kin keeping – FIT IS A FEMINIST ISSUE

Are you familiar with the term “friend homework”? My yoga instructor friend Jess introduced me to this term a while back. It means any digital interactions with friends: liking posts, reading blogs, watching reels in your DMs. It’s the online things you do between the in person interactions that keep your friendships going.

I see it as an aspect of kin keeping, the emotional and social work we do to define who our people are.

In person is best

Last weekend I enjoyed seeing some of my fellow Fit is a Feminist bloggers. Some I met for the first time!

We talked about things we don’t necessarily blog about, the deeply personal stuff as well as sharing about our lives outside of fitness.

It was a great afternoon. Thank you Sam, Sarah and Kathleen for hosting us!

Kudos, likes, shares and comments

Whatever platform you share your fitness activities on (Strava, Peloton, Zwift, Facebook, Instagram…) there is some way for your friends to acknowledge your workouts.

A tiny human takes a break from riding a cool toy to give you encouragement. Way to go!

And I’m here for all of it. Ellen mentioned at the barbecue how great it was to get consistent kudos from me on Strava. I check it almost every day and I do my best to thumbs up all the activities. It’s a tiny connector and positive reinforcement. I see you friends!

Normalizing active living

Seeing what everyone is doing normalizes daily activity for me. I see your daily cycling commute. I see you lifting heavy things. Nice walk!

Two women walking, holding coffee and wearing athletic shoes on a paved path in a park.

I especially appreciate seeing activities when I only know folks from one sport. Like Randonneur Luke is a triathlete. I didn’t know he also swam and ran like he cycles. I appreciate him even more!

Making the invisible visible

When I went to the gym I’d see some friends but only those whose workout timing synched up with mine. Everyone else’s time in the gym was invisible to me.

For cycling friends, they live all over Canada: Ontario, Nova Scotia, Saskatchewan….all kinds of places. Aside from the occasional event I would otherwise have no sense of the kind of season they are having.

Having some way to see what everyone is doing gives me a better picture of what it means to be fit.

Sharing is caring

I’m lucky to be in a group chat with some London area Randonneurs. We share car rides to event starts and other strategies to reduce costs of events. We problem solve to eliminate barriers to participation. Sometimes we just share a silly reel or meme that is about cycling. It all counts!

Cheerleading and consoling

I’m here for your wins. HIGH FIVE!

High fives feel great to give and receive!

More importantly, I’m here for the DNFs, the mechanicals and the injuries. Because these are important moments in our fitness stories.

A Lycra clad cyclist bent over to help a friend loosen the quick release on the front of their bike

CASE study

I’m also doing that friend homework as a Copy And Steal Everything (CASE) study. Oh is there a great 50 km route with a delicious pastry shop? Thank you for the idea!

Ohhh you can open water swim there? ON IT!

There are free kayak rentals from the library? Hello! I’m going!

Wins all around

I hope this post encourages you to share your workouts and activities on a platform that works for you. It helps with accountability and a sense of community.

I also hope you realize that when you do your fitness friend homework you are making a real difference to your friends.

Sure, nothing beats Kim grabbing me by the shoulder, shaking me and exclaiming “Keep cycling! You are awesome!” but a little digital thumbs up is a sweet taste of that in person sugar. I encourage you to give it a go.

Last Saturday morning I got a text from Cate, fellow blogger and extraordinary human, shortly after my post was published.

“One more resource is your friends and the ppl who think you are awesome — I send you a huge hug”

And I have to say, I’m blessed with a spectacular group of friends. From queer community to fitness bloggers to colleagues…I get so much love and encouragement. I have people I can ugly cry with.

My beloved and I often talk about the importance of social connection and a sense of belonging, especially as it relates to wellbeing.

Keeping social connections is highly gendered. This oldie but a goodie article from the New York Times explores the uneven burden but also the well being gains for women.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/08/well/family/kinkeeping-families.html

People expect that I, as a cisgendered woman, will seek out and maintain connections. Michel, as a cisgendered man, is seen as odd, even creepy. It’s weird.

We have shared friends and family. We also have our individual pursuits and friends. I enjoy his friends and he mine.

So yes Cate, you are a part of my strategy for coping and celebrating.

And if you are reading this thinking you haven’t heard from a friend for a while reach out and offer a hug, a hike or a heckin’ good time.

It will make all the difference to you both.