I was riding my indoor bike one morning. It was a 30 min Tabata Ride that was coached by a Peleton instructor who peppily said “How you do anything is how you do everything”. I don’t think that’s helpful, I thought, and kept riding.

Later that morning, I was scrolling through LinkedIn and someone I know “liked” another person’s post. Lo and behold, it was someone praising the same quote. “How you do anything is how you do everything”. This person attributed the quote to another Peleton instructor who I’m not familiar with. Aside from not finding the quote inspiring, I doubted very much that the quote was originally penned by this instructor. When I looked online there were many guesses at its origin, but it is generally thought to have been inspired by a Zen Buddhist.

When I think of that quote, I think “wow, what pressure”. Pressure doesn’t motivate me. I get the idea that one should be present in every thing they do and be intentional in their efforts and do their best. But that doesn’t mean I do everything equally.

When I mentioned the quote to a colleague she said she thinks they are going for the “shame you into working harder” vibe with that message. When does shame work in this way? Shame definitely doesn’t make me work harder. Or do better.

I like to have a clean house, but I don’t like to clean. Thinking that someone might discover my dusty floors, might make me slightly uncomfortable, but it doesn’t make me want to clean them more on a day when I have about 10 other things I’d rather occupy my time with. I certainly do not put the same effort into cleaning my house as I put into my relationships, or my work, or my workouts.

I’m not a parent, but I know enough about parenting to know that it’s possible to put the same effort into parenting, as the effort put into work, relationships, grocery shopping, self maintenance and other things.

I am not a CEO, nor do I have a similarly powerful position. Perhaps, people who reach such levels of power, are people who believe in the quote “How you do anything is how you do everything?” Yet, I find it hard to believe that someone in a C-suite position, would be able to put the same effort into each of their endeavours. Maybe there are people who are able to function perfectly on 4 hours of sleep and who have a rare, limitless, amount of energy that allows them to be a successful perfectionist in everything they do, from their morning workout, to making breakfast for the kids, to learning something new, to leading people, to caring for family members, to how they park their car. I mean we are talking about EVERYTHING. Perhaps Dolly Parton is one of these people?

But why is it necessary? How is this helpful? Who are these people that are completely present 24/7 and don’t give in to moments of laziness, half-assedness, mediocrity, when it’s acceptable to do so? I know I can’t be 100% all the time. I divvy up my energy and focus where I’ve determined it’s most valuable to me and others important to me.

And maybe it’s a better goal to put your efforts where they matter most. It’s more efficient. It’s more practical. It’s more AWARE of priorities, limitations, abilities.

The type of thinking espoused by this quote, holds the idea of achieving greatness as the ultimate goal. I think a lot of us can agree that it’s healthier for a lot of us to achieve goodness and balance. Greatness in that balance. Thinking a successful life is only one that achieves greatness in everything is what can lead to a lot of unfulfillment and disappointment.

That doesn’t mean I don’t consider my actions in less important situations. But all moments are not equal. How I do anything is definitely not how I do everything. Nor should it be.

Other motivational quotes I don’t find inspiring while exercising:

The dreaded “you’re here to burn off those calories” – no I’m actually not. I’m here to raise my heart rate, to clear my mind, to gain energy. A whole host of other reasons.

“You can do better than that.” Sometimes yes. But not always. Some days. Some moments. What I’m doing is just enough. It’s perfect.

Sam wrote about Lies fitness instructors love to tell to cheer us on, 4 years ago.

I have my own motivational quotes in my head that help me at times:

When I’m running and I’m in the tough stretch of a long run, I find telling myself “this might be the best part of my day” helpful. Gavin found that funny when I mentioned that once before. It’s not a diss to other parts of my day or other people in my day. It just means that I love running. I love how it makes me feel, even the hard parts. So I want to appreciate that part of my day.

“You’re here.” This one is so simple. I showed up. I’m doing what I can do. I find that inspiring in the moment to keep going. Especially on days where I may not feel my best and I wasn’t sure about arriving.

The thing that bothers me the most about “How we do anything is how we do everything” is that this type of perfectionist thinking can lead to people not doing anything. It’s one of the biggest hurdles to getting people exercising. The “all or nothing” thinking that prevents people from doing what they can do, and benefitting from what they can do.

What do you think of this quote? Are there “inspirational quotes” you find annoying. Are there ones that work for you?

The holidays are full of stress. It’s not just Christmas. I have heard from Jewish and Muslim friends that the need to make everything just so crosses all kinds of cultures and religious celebrations.

With the pandemic, many cities and countries are recommending the cancellation of office parties and the avoidance of large gatherings. Even family celebrations are supposed to be low key. But the pressure to overindulge — be it with food, drink, or even highly stimulating environments — is often present and a source of stress.

Leaving aside my omnivorous metaphor in the headline, if you are trying to maintain an even keel, too much of any thing will not go well for you.

It is okay to say no. When my child was small, we only did one thing per day over the holidays. We said thank you, wished them well, and said “maybe another time.” Once my child was old enough not to get overstimulated, I found I still enjoyed the one activity per day rule.

It’s okay to let go. Last year, with kitchen renos, sewer collapses, and annoying illnesses taking over my plans for my annual elegant Christmas Eve dinner, I created a sandwich buffet instead. It was fine, it was different, and it was fun.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Whatever your reasons for declining a beverage, a food, or an event, you don’t have to explain, give a reason, or ease someone else’s curiosity. You could just say, “not now, thank you; maybe later.” Or try EB White’s favourite exit: “I decline for secret reasons.”

The Winter Solstice arrived today at 6:22 am in my part of the world. In practical terms, it means I got up in the dark to watch the sunrise on the shortest day followed by the longest night.

But it means more than that. After today, the days will begin to lengthen. By the first week of January, I will be noticing how much later twilight comes. The sunshine may still be weak, but we will have more of it. And two months after that we will be approaching the spring equinox.

Today though, it can still be too dark for some of us to manage. If Seasonal Affective Disorder is an issue for you, try taking some Vitamin D. If you have some money to spare, perhaps a sun lamp will help. You could also try lighting a few candles to keep back the dark. Look into the flame and meditate on the shapes, the colours and the way the light moves with your breath.

Today the light begins its return journey. Celebrate its return and while you are at it, look for other sources of light and happiness in your life. Those good memories can help relieve stress and remind you of the goodness in the world.

Sometimes when we are super busy, we tend to park our feelings, or stuff them away, to deal with later. The holidays can bring up all kinds of feels. I’m not a weepy person by nature, but listening to small children sing will always prompt a tear. Or two. Or maybe even three.

It’s okay to feel. Showing emotion is sometimes seen as a negative. However, I am here to say in some cases, it’s much better to let the wave of emotion wash over you. Take a few deep breaths and let any tension ease from your body.

Acknowledge the emotion — fear, anger, sadness, anxiety. If you can, take a moment to identify what prompted the wave. Maybe it was a scent, a sound, a word, or a place. Take a moment to recall a happy moment and let that positive energy flow through.

In the picture above, there’s lots of water. It can look and feel a little frightening. But there’s also light and if you look at it sideways, you can see a heart. Life is a lot like that picture. Lots of emotion and activity, but also lots of light and love. Be well; stay well.

Since the pandemic started, I have written here, here, and here about mental health approaches to coping with stress and anxiety. We live in stressful times, and there are often peaks and valleys as things settle and others start to bubble. In December, the holidays add their own layer of stress; regardless of your faith and traditions, the weight of expectations can be weighty indeed.

In developing this calendar, I remembered a technique for calming anxiety. Different organizations have described it, but I like how the Mayo Clinic sets theirs up. First sit quietly. Look around you and notice:

• Five things you can see: Your hands, the sky, a plant on your colleague’s desk
• Four things you can physically feel: Your feet on the ground, a ball, your friend’s hand
• Three things you can hear: The wind blowing, children’s laughter, your breath
• Two things you can smell: Fresh-cut grass, coffee, soap
• 1 thing you can taste: A mint, gum, the fresh air

The clinic says: This exercise helps you shift your focus to your surroundings in the present moment and away from what is causing you to feel anxious. It can help interrupt unhealthy thought patterns.

Focusing on your senses takes you outside your head and into the world around you. Number, categories, and structure help bring calm through order.