I’m in the midst of grading season here at my university. And yesterday, after spending a few too many hours trapped in my office with logic exams, I felt the need to take a walk and get some coffee. And since I was hungry, also a snack. I left the office with pleasant thoughts of the chocolate chip cookies at the library cafe. But, as is expected since I work on a university campus in an outdoorsy city, I happened to walk by several rather thin people on the way there.
Now, normally the mere presence of thin people isn’t enough to dull my cookie-resolve, but somehow this time it was. Long story short, I got a coffee, no cookie. And when I got back to my office, I was vexed enough to post the following status update.
Walked by some thin people and failed to get myself the cookie I wanted. I don’t know what I resent most – the beauty norms, my obvious unwanted susceptibility to them, or the fact that I don’t have a cookie.
Of course I have some wonderful supportive feminist friends, which is a strategy I generally recommend for getting through life. But it wasn’t until I got home afterwards, to walk my wonderful dogs, that I thought more about the experience of writing about something like that online. Because despite the body image issues that I occasionally write about here, I absolutely have thin privilege. And the fact that I can publicly express my insecurities and know that my friends are going to tell me to just eat the damn cookie is a prime example of how that privilege works. And how it can so easily turn us against each other. Because what I (and all of us) should be told, is that eating a cookie is not morally wrong. It doesn’t have to be taken as a sign of weakness. Eating a cookie should only be a sign of wanting, and having access to, a cookie.
I’m not visibly overweight. But what if I was? How would the same post have gone over without my privilege? If I had exactly the same habits and lifestyle, but genetics had made me larger than I am? Would I even have posted anything? Or would I have worried that someone reading those words would think, “Maybe it’s for the best – she doesn’t really need that cookie, anyway.”
Occasionally I see backlash against the concept of thin privilege, pointing out that women of all sizes face judgement and have body image issues. But here’s an example for those of us with privilege, that our privilege even extends to the ways in which we can manifest those issues. We can talk about them and feel relatively confident in the fact that people will reassure us and tell us that of course we’re thin and should have a treat if we want it. But that just reinforces the terrible idea that we need to be a certain size to deserve our food. Because it’s absolutely not true.
And because all of us, when we really want to, should be able to take a deep breath and just eat the cookie.
Great thought Audrey! I have just read two blog posts recently about “food policing” and one person brought up the idea of privilege in regards to food. Sometimes the backlash is a sad commentary on our society and the privilege we have to choose the foods we eat. Embrace your choices to eat or not eat the cookie and don’t let anyone make the choice for you!
Shared this post here http://onegirlbreathing.blogspot.com/2015/04/tolt-drop-commentary-not-cookies.html
I enjoy reading your writing, but cannot resist disagreeing with your statement, “We can talk about them and feel relatively confident in the fact that people will reassure us and tell us that of course we’re thin and should have a treat if we want it. But that just reinforces the terrible idea that we need to be a certain size to deserve our food.” I was one of the people who wrote reassuringly on fb that the cookie is good, and I have no clue what your body size or shape is. Indeed, I half-inferred it was something other than thin from the content of your status update. This raises interesting implications about cyber-friendship! Is it posslble that online friendship formation yields subversive support? And can I add this to the Cyberethics syllabus? 😉
Good point, Kate! I had the thought that several of my FB friends have never met me in person and might not have a very clear idea of what I look like. But of course the majority of the people I add who I haven’t met in person are awesome feminist philosophers like you, who I can generally rely on not to reinforce body-policing food norms.
Regardless, though, there is an interesting point in there about the nature of online friendships. And the fact that my online friends like you are the best kind. 🙂
I can only say that I experience similar though distress on a regular basis.
I feel lie I’m moving towards just eating a cookie if I feel like it, no mental excuses or debates required.
But it is not easy. And it’s not like I’m planning to binge on cookies.
Food has way too many judgements associated with it.
Anne
Loved this post. I have written a similar one, more on the scientific side though: http://butterandbutts.com/2015/01/18/diet-for-losing-weight/
Do let me know how you like. 🙂
*it.
Ok,….look. Each one of us..does hold a certain privilege. We really do. I could say to several commenters and bloggers here: White privilege
if people start at me, as a Canadian with an Asian face, on “thin privilege” and assume everything’s fine. However, I’ve known face-to-face other Asians like me who become diabetes 2, plus high cholesterol at mid-life but still look deceivingly “slim”.
Most definitely – being thin doesn’t automatically mean that you’re in good health, good shape, anything like that. Talking about thin privilege is just to talk about one aspect of the way in which you’re treated in society.
First of all, interesting post. While I can’t disagree with the idea of thin privilege, I can also attest to their being a dark underside. “People will reassure us and tell us that of course we’re thin and should have a treat if we want it.” I am a naturally thin person and frequently find myself in situations where I’m being offered food, but because I’m thin people assume that I don’t eat (which isn’t true) and will give me the calorie count of my options, or point me to the “healthy” choice. I feel like I’m constantly judged for being thin, and I don’t mean that to sound something akin to “woe is me.” But sometimes I don’t want the cookie, and I feel like if I don’t eat it people will assume I’m dieting. I guess all I’m trying to say is that the judgement and assumptions seem to come no matter what size we are. Everything surrounding women, body image and food is so blasted complicated!
Thanks for the comment, Sarah! I agree that none of us really get a free pass when it comes to judgement. But I think that it’s more “acceptable” somehow for some of us to be frank and open about our displeasure with those judgements. I know thinner people who run into the same kinds of problems as you do, sometimes their problems are minimized by people saying things like, “oh I wish I had your problems”. Or “you should take it as a compliment.” Which sucks, but is substantially different from the crappy uptake that larger people get from talking about their body image problems, which tends more towards the “maybe you should exercise more.” So it’s not that anyone is free of being judged, rather that the ways in which body judgements are made, and responded to, seem different depending on body size.