Holding down the fort: what to do when you can’t move

The past couple of months have been tough. By way of explanation, here’s a partial and intentionally vague list.

1.A bunch of my students are having major mental health struggles. I’ve had so many phone conversations with deans and other administrators, putting our heads together to figure out how to help, get them access to resources, shuffle around their class schedules and assignments, and provide as much support as our roles allow. In desperation I brought candy to one class this week, which, btw, was a huge hit.

I stumbled upon this treat in the candy aisle of my local grocery store. Even though I’m not a sweets person, I now love it beyond reason.

2.Three dear friends have lost family members in the last month. I knew all of their family members very well. I’m sad at the loss of them, and sadder for my friends. I’m doing what I can to help make my friends’ lives a little smoother through this intense period of grief and grief rituals. Mainly this involves showing up and/or bringing food, eating food with them, talking and listening to stories.

3.At this time of my life, my friends and I are all dealing with aging parents. Two friends’ parents have had major deteriorations of their health status, requiring changes to living conditions, medications, and treatment. In these cases, all I can think to do is be a good listener, and remind them that I’m here.

4.There’s a very distressing but important work service thing I’ve been asked to do. It’s now clear (to me but not to you all– sorry about the vagueness) that it’s reached a level of distress such that I can’t do the important service work thing. It’ll be okay, but the distress is still sloshing around.

5.Experiences 1–4 have taken their toll on me and my level of self-care. I have been eating a lot of takeout. I haven’t been able to get to sleep before 2am. I haven’t felt like moving much at all. My instincts all tell me to be quiet, be still, play Spelling Bee on my phone and order pizza.

So I’m doing just that. I’m holding down the fort— working, being there as I can for friends and students, sleeping when I can, getting much better at games on my phone.

Right now, I miss more regular and vigorous movement. I miss cooking meals for myself that feel satisfying and self caring. I miss having more productive days for work and play.

So, what to do?

I’m talking with friends and letting them help me by luring me out of my house for activities and quality hanging out time. I’m adjusting my schedule as I can so that I can get enough sleep. I’m meditating a couple of times a day. Oddly enough, being still and quiet for mediation makes me feel more refreshed and energized afterwards. I’m taking advantage of ordinary everyday movement when there’s an opening.

And I know that this too shall pass. Everything does. My bikes aren’t going anywhere. My yoga studio isn’t going anywhere. Lakes and pools and oceans to swim in aren’t going anywhere. Woodland trails and sandy beaches to walk on aren’t going anywhere. They’ll all be here when life shifts and I don’t have to concentrate so hard on just holding down the fort. That helps a lot.

Readers, what do you do when you have to hold on tight? I’m curious.