This has been an incredibly raw and challenging month but I’ve have been doing my very best to take good care of myself.
Or so I thought.
I’ve been asking for help and accepting offered help way more than usual.
I have been resting regularly and keeping things low-key whenever possible – especially after nights when I’ve slept poorly. (That is happening a fair bit.)
I’ve been sticking with yoga and walks and stretching because any time I push myself harder, even a little, I’m instantly exhausted. I suspect that after a certain point any physical exertion feels like stress to my sad and tired brain and it is refusing to play along. *
I have stuck with my daily writing and drawing and meditating routines even when I didn’t feel like it because they lend familiar shape to my days.
I’ve made sure to stay connected to friends and to sprinkle fun activities throughout my week without getting overwhelmed. I’ve kept my work and volunteer tasks to a minimum.
So, that all felt good, like I was taking charge of the things I could take charge of and letting myself do and be the way I needed to be.
How foolish, hey?
Thinking I had everything well in hand, almost like I was trying to do a ‘good job’ of grieving.**
And all along I was forgetting something something important, something incredibly basic.
A most essential element in caring for a human.
I have been drinking ridiculously little water.
I’ve had a small glass of water with my meds in the morning.
I’ve had A LOT of tea.
And, sure, I’ve been getting some hydration from my tea (it’s mostly non-caffeinated) but it’s not even close to the same as drinking the amount of water I usually do.
And I felt feeling cranky and twitchy and just off as a result.
But since EVERYTHING feels off right now it took me over a week to figure out what the problem was.
In fact, it was only as I was using the water from my water bottle to water my plants one evening that I realized how little water I had actually consumed that day.
(Yes, I had frequently followed my usual habit of filling my water bottle in the morning. I just didn’t do the drinking water part of the routine.)
If I was a plant, I would be drooped over the side of my pot by now.
I guess my tea helped save me from that fate. – I have been feeling pretty droopy though.
For the record: I do NOT recommend forgetting water.
*Yes, I know a good workout would probably be helpful overall and would probably help me sleep. However, I’m listening to my body and it is saying ‘Nope.’ There will be lots of time for more intense exercise later. Also, my ADHD brain doesn’t do so well with the ‘later reward’ business and I don’t have extra energy to put into convincing it right now.
** I wasn’t literally thinking this but, in retrospect, it kind of comes across that way.