I went for a run this morning and “just didn’t feel like it.”
I opened the door around 7 am and it was still dark and the wind was howling. The temperature wasn’t that bad but the wind was unwelcoming. I continued down a few steps and set my watch to “Run” and started slowly. I was cautious because I wasn’t sure if there was still black ice on the sidewalk and felt it was best to approach with care.
I figured that I would gain momentum. 9 times out of 10 I do. This time I didn’t. My body felt unmotivated. I had energy but the rhythmic bopping of the jog, which usually feels great, felt clunky.
I stopped and turned off “Run”. I walked a bit. I jogged a bit. I shortened the planned distance in my head. I jogged/walked about 3 kilometres, in the end.
When I got to my favourite coffee shop the baristas had my Americano misto ready in my Muuse reusable cup and asked me how my run went. “Meh.” “It was OK.” I explained why it wasn’t great and why this is not typical for me. I realized as I was talking that I didn’t need to explain. It wasn’t a big deal. But, I don’t like not finishing a run. I missed the usual runner’s high on completion.
I continued with my day. Haphazardly working on an assignment I’ve been procrastinating about. Also, thinking about a job interview I’m not really interested in. Doing the back and forth between “it’s worth it, even for the experience” and “I really don’t think I want that type of job anymore” and “I need a job. I can’t let this ‘break’ go on too much longer..”
I finished one small part of the assignment and felt it was a good enough reason to go take a break. I took a bath. I ruminated some more and then decided to do a Yoga with Adrienne video that was meant to be a morning “wake-up”. I thought it might reset my day. But, about 10 minutes into the video I decided I really wasn’t into that either and turned it off.
I am always telling myself and others that it’s OK not to do everything perfectly all of the time. It’s OK to have a lackluster workout. It’s OK to feel blah and just sit in it.
I’m writing this to put this out there, so that perhaps, I believe it more than I think I do. It’s OK. I’ll have another great workout before I know it. This blah feeling will pass. I’ll figure out my job situation.
Just be, Nicole. Just be. Oh, and just go finish that assignment.
Nicole P. usually loves a good run, but not today.