Is it me, or is life right now kind of hard, very unpredictable and undeniably weird? This fall marked my return to the philosophy classroom, everyone masked, most of us vaccinated, and no one feeling like their before-times selves. University administration is trying very hard to usher/cajole/push faculty, staff and students back into a new-normal routine. And I get it. But man of man, we are so not back into a routine of any sort.
I’ve been trying to come up with a way to understand how I’m doing these days. Yes, I’m back to commuting to work (aided by my new, beautiful Aegean Blue Honda Civic Hatchback and copious podcasts). And it’s a great pleasure to see my students in person. But living my grown-up, working life with its pre-COVID responsibilities is still too much for me. I’m not crossing the finish line of the day, feeling triumphant and looking to high-five anyone. No, that is definitely not my end-of-the-day feeling.
Enter some race designation acronyms that might help describe what’s going on some days. You may or may not be familiar with them. Here’s the list:
- DFL: Dead F*cking Last
- DNF: Did Not Finish
- DNS: Did Not Start
Conventional wisdom/advice for anyone who’s dabbling in amateur racing (I did some bike racing and also two triathlons in the distant past) is this:
Let me state for the record that I’ve been DFL in at least one race (cyclocross), DNF in a few (got lost in two mountain bike races, got pulled in various crits, and lost steam/motivation in another), and several times DNS’ed (I signed up for races but never made it to the race or the start line). Hey, it happens.
And I am reminding myself that these DFLs, DNFs, and DNSes happened when I was 13–16 years younger. Here’s me in 2005, coming into the transition area during a triathlon.
Fast forward to 2016, when I last did anything like a race. This one was a costume cyclocross race, and I’m dressed as a banana.
Full disclosure: I ran out of steam after 2 laps, so I pulled over and pretended to check my bike chain. However, I was really trying to get my breathing under control. There you go…
Honestly, this is how life is feeling these days. I am mostly making it to the start line of my day. I am not rocketing out of bed, getting the hole shot and shooting ahead of well, anyone. Nonetheless, I’m mostly not DNS’ing on workdays Yay!
But I have been DNS’ing with physical activity more than I’d like. Getting out the door, making it to the yoga studio, throwing a leg over the saddle of the bike– all of these feel a lot harder to manage. Okay, duly noted. I can pay attention to what’s going on around my DNSes and see what I want to do.
What about DNFs? Well, yes, I would say there are a bunch of projects and plans that I’ve started but not finished. And yes, a couple of them I’ve just had to cut my losses with, realizing that it’s just not going to happen. I took on too much, or overestimated my energy and underestimated the time commitment.
Of course DNF’ing happened with me before March 2020, but I’m much more aware of it these days– not just in me, but also in my students, friends and colleagues. We all run out of oomph on some projects and in some areas. It happens all the time. If it didn’t, there wouldn’t be this DNF acronym. That suggests it’s kind of a regular thing. And if it’s a regular thing, then maybe it’s worth noting but not flogging ourselves about it.
And then there’s DFL: Dead Freaking Last. Honestly, at this point, in 2021, I got no worries about this one. First of all, I’m often DFL on administrative things in my job. I try not to be, but it happens often. Hey– someone’s going to be DFL every time. My view is, as long as I get it done and cross that finish line, I’m good. In terms of speed and distance and duration, DFL is also not bothering me too much. In my 221 workouts in 2021, I may be DFL on reaching 221. We shall see. But who cares? It’s a FINISH. YAY!
So, to sum up: if you’re worried about how well you are adulting these days, ask yourself:
- Am I DNS’ing? When and how? What do I want to do instead?
- Am I DNF”ing? When and how? What do I want to do in future about this?
- Am I DFL’ing sometimes? Does it matter at all? No? Excellent.