Finishing up some last business on my next Run Like A Girlbook for the publisher, I got to the task of writing acknowledgements. Figuring they would be somewhat similar to those I wrote for the first RLAG book, I had a look back. Surprise. There was a lovely list of friends I ran and cycled and cross-country skied and went to yoga with. Not one of them is a regular workout partner anymore. In fact, in the 8 years since that book came out, my life has apparently changed so radically, that my only frequent workout partner anymore is my life partner (and when he’s not with me, I bring podcasts for company).
Absorbing the full scope of the changes in my life, didn’t feel good. I wasn’t feeling lonely when I started the task, but that outdated list landed on my heart with a thud. Did I do something wrong? Did everyone stop liking me?
Yes, I could go through the list and find reasonable explanations for each of the losses—children, moving, long-term injuries, marriage break ups and new travel schedules. Also, after a rough patch in my own relationship, I re-evaluated my own tendency to jump out of bed super-early and have been reveling these last years in the pleasures of sleeping a bit more and waking up together. Sometimes we really geek out and I read poetry aloud before we get out of bed.
I haven’t “broken up” with any of the friends on that old list; most remain close. I even get to run with them here and there, which is always a ginormous treat. But mostly, when I see them now it’s purely social and sweat-free.
It’s not the same. There’s something different and, yes, extra-special about a friend on the road. Especially now, when so much of life is interrupted and mediated by our devices, the time together during a workout feels intimate and unguarded. Running and jubilating. Running and crying. Running and raging. Running and analyzing. Running and solving. Running and chatting. I have had the great good fortune to run in all these ways. These are the treasures of running (or cycling or cross-country skiing or any workout that allows time to talk on the go) with a friend.
It’s rare that I’ll take a photo while I’m working out, so here are two of the only photos with friends I could find. Mina and Kristen at the finish line of the Great Race (a 30k cross-country ski event) in 2010 
Mina and India running the Three Peaks Challenge (a 50k event in Cape Town, South Africa)
While struggling to write my new acknowledgments, I’ve begun the uncomfortable task of pulling together marketing, which involves positioning not just my book, but me. Hello, irony. The marketing people I’m working with (who are great) have come up with the idea of pitching me (as manifest in the book) as “your running buddy.” Once I get past the strange sensation of viewing myself from the outside, I know it’s a fine idea, even as it also strikes a melancholy chord.
I miss my buddies. I feel so lucky to have had many precious companions over the years. If there’s anything to be gleaned from this moment of fresh understanding, it’s that life is going to change. Again. And again. I’m enjoying the current pattern of my workout life and the time with my partner. I look forward to new configurations, too.
With this post, I send out my love to all my workout buddies over the years! I invite all of you reading this to send out some of your own love to past and present mates in the comments section.
This really resonated with me. Over the last few years, I lost my running buddies. Like you said, there was no falling out; I had a physical set-back (unexplained fatigue) and suddenly couldn’t keep up any more–in speed, time, intensity, or distance. There’s a physical ache, a grief, with losing that camaraderie.
And on top of that were those life changes you mentioned. Today, I turned down a chance to run with friends for morning time with my spouse. That happens more and more as we work harder to keep our relationship healthy.
Thank you for sharing this. Good luck with your tour.
I hope you find a reason and solution for the fatigue!! This am I managed the luck of a sleep
In with my partner and a late morning run with a friend. Rate and precious.
I’m a bit that way with cycling buddies. Sometimes I have lots of people to ride with, some faster than me, some slower. And then all of a sudden I find myself with no one to ride with. I still haven’t found a riding community in Guelph. But I will.
My running buddy got a job last fall….we have only run together a handful of times since then and it’s sad.
Oh that is hard–I’m sorry! I hope she likes the job!!