Tag: social connections

Nat enjoys the gifts of a long goodbye
Sat with Nat

Nat enjoys the gifts of a long goodbye

natalieh (she/her)2 Comments

Social connection is an important factor in wellbeing. And if the past week is any indication, I will be well for a very long time.

Three months ago I gave my notice of retirement to my boss. Halfway through my mini-speech he joked “no, you can’t leave. We are supposed to win at capitalism together!”

And that joke set the tone of the next three months. Once we had settled on a plan we let my team know my retirement date and put a call out for my replacement.

Then something unexpected happened. My in office days became much more social. People I knew but didn’t see much in my current role started dropping by my desk or talking to me in the cafeteria.

It was a gentle touch on my arm, a smile or a hug. Sometimes it was a teasing or a confession of jealousy. All of it gifts of connection that just kept coming.

Part of me worried that this long goodbye was self indulgent. I know plenty of people who pull an “Irish Goodbye”. It’s when you just walk out of work and no one knows you have retired.

I’m here to tell you to not do that. If, like me, you have the privilege of choosing when you leave your paid work, choose a long goodbye.

Your colleagues need time to hear the news, come see you and bring you stories.

I worked in production when I joined Canada Life (then London Life). Two years in I became a leader. I’ve led 8 teams over 9 years. That’s a lot of people!

And so many of them reached out.

“Thank you for treating me like a human being.”

I’m crying just writing that. It seems like such a low bar to meet. To just relate to each other as people who matter. And we do matter.

I was told so many stories about how I helped someone through tough times by caring and being flexible.

There is definitely one person who is alive today because I took their mental health concerns seriously. Talk about making a difference.

I was delighted how many people told me they read this blog about fitness. Some folks follow me on Instagram or have added me on Facebook to see my morning cycling commute videos.

“Will you keep posting about cycling?”

Turns out those quick, off-the-cuff videos encourage lots of folks to be more active. What a gift to know I help them.

So many parties

This past week I went out 4 nights with different groups of friends to say goodbye. It was marvelous. So many good laughs and hugs.

Princess planned her own party

Since I’m technically just quitting my job there was no formal retirement company gift or funds for a party. So I decided I’d just put the word out that people could say goodbye Thursday morning 10 – 11:30 in a common use space near the cafeteria.

I invited a couple hundred people expecting maybe 30 to show up.

In the weeks running up to the day declines and quick messages trickled in.

“I’m still sick.”

“My dad’s in hospital.”

“I’m out of town.”

I had a creeping concern I’d be sitting by myself in a tiara feeling stupid. That fear is why many people choose not to have a reception.

Uh. My fears were unfounded. My colleague baked THREE CAKES. As she was unboxing them people started arriving, then forming a queue. The line-up went out the door, around the corner and down the hall.

My buddy dressed in her inflatable dinosaur costume. It was a carnival atmosphere.

A crowd in a hallway. In the distance you can see a dinosaur. Thank you Marc for the photo!

The line was full of laughter and folks being delighted to see other friends and connecting.

The line was so long some people had to leave for meetings and sent quick notes after.

Sharing is caring

Sharing fitness adventures at work, posting fitness stuff on LinkedIn where everyone is focused on business is so important. Our activities can give us a common base to build on. It helps us see each other as full people, not just interchangeable production units.

Long post, long goodbyes

I’m writing this Saturday morning while eating more cake with my coffee.

I’m looking at the mountain of thoughtful gifts and funny cards. People took time to know me and the gifts reflect the crafty, active plant lady I am. How marvelous.

A giant “love fern” is surrounded with cards and gifts.

Don’t forget the swearing

I’m known for cussing a blue streak in meetings. People find it hilarious. So when my team gave me a goodbye card I was delighted it read “Thanks for leaving us behind, asshole.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

They 3D printed a gift card holder “Fucking quitter. Oops we mean HAPPY RETIREMENT”

I’m still laughing. Perfect!

So. Yes. Long story longer. The long goodbye makes room for connection and closure. 10/10 I will long goodbye again.

Sat with Nat

Nat gets by with a little help from her friends

natalieh (she/her)2 Comments

Last Saturday morning I got a text from Cate, fellow blogger and extraordinary human, shortly after my post was published.

“One more resource is your friends and the ppl who think you are awesome — I send you a huge hug”

And I have to say, I’m blessed with a spectacular group of friends. From queer community to fitness bloggers to colleagues…I get so much love and encouragement. I have people I can ugly cry with.

My beloved and I often talk about the importance of social connection and a sense of belonging, especially as it relates to wellbeing.

Keeping social connections is highly gendered. This oldie but a goodie article from the New York Times explores the uneven burden but also the well being gains for women.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/08/well/family/kinkeeping-families.html

People expect that I, as a cisgendered woman, will seek out and maintain connections. Michel, as a cisgendered man, is seen as odd, even creepy. It’s weird.

We have shared friends and family. We also have our individual pursuits and friends. I enjoy his friends and he mine.

So yes Cate, you are a part of my strategy for coping and celebrating.

And if you are reading this thinking you haven’t heard from a friend for a while reach out and offer a hug, a hike or a heckin’ good time.

It will make all the difference to you both.

Some friends hanging out enjoying a sunset overlooking water.
fitness

Friendship, fun movement, and false dichotomies

Sam B1 Comment

This weekend’s hot New York Times Health story, Smash the Wellness Industry, appeared multiple times in various social media newsfeeds. A few blog readers and Facebook page followers even messaged me about it. That’s how much up our alley it is.

Here’s a quote from it:

“If these wellness influencers really cared about health, they might tell you that yo-yo dieting in women may increase their risk for heart disease, according to a recent preliminary study presented to the American Heart Association. They might also promote behaviors that increase community and connection, like going out to a meal with a friend or joining a book club. These activities are sustainable and have been scientifically linked to improved health, yet are often at odds with the solitary, draining work of trying to micromanage every bite of food that goes into your mouth.

The wellness industry is the diet industry, and the diet industry is a function of the patriarchal beauty standard under which women either punish themselves to become smaller or are punished for failing to comply, and the stress of this hurts our health too.”

Mostly I liked the message. That story quotes from an older piece in Scientific American about the health benefits of social connections.

“A long lunch out with co-workers or a late-night conversation with a family member might seem like a distraction from other healthy habits, such as going to the gym or getting a good night’s sleep. But more than 100 years’ worth of research shows that having a healthy social life is incredibly important to staying physically healthy. Overall, social support increases survival by some 50 percent, concluded the authors behind a new meta-analysis.

The benefit of friends, family and even colleagues turns out to be just as good for long-term survival as giving up a 15-cigarette-a-day smoking habit. And by the study’s numbers, interpersonal social networks are more crucial to physical health than exercising or beating obesity.”

But that’s a false dichotomy, exercise or social connections. (What’s a false dichotomy,? From Wikipedia: False dichotomy is a dichotomy that is not jointly exhaustive (there are other alternatives), or that is not mutually exclusive (the alternatives overlap), or that is possibly neither.)

For many of us, exercise is a thing we do with friends. It is our way of connecting with others socially. I know very serious athletes train alone following a personalized training plan but that’s not my world. My exercise world is mostly about doing fun physical things with friends.

There is a group of us associated with the blog all training for a long cycling holiday in Newfoundland. We’ll have the time away together but we’re also ramping up our weekend riding. We’re putting kilometers on the bike, stopping for coffee and lunch and mid-afternoon ice cream. Here’s Sarah, David and me.

Samantha, Sarah, and David having second breakfast at a cafe in Hespeler.

While I was out riding with Sarah and David, Susan was out riding with Cate, and Tracy was out at hot yoga + brunch with friends in London. That group’s photos shared on Facebook often make me wish I still lived in London and could go to hot yoga + brunch with Tracy. They look like they’re having fun

Now I will say that my recent knee woes have made me rethink doing all my social activities in the context of sports and working out. I’ve given up soccer and Aikido and I miss those communities so much. I thought that I’d just move and find a new martial arts community but the injured knee can’t take that. Snipe sailing has been a good alternative. It’s outdoors and active and I like the people even if it’s not as physical as the stuff I used to do.

So maybe don’t put all your social connections in one basket. But still, my main point is that social connections don’t compete with physical activity. For the curlers and the golfers and the runners and the cyclists and the derby girls these things definitely go together.

Let’s go for a bike ride, friends!