I had an amazing moment a couple of weekends ago when I went to cheer on my nephew, Cameron, do his first triathlon. In the car on the way to Welland very early that morning, I started to wonder if I was going to get there and start wishing I was doing it too. I mean, I had a few summers where triathlon was my “thing,” and despite giving it up because of my road phobia that made me dread outdoor bike training, I did love the events.
The amazing moment came when I arrived and saw everyone checking in and going for body marking and racking their bikes and setting up their gear in the transition area. No FOMO!
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) has made me do many a thing. I did the 100 days of step counting the year after I said I would never do it again because of FOMO. I stuck with triathlon a bit longer than I probably needed to because of FOMO. But as I cheered on Cameron and his friend, Ahmed, I was truly excited for them. And proud of them. And the only thought I had that had anything to with me was: “I’m glad I’m not doing this.” This was despite recognizing that it’s a nice swim and an apparently flat and fast bike course, and an equally flat run.
This week Sam, Cate, Sarah, Susan, and David are all on a bike trip in Newfoundland. It’s a hilly bike trip and they cover lots of ground every day. There is a lot of climbing and some zooming fast down hills. Cate commented that I would hate it. I replied that I knew I would hate it even before they left. Hence the reason it never crossed my mind to go and it never crossed their minds to invite me. I only thought how fun it would be to meet them for meals.
In the past I might have actually signed up because hey, people I like are going riding together for a few days and wouldn’t that (maybe?) be fun. I have enjoyed watching their progress reports as they come in on social media, with lots of photos of colourful mail boxes and houses and beautiful scenery. And lots of complaints about the hills that reinforce my view (and Cate’s) that I would not like this trip.
This evolution out of FOMO is a big deal for me. I have recently heard of JOMO: the Joy of Missing Out. Christina Crook wrote a book about it. I like the idea a lot. It goes well with my commitment (or is it a yearning?) to do less.
I think what it means to me right now is that I’m feeling good about my choices. They make me happy. And I’m accepting that I cannot do ALL THE THINGS. And I would rather miss some of them than try to get excited about things I don’t actually want to do just because other people are doing them.
I am less than six months away from my 55th birthday. I am really done doing stuff I don’t want to do. Yes I realize that it’s not possible always to do only what I want. But when it comes to my leisure and fitness stuff, I am privileged to have choices. When it comes to travel, I am privileged to I have choices. And that means setting stuff aside when it doesn’t draw me in. Others doing it is not a good enough reason.
So there you have it. I have either overcome or outgrown FOMO. It is no longer a big motivator in my life.
How much or little does FOMO motivate you?