Category: feminism

Six things Catherine loves about Heated Rivalry
athletes · feminism · fitness · media · men · sex

Six things Catherine loves about Heated Rivalry

catherine w1 Comment

Is there any such thing as too much publicity? The current craze over the sexy-sweet-Canadian-hockey show Heated Rivalry is definitely putting that question to its test. My social media feed is full to the brim with interviews, photos, behind-the-scenes articles and loads of social commentary (most of it positive to the point of gushing) about this series that follows two young hockey stars as they explore their attraction into hookups in bed, matchups on the ice, and their deepening feelings for each other.

Everyone and their cousin has written about Heated Rivalry. And I think I may have read 90% of those articles. Including this one from the Guardian, which panned the series when they reviewed it in early December 2025 (shame on them for not having any artistic/cultural vision!). Here’s what a 64-year-old non-profit executive from Toronto had to say about the series in the article:

Mary, who asked to be identified only by her first name, discovered that a sexually explicit love story about two men was “for her” after all.

“I admit I may have rewatched it more than once,” she said. “It’s super sexy. They’re fabulous to look at. There’s a huge amount of consent. I’d really like to get that back in my life – that feeling of ‘I can’t keep my hands off you.’”

Mary, I am 100% with you on this.

If you’re interested in an interview with Rachel Reid, Canadian author of the book (part of a series she wrote called Game Changers), you can find it here.

I feel compelled to add my own observations about what I love about Heated Rivalry, in part because my head is kind of swimming about it, and also because, as a part of the Fit is a Feminist Issue journalistic team, I’m committed to report to you, dear readers. So here goes.

NOTE: I’ll try not to drop spoilers here. But honestly, does anyone not know (or can guess) how this series plays out?

One: I love that the Heated Rivalry team isn’t budging on talking about the main actors’ dating or sex lives. The show is not about the actors; it’s about the characters. And the actors’ lives are none of our damn business. Talented and hunky veteran actor Francois Arnaud said as much in a interview with Andy Cohen. Good on you, Francois.

Two: I love that multiple languages– English, French, and Russian– in the show, are used in ways that feel authentic. There’s not as much French in the show as there is in the book (of course I’ve read the book by now; duh); many players switch back and forth between French and English, and I am guessing the author Rachel Reid gets this right. Shane, the Canadian player from Ottawa, speaks both English and French, and uses them often in the series.

But mainly, I love that Ilya, the Russian character, uses Russian and English in ways that reveal his personality. He struggles with English sometimes as a non-native speaker, but his playful mocking humor comes through clearly. And he uses Russian (WATCH EPISODE FIVE NOW!) powerfully and tenderly. My heart is fully open to Ilya.

Three: I’ll just mention this to avoid spoilers, but, from episode six, I totally love STUPID CANADIAN WOLF BIRD.

IYKYK.

I’m ordering one of these T shirts as soon as I finish writing this post. My friend Norah told me she saw one of the yoga teachers at our local studio wearing one.

Stupid Canadian wolf bird T shirt. IYKYK.
Stupid Canadian wolf bird T shirt. I must have this. They also do mugs, if you prefer.

Four: the soundtrack is fabulous! It’s a combination of older and newer pieces, even using Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata as accompaniment to Ilya’s Russian dialogue in episode five (which you need to watch ASAP). I’m still singing along to this cover by Feist of Sea Lion Woman (spelled See-Line Woman when Nina Simone recorded it). I missed it when it came out, so I’m glad to hear it now.

Five: I love how this series and these young lovers are making me feel. About love, about sex, about evolution and acceptance. And all this at a time when things are really falling apart. It’s not just a respite; that it surely is. But it’s also offering a note of hope. Call me sappy and naive, but I’m loving the love on the screen and the love piled on by just about everyone who’s seen or read this story. Clearly we needed it.

That Guardian article I mentioned above is worth reading for its reporting on reasons why women are responding so positively to a gay male sex and love story. There’s lots for think about here, and I may write more about it. For the moment, though, I’m just going to bask in the feelings, deferring analysis until later.

Six: Heated Rivalry has me thinking I need to up my sexy time game. Watching this show, I’ve rediscovered all kinds of feelings that I tend to associate with my teenage years: head swimming with images, heart full to bursting, and loins fully activated. This was surprising but not at all unwelcome. By the way, I blogged about self care and solo sexy time here ten years ago. Maybe it’s time to go back to the store to see what new products they have developed in the meantime.

Readers, are you watching Heated Rivalry? What do you think about the show? What do you think about the media carnival about the show? I’d love to hear from you.

Oh, and here’s a super-cute Instapic of the actors hamming it up for the camera.

aging · celebration · feminism · fitness

Honouring my First and Best Feminist Ally

Diane Harper3 Comments

Dad died a few weeks ago. He was not an obvious feminist ally at first glance; he started his 48 year military career back in the 1950s, not exactly the most progressive of times. He didn’t speak up much, and though he delighted in talking about politics from time to time, he was in his 80s before I knew his voting preferences.

He also didn’t talk about feminism or women’s rights, at least not directly. He did, however, delight in his all-female family, starting with my Mom. She was a rebel, having left her home in rural Alberta for Toronto, having her own career, and having and keeping a child (me) at a time when doing so outside of marriage was almost unheard of. They dated for a month, decided on a Tuesday to get married on a Saturday, and were deeply in love for 63 years.

Dad and Mom at my son’s wedding in 2023. Dad never missed a chance to sneak a kiss, and Mom was always happy to oblige.

My sister and I were raised to believe there was almost nothing we couldn’t do if that was what we wanted. Olympic swimming goals and my career as a concert pianist were derailed by lack of swim club and musical talent, but he happily paid for and drove me to all those swimming and piano lessons, even when money was very tight. Though he never finished high school himself, he encouraged and supported both of us to go to university (my sister did journalism, law, and ethics; I did music, political science, French and international development).

One of my favourite memories is the time he lamented that he hadn’t been a good role model because neither my sister nor I were married. No Dad, you were the best model. You showed us what being a great partner and father looked like, and we weren’t prepared to settle for anything less.

Dad, in Mom’s favourite picture of him.
feminism · fitness

Girl Guides and Feminism

Diane Harper2 Comments

These days, I’m not sure how many people associate Guiding with feminism, but I think there is a link. The book “How the Girl Guides Won the War” backs this up.

It’s a history of Guiding from its inception shortly before WWI through to the end of WWII, mostly in the UK, but with chapters on Guides in Poland, China and elsewhere who were affected by WWII.

For context, Guiding started at a time when education was compulsory only to the age of 12, and Guides were 12 and up, unlike today’s Canadian Guides (9-12).

Guides were trained to do things like gardening and be thrifty, but also to do Morse Code, offer First Aid, repair vehicles, dig bomb shelters and navigate using the stars. Their fundraising efforts bought everything from ambulances to airplane parts and boats that brought wounded soldiers from the battle of Dunkirk to England.

While cooking, gardening and childcare may have been class-based skills for girls and young women expected to go into domestic service, they evolved to be ways they could contribute to the war efforts: growing Victory gardens, using rationed foods to feed a group, or entertaining children while in a bomb shelter.

Other skills, such as map-reading and mechanic, were designed to help girls find employment as chauffeurs and taxi drivers after WWI, when gender imbalances meant many were unlikely to find a husband. These also proved very useful in WWII, as Guides and Rangers replaced men who had gone overseas, or joined the military themselves.

There was also was a conscious effort to eliminate religious, race and class distinctions, and special accommodations were made to ensure girls with disabilities or living in isolated communities could participate. Simple uniforms put everyone from the princesses Elizabeth and Margaret to children whose best outfit was the one they wore to guides on the same footing when they got together for their meetings and camps. German Jewish refugee children joined English units despite language barriers, and in India the separate organizations based on race and religion gradually amalgamated. It wasn’t always successful: Barbados and South Africa had separate organizations based on race, for example, and those divisions lasted for decades.

A recurring theme is how the Guides developed their imaginations, became independent, took on leadership roles, improvised, enjoyed the outdoors and moving their bodies while on hikes or playing games, and learned to cooperate and take on challenges.

I was surprised to discover how many of the photos in my family album were of Guiding activities.

1) Brownies around the toadstool at our ceremony to fly up to Guides. I’m the one on the right. 2) My Ranger crew showing off a provincial flower quilt we made as a fundraiser. That’s me in the glasses on the bottom left. 3) Guide camp – I think this is one I organized in the back yard for my camp leader badge. I have no idea why we seem to be wearing some sort of mouse costume or why I have a little cage in my hand.

The things I learned clearly had an impact on me, as I have tried to live up to the objectives of the movement ever since. Unsurprisingly, many of my best friends were also Brownies or Guides growing up. We all share a fierce independence and delight in learning to do difficult things. It goes without saying that we are all proud feminists.

We’re not alone. A survey by Girlguiding UK in 2007 found that two-thirds of Britain’s most prominent women have been Guides, and three-quarters of them say they benefited from the experience

How about you, readers? Were you Guides or Brownies? Did you join some other service organization? How did that experience influence you as an adult?

A brass candalbra with real lit candles in Old North Church in Boston. Easter time: renewal, resolve, response– all feminist issues
celebration · challenge · feminism · fitness

Easter time: renewal, resolve, response– all feminist issues

catherine w

This weekend in Boston is cram-jammed with activity and celebration.

Monday April 21 is the running of the 129th annual Boston Marathon, which takes place on the 3rd Monday in April. Our own blogger Alison is running Boston this year. I imagine she’ll have some things to say about the race, so stay tuned for her report.

It’s also a holiday for the city of Boston– Patriot’s Day, to commemorate the battles of Lexington and Concord, as well as the midnight ride of Paul Revere, which took place on “the eighteenth of April in Seventy Five”. That’s 1775, for those of you who live outside the Boston area.

And this year– 2025– is the two hundred and fiftieth anniversary of those events which signaled the start of the move toward representative democracy in then-American colonies and now-United States of America. One writer called it the “semiquincentennial” of those April 1775 events (get it? half of five hundred?) I was skeptical about this word, but some sites say it’s legit. But I think I prefer “sestercentennial”, which is a more formal term.

Finally, today is Easter Sunday and Orthodox Easter Sunday, arguably the most important holiday (personally, I think it edges out Christmas) in the Christian liturgical calendar. Boston is a big Easter town, with both religious and secular celebrations of the cycles of rebirth and renewal.

And this year, those cycles include resolve and response. Resolve to protect rights that we fought for, and response to those who would infringe upon, or rather, stomp all over those rights. Old North Church itself says it best:

Old North Church in Boston, with a lighted projection, "Let the warning ride forth once more; Tyranny is at our door."
Old North Church in Boston, with a lighted projection, “Let the warning ride forth once more; Tyranny is at our door.”

On Friday April 18, there was a service to commemorate the 250th anniversary of the lighting of two lanterns in the steeple of Old North Church. American historian Heather Cox Richardson gave the keynote address. You can read her talk here at her substack Letters from an American (which I and more than one million of my friends follow)

Okay, I have to say it: I WAS THERE! With my friend Norah. I was able to get tickets way back in February as soon as they went on sale because a)I subscribe to way too many newsletters; and b) I stubbornly try to read as many of them as I can, at the cost of more practical tasks (like cleaning and grading). Here are a few pictures from the event:

Old North Church Visitor Experience Center Director Julius Hobert, introducing Richardson. Yes, those are real candles in the church.
the Revere Pew, where the Revere family (and Norah and I!!!) sat. It was random delightful luck.
Historian Heather Cox Richardson, speaking from the raised pulpit.

Top: Old North Church Visitor Experience Center Director Julius Hobert introducing Richardson. Yes, those candles are real. Middle: the plaque inside the Revere Pew, where Norah and I sat (OMG– such random but delightful luck!) Bottom: Historian Heather Cox Richardson, speaking from the raised pulpit.

Yes, Norah and I took selfies from the Revere pew, but I’m trying to write a more classy post this week, so I’ll save those for other social media.

Richardson, in her account of the events of April 18-19. 1775, noted all the work done by so many people– people who rode hard, climbed high, carried messages and armaments, beat drums of alert, marched, fought, wrote, organized, fed, housed, and spoke in favor of the rights of the people to govern themselves.

Two hundred and fifty years later, people all over the US and Canada and all over the world are doing the same. We don’t know what effects our actions will have. As Richardson pointed out, neither did those folks:

Paul Revere didn’t wake up on the morning of April 18, 1775, and decide to change the world. That morning began like many of the other tense days of the past year, and there was little reason to think the next two days would end as they did. Like his neighbors, Revere simply offered what he could to the cause: engraving skills, information, knowledge of a church steeple, longstanding friendships that helped to create a network. And on April 18, he and his friends set out to protect the men who were leading the fight to establish a representative government.

The work of Newman (sexton of Old North) and Pulling (sea captain and friend of Paul Revere) to light the lanterns exactly 250 years ago tonight sounds even less heroic. They agreed to cross through town to light two lanterns in a church steeple. It sounds like such a very little thing to do, and yet by doing it, they risked imprisonment or even death. It was such a little thing…but it was everything. And what they did, as with so many of the little steps that lead to profound change, was largely forgotten until Henry Wadsworth Longfellow used their story to inspire a later generation to work to stop tyranny in his own time.

What Newman and Pulling did was simply to honor their friendships and their principles and to do the next right thing, even if it risked their lives, even if no one ever knew. And that is all anyone can do as we work to preserve the concept of human self-determination. In that heroic struggle, most of us will be lost to history, but we will, nonetheless, move the story forward, even if just a little bit.

And once in a great while, someone will light a lantern—or even two—that will shine forth for democratic principles that are under siege, and set the world ablaze.

This day is Easter Sunday. It’s, for many of us, a time of renewal. I’m renewing my commitment to protecting all of those in my small, medium and large communities.

Easter is also a time of resolve. I resolve not to forget those who have sacrificed much for justice and to join them with my own efforts. I resolve to keep moving, marching, writing, speaking, supporting, feeding, donating, and maintaining our communities.

This Easter, I’m adding in respond. Those responses include physical and mental and emotional and financial and political actions, all aimed at restoring and protecting the democratic rights of everyone in this country.

What does this Easter mean to you at this time in our history? Feel free to share what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing.

A pair of hands holding a globe, but Greg Rosenke for unsplash. 5 ways of engaging in self-care and world-care at the same time
equality · feminism · fitness · inclusiveness · walking

5 ways of engaging in self-care and world-care at the same time

catherine w1 Comment

April is almost here, and I’m in need of a refresh. Since January 20, I’ve felt angry, heartsick, afraid, overwhelmed, and oh so tired. And I see these same feelings in the faces and actions of my friends, family and community. Waiting around for others to do something about it isn’t helping. So, I’ve decided to take a page from the self-care playbooks and do something. Here are a few tips, along with the ways I’m following them. Feel free to join me or pick your own set of tips and invent a plan. And let us know what you’re up to, if you’re so inclined.

Tip #1:Get physical– plan some exercise, with friends or on your own.

One plan I have is to get a lot of steps in on Saturday, April 5 at the Hands Off! Massachusetts Protest Rally in Boston. It’s part of nationwide protests in the US. You can find more info here. I’ll either take public transport or ride my bike with my friend Norah to meet others and gather on the Boston Common. Then we march to City Hall Plaza for speakers. It’ll feel good to stretch my legs and work on taking back our democracy.

Tip #2: Get creative– try something new or familiar that stimulates your imagination, like art or crafts or poetry.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a proper protest rally without some good signs. I’m definitely planning on making some of my own. The Hands Off folks have provided lots of signs to print, like these:

Hands Off Science!
Hands Off Science!
Hands Off LGBTQ+ Rights!
Hands Off LGBTQ+ Rights!
Hands Off Cancer Research!
Hands Off Cancer Research!

These are great. But I also love ones that reflect our own individuality and perspective in the face of greed and cruelty.

IKEA has better cabinets
IKEA has better cabinets
FOR SALE: Democracy
FOR SALE: Democracy
The classic: It's so bad, even introverts are here!
The classic: It’s so bad, even introverts are here!

Someone has even gone to the trouble of creating a google spreadsheet with sign slogan ideas. My current favorite is “Does this Ass Make My Country Look Small (with pic of Trump). Check them add and feel free to add your own spin.

Tip #3: Get social– join friends or family or your community in some common endeavor, whether it is for entertainment or activism.

Lots of people I know are posting about going to these rallies in their hometowns. I’ll be amplifying this message on my social media, and also talking it up in my friend and community groups. And come Saturday, I’ll be meeting thousands of new friends in my town, with whom I have a very important purpose in common: saving our country from fascism. Not that one protest will do the trick, but it’s a step (or in this case, thousands of steps) in the right direction.

Tip #4: Get outside– take some time to immerse yourself in nature; this can include anything from urban parks to local woods.

We’ll be meeting at the Boston Common on Saturday morning around 11am, which is located outside. The Parkman Bandstand, our meeting point, is surrounded by lovely trees bushes and grasses. Honestly, it won’t look like this in April, but here’s a nice summery pic:

Parkman Bandstand on te Boston Common in summer. Worth visiting this week, too.
Parkman Bandstand on te Boston Common in summer. Worth visiting this week, too.

Tip #5: Get clear about boundaries– say no to the demands or conditions that you know are harmful to your well-being and that of others.

Oh, there will be lots of saying no in my future, and in all our futures.

  • No to illegal firings of federal and state employees working to support health, education, safety, and all the crucial everyday functions of our government.
  • No to bellicose threats to other countries with whom we’ve shared supportive and beneficial relationships with for decades and decades.
  • No to shutting down HIV clinics around the world, cancer clinical trials, measles and other vaccine education, the department o frigging education, and oh, the federal court system.
  • No to kidnapping students and holding them illegally, for no reason other than hate and intimidation.
  • Just no. Hands off, you bozos!

You know what? I already feel a little bit better. See, my self-care plan is starting to work. Of course, there’s actual work to do, and a lot of it, and for a sustained period. But I’ve got a plan. And I hope you’ll make one, too.

diversity · equality · feminism · fitness · gender policing · inclusiveness · sexism · stereotypes

The Harms of Gendered Sport and How We Could Fight Back

Diane Harper

Cate’s great post from a couple of weeks ago, combined with the latest over-the-top reaction to a trans athlete who hasn’t even competed since 2022 (aren’t all reactions over the top when people are complying with the rules?) led me down a rabbit hole of the harms gendered sports do more generally.


University of Pennsylvania’s Lia Thomas competing in 2022. On Wednesday, U.S. President Donald Trump suspended about $175 million US in funding for the university over the participation of Thomas in its swimming program back in 2022. (John Bazemore/The Associated Press)

I have written about it before, here, and about Lia Thomas and other trans athletes. As a good analyst should, I am putting my biases on the table: I have trans friends, both men and women, who have gone from being suicidal and afraid to use a public washroom or change-room, to being happy and physically active. But as Cate said, and the “punishment” of the University of Pennsylvania shows, the whole trans athlete garbage isn’t really about trans athletes, especially at the elite level.

So what if we were to fight back by refusing to play along? What if we developed more all-gender sports, like we have already done for ultimate frisbee, mixed curling and many other new team sports, and which has been the standard in equestrian sport for decades? What if we changed the rules so that sports valued artistic merit, endurance and flexibility as much as they do upper body strength? What if women could do throws in figure skating, or compete in pommel horse? What if we then changed uniform rules so that men could wear sequins and women could wear pants (or at least shorts that covered more than most of the crotch)?


China’s Sui Wenjing and Han Cong competing during the Winter Olympics at the Capital Indoor Stadium in Beijing. Anne-Christine Poujoulat/AFP via Getty Images

What if we simply stopped having men’s and women’s categories for things like shooting or fencing, where gender seems completely irrelevant? What if people like Katie Ledecky could compete against male swimmers? It is entirely possible she doesn’t know for sure just how much she is capable of because she races at different distances than men, and so outstrips many of her competitors that she may never have pushed herself to her absolute limits.

What if these rule changes led to much more equitable funding for sports traditionally segregated to women, or seen as too feminine (gymnastics, figure skating)?

There will undoubtedly be pushback, just like what we are seeing now against the LGBTQ+ community, from men who think they are losing something when women gain something. We will need to keep up the fight for fairness in sport. It’s a fight worth having for men, women, everyone.

death · family · feminism · fitness · illness

The Heartbreaking Work of Parental Care

Diane Harper1 Comment

This winter has been hard. My dad was diagnosed with late stage cancer just before Christmas. Then my mom fell and broke two bones at opposite ends of her body. Until now, they have been each other’s primary caregiver (when one was needed), but now they are both struggling.

Mom and Dad still live on their own, in a house with stairs. Luckily it’s only a half-hour drive from my house. And luckily I channel my anxiety into cooking, so they have been well stocked with easy-to-reheat favourite foods. And care services have been great, with a nurse, personal support workers, physiotherapist, and even someone to clean the house.

Still, I have been very busy taking them things or helping them with computer issues, driving them to appointments (and managing their calendar), or just sitting and keeping them company. Thank goodness I retired last summer.

I’m not exactly part of a sandwich generation, as my own kids are grown, but the feeling of being pulled in multiple directions is very real. I love my parents and I’m glad to support them as much as I can, but it is physically and mentally exhausting sometimes. Despite my cheery post yesterday, I am struggling to fit in time to take care of myself.

The newness, the rawness, and the pain of caring for someone who will never get better has me breaking into tears far too often. My dad has been the best feminist ally a person could ask for. He has always been so supportive of mom, my sister and me, and is so proud of my daughter. He was a wonderful role model for my son, who has grown into a feminist husband and father.

I try to tell myself that this is the normal cycle of life, and that Mom played the same role for Grandma (Dad’s mom, who moved in with them for the last few years of her life and died at home). I’m deeply grateful that my parents ensured my sister and I are financially literate, and that they have all their affairs in order. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be dependent on someone all your life, and then suddenly left to deal with taxes, banks and bills, and maybe the loss of income.

Normally I would end a post with some sort of jokey anecdote or clever final words, but all I can think of right now is something a colleague said to me over 30 years ago. His father had just died and he said the death wasn’t the hardest part. His father had lived a long life. It was realizing you were no longer someone’s child, even if you were already in your 50s. I’m not ready to stop being a child.

My parents on their wedding day, in 1961.
celebration · feminism · fitness

Honouring Pioneers of Women’s Sport – Abby Hoffman

Diane Harper

The Professional Women’s Hockey League (PWHL) has been doing an amazing job of fan engagement but on of the things I have enjoyed most is how they make time at every game (at least in Ottawa) to highlight the contributions of women who have helped make space for women and girls to play sports.

At a recent game, it was Abby Hoffmann. Abby started playing hockey on a boy’s team in the 1950s in Toronto. She was kicked off the team when I was discovered she was a girl; her case went all the way to the Ontario Supreme Court and got international media coverage. Sadly, she lost.

Image of Abby Hoffman as a young hockey player, from Library and Archives Canada.

That didn’t stop her though. She took up competitive swimming and then became a world-class middle distance runner. I remember watching her at her fourth Olympics (Montreal, 1976), where she was the flag-bearer.

After her athletic career ended, she turned to public service, becoming the first woman Director General of Sport Canada, the first Canadian woman elected as an executive of the Canadian Olympic Committee, and a supporter of the Canadian women’s national hockey championship, which ran from 1982 to 2007. Its prize was Abbey Hoffman Cup, now house in the Hockey Hall of Fame. She is a member of both the Order of Canada and has been inducted into Canada’s Sports Hall of Fame.

Abby Hoffman running in 1972. Photo by Boris Spremo for the Toronto Star.

It was a thrill to see Abby in person at a game, after following her career for so many years.

feminism · fitness

I’m a Militant Crone

Diane Harper

One of the best conversations of the summer came about with a group of women I met for a quick coffee, that stretched into a four hour intensive collective rant about the state of the world.

They aren’t activists or philosophers, just women working in the arts or running their own small businesses. But they have “views”. Oh my goodness they have views! Body autonomy, discrimination, the environment, workplace health and safety…. It was so refreshing to have one of those wild discussions about everything and anything, as everyone contributed more ideas.

At some point one of them joked about our “crone rage”, the fury we have at the state of the world and our determination to do something about it. The phrase “militant crone” popped out and it has stuck.

I have been using it ever since to channel my energy into making change.

Militant Crone: it would make a great tattoo. Or a band name.

Image of an older woman with a gentle smiled taken from https://boundariesarebeautiful.com/welo/
aging · athletes · feminism · fitness · kids and exercise · stereotypes

My Changing Status as an Athlete

Diane Harper1 Comment

Back in May, Sam and I both wrote about grandmothers as athletes in the context of an amazing marathon swim by Amy Appelhans Gubser. At the time, Sam’s son Miles told her “All your athletic achievements could be so much more impressive if I had a kid.” 

I struggle to think of myself as an athlete, despite all the positive self-talk. It is getting harder now that I’m retired and we are living through a miserable wet summer that has me unmotivated to go outside. And now I am about to be a grandmother.

A young couple standing on a dock at a lake. The man has one hand around his partner, and the other on her belly. Both are smiling.

I’m thrilled, but also wondering what that will do to my self-image and the preconceptions of people around me.

Will I continue wanting to do my own fitness things or will I turn to a pile of granny goo who just wants to play with the baby whenever I can? How can I adapt what I enjoy doing to incorporate the little one? When I do those activities with a baby (or toddler or child, eventually) will I still be seen as an independent person or just an extension/caregiver playing along? Will it matter what other people think, or can I be comfortable in my own skin?

In other words, can I be a little bit like Amy Appelhans Gubser, even if I never do an amazing marathon swim?