fitness · holidays

Gift guide for pandemic fitness: the silly edition

I love holiday gift guides. Not that they’re helpful at all: either the items are out of my price range (like this vegan leather lunchbox for $149) or too silly (like this service that will mail someone a potato with an image of your face on it). But gift guides are splashy and fun and a bit inspirational; maybe I won’t buy these gold jug drop earrings for my sister for $395, but I can look for something pretty and classic (and cheaper) on Etsy (maybe these will do).

So, in the spirit of trying to squeeze some lemonade from the severely out-of-season lemon which is 2020, here are some distracting and silly gifts that you probably shouldn’t buy this season.

If you’re looking to go big in unnecessary fitness gadgets gift-giving, you can’t do much better than buying a $1500 app-enabled mirror (called “The Mirror”) that lets you see some canned (but maybe a bit interactive with your fitness data?) workouts from boxing to barre to kettlebells and beyond. The membership for the app is sold separately for $39/month. it displays you plus the canned instructor plus a bunch of metrics. And, it goes beautifully with a variety of decors.

In the “kill two birds with one stone purchase” category: Athleta is selling a COVID/assassin ensemble for outdoor winter running or walking for the low low price of $98. It even comes in two colors, presumably to accommodate differing light levels.

Some of you might be thinking, “in a year like 2020, there’s no space for foolishness and frippery; I want evidence-based fitness and health products!” Well, never fear, the Barefoot Scientist products are here, complete with full documentation by way of the Barefoot Scientist blog. In this entry on how to start a foot care routine, we are soberly instructed to identify our foot care goals (uh, clean feet? trim nails?) and shift our mindset (start small with a 3-step kit, being mindful of other possible foot needs that may arise). They even have a drop down menu for shopping By Concern:

Dry skin? calluses? aches? Odor? Dirt? Blisters? Nail issues? We got you.
Dry skin? calluses? aches? Odor? Dirt? Blisters? Nail issues? We got you.

For holiday shopping, Barefoot Scientist makes it easy, offering gift sets for every foot.

Products for the busy exerciser, from Pre-Heels spray to help reduce blisters (?), to twinkle toes to keep the odors at bay.
Products for the busy exerciser, from Pre-Heels spray to help reduce blisters, to Twinkle Toes to keep the odors at bay.

One problem a bunch of us are experiencing is boredom from doing the same old workouts all the time from home. If you’re looking to shake things up, here’s a product for you: Fitness Dice!

6 wooden Fitness Dice, each with one type of exercise that you already do.
6 wooden Fitness Dice, each with types of exercise that you already do.

Okay, this may not seem revolutionary, as the pictures on the dice look like the plain ol’ vanilla moves everyone has done. But, the Fitness Dice folks beg to differ:

First, roll six dice to decide which target areas you’ll tackle. Then, toss the seventh to determine your repetitions and time. Worried about getting bored? Don’t sweat it: with an instruction booklet to walk you through each challenge, every roll leads to one of 45,000 possible routines, designed for all experience levels.

I’m a little doubtful that changing the order and number of repetitions of these exercises will make for 45,000 different-seeming workouts, but for $19 (and it’s even backordered!), how much can you expect?

Maybe you’re just flat-out missing the experience of the gym or sports club or local pool: the sights, sounds, smells (okay, I just went too far) that are all part of your workout ritual. Well, I’ve got a (partial) solution for you: why not make your living room more like the locker room by putting up this Exercise Room sign, available here for $57.95.

Exercise rules sign.
Lest we forget– safety first!

What’s on your fitness holiday gift list this year (either to give or receive)? Don’t tell my family, but I’ve given up on originality, so it’s dish towels for everyone. Hey, you can always use more dish towels

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