Someone very close to me was recently told that they’re next up for battling the Big C. I say “next up” because it seems as though Cancer rears its nasty head up to everyone eventually. I know that isn’t true, but my pessimism wins out in my psyche from time to time as more of those dear to me face the diagnosis.
Right now, my friend is in the waiting stage. You know, that dreadful countdown of some mysterious length towards an end that will finally give you some answers and a plan of action. I have experienced a waiting stage like that, but not of this length, and not of this severity.
How many strong people are waiting in silence every day? Whether it’s waiting on a diagnosis, healing, news from a loved one, or even news of a baby or job offer, imagine days that last forever. Imagine waking up every morning and being reminded of your altered perspective of time. And then there’s your phone. Which hour in this marathon of days will give you the mercy of more information, of next steps, of hope? Will it be today?
Now imagine that, while you wait, you cannot access your regular coping methods. You’ve had surgery—you cannot exercise yet. You need to be available for last-minute treatment—you cannot travel. It’s not your news to share so you are awaiting the go-ahead—you cannot speak freely with your close friends.
So what does one do? What can one do? I am not an expert on this topic, but, being inspired to offer suggestions to those struggling in the waiting period, I thought I’d compile a mini list of “try me” potentials to take the burden of thinking away a bit.
Time does funny things when you’re in a period of waiting.
A brass alarm clock sits on a surface. It’s black hands signify 12:25.
With the understanding that these options are not universal and therefore cannot be assumed relative to everyone’s journey, here is a short list of things you can try that may make the waiting game less treacherous:
- Join a book club. Reading is a standard option for passing the time, but why not put some intention behind your readings? Websites like bookclubs.com allow people from all over the world to engage in book clubs online. There are many book clubs to choose from that can cater to your needs in this season. You can also try searching Facebook or contacting your local library to see if there are any online or casual book clubs available.
- Volunteer. “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25 [NIV]). Giving your time and energy to the causes of others is not meant to discredit your own experience. Rather, serving others allows for the special opportunity to engage with others’ struggles in a human-to-human way. Volunteer to relate. Volunteer to connect. Volunteer to engage with the world in a way that is outside the societal message of you, you, you. Then, when you’re there and giving of yourself, embrace the gift that it offers in return. Embrace refreshment. Soak it in and acknowledge that your life means more to the world than you may have thought. You are a unique person who has a lot to offer. Let yourself experience the pleasure of offering yourself to others (and yes, animals count).
- Sit and cry in peace. Sometimes you just need to sit and wait and feel the heaviness of your current situation. This is not a place to be stuck in, but your body and mind may need the permission and freedom to be authentic and access release. This season is a difficult one and your body knows it. Tears release oxytocin and endorphins—two hormones that are credited with producing good feelings and aiding in pain management, respectively.[1] Invite someone to hold you while you cry, or make space to have a moment by yourself for yourself.
There’s my list. It’s small, but maybe there’s something sparked a bit of life into you. If not, I hope it inspired you to think about what an option for you could be. What would you put on your waiting list? All I know is that, for those of you who find yourselves trapped in an hourglass, there is hope out there. It will look different for each person, but I encourage you to find out what that hope is and lean into it. Let it comfort and strengthen you. Blessings to you all.
[1] Dariush Dfarhud, Maryam Malmir, Mohammad Khanahmadi, “Happiness & Health: The Biological Factors- Systematic Review Article,” Iranian Journal of Public Health 43, 11 (2014): 1468–1477, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4449495/.
Stephanie Morris is a transcriptionist and writer based in Alberta, Canada. She is a wife, a mom of two, and a newcomer to the career-writing world. As a fancier of history and literature, she aspires to blend the two in fiction and nonfiction pieces. To follow Stephanie’s writing adventures, find her at @words.and.smores on Instagram.
I had a low-grade brain tumor surgically removed in 1998. I was told (in the brain cancer world, this was very good news, but at age 46, I didn’t quite see it that way) that I could expect to live 10-15 years. Once I had gotten past the shock, cancer changed my life in good ways. The shorter (but not all that short) life expectancy led me to get serious about achieving various deferred goals. I organized my personal and business long term plans. And I can thank the brain tumor for having turned me into a cyclist who has now ridden across North America. Twice.
So I send hope to others in the cancer community that they can find ways to rise above the inevitable fear and anxiety and find time to follow their dreams. To write their memoirs. To visit or call their old friends. To organize their stuff. Not to ignore the new reality, but to allow it to generate strength in the many ways it can.
Everyone’s path will look different. I lost a friend to a very aggressive brain tumor. He chose not to alleviate the headaches with strong meds so he and his family and friends could spend as much time as possible remembering their lives together.
It can be that old coin, the one that says Problem on one side, and Opportunity on the other.