Dancer Problems – Wishing I Had Both Courage and Opportunities

I have finally figured out why I’m finding ballet so hard. I take the classes like I’m a 17 year-old in my final year of the professional program, rather than like the arthritic 63 year-old in an elementary leisure class for adults.

I started dancing 20 years ago, and most years I do only one or two classes a week, instead of the 20+ hours per that the senior kids in the professional program do. So it’s not like being a professional dancer was ever a possibility. So why do I work myself so hard?

I suspect it is my refusal to give in to the inevitable. Over the years, I had worked myself up to being in the advanced class. But then I got injured. When I returned to class I started to find that doing certain movements took too much out of me, so I started registering myself for lower level classes each year.

The downside of doing easier classes is that you lose out on learning more complicated steps and routines. My brain loves those, even if my body does not. I have settled into a class that gives me a reasonable balance, if I’m careful.

I hate the creaking and grinding of my knees in plié, and I’m nervous about exacerbating my bunion (jumping is what led to surgery on the bunion on my other foot). But I love demanding the core and strength work of myself to be able to feel, just for a moment now and then, like a “real dancer”.

I’m scratching the brain/choreography itch by doing a jazz class. It’s a completely new skill and vocabulary for me, but the movements are easier on my body.

But I think I really want the opportunity to perform, even though I’m also horrified at the prospect of having people watching me and mocking because it’s ridiculous. Or not showing up to watch at all. Or smiling sweetly and being kind about our efforts being cute. It’s the same fear about aging I have whenever I see “human interest” stories about older athletes. They usually try to be inspirational and mostly they are, but when I imagine myself being that athlete I cringe.

I want to have the courage of these women, and the dance company to make it happen. They are members of Prime, a professional company for dancers over 60 in Scotland. Here they are performing a piece called Ageless at at the Edinburgh Festival in 2023.