For those of us who celebrate Christmas, or some Christmas-like event, or at least for those of us who end up on a different schedule between December 24 & January 1, we are currently at the time of year when the days all run together.
Routines are off kilter – meals happen at weird times, we’re eating a lot of different foods, and our sleep patterns have gone out the window.
This is when we lose all sense of time and end up in a holi-daze.
An especially dangerous thing for those of us on Team ADHD who have a tenuous grasp on the concept in the first place.
In this odd year, that out-of-phase feeling has been recurring for most of us. The things that give shape to our year have been changed and time has been expanding and contracting around tasks/plans/activities as they mostly moved online.
I think, though, that having that out-of-phase feeling recur so often this year has made me realize (Re-realize? Possibly!) how important schedules are for my mental health.
In previous years, this week would find me with all kinds of lofty ideas about just letting the days progress in any old way, seeing what might appeal to me to do at any given time.
I have encountered some fun days that way in the past but mostly, I end up feeling a bit scattered and let down by the end of the day.
Because, as much as the idea of spending a day drifting from task to task might have appeal, in reality, I know that I won’t drift pleasantly from task to task.
Instead, I’ll spend the whole day feeling vaguely dissatisfied and with a looming sense that I should be doing something else.
So, I create a plan for my week and then a shape for each day so my atemporal brain won’t leave me in the in-between with a feeling of frustrated sadness.
Making a loose plan for my week and then giving each day a shape makes me choose how I am going to spend my time. It helps me notice if I am trying to cram too many different things into the time that I have. And creating that shape lets me do important preparatory things like saving enough time to actually make the meals I plan to eat or to drive to the places I want to be.
And, yes, giving my days a shape does include a (fairly flexible) schedule and some rough time limits for my chosen activities.
I know to some this will sound like ‘Christine doesn’t know how to relax.’ but this approach is actually the key to my relaxation.
For starters, these plans and shapes do not necessarily involve work. My plan for the week includes holiday activities, some special meals, and hanging out with people on Zoom. My shape for a given day might be to read a book for an hour after breakfast, to do some drawing for 45 minutes before lunch, and then to take a long walk at 3pm.
And having that plan, that schedule, is actually restful. It means that time won’t gallop away from me.
It means that I won’t spend the whole week figuring out when to do which activity. And I won’t spend each day continuously trying to decide if now is the ‘right’ time to read, to draw, or to head out for a walk.
And, having that plan, that shape, lets me make stress-free decisions when someone asks me if I want to do something else. If my plan is to go for a walk at 3, and someone asks me to watch a movie at 2, knowing the shape of my day means that I can more easily decide whether to change the time of my walk or to say no to the movie.*
If I know that I have enough time for the things that I really want to do, that I won’t run out of time, that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing at any given time, my brain will stop looping around ‘Now? How about now?’ and give me some ease.
And if that’s not a recipe for a holiday, I don’t know what is.
*Perhaps, to the Neurotypical, this may look like overthinking, or as if I am making a big deal out of something simple, but for my ADHD brain, a holiday schedule is a relief. And, I thought that anyone who finds themselves in a holi-daze might borrow some of these ideas for themselves.
10 thoughts on “Christine H says yes to Holidays but no to Holi-daze”
Amen sister! I do not have ADHD but I have totally experienced the “holidaze” which was made worse this year in that I was grieving the loss of my beloved dog for the first week of my extended break. My schedule was so off that I was physically sick.
I find it super helpful to have a task list for each day, nothing lengthy, just enough to make me feel like I have been a productive human being.
Oh, Jewel! I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your memories bring you some comfort as you move forward.💚
As you can tell from my post, I am completely behind the idea of a task list. Giving shape to our days makes them real and helps us differentiate one day from another. Separating the days like that keeps me from feeling like the time went by in a blur.
I hope that giving shape to your days gives you the mental space you need while you are grieving.
I’m usually very routine based and I somewhat feel the entire year has been a daze. I feel at loose ends a lot, and anxious that I am forgetting things.
I have recently started saying, “in January everything will be different”. I know that is not my best way to start the new year.
I am going to look at your list and sit for a bit and come up with a few ideas. I think I will enlist my teenage daughter…she is ADHD and uses me to manage her life. Perhaps we need a joint plan to help us both start 2021 on the right foot!
Thank you for the motivation.
I’m so sorry that you have been feeling at loose ends so much. That’s just awful – and it’s so hard on the brain!
Your reaction to this year sounds perfectly natural to me. The uncertainty and anxiety has been a huge challenge and it has gone on for so long and we’re just not wired for this sort of extended stress.
Things *can* be different in January – I just wish it would happen automatically!
I’m glad that my post was helpful. Let me know if I can offer any suggestions to help you get going on your January plans. 💚
Oh! As soon as I pressed send, I thought of this article I wrote for CBC. Maybe it has some useful info in it for you and your daughter.
Thank you for sharing this!
I will take a few moments and chat with her.
She has had some true successes this year at school and I am hoping we nurture them.
Perhaps together we can come up with thoughts on creating a bit more structure to our weeks!
I appreciate this! It is really exactly what I needed to hear. Kind and hopeful.
I wish you both ease and patience as you work toward some structures that serve you well. 💚
Jewel, I am so sorry for your loss.
For those of us who celebrate Christmas, I think it would help to stress the fact that Christmas is not a day, but a season–twelve days long, remember? And maybe (in a normal year) spreading out holiday celebrations might cut down on the stress we experience before the 25th and the let-down feeling we experience after the 25th.
Teresa, that’s a good reminder! Thank you!
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