Nat visited me with bake goods recently after I had surgery. (I’m good, I’m recovering, everything is fine, it wasn’t for my knee, and I’ll be back out there on my bike soon.)
It was 8 degrees Celsius and rainy. In June! Brrrrr. This is a sign we’re really good friends, she said. Not the baked goods necessarily. (Nat is a wonderful baker who readily shares her talents with the world. Blueberry lavender scones, mmmm.) Rather her clothing.
“I put on pants to bring these over,” she announced.
That’s serious friendship.
Nat and I share a lot of attitudes about the world. But the one attitude of hers that amuses me the most is her hatred
of pants. I share it. But she ramps up the vitriol times 10. I hate pants but Nat really hates pants.
Not everyone gets it. So I thought I’d explain why I, at least, hate pants.
Actually, some people must get it given all the pants hating memes these days. These images all come from the nopantsbrigade tumblr. But I’ll explain away anyway. It’s what professors do best.
First, they’re uncomfortable. They fit at exactly the one part of my body that changes size with meals etc. They are either too tight or too loose. Because I’m a cyclist they either fit my waist or my legs. And if they’re even vaguely skinny jeans like, they’re tight on my calves. I’ve written about this here and so has Caitlin at Fit and Feminist.
Second, I gain or lose three pounds and I need to change sizes of pants. I’ve got dresses I’ve worn through weight gain and loss of twenty pounds, no problem, but pants? They can be too small in the morning and too big at night. I own pants in at least three different sizes. That’s pretty much required.
Third, they’re never the right length. Women’s pants, unlike men’s, generally don’t come in lengths. If you’re short legged like me that means you pay $10 extra per pair of pants to hem then, wear heels, or smile sweetly at your mother and ask if there’s any computer help she needs.
Elizabeth at Hello Giggles on has even more reasons, a full ten reasons she hates pants.
What’s the alternative?
Well, it depends on how strong your no pants hatred runs and how famous you are and how good your butt looks in just undies and whether you care about that. If you’re Lady Gaga maybe you just wear the whole outfit you would have worn minus the pants..
Me, I have to wear more than undies. This is Canada and we’re frugal and environmentally minded and our house is often cold in the winter. Also, teenagers and their friends, lots of them.
I don’t mind yoga pants, leggings, sweat pants, pajama bottoms. I own a pink rabbit onesie, thanks teenagers, and a Darth Vader onesie, thanks Rob.
I do mind jeans and dress pants. I mind pants the most when they involve a fly and zipper and a belt and fussy pant appropriate underwear.
I also love dresses and skirts. This year I was happy to discover fleece lined tights which pretty much carried me through winter except for the boots issue which is ongoing.