The feminist philosopher Kate Manne recently wrote Is Resilience a Problem? It’s on her Substack but it’s not subscriber-only.
If you have a minute, go read it and let me know what you think.
Kate asks, “…is resilience, far from being the solution to all our ills, actually part of the problem? Does the natural elasticity of human well-being prevent us from hanging onto our justified grief, fear, and anger? Does it stop us from feeling what we ought to about unconscionable states of affairs, and thus helping to assuage, protest, prevent them?”
She clearly captured some worries I’ve had about resiliency in the face of very bad things. I say this as a person who identifies as resilient. I’m an unreasonably calm and happy person. It’s my base-level disposition. I worry. I can be anxious. But as those who read the blog know, I rarely lose sleep over those worries. Sleep is my super power.
I recently posted on Facebook about the mismatch between the evils nearby at home in North America– Trump’s coup, the attack on trans people, the detaining of people without due process, the gutting of international aid, the attack on public health, the threats to Canada and I could go on– and how much I’m enjoying my research leave in Aotearoa, reading, writing, and riding my bike. It feels unreal frankly.
A Facebook friend commented sarcastically, well, that’s the important thing, that you’re sleeping well.
And of course, it’s not.
But just like the depressed person who is sad in the face of happy or neutral circumstances, I think I’m often okay even the world is falling apart. Partly that’s because I’m pretty well insulated. I have a good, secure job and I’m surrounded by friends and family.
I do however have a pretty strong sense of injustice. Family members say I could tone that down. It’s not my country after all. Not my election or my political mess. But of course it’s not that simple. Thanks to my career, I have a lot of American friends and colleagues. I have trans friends in the United States who I’m worried about. Canada isn’t that far away and out economic future is closely linked to that of the US. And then there’s the threats the US of taking over Canada. And the effects Trumps actions have on the world at large, closing USAID, threats to take over Gaza, Panama Canal and Greenland, to hand the Ukraine over to Russia. All awful.
And yet, I’m sleeping well. There’s a lack of alignment between the terrible things and my emotional reaction.
There’s a paper I read many years ago, Love and Death, that’s stuck with me. Don Moller philosophically examines how quickly people bounce back from the death of a much-loved spouse. Again, there’s that mismatch between resiliency and the things we value. He considers reasons to regret our resiliency.
The trick I’ve come to think about is considering ways to put your resiliency to good use. If you can sleep when others aren’t, even if you agree objectively about how bad things are, maybe you can use that time and energy to find ways to fight back. If it comes to the US attempting to annex Canada, ether whether through economic force, military force or influencing our elections, or a mix of all three, the resistance will need resilient people.
It’s okay to both find joy and fight back.
How are you holding up? What’s your strategy for balancing standing up for what’s right with living your life? I know this sounds a bit overwrought and earnest, but these are the times we’re in.
I curious about the definition of resiliency here. It sounds more like avoidance to me, insulation of ourselves from the pointy end of the meaning to be made or the acuity of the crisis. If we are lost in our anger, our grief, if we allow it to consume us, then we are unable to sustain ourselves. It’s too hard on the body, we will burn out, be bitter and be at risk of inflicting more harm in the world, in the guise of some sort of rage fueled righteousness. We do need to care for the body, including sleep and connection with others, in order to have the resilience to resist. That example about getting over a beloved spouse is a good example of over simplifying something. “Get over” can be “repressed grief” “dissociation” “fear of feelings”, any number of responses. Being sunk into grief at the expense of living is not love. Being fully and authentically sad and also continuing to find joy is an expression of the fullness of love, I think anyway. We can be happy in our lives and be alive to the pain of the world. I think it’s the only appropriate place to take action from, because grounded, resilient people have a clear mind and make good decisions. Pollyanna attitudes, dissociation and “at least I got mine” kinds of approaches are not resilient, they are a symptom of a deeper fear that prevents just actions. Get a good night’s sleep then wake up and burn down a Tesla dealership, as necessary, with a clear mind. That’s what I’m talking about :).
Totally with you on being happy in our lives while being alive to the pain in the world. And being grounded being the best place to act from.
But I’m not sure the philosopher’s worry about human resilience, let’s call it that, is entirely misplaced. Here’s another example. Most of us think that it would be very bad for us to lose our mobility. We rank that pretty highly among the bad fates that might befall us. Yet within a year of becoming a quadrepeligic most people have bounced back to the their pre-injury subjective state of wellbeing. Now there are two possibilities. Either we’re wrong about how bad it is, or our response doesn’t match how bad a thing is.
I do think Kate Manne might be wrong though about the link between resilience and inaction.
So interesting. I am aware that my brain/perspective is not at all in the same frame as this argument. “Wrong about how bad it is or our response doesn’t match how bad a thing is”. . .there is something there. . .perhaps we are wrong about what is important? My aunt became a quadriplegic and she carved a life for herself though struggle but focused on the things that were important to her, which in her case was the sea and wanting to live where she could see and touch it as much as was possible. She does not enjoy being quadriplegic but she enjoys her life. It is full of action to move towards what gives her meaning. We are often constrained by various things that are full of some kind of objective suffering but within those constraints, moving towards meaning and ethical action is what sustains us and that is resilience I think. (This is the position of the existential/humanist theorists in psychotherapy and I find that it bears out in the real world practice). I know we are disputing the meaning of that word, resilience. It’s not some oblivious happiness based in not knowing how bad a thing is. It’s understanding what is happening and continuing ethically from a position of equilibrium rather than reactivity.
Oh one more thing! (Thanks so much for commenting. Miss talking with you.) Some moral philosophers accept the point about resiliency and subjective wellbeing but then go on to say that all this shows is that, ethically speaking, subjective wellbeing isn’t that important.
See I think exactly the opposite, subjective wellbeing is vitally important but it’s made up of authentic understanding of the situation and care for the body, mind and spirit in such a way in that moment that one can act ethically.
Without a sense of “rightness” that goes all the way through to the body, doesn’t stop in the brain or on the rule page, I think we are fucked actually. I think that is our problem, the way we disregard attending to subjective well-being and how we mistake that state of well-being, with just escaping, covering up or dissociating from ill-being.
If we look at history, we will often see in heroic people and amazing level of resilience. I don’t see how that means they are in denial, or oblivious to what is terribly wrong. Rather I assume they see that there’s reason to put enormous energy into bringing about change.
To me, the worry is about people who simply refuse to open their eyes to the problem, not those who recognize it and are determined to solve it.
By the way, one of my closest friends is a quadriplegic who lives with considerable pain. I had known her for many years before I knew she suffered from pain. I see that as one of the best example of resilience. She does not in any way deny what she’s up against, but she fiercely refuses to let it prevent her from having a good life. I see her as having the quality those heroes share: face the problem head-on, and don’t allow it to control the future.
A variation on this train of thought: optimists remind us in that there is always legitimate reason to hope.
When we have hope, we can find the strength to bring about the necessary change.
I guess, getting back to the issue that got me thinking about this, current US politics, I keep being shocked by friends who are minimizing things and going about their lives. People keep saying, it’s just four years. Or he’ll lose the primaries. Or the courts will stop them. I’m not sure that’s right. It’s easier to believe it’s a short lived awful blip but I don’t think that’s right.
Oh, I agree. I wish I could think it would be so easy, but his win in 2016 taught me how risky such complacency can be. I do see that sort of thinking as complacency. But it doesn’t match my own sense of the connotation of resilience. In my mind, at least, resilience doesn’t include denial of risk or damage; it is more an ability to face risk or damage with some internal serenity and an ability to see ways to move towards change.
Minimizing and going about your life is not resilience, it’s denial. It’s the avoidance of the truth of the thing to feel better, sure, but that isn’t resilience. Resilience would be finding ways to protect the vulnerable, connect and find joy with community, speak out. . .from a place of love and care (this is the ethical piece) and not actually burning down the Tesla dealership (my comment above) but standing there with a sign for hours in the rain. It doesn’t have to be that though. There are many ways to tend to the fabric of community that nourish it and us while being fully aware of how bad it is. That is resilience. Sinking into rage and despair and acting from there is dangerous, and leads to more likelihood of unethical choices.