One of the way we get ideas about to blog about is that outraged readers send us some of the things that outrage them. This past weekend many of you sent us this. It’s been shared by many feminist groups on social media.
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Most people were shocked that the tweet mentioned Amy Appelhans Gubser’s weight but not her name.
When I shared that tweet and the response on our Facebook page, many readers also pointed out that the “grandmother” identity is off-putting, too. We’re all pretty sure that men who achieve great things don’t get called “grandfather” in the headline even if they are, in fact, grandfathers.
The grandmother theme was pretty ubiquitous in the reporting of this incredible achievement.
I was impressed that in in my newsfeed at least Outside Magazine didn’t mention her grandmotherly status or her weight in the headline. She even got her full name in the title. Nice!
See here:
But then I clicked through and got this:
ARGH!!!
In some ways, it seems worse than the “mother” designation. At least in my case becoming a parent, is something that’s about me. “Grandmother” just means my kids decided to have kids. Is the emphasis on the age part of being a grandmother? Or do you think there’s something special about grandmother in particular that makes her accomplishment so remarkable? It’s like age + gender + parental status all bundled into one identity.
I used to wonder if it got used in headlines because the women themselves talked about it a lot in the interview. But no, there’s no talk of how thoughts of her grandchildren kept her going through the night, no discussion of how she worried about sharks and not being there for her grandchildren. It’s just there in the headline. Otherwise, it’s all the terrifying details of marathon swimming that we talked about in our Saturday night with Nyad blog post. You know, the cold and timing the swim, and the support crew and the jellyfish.
Anyway, what an incredible accomplishment. I’m in awe.
I recently became a great aunt (despite my inner protests that I’m too young to be a great anything, and even though my brother, who has become the grandfather, is younger than me). It hadn’t occurred to me that my new status could be an identifying trait around my sports accomplishments. Haha.
I see the headline as dog-whistle shaming of other women who fit the description of “grandmother” and “200 pounds”, rather than acknowledging Ms. Gubser’s amazing achievement.
It’s the same trope used to body shame women post pregnancy – “Starlet Influencer X has their pre-baby body back, why can’t you get yours back you lazy fat pig?”
So, I read the headline without her name as “Why can’t you do this? You’re a grandmother’s age. Hell, you’re nearly 10 years OLDER than her, and just as fat!”, which is exactly what the dog-whistler intended, in my opinion. Obviously, I’m a slacker and should feel bad about my physical limitations.
I would love to see the day when we can move beyond such tropes, but we won’t until more women speak out about it when they see it.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Signed,
“A 200 plus pound woman, who’s counting the days until she can get Medicare and a hip replacement.” Or you can just sign me,
Victoria A. Newman, Artist, and Retired Registered Nurse
I can only assume that the use of “grandmother” is to indicate that she is a frail (and also fat?) old lady who completed this swim “despite all odds”.