Old Woman Yelling at the Sky (or “Have Grace, Share the Space”)

Those of you who lived in Toronto in the 80s, may remember a public awareness campaign called, “Be Nice, Clear Your Ice”.

Why am I mentioning a City of Toronto commercial from 1984? It has occurred to me, often, lately, that we need a public awareness campaign about how to share public spaces in big cities. How about, “Have Grace, Share the Space”?

I will often lament about people who don’t share sidewalks anymore, who walk out of stores without looking at what they are walking into, drivers who play “chicken” with pedestrians crossing the street, and many other urban annoyances. I feel as though I am in the minority with how much it bugs me. Which is why I feel like the “old woman yelling at the sky”.

It just seems to be getting worse. People, young and old, are just so focussed on themselves and it seems the majority don’t feel they have to look out for others and try to share the space.

I know there are different customs in different cities but when I was growing up (again, old person here), I was taught to shift to the right when someone was coming the other way. If I was walking with other people, we would move to single file to yield to others coming the other way. You make eye contact and pay attention and just make sure you don’t collide or impede the other person, unnecessarily. If you are going up an escalator, you stand to the right and pass to the left if you are walking up.

People would make eye contact – driver and pedestrian – so both knew that the pedestrian is either going forward or waiting. Either drivers don’t look anymore or they have tinted windows (which I understand are not legal, but who cares, I guess, because there are many) and it’s not possible to make eye contact which is a basic safety practice. Not only do drivers (and some pedestrians too) not pay attention, but if they almost hit you they will often shrug or give YOU the finger (even if you are walking safely and not darting out).

I was walking down to the subway the other day and a healthy looking university age young man was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, in the middle of the bottom step, talking on this phone. He did not seem to be in any kind of emergency. He was just casually talking on the phone in the middle of the bottom step, oblivious that he was in the path of everyone else trying to simply go up and down the stairs. He looked at me and I said “EXCUSE ME” in my best old woman voice (stern but not rude) and he looked at me blankly. I waited a minute before he slowly shifted his body to the right to let me by, still talking on the phone. The nerve of me to want to walk down the stairs during his phone call..

I have said to a few people, recently, how do we expect people to care about each other in relation to broader societal issues, if we care so little about each other while commuting within our neighbourhoods?

Then I read an article in Toronto Life on the weekend. Toronto Life articles are regularly obnoxious in a way that seems intentional. This one was called, The Cult of Wellness. The byline is, “A growing cohort of Torontonians are swapping the coke-fuelled, booze-soaked club scene for cold plunges, sobriety and superfood smoothies. Inside the expensive, obsessive, addictive quest for a perfect life.”

The above-mentioned article interviews the owners of Nutbar and Othership. Nutbar is a “health” cafe that serves lattes made with their housemade nutmilk, along with energy balls, smoothies, etc. Othership offers trendy cold plunge experiences at a high price.

First of all, I have nothing against either place nor the owners who are described in the article. I have enjoyed a smoothie here and there from Nutbar. I haven’t been to Othership and not likely to go as the atmosphere does not sound inviting to old women who yell at the sky… The article talks about the lengths at which Millennials and Gen Zs go to, in order to find places of peace – looking for Zen. Replacing booze and drugs for this “quest for wellness”. At a steep price, of course.

Now, I will never be against people looking for healthy practices. Drink less alcohol and go for a smoothie, by all means. But, maybe you don’t need a potion to find what you are looking for – perhaps, the perfect life is more simple than what is being sold by influencers and shop owners.

While I was reading this article, I couldn’t help but picture all these Type A humans driving around the city from Zen place A to Zen place B, cutting people off, joining the urban clash of needs, until they get to the place where they are seeking peace.

Perhaps I am way off base, but I couldn’t help but think, wouldn’t it be better if we cared enough about each other to try to make the “places in between” pleasant, rather than constantly dismissing each other for our own needs until we get to these little oases? Perhaps we wouldn’t need destination oases if we weren’t so cruel to each other on the sidewalks and street corners?

Here are a few suggestions for making the inbetween places a little more bearable, in the spirit of “Have Grace, Share the Space”:

• Make eye contact. Sure listen to your music or podcast, talk to your friend, but make eye contact to the people walking around you. You are more likely to yield if you see a human being walking towards you and not their shoes.
• Look both ways. Whether you are exiting a store, crossing a street, driving a car, look both ways. Seems basic, but it seems to happen less and less.
• Say Hi. May seem unnatural in a cold city, but I have found if I am standing in line, waiting at a bus stop, etc. and it seems crowded, a stressful space, finding someone who looks at you and and saying Hi, makes EVERYONE in the area seem more like a neighbour than a potential threat (I think we are taught everyone is a potential threat in a big city and that doesn’t help our day-to-day interactions).
• Yield at crosswalks, yellow lights, turning right or left. No matter how important the place you are going may seem, one ill-timed dash forward could be disastrous and you will feel much worse than if you had yielded.

I can add to the above list for days. Basic kindness to strangers and trying to share space in a busy city can have a domino effect. Every person who feels less stressed will pass that feeling on to those they encounter. And, maybe, just maybe, those people won’t feel the need to seek expensive “wellness” potions to remedy the effects of the stressful life we often lead in the city.

Readers, do you have any suggestions to add to the list for “Have Grace, Share the Space”?