Aging with Grace: What I Want Versus What I Ought

Here on this blog and elsewhere, there’s lots of information about the benefits of strength training for women, particularly as they age. Cardiovascular fitness and endurance focused fitness have lost their luster. They are not considered as productive for women’s long-term health—maintaining bone density, healthy sugar levels, heart health and such like.

I’ve added some strength to my mix. I have a pull up bar. A nearby CrossFit-like class I go to. Plus, streaming Pilates around the edges. I am taking pleasure in getting stronger. And I know that really, I’m doing the classes because they keep me fortified for what I truly love doing—running, hiking, cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, mountain (and regular) biking. I get way too much joy from being outside and moving through cities, parks, forests and mountain trails to give up cardiovascular and endurance focused activities. I barely think of them as fitness. They are my way of being and moving in the world, an expression of my heart’s desire, my deep wants. The impulse to do strength classes comes from a very different source. Yes, I want to do strength classes, but in that ought-y way. As in, eat your peas, they’re good for you (though I quite like peas). As a result, I’m probably doing less strength work than I ought to be doing.

So, I wonder, should I rebalance my activities to a more productive mix? What about my joy? Is it productive (by which I mean, long-term healthy)?

This week I was provoked to think about the distinction between productive and fruitful. The talk I was watching, made the distinction between getting shit done, no matter the toll it might have on me. Think of a machine metaphor, where the machine breaks down and we fix it, give it some oil, solder the fissures, plug it back in. Versus, being in flow, which, yes, in and of itself might lead to a lot of shit getting done, though possibly at a different rhythm. A fruit tree metaphor is apt here, a metaphor of seasonality, of cyclicality, of dormancy and blossoming. The fruit tree in my mind’s eye is an apple tree from my grandfather’s orchard, my mother’s backyard growing up.  

This idea of productive vs fruitful resonated with this internal wrestling match around what I ought to be doing for my health versus what I want to be doing for my health. While my workouts might not be as productive as they could be, maybe they are fruitful (for me—you do you and will have your own version of fruitful). The feeling of flow, of connection to nature (as precarious as that can sometimes feel in a city), the sky in all its moods, the weather imposing its presence, has a discernible impact on my wellbeing. How can my heart be healthy without joy? Maybe my bones densify when I feel awe in nature? (The study has yet to be done.) My friend, Kim (of this blog!), reminded me that “studies show” that our parasympathetic nervous system grooves well with the smooth pleasure of a flow of repetitive movements, like running, cycling, dancing, hiking, skiing and such. For me, connecting with the joy of movement and the beneficence of nature invigorates me in a way that Pilates or CrossFit don’t.

Getting groovy feels fruitful for my long-term health.  

Yes, I want to do the things that help a woman stay vital as she ages. Of course I do. And a good part of my vitality is sourced from the outdoors. With only so much time, what’s a woman to do? In my case, I am going to keep experimenting with the balance. Like fruit trees, I have cycles where I am more focused on outdoor activities—like when I am in mountains and focus almost exclusively on cross country skiing or mountain biking and trail running—versus when I’m in the city, and more likely to incorporate specific strength training. These cycles feel fruitful for my wellbeing. No doubt there’s tweaking to be done. I’m trying to listen to what my body wants (what my spirit wants), hoping that coincides with what I need. If that doesn’t sound scientific, it’s not; or is it? I’m listening to intuition and felt sense. Increasingly science is showing that our mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing have an impact on our long-term health. This is where fruitful joins hands with productive.

Aging is complicated. Every day, I feel like there’s a new something I should be doing. How can I stay vital and age with grace? For this moment, I’m going to focus on being fruitful and bring that spirit of wants, of heart’s desire, into my movement, whether it’s a run or a CrossFit class.