might seem like a shift in power but really it’s just skilled play. They know how to move their bodies to their advantage. If a player is getting really frustrated, and their frustration builds up, it can also change how they play. They can start with elbows out or throw their body in the way, and that can lead to a collision. That becomes a safety issue. Body types can affect 50/50 challenges, but skill level and emotions can too. I’m not sure if that answers your question because it’s delicate. There are a lot of variables we are watching out for.

When I was asked to referee for your league for the first time, I was told that your players were really just out to get exercise and have fun, and that you didn’t want competitiveness and aggressive ball challenges. We were told this league was no contact at all. 

And then I reffed several more games, and I found that the teams were all kind of different. We don’t want there to be complaints for players not following the rules, but there should be some flexibility.

EP: Would you play in our “chill” rec league?

KM: No. Players should be classified appropriately for the leagues they play in. Me, I play in Second Division. I know that I don’t have the ability to bring it down. I would be considered an aggressive player in your league. So I’m better off to find people that are playing similar to me.

You can’t control what other players do. The onus is on the player to say to themselves, “Do I belong in this league or not?” If people aren’t getting what they want, there are many other leagues available at the BMO Centre that can allow players to find the level of play they are looking for & comfortable with.

But I did tell my mom about this league. “They are actually chill and very calm,” I told her, “and they’re here just to exercise and have fun.” If she were interested in playing soccer, she should come out to this league to play! 

EP: What do you think of reffing in our league?

KM: I’ve only reffed a handful of games so far. Everyone seems to be having a really good time. I’m on the field, laughing with everyone. I enjoy the games because there’s so much fun. I haven’t really seen any issues.

I like to talk to the players on the field, and have them talk to me because then I can keep an eye out for what they see as too much aggression. Of course, humans are going to make mistakes, but we as referees can respond to requests, so talk to us.

EP: What can refs do to support fun rec leagues like ours?

Kayla officiating a soccer game.

KM: Keep up with training. Stay on top of the IFAB rules and not become complacent. The rules change every year. Put player safety above all else. It’s our number one job.

Bring in referees that are like-minded and that want to officiate games at this level. Give them examples of situations that have happened, explaining what is okay and what is not okay. This can help us help you and your league.

It’s also a good idea to bring the officiants into the conversation. If you tell me what to look for, I’ll adjust my position to make sure I have a better view, and if I have to call something your team isn’t okay with, I’ll call it, no problem. For the most part, we’re all really easy to talk to.

EP: What can our league do to ensure its continued success in future seasons, in your opinion?

KM: A good conversation is easily had before it starts to get a sense of the team’s level of comfort with contact and what contact means to them. Identify what you are not comfortable with, and then bring it to the attention of the referee. If two teams are comfortable with a certain level of contact, then explain it. We want players to have a fun and safe environment but also be heard and feel like the officiant cares. Conversations can bring aggressiveness and animosity down. Even if teams don’t initially agree, they can come to a better understanding if we all talk and share our perspectives.

Maybe as well as make sure everyone else is signed on. Everyone signs something at the beginning of the season that says, this is what we all agree on.

EP: [Joking] Is it this complicated to be a referee for male soccer players in their leagues?

KM: In my experience, women are respectful and appreciative of having a female ref. I’ve had no grief or cattiness in this league at all or in any others.

In my opinion, women are superior players because we just go out and play and get the job done. When I officiate, most of the time everyone is respectful, but if I do get grief it is usually from the men. [Smiles]

Sometimes downhill all the way is okay
fitness · hiking · motivation · traveling

Sometimes downhill all the way is okay

elan.paulson1 Comment

I am in Alvarenga, Portugal, a small town of just over 1000 people, about an hour and a half outside of Porto. It’s in the hilly countryside, filled with vineyards and orange and almond trees. I am with 5 other women, traveling on holidays.

Map if Arouca, Portugal
Arouca, Portugal

There’s a big, award-winning tourist attraction nearby in the town of Arouca, which was developed in 2020. After traversing the world’s largest pedestrian suspension bridge (516 metres), there’s a hikeout out on the Paiva Walkways. It’s about 8 kilometres, almost entirely downhill, on a series of wooden staircases and boardwalks that follow rocky faults on the left bank of a rushing river.

We are 6 relatively healthy middle-age women, wearing multiple merino layers and carrying full water bottles. We are traveling with 40 litre backpacks rather than suitcases. The day we went to Arouca, it was overcast but warm for an average February day in Portugal—perfect for a vigorous hike.

The suspension bridge and part of the wooden staircase and hikeout below
The suspension bridge and part of the wooden staircase and downhill hikeout below

We crossed the bridge just after 11:00am and started out on the downward hike, enjoying the green and rocky scenery. Used to day hikes of greater distance, many of us expected to refresh briefly at the end, then walk back up. As long as we arrived in time the final bridge tours that day, at 2:00 or 3:30pm, once back at the top we were free to recross the bridge at no extra charge. What a fun challenge!

Some of the staircase portion of the hike
Some of the staircase portion of the hike

We took our time on the way down, stopping to take photos and to watch rafters and kayakers navigate the white waters below. We nodded at the hikers who passed us going back up the walkway: that would soon be us! Then, suddenly, we were within a kilometre of the hike out exit, and noticed it was nearly 1:45pm.

Would we reverse course and start back up the hilly hike, returning to our start point? Would we shift gears from our leisurely pace and “hoof it” to make sure we would arrive on time to re-cross during the last bridge tour?

Some of the boardwalk portion of the hike​
Some of the boardwalk portion of the hike

We did not, because we knew that we have nothing to prove—to the trail or to each other. Instead of turning around to ascend, we continued downhill at our enjoyable pace, then had a celebratory beverage at the end. Rather than hiking back up, which we probably *could* have done, we took a cab back to our residence to celebrate our achievement—a beautiful day out walking in the Portuguese countryside.

Some days, you can hike downhill all the way and still have a great day.

Checking in with the Chill Soccer League (Part 4)
competition · fitness · fun · goals · soccer · team sports

Checking in with the Chill Soccer League (Part 4)

elan.paulson1 Comment

We are midway through the season of a new +40 rec soccer league that over 100 women joined because they wanted less aggressive play. As I’ve reported in previous posts, there was an expectation that play would be less rough, but a series of decisions and limitations made it unclear (to me) what mechanisms would actually make that happen.

Has the league met expectations and achieved its goals? I asked the team captains their thoughts in a Facebook group chat they share.

Yes, Less Aggressive Play

Of the eight team captains who were polled, all agreed that the league was either a little or a lot less aggressive than other rec leagues they have played in (Poll 1):

Poll 1 of team captains

According to most team leaders, what has been different from other leagues is the higher frequency of penalty calls (Poll 2).

Some team captains also said they perceived more efforts of teams to be friendly. One or two captains said their teams talk with each other and the opposing teams about aggressive play.

Poll 2 of team captains

I think that team members talking before or during the game about their expectations (rather than just complaining after the game) shows goodwill and is more likely to improve league morale. Because aggressiveness is subjective, it can only help to have a more shared understanding of what aggressive play looks and feels like for each team.

A few captains added in the chat that their teams felt the league was fun. One captain said, 

I think it’s going well, not as crazy aggressive as the other groups and no pressure we are just having fun and being active :)

Interestingly, no one said their own teams admit when they have been too aggressive. I didn’t ask whether it is because they genuinely don’t feel or notice when their play is too rough, or if it’s just not a good strategy for games.

Concerns and Reflections

Apparently rough play has not been fully eliminated: over the last few months, folks have brought forward concerns about a few aggressive players.

As league organizer, Cindy usually addresses concerns with team captains, who in turn speak with their own players. So, the process for dealing with the perception of over-aggressive play seems non-confrontational and a shared responsibility. As Cindy said, “Everyone is contributing to its success. It shows great community!”

While I expected Cindy to deal with these league issues kindly, I did not expect that over half of the captains would say “the refs also call out play that our team does not consider aggressive.” In other words, some feel that refs are making too many calls on aggressive play in this “chill” league.

Why might this be a concern for some teams? It can be difficult to avoid accidental contact on an indoor field. As well, some would say that defending space and moving into the opponent’s space is a normal part of soccer. And, every time a play gets stopped for a penalty, it’s less time to play soccer.

This idea that refs are calling aggression that players don’t agree to made me reflect on my own assumptions. A “rec league” suggests it will be social and fun, but for some women fun means competitive play. Have I been assuming that the only way to have a chill and fun league is to reduce aggression to the point of low or no contact?

I have noted in past posts that aggression is in part in the eye of the beholder. Those with less experience may see those with more soccer experience as aggressive, but the reverse can be true as well. At least the refs seem to be calling roughness due to unchecked skill and roughness due to lack of control.

ReDefining a League

This new rec league was organized by the criteria of age and intolerance for aggressive play, but there may be other ways to ensure safety but also give players what they want to have fun. One captain suggested to me that, instead of aggression level, league divisions could be based on experience or skill level. A beginner league for adult women of all ages could teach about safe play and what is appropriate contact. In such a league, frequent stops for penalties and game explanations might be more welcome.

At the same time, an adult beginner league begs the question of when someone is and no longer is a “beginner.” Sometimes experienced soccer players recruit their friends, and of course they want to play together despite skill level differences. (I’ve gotten better mostly by playing with friends more skilled than me.) It’s tough to make everyone happy.

If the “chill” league continues in another season, the norm for play might stay at low- or no-contact. In this case, how the game is played might need to change—and teams who plan to register in this league will have to be ready for that.

The beauty of sports is that they are what we make of them. According to most team captains, right now most members of this “chill” league seem relatively happy with the game that they have made together.

Feminist Fitness is Complex, Y’all!
fitness

Feminist Fitness is Complex, Y’all!

elan.paulson2 Comments

This post is about how lately I’ve noticed some tensions, contradictions, and concessions relating to my fitness activities, my values, and my actions.

About a month ago I was at an all-inclusive resort. I went to their giant indoor gym to check it out. On vacation, everyone gets more choice about how to spend their time, and choosing to exercise at a week-long, 3-meal buffet isn’t the worst idea. Yet, I still found myself surprised at how many vacationers were there, choosing weights and cardio machines inside over the swim-up bar in the middle of the sunny afternoon.

Then I looked more closely, and I saw a lot of mirror posing and leisurely, high-fashion strutting in that gym. It seemed as if the workouts were on vacation. As well, the spandexified vacation gym rats were in stark relief to the Dominican Republican employees who were all heads down, cleaning and re-stocking gym items, in their linen uniforms. Although I should have felt good being in that gym while on vacation, instead I felt self-congratulatory and also a bit icky.

A few weeks ago I started seriously prepping for a week-long hiking trip with friends in February. Good gear matters on trips with uncertain winter weather and lots of hills, I am told. So I started researching and comparing and getting advice. And buying. And then buying more. Some FIFI bloggers are challenge themselves to buy nothing for a year. In contrast, I am BUYING ALL THE THINGS. The more things I buy, the more things I seem to need. I want to be prepared and comfortable, but I also reel as if I’ve succumbed to the marketing of the exercise gear industry and the algorithms of online shopping.

Then, a few days ago, I scored a goal in my rec soccer game—the only goal of the whole game, and in the opponent’s net (contrary to my past goals). We won, and I was elated to be part of that win. 24 hours later, I discovered that while I was feeling great about winning I had also lost my 7 gold and silver rings at the sports complex. Attempts to find them have been futile, and I am saddened to have misplaced that which held so much value for me. I shouldn’t have taken them to the sports complex, but I happen to like both exercising and wearing jewelry.

These small happenings don’t easily sort out in my brain, leaving me feeling conflicted: I am torn between self-congratulation and social conscience, between comfort and commodification, and between holding on and letting go.

My conclusion is one we may already recognize: fitness is complex! We often aim for alignment in what we think and what we do, but we also question and challenge what goes below the surface about exercise. We strive for equity, diversity, and accessibility in fitness and sports, but we must also accept that inclusion is a rough journey and not just a simple checkbox to tick.

Some days, I feel a bit flummoxed by the complexity of fitness and feminism in my mid-life. It’s not all simple and straightforward. If you are feeling that way too right now, then I send you all the grace and good vibes I can muster in these perplexing times.

Grace and Gratitude in Mindful Eating
fitness

Grace and Gratitude in Mindful Eating

elan.paulson2 Comments
A woman eats while using a computer. Photo from Pexels.

I often eat “mindlessly,” which to me means I shove food in my mouth without focus on my food or on my eating.

This post shares my own reflections and experiences on practices before (and during) eating. I recognize giving prayers before meals will vary widely based on one’s creed and belief system. Folks will see differently the goals of prayer and mindful eating: as entirely similar, or entirely separate, or somewhere in between.

Then

Growing up with Christian parents, we said a prayer, or “grace,” at dinner and holiday meals. It was the same short rhyme every time, chanted together in a singsong way. At the time I didn’t give too much thought about what it meant beyond what we were saying: thank you God for making our food possible. From my view as a kid, it was less a spiritual practice and more a tradition that temporarily kept us from digging into our delicious meal. (There was some satisfaction in calling out anyone who snuck an unblessed dinner roll.)

Now

This past winter I spent my holiday break at an all-inclusive resort. No longer in a Christian household, partner and I said no grace before our meals. Instead, we just helped ourselves, over and over. We arrived excited at the prospect of all-inclusive buffets, but after a week left feeling over-indulgent and mildly sick of food.

On the way home I flipped through the free inflight airplane media, and listened to a 10-minute Headspace meditation on mindfulness and eating. Like many mindful eating meditations, it encouraged slow eating, using all the senses to enjoy the food, and appreciating the feeling of food and fullness.

The mediation also walked me through visualizing where the food I was about to eat came from: what were the ingredients, who prepared the food, and how it travelled to arrive on my plate. Despite how often my partner and I talked on our holiday about the vast quantities of food we ate or were going to eat, the Headspace meditation was a reminder of how infrequently I literally imagine the origins of my food right before I consume it.

diverse friends praying before having thanksgiving dinner
People holding hands and praying. Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

With hours left on the plane, I started to reflect on the differences between grace and gratitude before meals, as I understood them. In my experience, grace is a religious or spiritual practice, while mindful eating is intended to be a health and wellness practice. At my family table, grace was said using the same words and focused on expressing gratitude to the indirect food creator. This meditation I just did led me to gratitude thinking that was contextual and changing; my appreciation of the direct creators of my food would be different every time, depending on what food I was about to eat.

For me, there was one more difference: the mindful eating “gratitude” practice led me to thoughts on the ethics of my food consumption. I was encouraged to be curious: What were the conditions under which people produced and transported and served my food? What would be done with the food that wasn’t eaten?

Future

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I realize there are valid critiques of mindfulness practice, such as how it puts the burden of systemic inequity on individuals to “meditate” their way out of their complex living situations.

However, this year (as part of my WOTY commitment), I’m going to explore what I see as benefits of being more mindful in my own eating this year by incorporating more gratitude reflections. In addition to helping my health, mindful eating can be a reminder of—and an expression of gratitude for—the effort and sacrifice people make to grow, make, transport, prepare, and serve my food.

Eating mindfully requires privilege, but perhaps it is because of my privilege I must eat more mindfully. I hope this practice will help me to eat more in alignment with my values: not just how but also what and where I choose to eat. For instance, I think next time our family should plan an alternative vacation to an all-inclusive. The more I eat mindfully, the harder it becomes hard to ignore the waste and other unsustainable practices that may be persistent in such resorts.

I am not going to return to saying grace the way I used to as a child. But I hope that when I incorporate gratitude into mindful eating, it will lead me to think more about not just my own health but also the broader effects of my (often “mindless”) food consumption.

Music About Moving for Moving
fitness · running

Music About Moving for Moving

elan.paulson2 Comments

I don’t love running or jogging. I’ve never felt naturally good at it, and without practice I don’t get good enough at it to start to enjoy it. It’s a self-fulfilling cycle of inactivity.

I have gone through spurts of jogging, a couple times a week for a couple months, usually with other folks to spur me along. Often, though, I don’t stick with group running. I like to chat more than run, and I can’t do both at the same time!

When I run also I can’t seem to concentrate on spoken audiobooks or podcasts. I used the app Run with Zombies for a season or two, but I stopped because I wasn’t compelled by the story and I didn’t have the energy to build the virtual world on the app.

What does seem to keep me moving is fast music played at top volume. This website advises me that for jogging I need 120-125 beats per minute and for running 140-145 beats per minute. (For the latter, I don’t think I’ll ever go that fast, but it’s nice to know.) Natalie wrote about working out with Lizzo, and I’m going to add her to my list.

Here are a few of my fave playlist songs that are about getting up and getting moving. Warning to non-mid-lifers: they are old.

  • Because We Can (Fatboy Slim). From the soundtrack Moulin Rouge, this song has simple lyrics that inspire me to keep moving: “because [I] can (can can)!”
  • I Like to Move It (Real 2 Real). Like the cancan song, the simple lyrics repeat as I run until I have no choice to believe them.
  • Momentum (Amy Mann). Another soundtrack song, from Magnolia, about moving despite (or perhaps because of) how one is feeling. I appreciate the song’s honesty.
  • The Distance (Cake). Like Momentum, for me this song is about dedication to the race, regardless of winning, losing, or anything else.
  • Get Up (Technotronic). Classic 80’s vibes. Pairs well with Gonna Make U Sweat (C&C Music Factory) and Let Your Backbone Slide (Maestro Fresh Wes).
  • Pump It (Black Eyed Peas). This song (or any of the remixes) make me feel cool, even when I am overheating.
  • Body Movin’ (Beastie Boys). 90s vibes. I normally spend this song trying to remember the lyrics, so I pay less attention to my own tiredness.

Perhaps it is better to run in silence and focus on my breathing and body feelings, but sometimes it’s too much fun to revisit these oldies while being blasted to distraction.

Of course you have noticed that there aren’t enough cis/trans women artists—so please suggest some for me that you love to run or move to in the comments!

Re-positioning my team sports positions
fitness

Re-positioning my team sports positions

elan.paulson

As I have discussed in some of my other FIFI posts, learning to play sports in mid-life means slowly and awkwardly developing new skills as an adult. It also means managing my expectations because I lack some of the durable motor memory skills that other players may have already developed during their childhood play.

However, I’ve been thinking about how some “durable” learning from my own childhood sport, baseball, perhaps has not been entirely beneficial for me as an adult player today.

When I started to play softball at 9 years old, my coaches put me straight into right field for the season. I remember standing way, way outfield, watching the tiny players running around infield, and looking up at the sun shining down on me from the sky.

In following seasons I improved my catching and throwing skills. I was moved to other positions infield (eventually to pitcher). From this experience I took that infield position was where the power and glory was. Right field was where you put players with little skill or game know-how. You couldn’t mess up the game too much from way out there.

After changing up my playing positions in my two rec team sports over the past few months, I noticed that I have brought this childhood assumption—my “right fielder thinking”—that novices should play certain positions.

Now in my third year of curling, I tried skipping during a few “fun” nights. I have an interest in game strategy, but I realized I couldn’t easily adapt when rocks were thrown in ways I wasn’t expecting. I also tried playing the second position, thinking that because I was a better player than when I started I would contribute more. But without the rhythms I had established for myself in the lead position, as second I had the worst game in my 2.5 years!

In soccer, we’ve been short some players as the Christmas holiday season approaches, so I’ve tried playing midfield and striker. I still don’t have consistently strong cardio or ball-handling skills: I watch my own feet like a novice ballroom dancer. But overall, I have had more success shifting positions. It turns out I like running to get open and try to receive a ball rather than wait for opposing players to come to me, as I would in a defence position. My impatience helps me to want to find solutions to problems.

Playing in these new positions has allowed me to watch players in my old positions. In soccer, I see some defenders not as novices but as tough players and strong kickers. In curling, my skip tells me that while the least seasoned player is often put in the lead position, that position is critical for starting the ends, reading the ice, and calling the weights. I am slowly getting better at those key skills with practice.

New positions have brought into relief the errors of my old right-fielder thinking that tells me certain positions are my only option. That logic falls down in many ways. Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, and Roberto Clemente were all right fielders, and they were some of the best players in the game ever!

Another small but clear memory surfaces of 9 year-old me standing in own home field outfield. I remember how, when a ball did come, I was the only outfielder who had to make the catch with the sun directly in my eyes. I still managed the catch once in awhile, and that was something.

The Upside of Body Aches
aging · fitness · health

The Upside of Body Aches

elan.paulson2 Comments

This post shares about general, non-specific body aches. My reflections are based on my personal experience. As everyone has different bodies and experiences, I welcome you to share your thoughts in the comments.

lego person in pieces
Image by Jackson Simmer CC-By2 .0

Body aches have become a common fact of my mid-life. My low-level, everyday aches are unique to my body and its history; yet, my friends and I seem to share an increased frequency of body aches as we age.

Body aches are mysterious to me because they can be (to use a word I am making up) contramonious. In other words, opposing causes can result in similar aches. Some examples:

  • I can ache from exercising too intensely or too often, or from not enough or not frequently enough.
  • I ache when am dehydrated, or when I feel I am retaining water.
  • Aches can come from new injuries, but also from old healed injuries.

Aches in the body can also present in contrasting ways:

  • Aches can be dull and generalized, or sharp and localized.
  • Aches can come from one’s body attacking its own healthy cells, as in an autoimmune disorder.
  • Aches can be uncomfortable but indicate nothing serious, or they can be symptoms of a condition that requires immediate medical attention.

Aches can be a mystery when their causes are not clear. My body has been been aching this week, and I can’t exactly pinpoint why. Maybe it’s because I sat all week at my desk. Or it’s because I went rollerskating in the mall on the weekend. It could be from recent my flu vaccine, or because I am getting sick and I haven’t hydrated enough. Perhaps there is a specific medical reason, or perhaps I am just tired and burnt out in general.

Body aches are literally a pain, but the small upside of mine is that they are a general warning light for me: inflammation is happening in my body, and things could get worse if I don’t take action. Aches force me stop and self-assess—how severely am I aching, what impact are these aches having on me, and what can I do to alleviate them?

I’m also happy that, though my aches may have many different possible causes, the treatment is fairly simple and standard:

  • Fluids
  • Rest/sleep
  • Anti-inflammatories
  • Warm bath (or my heating pad!)
  • Light, safe movement

As I age, my low-level body aches are little mystery novels that remind me to do more simple self-care, no matter “what-dunit.”

What is your experience with everyday, low-level body aches? Is there an upside to your aching?

A “chill” league of their own: Part 3
fitness · fun · soccer

A “chill” league of their own: Part 3

elan.paulson1 Comment

This past summer over 100 women joined a social media group to be part of a new, non-aggressive rec soccer league (Part 1). Rough play might have minimized by strengthening rules or removing aspects of the game that foster competition, but those changes didn’t happen (Part 2).

Given that the league, the rules, and the teams were going to stay the same, I was a bit doubtful that a truly “chill” rec soccer game would happen. However, it’s been a few months into the season, and I have noticed three differences from seasons past.

Shared effort to support friendly play

The FB “+40 Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Soccer,” posts are public to members. This means transparency: players have seen most of what had gone on in terms of planning the league. Group members were encouraged to self-organize: find others with a similar “chill” mindset, assign themselves to teams, volunteer as captains, and make other decisions. Consequently, there has been a shared investment in the building of the league.

As I described in Part 1 and Part 2, the entire FB group was polled a few times during set up time, giving everyone say about what was important to them. For instance, folks were given a choice about whether they wanted control over their team rosters OR game times to play.

Thanks everyone! Max league to 7 teams and add more players as needed (having an odd # of teams will create a bye.) Continue to balance teams to 14/15 players each, no matter how many teams this creats (Game times will expand beyond initial 8-8pm).

The majority of the group selected roster control over time and team number limits. This democratic and transparent approach allowed players to feel that their choices mattered.

Now during the season, teams have also gone back to saying good game after the match is over, a tradition of goodwill that has finally resumed after COVID.

Leadership and communication

The building/league manager has vocalized his support of this group. Just before the season began, a league meeting was held for all players—not just captains—to remind everyone about the rules that penalize rough play. The FB group was used to communicate these messages and invites.

League Meeting! Tuesday, October 11 at 7pm Please attend!

Cindy and the team captains have had their own private FB communication channel. Competitors off the field, yet social on social media while off the field. I am told this additional communication among the team leaders has helped to reinforce the goodwill expected from players and teams.

Lobby for female refs too

As well, the FB group members had advocated for more women officiants for the games, and now we have a female referee who I have been told makes many calls during the game. So, the league has listened and responded to some communicated requests.

Accountability and commitment to “chill”

When the league was eventually finalized at the end of the summer, with 7 full teams, it truly felt like a group effort. And it was cause for celebration.

We did it! Way to go ladies! Thank you to all who contributed.

At the same time, Cindy, the group and chill league’s originator, encouraged everyone to continue to be be vigilant and accountable in regards to aggressive behaviour on the pitch. For example, she has encouraged us to take immediate action if play seems too rough:

I know we can't make this league perfect (100%) non-aggresive, but we can surely try. I say we all look out for each other and admit when we've gone too far or defend another player from an aggressive attack. And if all that fails, the whole team boycots the rest of the game and walks off the field.

So far, I have seen some apologizing for rough play when it occasionally happens. Refusing to play is probably a tough decision for a team to make in the middle of the game, and something I haven’t seen so far.

What’s next for the chill league

I admit I was in the minority on the polls, as I assumed that the game itself needed to change to reduce aggression. But maybe a soccer community borne of a shared “will to chill” is enough for us. I hope that fun and friendliness is what continues throughout our season.

I want to leave the last words of this post series to Cindy, who started it all:

“The only thing I wanted to gain from this was to bring women together again, in a sport that so many of us love, but have felt threatened by those that think there is something to gain from being overly aggressive at the age of 40+.
I have been injured, and I know others who have been injured too. I was going to stop playing, but really didn't want to. 
I love the community that is being created in the group, even just by the teams all having a chance to speak with one another, off the pitch.”
A “chill” league of their own: Part 2
fitness · fun · soccer

A “chill” league of their own: Part 2

elan.paulson2 Comments

This past summer Cindy created a new FB group for a “chill” women’s rec soccer league (Part 1) that would disallow aggressive play. Many women eagerly joined, and I did too.

What does it mean to play aggressively? It might be described as specific behaviours, such as offensive charging and defensive tackling. Or, aggressive play might also be described more broadly to include any violent, reckless, or dangerous actions that increase—or are perceived to increase—the chances of injury.

What aspects of the game contributes to making soccer aggressive? It may be scores and league-tabling, but it’s also the division or level of play. Those who have been trained for competitive divisions may play more aggressively, especially if it is encouraged. According to the Barcelona Premiere Soccer Club, 

“Aggressive Soccer is important for competitive players. It helps them play the game with more accountability and responsibility. Playing soccer requires a lot of hard work and determination.”

Some may play aggressively due to their prior competitive training. Conversely, players without prior training may also appear aggressive if they lack the skills to avoid collisions or strikes.

Then there are “old feuds” between players on opposing teams, which can easily spark tensions and aggressive play. Some folks may seem to be playing aggressively based on their reputations alone.

How to manage aggression in soccer that is part game structure, part skill level, and part perception? League organizers provide divisions to create play at different levels of competition levels. Rec divisions—the least competitive—would also presume to have the least aggressive play. Leagues also enact safety policies, rules, penalties, and paid referees in order to keep gameplay in all divisions fair and safe for everyone.

But judging by the number of women who joined Cindy’s FB soccer group, it seemed that typical measures were not enough. By attempting to self-organize, the group could perhaps find new ways to minimize competitive and aggressive play.

So, it was interesting to me that when Cindy asked what folks wanted, the vast majority of FB members voted in favour of keeping “typical league” with scores, statistics, and teams.

I want to play in a non-aggressive league without scores, stats, etc. 13% I want to play in a typical league, just not with anyone aggressive 87%
Screenshot of results from vote.

Judging by the result, the group seemed to think that the source of aggressive play was the players, not teams or scores. They still wanted competition, just not the aggression competition can bring. Rather than change the game, perhaps the league could enact measures to prevent aggressive players from playing or playing the way they tend to do.

But when approached with requests to prevent players or teams with a reputation for aggression, the league manager explained that the group could not form a private “chill” league so long as actual scored games were being played (which the women voted they wanted). The provincial association overseeing all rec leagues (Ontario Soccer) puts no restrictions on barring skilled players from joining non-competitive divisions. Anyone could join this new “chill” division, even if they weren’t part of Cindy’s FB group.

As well, the league wouldn’t implement stricter penalties in just one division. As I understand it, the league manager was supportive of the idea of a non-aggressive league but wasn’t prepared (or perhaps resourced) to enforce unique rules that could lead to multiple complaints or challenges to rulings.

So, neither the players, the league manager, nor the governing professional association were willing to make systemic changes to the division or the game to avoid or minimize aggression. The “problem” of managing aggressive play still seemed to reside at the level of individual players.

Meanwhile, by the time all the information started to surface, it was late in the summer and the FB group had over 100 people in it—everyone still wanted to play in a non-aggressive league.

Could a group of women wanting “chill” soccer address aggressive play if everything about the division and the game stayed the same? Find out in Part 3!