I’ve had a bizarre and frustrating week.
(I mean, I usually post on Tuesdays and this is Friday so that should give you some idea!)
Nothing has gone terrible wrong but I slept kind of poorly and I just couldn’t seem to get a grip on several of the days this week.
For various reasons, I had to do my routine tasks in a different order so my days didn’t get started quite ‘right.’
I got interrupted at unfortunate times and got thrown off as a result.
Ordinary, simple things took way longer than they usually do. (This is VERY hard on a brain that struggles to estimate time. I end up feeling cheated out of something I had already figured out.)
All of that was annoying in itself but what really got me was that I couldn’t figure out what would help.
Did I need to push myself a little bit so I could get my day moving in the right direction?
Or did I need to pause and rest a bit?
Now, to be clear, this wasn’t about trying to be productive or trying to work hard or trying to look busy, this was just about feeling a little less like I was at loose ends.
And I couldn’t figure out what to do.
In fact, this whole week was like running a really irksome science experiment with a single test subject who was trying her best to be cooperative but with limited success.
Here are some of the things I tried over the course of the week:
- bringing my planned to-do list down to the bare minimum
- taking a bath and reading
- reading while lying on my yoga mat
- taking a nap
- taking a walk
- calling a friend
- tidying up
- doing a few easy tasks
- tackling a challenging task
- strength training
- using my rowing machine
- running errands
- helping someone else with a few tasks
- having tea with a friend
These things were all enjoyable or useful and they kept me from getting *more* annoyed but they didn’t help me get a grip on my days. Some days were better than others but I have spent a frustrating amount of time feeling at loose ends.
So, since there was no definitive answer as to what would make me feel better overall, then all I could do was practice self-compassion, try to get more sleep, and keep reminding myself that this feeling will pass.*
Maybe next week, the days will have handles.
In the meantime, how do you deal with days like the ones I have been dealing with this week? (again, I’m not asking about “productivity”, I’m asking about finding some ease)
Do you push yourself a bit to see if you just need to find some momentum?
Or do you try to find more rest?
Or do you try some combination of the two?
*I know that some of you will be reading this and wondering if this is grief-related. Grief is no-doubt a contributing factor – it’s not as all-pervasive as it was at first but it is present and it affects me in different ways at different times. However, I have had this feeling before (it used to happen way more often before I was medicated for ADHD) so it’s not solely grief-related.