Today in the United States is Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays. It’s wonderful because it involves cooking, eating, and spending time with loved ones. Traditionally, we cook turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, assorted veggie sides and lots of pies. Also traditionally, we eat the Thanksgiving meal with family members.
Not me. Well, I do eat a bunch of the traditional foods, but I don’t spend it eating with family. Why not?
- I live 1000 miles (1600km) away from my family
- This week is the most expensive, crowded and stressful travel time of the year
- I go home to visit family less than a month later for Christmas
- I’ve grown to love celebrating Friendsgiving instead
Many of you may know already what Friendsgiving is, but just in case, here’s what Wikipedia says:
Friendsgiving is a large meal eaten with friends on or near Thanksgiving. Those celebrated on Thanksgiving Day generally replicate a Thanksgiving dinner, while those that are additional gatherings may or may not.
Participants are generally close friends who live in the same area; when produced on Thanksgiving Day, the meal is most common in places with many transplants for whom traveling home for the holiday is logistically or emotionally difficult.
Well, Wikipedia got it sort of right. Yes, Friendsgiving celebrations are very common in areas where lots of people are from other places; Boston certainly qualifies on that score. I’ve been celebrating Thanksgiving with friends ever since grad school. I made my first turkey in the mid-80s, having invited three Canadian linguistics grad student friends (all the Americans seemed to have other places to go). We had a lovely time.
Since then, my friends with far-away family and I would band together, taking turns hosting, squabbling amicably over who gets to make which pies, and pressing leftovers on anyone who is willing to take excess stuffing and mash potatoes off our hands. From time to time I’ve joined other friends’ families, and I’ve expressed gratitude for being included in their gatherings. But honestly, my favorite way to celebrate this holiday is with friends and acquaintances and folks I’ve never met.
Case in point: last year I went to my friend Nina’s house for Thanksgiving. I made my usual Southern cornbread dressing (My recipe is proprietary, courtesy of my dad’s 4th ex-wife Alice– but here’s one that’s similar). Everyone brought yummy additions to go with Nina’s turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes. We were maybe 12 or so at the table– a combo of Nina and her family, me, some of her friends and also neighbors.
After we’d consumed all the savory food we could and were waiting for space so to attack the pies and chocolate cake, someone brought up the idea of us sharing when and from where our ancestors had come to the US. We went around the table, each talking about our grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.– how they made their way here and why. Our people came from all over the world, most of them poor and looking for new opportunities, some leaving behind repression and persecution.
I was the only person present whose ancestors arrived in North America in the 18th century, which wasn’t too surprising. As someone from the American South, I knew that the big migrations to my home state took place much earlier than the waves seen in the big Northeastern coastal cities. Hearing stories of these folks’ families and their traditions made me feel part of a richer and more complex story than my own.
Whenever my extended family get together, we share and repeat stories of our ancestors, both near and distant. I love the telling and retelling of childhood antics, frugal housekeeping habits, sharp-tongued aunts or uncles, and reminiscences of what life was like way back when. At the same time, it’s so refreshing and stimulating to hear and be a part of forming new stories with people not from our own family clans.
In a news story this week about New Englanders’ Thanksgiving traditions, one person wrote that their family liked to collect Thanksgiving orphans and give them a feeling of family by sharing their meal with them. Perhaps that was well-meaning, but I say Hmphf! I am no Thanksgiving orphan, thank you very much. I choose to spend this holiday with friends, friends of friends, assorted neighbors and colleagues, and create new experiences, savory and sweet, each year.
From my friends and family and me, we wish you all, dear readers, wherever you are, a happy and warm and rich Thanksgiving/Friendsgiving!
