Broken Heart

My heart is not completely broken, but it definitely needs repairs. Back in January, I got what turned out to be bronchitis and eventually made the unusual (for me) decision to check in with my doctor. He heard a murmur and sent me off for tests.

Two echocardiograms and EKGs later, plus some bloodwork and a referral to the Heart Institute, it appears I have a severe murmur from a damaged mitral valve and it looks like I will need surgery to either repair or replace it.

The whole experience has been interesting. It turns out I am really bad at noticing (or admitting to) changes in my health. Also, answering subjective questions is hard! Do I feel tired? Breathless? Have swelling in my legs?

Answers: Compared to what? Under what conditions? How much do I take into account pre-existing things like the varicose veins I have had since I was a teenager?

Since being diagnosed I am noticing symptoms but again, I have questions: am I getting worse? Or allowing myself to notice what I have been ignoring for years? Or is it all psychosomatic?

The good news is that I am being encouraged to keep up my regular fitness routine. That surprised me, but the doctor says that cardio is actually good for my heart because my heart plumps blood out to my extremities, thus reducing the pressure on the heart muscle itself.

So for now I’ll keep up with my swimming and dance, and get back to cycling. Plus I am doing more walking – easy to stop if I get tired, and no worries about trying to keep up with a group.

There will be more tests at the end of May, and hopefully some decisions shortly thereafter. The pool where I work is closing for six months so I don’t need to worry about missing work if I get scheduled for surgery soon. I do worry about whether I will be able to return at all. That would be heartbreaking.

In the meantime, I’m going to try not to borrow trouble, and spend time with friends and family.

My son and daughter-in-law with my grandson when we were out for a walk last week.