fitness

When “pathetic” loses its irony

Awhile back I joined the Facebook group Pathetic Triathletes. It’s a fairly large, closed group. You need to be admitted into it by the admin. But there’s no screening going on, and it’s got over 7000 members.

With a name like “Pathetic Triathletes” you can imagine that the purpose of the group is to give triathletes a place for mutual support, information-sharing, encouragement, and so on, while also keeping it light. The “pathetic” is meant to be ironic and funny. A little bit self-depracating, a little bit of a reminder not to take ourselves so seriously.

People post about their successes. People post about their failures and mishaps. Failures, mishaps, questions that we assume we should already know the answers to but don’t — all of these are followed by the hashtag #pathetic.

So far so good. I myself have been known to take things too seriously. So what harm could it possibly do to be part of a Facebook group that favours the lighter side of triathlon?

Well, this past weekend I got the answer to my question when I waded into reading the comment thread after someone posted a link to Ragen Chastain’s post “When On-Line Trolls Become Real-Life Stalkers.”  As if the title of her post isn’t harrowing enough, the contents is downright frightening. She’s harassed daily by haters on-line in comments on her blog, her Facebook page, on reddit, in fat-hate forums (which, in my naivete, I didn’t even know existed but why should I be surprised).

The on-line stalking moved into real life when she attempted an Ironman 70.3 recently. Here’s some of what happened:

The short story of the IM 70.3 is that I took 2 minutes too long on the swim and got pulled off the course.  After changing out of my wetsuit I got my phone and posted to my FB wall:

IM 70.3 was a Total disaster, way worse than my worst case scenario. 2 minutes over the time in the swim, didn’t even get on the bike. Thanks to everyone for your support. Sucks to have a setback like this, but now I have a year to get ready so I don’t feel like this next year at the full ironman. I’ll post a race report in ironfat.com at some point.

My family and I decided to go grab some lunch and by the time we got to the restaurant my FB page was trollapalooza – party at Reddit’s house and everyone’s invited!  They were also engaging in one of their very favorite pastimes – lying to accuse me of lying.

But the creepier part of it was an athlete sidling up to her before the race to ask if she was bothered by what was said on reddit that morning. They had a brief interaction and she suspected he was a troll because he didn’t agree when she made negative comments about people who spend their time dissing her on reddit. After the race:

After the race I would find out that prior to the race the anti-me website had posted a minute by minute schedule of where I would be, including updating the site about my choice to wear my wetsuit and my 7:45am start time which I had talked about on my blog.

After my race ended, various forums and websites posted pictures and video that were taken of me and my family, some taken by people standing just feet away from me. Many of the pictures were taken after I had gotten out of the water and exited the athlete area, meaning that they couldn’t have been taken by someone competing in the race.  People online bragged about stalking me and my family, saying horrible things about my partner, my mother, and my best friend and his husband.

This may or may not have had anything to do with the guy who chatted with her before the swim. She has a point when she says she:

…tried to calculate the odds that someone who just happened to stumble upon a reddit forums about me ended up standing next to me in a group of 1600 athletes, recognized me in a wetsuit, swim cap, and goggles, and thought it was appropriate to ask about a forum devoted to hating me, in a way that assumed I both knew about it and checked the forum.

Now, enter the Pathetic Triathletes Facebook group. You’d expect a group that is supposedly supportive of all levels of triathletes from beginners to veterans, and who tries not to take itself too seriously (#pathetic!) to rally round a triathlete, any triathlete, who is brave enough to get out there and attempt at 70.3 distance event.

And some people did. But an alarming number of people jumped in and started saying similar things to the sorts of things she says are said by the haters and trolls on a regular basis.  And the meanness just kept on coming. And coming. And coming.

Where were the admin in all of this? I do not know. I think they eventually took it down. Either that or it fell so far down the page that I couldn’t find it when I went to show it to Sam because I was so astonished.  But not just astonished, also incredibly disturbed.

The vitriol just seemed so out of place for a group that presents itself as a welcoming community with a sense of humor. The fat-hate just kept on coming. And personal attacks on Ragen Chastain, accusing her of lying, of not really having the goals she has or the doing the training she does.  The assumption is that no one her size could possibly be doing what she is doing.  It’s a caricature of all the most entrenched prejudices and misguided assumptions about the relationship between body size, body fat, on the one hand, and health and the capacity to participate in athletic activities, on the other hand.

The comments also have a misogynistic gendered element to them that make them even more difficult to hear. Who but the most entitled and privileged members of our world think they have the right to say shit like that openly and earnestly in a Facebook Group?

I’ve struggled with the irony from the beginning because I guess in some ways I don’t actually think that claiming to be pathetic, even if meant to be ironic, is the best way to bolster confidence and feel good about what you’re doing.

But there was no irony in the hateful comment thread that followed Ragen Chastain’s post about her trolls and stalkers. Pathetic in the truest sense of the world. Like, what’s it to them that this woman wants to do triathlon? Why can’t she just do her thing and be left alone? It’s astonishing that people would have such a violent reaction when her efforts have literally no impact on their lives at all. Like, nothing. It’s sad.

So I left the group. And I have to say that despite the presence of lots of supportive and encouraging members, I cannot in good conscience recommend the group to anyone with an interest in body-positivity and feminism. You may as well go straight to reddit if you want read abusive hate against women who don’t conform to the narrow standards of femininity deemed acceptable by self-appointed gate-keepers.

It’s not that Ragen Chastain can’t stand her own against these types of people. She doesn’t need to be rescued. And thankfully she’s got more supportive fans than vocal trolls and stalkers. But I’m not about to stick around in a group where people feel entitled to talk that kind of fat-hating, misogynistic shit.

And I wish Ragen all the best in her quest to compete in an Ironman next year. You can follow her journey at IronFat.

body image

Best Body Ever!? (Not What It Sounds Like)

A number of blog readers sent this our way. Looks like a great program and it might be fun to do with friends. Enjoy!

 

“The truth is your body is utterly awesome and I know it.  It doesn’t matter what your body’s like.  If you have a body and you’re interested in having less body-related doubt, worry, and self-loathing and a whole lot more happy confident self-accepting badassery, 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever is for you.

 

What is 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever?

52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever is the latest body-acceptance project from Hanne Blank, author of Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size and Those Who Love Them and The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise and Other Incendiary Acts.  It is 52 weekly chapters, each on a different subject having to do with bodies, radical acceptance, and an abundance of gleeful shenanigans.  Readers get a book delivered in weekly doses, each one bringing a dose of body-loving perspective, insight, strategy, experiments, Zen, and badassery to help you revel in the amazing skin you’re in.

 

Who is 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever for?  

Do you have a body?  Then 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever is for you!

Body-image and self-esteem books are often marketed as if they were only of interest to women, and as if the only body-related issues anyone ever had were about weight and size.  52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever was created because we know better.

All kinds of people have body issues, and they have issues about all kinds of bodies.  Some have to do with weight or size… and some of them aren’t!  52 Weeks is about things like the stuff people say and the ways people act about bodies… how we move our bodies through the world… feeling sexy and happy in your body… how we care for ourselves, dress ourselves, feed ourselves… how gender shapes how we feel about our bodies… how our body histories shape our lives today… how to respond to body critics… what to do when you’re having a crappy self-esteem day… and a whole lot more.

 

Is 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever a diet?

Nope.  52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever is not a diet. Yeah, there’ll be some stuff about food.  Mostly about figuring out how to eat in the ways that make your pelt glossy and keep you purring.  But no, no diet business.

 

Is 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever an exercise program?

No, although you will be warmly encouraged to experiment with moving your body in any and all ways that intrigue, delight, or amuse you.  But I’m not about to blow smoke up your gym shorts about exercise being some kind of magic wand that will cure everything that you don’t like about your life.  This isn’t that kind of party.

 

So just how is 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever going to
change my life, then?

It’s not.  (It’s just a book.)  But it might just help you change your life.

52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever is all about what happens if you start thinking about your body with the assumption that being a fierce fabulous force of nature is your birthright.  It’s a little bit Zen, a lot pragmatic, and full of all kinds of radically self-accepting and body-respecting juju.  It knows you do not suffer fools gladly and wants you to have to suffer them as little as possible.  52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever is a full year of kick-ass personal body positivity, no matter what your body is like.”