Despite my plucky demeanor I do not seek out conflict or confrontations. They do find me though. Sometimes I do the calculation and decide it’s safe enough for me to give it.
Friday April 18 was a stat holiday in Canada. My beloved and I decided to pop in to one of our favourite breakfast spots and then go vote. Advance polls were open for our federal election and we didn’t want to miss out on participating.
We had a wonderful meal. As we were finishing up, a table of four were seated next to us. Michel made a face as they walked to their table. My back was to the group.
He spoke to me in French “We need to leave, I’ll explain outside.”
Despite being in a multi-lingual community we often use French when we need to speak “in code”.
I flagged our server to ask for the bill. Then I saw what was written on the shirts and hoodies of the table next to us.
“Keep women’s sports female.”
“There are only two genders.”
“Say no to males competing as females.”
My jaw dropped. I gave them the stink eye. As our server brought the point of sale I told my partner in code “I’m going to say something as we leave.”
He made big eyes. I knew he worried he would loose his temper. I wasn’t sure I could do better but the hot feeling in my belly prompted me to take action.
My quick calculation was that we were leaving, I would be standing and able to easily get away.
I chose to leverage my cis-gendered, white, middle class privilege.
I switched to English as I stood to leave and faced their table.
“I’m shocked that you would proudly wear hateful things on your clothes in public. My kid is trans. She is excluded from so many things. Why would you think that calling for exclusion of anyone is ok?”
One person asked if I loved women. I wish I had the wherewithal to say something quippy like “So much so I’ve gone down on them.” but I merely said “yes”.
They then started spewing rhetoric about protecting women.
“I do not feel protected by what you are doing. You are being awful. You ruined our time here today with your slogans. I hope you have a terrible day.”
Then we left.
Why did I bother saying anything? These folks were not looking for a debate. They were looking for people to loudly agree or silently implying endorsement.
I refused to allow them to think I agreed with them. I wanted them to take their awful hatred and hide it.
This “movement” is thanks to the American president issuing an order about excluding trans and gender nonconforming people from participating in sport in February.
The American Civil Liberties Union has a lovely article from 2020 on the myths about trans athletes and how those are used to incite hatred.
This is not about women’s sports but we do need to talk about inclusion in our sports settings.
Sport gives us so much and culturally we are regressing with respect to inclusion. And I’m not having it.
I share this experience with you so that you can think about when you want to confront people. Or take other actions. Any one of us can’t do everything but we can each do something. We need to be brave. We need to speak up. We also need to be safe. I trust you to figure out what works for you.
I’m still thinking of better things I could have said.
Pink and blue letters proclaim “trans rights are human rights”. Designed by Tim P Simpleton. Used with permission.
I get it now. That intense maelstrom of emotions that come for me at 3 am. This week I realized it’s stereotypical mid-life crisis energy and I am really in it.
Shifts in parenting
My mid-twenties kids are out in the world making big choices. I remind myself I did that at their age too. I was married at 22, a parent at 25. It turned out ok but WOW it looks very different from my fifty year old perspective.
There is no shortcut around lived experience and I’m working on having a healthy detachment while figuring out what support looks like for them.
Ah yes, capitalism
My paid work is the experience of many people who are employed at mid-life. Restructuring at my company is shifting roles, responsibilities and networks. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t have a sense of normalcy.
I thought my career was on one trajectory but that has faltered. I’m disappointed and quite sad about it.
There’s no peace at home
We are renovating our kitchen. Week 4 of no sink, stove or dishwasher has definitely taken the gilde off the lilly.
A tiny kitchen with some cupboards in place. A variety of walls with paint and crack fill.
I am in a privileged spot where a mortgage and renovations are financially feasible. Our contractors are wonderful humans who really care about us and giving us an exceptional experience.
But.
Good.
Green.
Earth.
It is more disruptive and expensive than I could have imagined. It might be mostly done in 2 more weeks.
That’s a lot
So.
Ya.
No.
I’m not sleeping.
My wakefulness at 3 am from hot flashes and bathroom break turns to questions both practical and existential.
What sized drawers should that pantry have?
Has my kid who fell off a cliff in BC actually ok?
Why do I feel invisible at work?
Good thing he’s here
The anchor, and wonderful gift in my life, is my partner of 30 years. Michel and I are good and it makes things feel achievable.
We are in step on nutrition, sleep and prioritizing our health. Our family histories are full of cardiovascular risks and we are doing what we can to stack the deck in our favour.
Move it, move it
My silly little goal of cycling to work has really helped me adopt a better mindset on the road.
I’m choosing to share quippy videos with friends on my cycling commute. My watch is posting all activities on Strava.
I think it surprises people how active I am. I like to think I’m a small part in them thinking they can add more activity to their lives too. Positive peer pressure for the win!
My mileage from walking and cycling since January 1 is approaching 800 km. That is triple my usual mileage for this time of year.
A screenshot of my cumulative mileage. On Thursday at 9 am I hit 743 km. Yay!
Crafting
I knit so much last weekend I gave myself tennis elbow. I’m working on this beautiful shawl. I got the pattern and supplies on my trip to Iceland last year. The designer, gk dottir, is a wonderful human. The short rows and colour changes mean it is just challenging enough to get into flow.
A wedge of knitting showing glittering copper, sparkling champagne and sparkling black lines segments filled in with white, orange and grey strokes. The pattern is called Dragonfly and is inspired by zoomed in imaging of dragonfly wings.
I’m taking beading classes through my local rec program. It’s an Indigenous lead class with Indigenous and settler students. I love it so much. I come home from the weekly class and I spend HOURS beading. I get into flow and my worries fall away.
What’s a mid-life crisis without more tattoos?
Oh ya. I’m hitting all the stereotypes. I’m getting line work on a full sleeve next week.
I live with a feminist partner. We split things up based on what we enjoy doing and the rest we negotiate.
Michel is great at remembering to wipe down our bikes on the regular, oil our chains, clean gears. The ongoing preventative maintenance.
I, on the other hand, tend to do the bike part acquiring, dropping off bikes to the shop and some parts replacement. I’m deliberately focusing on growing my bike mechanic skills. It helps me feel independent and resilient on the road as well as provide better Support And Gear (SAG) wagon at events.
Michel’s old Motobecane. It’s seen a lot of distance but has lots to offer so it is on a mechanic’s stand in front of a plethora of bicycles and parts.
Since Michel has a new ride I’m fixing up his last bike to give to a young rider we know. The Silver Surfer is a titanium frame and will give its new owner many miles and smiles.
I have taken it twice to the Women Trans Femme (WTF) bike repair workshop at the Squeaky Wheel co-op and always learn lots about my bike and what other riders are needing to learn.
I also took my commuter bike, Myrna, in for her 100 km tune up at The London Bicycle Café. The cables had stretched and the mechanic just glanced at the rear wheel assembly and gave a quick twist of the little uh nut? On the cable next to the shifter.
“That should do it.”
I asked if he just eyeballed it. He laughed. Turns out there are little paint marks on the back assembly to show where the derailer limits should be.
Michel’s new bike needed seasonal maintenance as well as new tires, sealant (he runs tubeless, a new chain and cassette. He does a lot of distance so this is not unexpected.
Now we are all set to ride. I would like to see it a bit warmer. This spring has been chilly but perfect for getting maintenance done!
Soooo I did not bicycle commute from November 2024 until mid-March. However, I am very committed to bicycle commuting to work for four reasons.
1 – securing day use parking is nigh on impossible and costs $8.
2 – biking takes the same time as driving .
3 – walking takes 35-40 minutes.
4 – bike parking is close to the entrance
The weather has been cold most days. Wet others. And this week on Thursday it was rain, sleet, freezing rain, snow …all with thunderstorms.
Several of my lovely colleagues offered a lift home.
Michel texted me this photo of icicles on the tree in front of our house at 2 pm:
Dark tree branches scratch the grey clouds overhead encased in a thick, clear layer of ice.
He offered a lift. I checked the forecast. It was warming up over the afternoon and I felt confident I’d be ok.
My back out plan was to call my beloved if it was too slippery. The rack was already on the car and it’s a couple kilometers at most from my house. My assessment, low risk.
The road I take home has a network of sewer pipes that spew steam and the road surface is often dryer than the surrounding area. My assessment, low risk.
When I left work after 5pm the ground was wet but not slippery. There were little piles of slush and ice pellets but everything was melting.
I hopped on my bike and road home without incident. I was sure to post a “home safe and sound” video for my concerned colleagues.
It’s nice to be surrounded by so much caring.
I’m feeling good on the bike. Much more steady and stable.
I have bar mitts, a helmet cover and the usual assortment of all weather gear. I’m feeling good about weathering the weather whether I like it or not!
While I don’t think any of our regular contributors on the blog are Randonneurs (someone who has completed at least one official club brevet of 200 km or greater) we sure have written about it over the years.
And uh. Sam, Cate and a few others have been wondering, is 2025 the year to get into Randonneuring?
That first 200 km ride is a big milestone. It can feel like a big stretch from a metric (100km) or imperial (160km) century ride.
But maybe you too are “Rando Curious”.
I have great news! Your local Randonneur club likely has shorter distance rides called “populaires”. I think of them as popular for the people!
There are some better explanations on this amazing cycling YouTube channel by Randonneur Regan Arendse. He interviews my friend Randonneur Fred Chagnon and American Randonneur Joshua Haley
What I love about my local club, Randonneurs Ontario is that nearly every 200 km and longer brevet in 2025 has a Populaire distance ride paired with it.
It’s a great way to sample the sport, meet the humans and see what self supported rides can look like.
I completed a 100 km Populaire last year at the Railway City 200 km brevet. It was humbling so I didn’t go for a 200 km later in the season. I didn’t have the legs for it.
This year I’m volunteering at Railway City on August 9. The 200km is a figure 8 shape and the 100 km Populaire is the eastern lobe. It’s relatively flat and late enough in the season to find your legs. You can get the details Here
My current plan is to sign up for the women’s brevet hosted by the Toronto chapter on Saturday Sep 20. You can find details Here
So if you want to get a taste of the kind of riding the club offers I hope you will give a Populaire a try!
On Tuesday the snow was mostly gone and I commented to my physiotherapist Emily that it was time to get back to cycling to work.
I live 2.3 km from work. It’s a 35 minute walk on good days, 45 when it’s icy. It’s a delightful 10 minutes by bike when the traffic lights cooperate and a languid 12 when they don’t.
Wednesday morning it was a brisk -5C and sunny. Light gloves, a scarf and light jacket were enough thanks to a helmet cover and neoprene bar mitts. It felt so good!
The ride in to work and home were without incident.
Thursday promised more sun and warmer temperatures but it was just 0C in the morning. Thankfully it was a balmy 13C on the ride home.
Then a hilarious thing happened. I got local legend on a section of Colborne st on my way home. 2 efforts in 90 days.
My youngest moved out the end of February and I wasted no time moving our Peloton, dumbbells and yoga stuff into the basement.
It’s so much cooler down there!
Nat half smiles from her stationary bike. Her green workout tank top really pops against the purple walls.
The moving out involved 9 days of driving so I’m not hitting my cycling goal of 30 km/week.
An orange graph from Strava showing weekly cycling distances. A clear ramp up from 0 in January and wobbling between 20 and 33 km each week. A clear dip for that week of driving with no cycling.
With more space Michel and I can do strength training together.
I love that we can pair up together time while hitting our goals.
Media tells me I should be sad about having an “empty nest”. I feel unburdened and enjoying the additional space.
I’m happy my 23 & 25 year old kids are out in the world being independent. It’s less cognitive load and I’m definitely wearing fewer clothes which means less laundry for Michel to do!
A few weeks back I realized I could not bike to work for a good while. My beloved works from home. I get very anxious on my walk into work.
What can an extrovert who verbally possesses everything to do?
Post your positive self talk on social media! here is an example from Thursday.
Natalie is wearing a blue raincoat with the hood up. Her grey toque with a red and white band pokes out. Her wet brown hair slides down her shoulders.
Honestly, it started back in December posting love notes online during a winter storm while my sweetheart was away for 2 weeks. Then it became a bit of a walking weather report. Then it became the nice words I need to hear to be ok in the morning.
Before the pandemic I’d regularly cry on the walk to work. Sometimes I’d dry heave on my front lawn. I never realized how bad my anxiety was or how much it coloured each day until I got to work from home for a few years.
Going back to the office I stuck to a steady routine, every Wednesday, whether I was needed there or not for 18 months. I needed the practice.
My schedule includes a second day now and I keep working on pairing a self propelled commute with a little pep talk. It really does help.
My friend Yvonne regularly ends our chats with “I love you.” It wraps up our conversations beautifully.
It took me by surprise at first. I grew up in a family culture where “I love you” and hugging were not central to interactions. Turns out I really enjoy those two things quite a bit.
So, I’m glad you are reading this. I love that you care and spend time thinking about fitness and feminism. I think it’s good for both of us. I love you!
*Soft safety reassurance, this post does not include stories of the negative outcomes of alcohol, alcohol abuse or any graphic content at all. It does contain joy & delight. *
Sometime before Christmas my beloved had floated the idea of us having a “Dry January”.
It’s a popular time of year to abstain from alcohol. He then found a New York Times article on Boxing Day outlining strategies for “dry” (no alcohol) and “damp” (less alcohol) January.
What I loved was the inclusive and flexible approach. The reporter wrote frankly about the challenges of all or nothing thinking.
Early flirting
We had already introduced several non-alcoholic fizzy drinks into our life.
There’s a local greenhouse that makes excellent ginger beer and sparkling non-alcoholic ciders. I had gotten some in a gift from work in November and instantly became a huge fan.
Nat stacked two cans of cider next to a giant bottle of fruit and juice for an all ages punch.
Last summer my sister Anj had ensured we had lots of non-alcoholic poolside beverages because we often needed to drive. We discovered Olé non-alcoholic cocktails and Corona’s 0% beer. They were delicious!
I had also realized over the last year I crave the input of fizzy, complex drinks when I’m cooking so had tried kombucha. I love it. But. Uh. It is a gastric accelerator for me. Gross! Too much urgent pooping!
I was delighted by a tonic water offering by The London Brewing Co-op called “Forest City Botanicals”. Fizzy, delicious, vegan, caffeine free and nonalcoholic.
Natalie holds a tall can with a pink and white label. The flavour is raspberry calm. It’s a hit in our house.
Giving it a go!
So as January approached we let our housemates know of our plan. I ordered a sampling of non-alcoholic beers and cocktails from Designated Drinks who deliver to my door!
Over the month I hosted a writing club (that is usually quite boozy) and shared I would have nonalcoholic beverages on hand. No one drank alcohol, we all had busy lives and needed to get up early. It was nice and cozy.
I went to book club and brought some mocktails. It worked great.
The one January event that turned into a challenge was a cycling club get together. It was in a hotel bar and the staff had no options for us. I laughed and said “well, you have mix, I’ll take a ginger ale!”
I’ve shared the winners of our tasting journey. There are many! There were also some duds.
February 1 we had plans with friends and I mentioned it was no longer January but I wasn’t in a rush to drink.
I’m feeling good. I am genuinely shocked at how I haven’t felt an urge to drink alcohol at all. Maybe I’m done with it? No one is more surprised than me.
It’s been a fun journey so far and I’m excited to see where it goes.
